Help Bisexual Struggle: Your opinions on this, please.
This is the story how
I realized I like women.
In the past I was not
really curious about being in a relationship with a female. I had isolated
incidents like watching a movie/porn that was girl on girl and it turned me on.
I didn't give it much thought. It was something in my unconscious mind.
First time I was turned on by a female, I was 17-18yrs old, after I found out a
female friend of mine who worked with me was a lesbian. Every time I would
smell her perfume or saw her it would turn me on…. At the moment when this
happened, I hadn’t even had my first kiss. My first kiss was with a guy when I
was 18 1/2 yrs old. I have also, been turned on by a few other females after this
incident.
After an incident in
my last job (May 2008, I was 27 yrs old) with a woman who pulled the back of my
bra, I started to get very turned on whenever I would see her and I was starting
to feel like I wanted to kiss her. At this point, I started to wonder about my
sexuality.
Few months later, I
meet up with an old female friend, who is a lesbian, and had not seen for a
while. Before I meet up with her, I started to think about any other time I was
turned on by a female in the past and become more accepting at the idea that I could
be bisexual.
Right now, whenever I
go out I tend to check out females all the time and I hardly look at guys. I
feel a strong urge to be with a female, but I have a boyfriend. We have been
together for 5+ years together. I have not been able to date any females
:-( My boyfriend is willing to take a break for at least 1 year, so I can
have the opportunity to date females. After the break, I would be able to
determine if I would stay with him or stay with the female. The problem with
the break is that I feel ready mentally to take the break now, but financially I
can’t afford it. I am not working and I have a work injury that will now allow
me to work until I can come to a full recovery. He says that he doesn’t want to
feel that I am with him only because he is supporting me. Although I am not crazy
in love with him like I used to be, but I still love him. He is the first
person I have fallen in love with.
Additionally, I am afraid of getting emotionally hurt by a female, a little bit afraid of facing society, if I
have a girlfriend, and it will take me time before I can trust her as much as I
trust my boyfriend. It also scares me to leave a 5 yr relationship that has
been the most fulfilling relationship I have had.
Please say your thoughts on this…
Thank you for reading my story and giving me your thoughts, I really appreciate
it.
