Sometimes it can be dangerous to react to homophobia, other times it is nessesary...and other times, pride, and humanity sort of demand it...

It never stops hurting though, though one does sort of become innured to it with time. What caused me to get into fights when I was twenty, no longer causes me to lift an eyebrow anymore, instead I write articles and dismiss people who are arseholes and keep my friends close.

Being in High School, as far as I can remember, is hard enough, so the added burden of homophobia has got to make it very hard. I could not have been out at sixteen or whatever, but still, I am sorry you have to deal with this. Mainly, you need to know who you can trust, and you need to know you are not alone, and it will pass, and the worthless fruck heads will go on to be idiots in life, and cease to matter to you in time.

Hard to think about now, probably, but in ten years, those people will only matter if you let them matter...

Well, that's a toughie.  Honestly, there are times when it's better to grin and bear it.  Now, before anybody jumps on me for saying that, as a Black woman, I've been in instances when people have said overtly racist things.  I was the only Black person for miles around.  I could've definitely launched into a, "what a racist mf you are" kinda tirade, but I might've gotten my a** kicked.  If you're surrounded by nothing but straight people who seem to be a bit harsh when it comes to homosexuality, DO NOT try to be the hero.  That's dangerous.

Perhaps it would be better if you could just say, "how is that gay?"  Let them explain, and then say, "that has absolutely nothing to do with being gay.  It sounds like you're equating homosexuality with stupidity."  If you're not out of the closet, you don't have to reveal that you're gay (if you feel your safety is in jeopardy), but at least you might give them something to think about.  If you hear somebody say, "faggot," ask them, "do you say the 'n' word?"  Hopefully, their answer will be "no," and then you can say, "well, why do you say faggot?"  You can leave it at that. 

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"All the women are white, all the men are Black, but some of us are BRAVE."

Unfortunately, expressions like "how gay" have become pretty much of common use and people, most of the time, say them without really feeling any type of homophobia. I think Siobhan is right, you should confront the people you can trying to explain why the comment is illogical and offensive, but if you can't, think that 90% of the time people just say it without thinking and it really means nothing.

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Terry Pratchett.

Someone here once suggested countering "That's so gay!" with "That's so heterosexual!" or "Oh, that looks straight to me." I like that one. :)

True happiness, we are told, consists in getting out of one's self, but the point is not only to get out, you must stay out; and to stay out you must have some absorbing errand. -Henry James

Good idea! I'm going to try that one out as soon as I can ("eso es de maricones" vs. "eso es de heteros..."). Yep, it works in other languages as well :D

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Terry Pratchett.

Just give em a cold look and don't react any further. Unless you really believe that the person who said it can be convinced not to harass you anymore, which is usually not the case, especially in groups.

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~The blue sky reaches so far that none can escape it~

My younger cousin once started telling me how Richard Gere was "really gay" (meaning rubbish), which irritated the hell out of me... I took a very deep breath and said, as calmly and mildly as I could, and as if I was a bit puzzled "Oh, no... Richard Gere's straight, I think. Isn't he married?" My cousin obviously didn't know quite what to say to that... he said "I mean he's done some really gay movies." I said "Oh, has he played a gay character? He's been straight in all the movies I've seen him in... Pretty Woman, he was straight in that..." And then I went la-la-laing on about all the movies Richard Gere's been in.

So maybe one way to deal with it is to act as if you literally don't understand what they're talking about. If nothing else, it's funny watching them struggle to try and work out why you don't understand.

I think, if you act like the only meaning the word 'gay' has for you is 'homosexual', then it does also sort of force people to cop to the fact that they are being homophobic. I think the excuse that a lot of people would give... and it may really be true in some cases... is that when they use 'gay' as a negative word, they're not meaning it in the sense of 'homosexual'. But of course it is homophobic, whether they mean it that way or not.

Of course, this may not really work if all the people around you are homophobic and proud of it anyway. I think it kind of worked on my cousin because he's sufficiently liberal that he didn't actually want to come out and say "gay means crap, I use the word gay to mean crap."

I'm in high school too, and "that's so gay" or "dude you're gay" are often used to offend people. I get SOOO angry when that happens. Though I'm not out, I never hesitate to support the LGBT community.For example, my cousin (homophobe much?) keeps on using phrases like that. Every time, I start arguements with him about how stupid he sounds when he says that and asking why the hell is being gay offensive. No need to say what poor excuses he had.
At school, I'm surrounded by homophobia. We've had discussions in class several times about gay people and, out of the 20 students, about 3 or maybe 4 were "accepting". I was hearing insults like "gay people are abnormal" and "if I have a gay kid I'll lock him/her up somewhere" or "I'd die of shame".. I couldn't sit and listen to them. Hearing poor arguements that made absolutely no sense, which offended me, and thousands of other gays, just made me act like a mad woman!
I'm stunned to see how adults, for example my teachers, are more open-minded than my classmates! Instead of the world moving forward and being more open as years go, we are moving backwards. It's sad.
And seriously, I don't care if they all realize I'm gay and I get fingers pointed at me every day the next time this happens. At least I'd have known that I stood up for what I believe in and I'll be proud

~I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket~

Most of the time, you can tell who the homophobics are. I don't mean to sound ashamed of being bi, but sometimes it's better just to keep quiet about homosexuality until you're sure people are comftorable with it. I'm in high school right now and even though our area is a lot more open to these kinds of things, there are still bigoted idiots that will be out to get you. I think it'll be a lot better to wait until college where there'll be bigger lesbian/bisexual communities that make homosexuality apart of the norm.

"What is a lesbian? What is anything? Like, what's a unicorn? It's a horse with a horn on its head that's magic. A lesbian is just a woman with a horn on her head that's magic." -Sarah Silverman

...that many homophobics turn out to be closeted homosexuals. My senior year of high school, one of my best friends came out very publicly. The last few months of school were probably rough on him, because you know how teenagers can be. Anyway, while I was never one for gay-bashing, I've always been tolerant of all people, there's a difference in tolerance and acceptance. I had been brought up to believe that homosexuality is wrong, so, on the surface, I held on to the notion that his "lifestyle" was wrong. I never defended him back then. However, a few years later, we're still friends, and I've had some time to take a closer look at myself. Finally, I'm accepting the fact that I'm gay, and I think that it was because I was always so paranoid that someone would "accuse" me of being gay back then, that I never allowed myself to speak up. It's like if the spotlight is on someone else, then I'm safe.

Now, I'm not saying that all homophobes are gay, but you could always bring this up to make them nervous!!!

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The use of a preposition at the end of a sentence is something up with which I will not put.

Write letters and e-mails- Congress, legislatures, mayors and governors, and media outlets.   Act up a little-  things have indeed gotten worse in the last ten years or so.  It's like for every step forward toward tollerance and understanding and living freely without hiding, there are people who want to take two steps backwards-  They are very very opinionated, and they are very very determined, and everything they can use-  like with this war climate of fear and intimidation which may seem unrelated, they seem to take an almost sadistic relish in turning it all onto gay people, among a host of other issues.

 We need to seek alliances with those people involved in other issues against the same kind of mean-spirited people- (and those with the mean spirits usually have a problem being tagged as that, but then spend the most of their lives proving it otherwise)

My own biggest beef is simply with dialogue.  By shooting off their mouths in anti-gay arguments, our elected officials are acting irresponsibly, and serving no one's interests but the mean and stupid. Voice your displeasure !  Yes, and be proud!  We have nothing to be ashamed of! And shame is like THE traditional way to disparage us.  By depicting prejudice against gay people with the same tired storylines and dialogues, the media is also acting irresponsibly. Write them, and be vocal on chatboards.

 Now more than ever the world is entering an era where cooperation will be essentiial- cooperation between different people and between nations.  In an era of unprecedented population boom, attacking gay people, who don't add to the overpopulation, is absolutely innapropriate, and couldn't be happening at a worse time.

There is a feeling of desperation growing out there, and the first response seems typically to take out frustrations on the people who in fact have the least control over anything otherwise. Eventually these people may realize that in fact gay people ARE NOT responsivble for the world's problems (and more like the solution to them!) and they will take the responsibilities for their own actions like they've been preaching for so long.  A new spirit must be ushered in, and a new erea with dialogues of cooperation and tolerance that isn't now in the public forum.

is my arm long enough?

It has been a long time since I was in school. Over 10 years now... and this whole calling things Gay is over my head, but I had to deal with my fair share of homophobes at school. The last few years, after everyone found out that I was a lesbian, I had to deal with alot of idiots and I found myself becoming rather hardened. If someone called me a name like "Dyke" I would turn to them and just answer with "Yes? Did you want something?" It would usually confuse the hell out of people. I would get some of the girls so angry with me because all of thier insults didn't work on me, then they could give me the finger and I would explain to them that two fingers worked better then one and I would tell them that they were not my type, or that I'd already had some so was not interested at the time.

I tell you by the end of school noone really picked on me, buuutt... I would not suggest everyone try this. I suffered two broken ribs and nearly died after that, my first girlfriend actually died in my arms. So unless you are sure you are not going to get yourself killed then I would not try the stunts that I pulled.

jaa ne

Kat

As a short little asain girl, I was really scare if people find out I'm gay back in high school.  I was kind of tomboyish back then, and I constantly get picked on and of course I heard all those name calling.  I usually just pretend I didn't hear it and walked away as I didn't want my a** to get kicked.  I wish my mom would've let me learn karate when I was young...it would've been very useful back then.  Anyway, I'm sorry for anyone having to go through this.

Kat, I'm really sorry about your first girlfriend

Well, I know I'm probably a complete fool for not reporting it, but it happened to me when I was standing at a bustop yesterday. 3large teenage guys started yelling obscenities at me, and throwing stuff, which I obviously tried to ignore - I mean, what was I going to do, run away? I had to catch a bus home!

Anyway, that clearly pissed them off, because one of them landed a nice old punch on the side of my head. So, not only do I now have a complex about guys in bars, I have a complex about them anywhere. I freaked out in the supermarket because I thought these guys were creeping up on me - and they weren't.

Sorry - is this a rant? Have I posted in the wrong spot? I wasn't quite sure what to do...

Wow, there's no way anyone should have to put up with that.

I feel horrible about feeling this way, but gay bashing and violence are a big reason why I'm kind of scared to get involved in the local gay community. I'd love to make some friends and stuff, but it's kind of scaring, putting yourself out there in a way where people could target you.

Well I was once called "dyke" when I was on the second high school and I didn't do anything about it,, they were in a group of 5 chicks of my class and I have know idea how they discovered I was a lesbian because at that time I had never told anyone about me, I have always been feminine but I liked a girl who was in my class so maybe they felt a vibe or something. The only thing I know I got very upset and I didn't want to come back to school, I was also going through a very hard time struggling with my sexuality, I didn't have any friends to talk to and suicide was always on my mind, I wanted to be straight just like all of them.
Gay bashing can be hard to deal with, now that I am older when I have the opportuniy to stand up for myself and express my opinion I do and I do not necesseraly have to reveal my sexual condition, I can't stand people making bad comments about gay people, most of them makes because they know someone will agree and laugh about it, once nobody gives a damn and stop listenning to their crap and harmful comments they will stop because it won't be fun any longer!
I remember the girls laughed when one of them called me dyke! I'm sure her fun would be over if nobody had laughed at all. 

these days you could always pull out your cellphone and take a pic/vid of them. and then upload to youtube or turn it into the cops. or at least threaten them to do so.

"didn't i throw you out of a window? " - jessica/nikki, heroes