Some Babbling

I've never been on such a drastic emotional roller coaster because up until this year I was "straight."  I had a few boyfriends, I told them I loved them, but they could never ever elicit the kinds of feelings I'm experiencing right now.  This pain that comes along with love really sucks and I almost wonder if I should just keep pretending to be straight so I don't have to deal with feeling this way anymore. 

I'm 20 years old and I've just recently actually felt love, because I finally let myself feel it.  The problem is the beautiful girl who is receiving my every affection talked guys with me tonight.  As in, she talked, and I gritted my teeth and gave her the best advice I could muster.  We're just now becoming close friends, and I'm thrilled that she's opening up to me (she's one of those girls who doesn't spill her guts every 5 minutes, which is just weird for me, haha), but how am I supposed to deal with talking guys with her?  She doesn't know I'm gay, only a few people really know, and I feel like there are "those vibes" floating around, and maybe there are?  Maybe she's bi?  I really don't know 'cause we've never talked about it.  We did briefly discuss the fact that we both have really bad gay-dars.  I feel I'm babbling, and I'm sorry.  I just feel sort of alone right now.  Maybe I'll make a contribution to the "Does She Like Me?" forum once I get myself together here.  

Aside from my babbling, I'd also like to introduce myself around here since I've been lurking for awhile.  I think this is an awesome site and it's really helped me to feel like I'm part of something real here.  I plan to stick around for quite awhile as I try to figure things out.  :)

-Elise