It's me. I'm an asshole.

It's true. I'll tell you the... annoyingness

 I'm Steph, Mostly Scots-Irish, some French too. I like to surf, it's my passion. I'm out to friends, and something tells me the family knows. Well, and some girls. It's surprisingly easy to pick up girls when you buy them a strong enough drink, and know how to smile. I find that promiscuity is an anti-stresser, and I'm pretty stressed. I have two weeks to find somewhere to live, and get a job, and then my sister gets back from Denmark and I have to move out on my own. My mum chucked me out after I was chucked out of school because of erratic attendance, unchangable disrespect for authority, disruption to fellow classmates via public displays of affection. Now, I'm not that bothered to be honest, I'm planning to go to art college when I'm able, no, I was almost expecting it to happen before this. I don't know how my mum actually put up with me. I'm an such arse.

So, when I was still in school the only classes I actually went to were art and... art. I have this virginal lesbionic friend, call her X, who one day, after I came back from the cafe with tea, was sitting looking through my portfolio, and looking around at my corner. We were already friends through other friends, so I was like, hey. She looked up and looked kind of dazed- and I was pretty chuffed at how impressed she was. From that day on, everytime our group of friends brought us together she would just stare at me, and soon after she then began to talk to me. X would basically question me about these girls, my life, everything seemed to intrigue her, everything from my drinking to my haircut. After a while, I began to stare back, and then I felt something intense, it was kind of gradual but I noticed how beautiful she had become- she literally had no flaws in my eyes, still doesn't- obviously. Then, about a week ago, a week after I got chucked from school, we were all out for the weekly binge, with X in tow. I couldn't stop looking at her, it was so... awkwardly intense. It was raw, and undefined, she makes me so- y'know?

 We were dancing and drinking, well, she was on the diet cokes, but she decided to steal my drinks. Then, things get blurry, but dancing became kissing, and kissing became something I had never experienced. It was overwhelmingly hot.

The night ended and it was early morning, and my friend Brian had his Dad's empty house to house us all, but my sister had strictly forbidden me to go anywhere after a night but her house. X came with me and on the way we stopped at nearly every empty wall and couldn't stop kissing and touching each other, I have no idea how long it actually took to get home, but in the morning she said it took longer than it should have. In the house after an hour or two of giggling and her tipsily explaining why she was obsessed with me, we ended up in the bathtub, fully clothed- I have no idea either. Facing each other we just stared at each other. Then we were kissing again, and bottles of shampoo were knocked over, razors on the floor, the shower accidentally turned on, clothes drenched, and unaccidentally on the floor. I popped her lesbian cherry, and it was so amazing I think I almost cried at the time. 

In the morning we got up, shower still on, and couldn't stop laughing- it was amazing. Then she tucked my hair behind my ear and kissed me, and asked me if I would stop sleeping with other girls, because she wanted to be with me- because I was amazing. She thought that. What the hell? No one thought I was amazing unless I went back to theirs for the night- and even then they thought I was a stupid whore, because I left before they woke up. So, I kissed her and said of course, because I thought she was intense. She laughed at me.

I hope you aren't bored yet.

X had school during the week and I went out with Brian, because he dropped out and we were just down the pub, because I was trying to avoid temptation at all costs. Five pints later, I'm nice and relaxed. Then I see a really beautiful girl at the bar, and I forget all about X and how... unstable she makes me. So I go up, and buy her a beer. Then we're in the bathroom, and toilet humor doesn't apply to what happened. I'm such a les-whore.

Next morning, yesterday, I wake up with scratches on my back, a bite mark on my earlobe and a very sore head. It took me a day to figure out who to ask. I came up with you guys.

So, should I tell her, explain to her why I'm not good to be around? Why I'm such a fucking bitch. Or, should I tell her and ask for another chance, explain why it might take time.

But I don't know what it'll take to change me. I don't know if it's possible to change who you've been all your life. Is it?