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EX DRAMA!Where to start, guess the beginning might be a good place. my now ex and i dated for a year and a half, lived together the entire relationship. It was basically love at first sight even though i had to do just a tiny bit of chasing. I have no doubt that she truly did love me as a partner and i do believe she still loves me but not more than just a friend. I'm very fem and i'm a Schwarzkopf model so I'm not at all unattractive if I may say so myself. her excuse for the break up was that she's no longer attracted to me and she is only interested in men. Rubbish excuse. She had the audacity to stick to that excuse and slept with the two ugliest guys i have ever laid eyes on after the break up. guess water finds its own level. And, she slept with me after we had broken up and she enjoyed it as far as i can remember. My memory's quite good. you can't be in a homosexual relationship for that amount of time and have the kind of sex we had then say you're straight. My opinion. Anyways, she said that the sex just started to fell 'wrong'. When did you become a Christian? As far as i remember, you're still an atheist. Wrong answer. Moving on, She has had her bouts of jealousy then says she misses me... sorry what? You broke up with me and now you're jealous? She doesn't want to get back together but i do. stupid i know but in my defence, I love her. Always have, always will. We still live together by the way
Submitted by alex888 (25 posts) on August 3, 2009 - 5:39am. |
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There's only drama if you allow it
And if you contribute to it.
Clearly you want to get back together. Really?!
So what if you love her. You can still have boundaries and love someone. In fact, and I make this point quite stridently, if you love someone--really love someone--then all the more reason to enforce said boundaries.
What exactly is your dilemma? That you want to get back together and she's off in her own world? Whether or not she's working on figuring herself out is an entirely different matter.
You can pine for her. That'll help. (Not.)
Ultimately, people change when they have to, not when they want to. There's no changing her.
Change yourself.
Thank you
Good advice, thanks. what's the 'really!?' for? My dilemma is she doesn't know what she wants. Started dating her when she was only 17 so guess maybe bit too young to expect lifelong commitment. but oh well. What boundaries do you propose?
How do you want to be treated?
Ask yourself this question and the answers are the boundaries that you enforce.
My "really?!" is directed at exactly what you say, namely, "she doesn't know what she wants." Sounds like you're at a different place in your life, i.e. maybe you know what you want, or at least have a better idea.
You can't help her in this regard. She has to figure it out on her own (and in her own time).
alex
I would really really really really think about (other than your thinking you are in love) why you would want to be with someone that clearly doesn't want to be with you?
I dont care how great the sex was or how pretty everyone is... take a breather and consider moving out and then figuring out what you really need in a relationship to sustain it so that you don't settle for what you currently have....
She broke up with you and slept with two men and told you she wasn't attracted to you so believe her when she says and shows you the truth of how she feels...telling yourself that's rubbish is not facing the reality...
Don't stay with someone only because you want to win...don't play ego games with your heart...
Too True
Her behavior
It's her power. She can have sex with you or not on her whim, and you have no control/say here.
This is manipulation. If you keep someone off balance you can control them.
I smell a boundary here!
burning
the only thing you can conclude from that behavior is that she likes sex and likes it with you...thats all.
The thing is, love is a verb (I mentioned this before somewhere on these posts) people show you with behavior how they feel...granted you're 20 -I assume she is the same age- so you are young and having fun should be part of your experiences, but when you start to play games with your own heart that's when you will suffer....
I know you love her, but what do you love about her? You can find someone who has those qualities that also wants to be with you completely....suffer free
When I was saying don't play ego games with your heart, I meant that your heart or love is valuable...and should only be given to someone who values it. I'm not sure she values yours.
Granted love can be blind, and you are going to do in the end what you want, but be careful Alex. Don't knowingly walk into a fire and then wonder why you got burned badly..
If getting over her slowly is the best you can do right now...so be it...just keep steering the car in that direction....even if you weave in and out of the lanes...you'll get there...
i think that so go one of the magnets for a refrigerator.. lol!!
Solution
You don't know what i look
You sound very hurt and
You sound very hurt and angry, breakups are always tough. I’m going to be blunt with you, it sounds more to me that your pride was hurt then you’re in love with her. You want to hold onto something that is comfortable and which is familiar instead of changing, that is what it sounds like to me. Also still living with your ex can’t be good, I would suggest moving out and getting physical distance from the situation- it may help you clear your head instead of not allowing you to see that you too are contributing to the drama.
Remember too that there is such a thing as internalized homophobia , her feeling that the sex “felt” wrong could be due to that and not her magically finding God which you are suggesting. Her internalized homophobia could be the reason she appears to be really questioning her sexuality or trying to prove to herself that she is not who she is. I can’t say for sure but her behavior suggests to me that maybe what is going on.
Btw there are Christians who are LGBT, I don’t appreciate you insinuating that being a LGBT person and being Christian is not only improbable but also an insult of some kind. Just because some people use religion as a scapegoat to hide their fear and ignorance, remember that the hate is just that- fear and ignorance… not religion.
I'm a devout Roman Catholic
"just a comment" can be very
"just a comment" can be very hurtful, be careful what you say in anger. You can say its not about pride or ego, but your words in that post suggest otherwise.
I'm not usually this upfront with someone, and i'm not trying to say that you aren't justified in your hurt or pain but you are way too close to the situation. Take some time away, clear your head.
It is entirely possible that your ex sleeping with the two guys after you're break up was more to prove something to either herself or you then anything else. In these types of situations, space and physical distance is the first step to getting clarity.
'Never speak in anger, if
Get the closure you need for
ok
Hey there. It sounds to me
Hey there. It sounds to me like this break up is pretty messy. You need to decide what you want. I think I would suggest that you pick up your things, MOVE OUT (stop living with her?!!!!) and rebuild your own life as a single woman. This will give both you and her time to think about what you two really want and what you two really feel. You're so deep into this mess neither one of you appears to be completely aware of what you're feeling or what to do next. It's just a mess, you know? I would move on with your life. One month apart won't change the fact that she is going to be in your life-she will always be in your life. But a month from now as you two live separately you can make a better decision.
Best.
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I love womyn!!