right. so i have this problem.... i =m bisexual and i slightly like women more thn men. but i could never see my self getting married to a woman and would prefer to marry a man and live the normal life.
what about you lot?
thnx for you answers
(also- if it is illegal for a gay marriage in ure country- just imagine its not haha)
thanks yall
x
Submitted by
on June 23, 2009 - 3:03pm.
Sorry,
I'm confused. Normal Life? Ummm, So are you suggesting that being married to a woman isn't living a normal life. So when you date women, you see that as normal?
But, to answer your question. If I wanted to get married, I could see myself marrying a woman. It all depends on who I connect to.
BTW - IMO, your statement helps fuel stereotypes about bisexuals. Being with a woman is just as "normal" as being with a man.
" True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of the body; the two are ever united" ~ Wilhelm von Humbolt
whoops
sorry to upset you when i meant normal i meant what society classes as 'normal' and wont raise an eyebrow when told.
and BTW my statement doesnt fuel stereotypes about bisexuals because everyone but u worked out what i meant. and no one is gonna care about my mistake.
Actually I agree with her,
Actually I agree with her, and it does fuel some stereotypes about bisexuals. That they will be with a women early on but when it comes down to it they will always leave them because they want the "normal" lifestyle.
I hope bisexuals that feel this way don't leave the women of their dreams because they want a "normal" lifestyle. Love should come before social pressures.
Awwww..
Awww...I wasn't upset. I was trying to get an understanding of where you were coming from.
BTW - Everyone but me got what you were saying- (with this) I remember your post from a couple of days ago about "Being Confused About Your Sexuality" .
You said that you have been bi for 3yrs. And you have a feelin that you aren't attracted to girls anymore. And you wanted advice on how you can work that problem out.
I was trying to see if this may have been part of the reason you couldn't see yourself marrying a woman and opt to be with a man, regardless if you actually love women.
I'm not trying to attack you. If I came off as such, then I apologize.
" True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of the body; the two are ever united" ~ Wilhelm von Humbolt
nah nah ..
sorry i apologize for being so rude haha sorry!!
but yeah my other post could have influenced this question and my problem
but im sure tht other post doesnt really matter now tht ive found someone and tht problem is no more :D
also i was asking this question because my ex said she could never properly fall in love with me or a women or marry one (which is why it didnt end well hah)
but yeah i suppose marrying someone whatever they're gender kinda scares me anyway!!
x
I mean Im still young at
I mean Im still young at not thinking about marriage Yet and i really dont want to get married but if i ever did I have to know the person im marryinga guy or a girl and than i would tell yew if i could see myself with them but I dont mind if its a guy a girl.. The only thing that matters is that i love them and vice versa and rings and a certificate dont need to tell me that..But My ANswer is Yes.. I could..
And I also think I like women more than men too but it all depends on the person yew fall for..and if there the one or whatever...
My Secret Is Fatally Gorgeous
Nona J. I don't
Nona J.
I don't Think she meant it that way.. I think she meant it like Normal life like how alot of people live it and marry a guy if there a women and women if there a guy..And we cant say anything is normal or not because for one person it is normal like eating a scorpian or something in china which is normal for them and not for us by the way i just made that up no offense to anyone...
Sweetsiko
Hey! I understand what you are saying. You posted being I edited my comment.
That is why I asked her a question. Also, I let her know why I asked and where I was coming from. I'm trying to get an understanding of what she is saying.
" True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of the body; the two are ever united" ~ Wilhelm von Humbolt
I could.
I could marry a woman just as easily as I could marry a man. The issue isn't man or woman for me but finding the right person to marry.
Dance like no one is watching. Love like you've never been hurt.
Wow
I love your quote " Dance like no one is watching. Love like you've never been hurt."
Not a big fan of marriage in general..
I understand what you mean by normal...
... And I'm sure it's so much easier to marry a man and live the "easy life" with no questions etc., but do you really want to? Say you meet the woman of your dreams - or better yet, the person of your dreams - do you really want to end it just so you can avoid questions about your sexuality and your relationship?
I was in your situation a couple of years ago. I've known for a long time that I'm not straight and I've had trouble figuring out what I am, but I now consider myself bisexual. Not because I'm 50/50, I like women more than men just like you described, but once in a while I find myself attracted to men and I just don't feel as strongly about the whole gay community etc. as my friends who consider them 100% gay. I sometimes call myself gay when people ask - only because it's easier and more normal to be gay or straight, but life isn't black and white and I think that the same goes for marrying a woman. The only way you can avoid ignorant people is by educating. I should just tell people that I'm bisexual instead of just saying "yeah, I'm gay" just because I don't feel like explaining.
Anyway, so I've been considering myself bisexual for a while, but I couldn't see myself marrying another woman. I like women - a lot - and I didn't mind dating them but I told myself that I would never get married to a woman - i wanted a husband, a house, a poodle and three screaming kids. So I dated a few guys and girls and I was still unsure about the whole thing. Then I met my current girlfriend and I was blown away! I knew right away that she's the one I want to be with - even if I'm still young - she's my soul mate. And as our relationship has developed so have I and I'm more mature about the whole thing now. We're only 21, but we're already talking about how we want kids together (in the future - not now). Two years ago I told myself that I would never have kids with a woman and that I wouldn't let any kid go through that, but I'm so in love with my girlfriend and it just feels natural that we'll have kids one day. If it's a normal thing for us to have a family - then so will our relatives AND the kids think. It's as soon as you make not normal that people will start thinking about it like that.
I met my girlfriend in the US when I lived there for two years and I recently moved back to Europe and she's going to move here and continue her studies here, but we're already thinking about marriage for several reasons - one of them because that will make her eligable for free school. It's not very romantic, but we know that we want to be together and because we're citizens of different countries, this is the only way we can avoid splitting up. On the other hand, I'm only 21 and quite scared of getting married. Not because I'm scared of getting married to her, but I'm just scared in general. However, I couldn't be more sure about her and that she in fact is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and she is the one I want to have a family with, a house and a poodle. I think it's a question about maturity. I think you need to date a few people - men and women - and figure out who you are and what you want in a person. Maybe one day you'll find that amazing person that you just can't live without - whether it's a woman or a man.
haha
haha i would love a house a husband and some screaming kids, but im not sure about the poodle haha
x
Please check before posting...
In the future, please check to make sure a topic does not already exist. There's already a 2 page thread in this folder asking this same question. Since there's already a number of long replies here I am not going to close it, but here's the existing thread:
http://www.afterellen.com/node/39617
Thanks.
_________
Forum Rules
AfterEllen Moderator
Yeah
Yessum
Yes
Yes. Gender doesn't matter.
Not sure how I feel about marriage, though.
Yep
At the moment, I'm far more attracted to women than to men, and if I got married today (which won't happen), I'd probably want to marry a woman. However, I know that, in the past, my preferences have fluctuated, and I could easily see myself marrying a man as well. Only time will tell, but I honestly could see myself happy with either. It would just depend on meeting the right one at the right time.
"No problem is insoluble, given a big enough plastic bag."
I use to say that I would
I use to say that I would marry a man...but now I feel that I will marry whoever... man or woman...
Fashion and Love
Even before
I knew I was a lesbian, I knew I would not be in a marriage with a man. I am not a big "marriage" fan at all, but there is one person I felt I would marry, the love of my life, a woman.
The question posted brings to mind the exact reason I made a decision to never date bisexual women after a few experiences. I know the near-year torture woman actually used the same phrase, Normal Life, while her hands were all over me pledging her love yet going home to her man...One woman previously had a 5-year lesbian relationship she moved hundreds of miles from in order to live a "normal life" and ends up becoming "friends" with me inwhich I don't have the time to list all the ways she played a cat and mouse game with me before I finally stopped the madness with her. She had actually pretended to the community that I was "the lesbian" she had to keep in check (it was revealed later about her secret relationship she'd run from). The other woman I simply ended our dating relationship but she didn't want to be friends. We lived in San Francisco during the time nobody understood what exactly HIV or AIDS was, but she was angry that I didn't "understand" her desire to sleep with her current boyfriend and begin a sexual relationship with me. Call it a desire to live. The last two women did actually contract and eventually die of AIDS-related complications.
Other's I just declined to date at all after that.
What I was real damn tired of is women telling me that my desire as a lesbian to have a full, happy life couldn't really happen with another woman, and that my life "style" isn't "normal".
I don't have to sleep with bisexuals in order to understand their desire for both sexes, but their lives are no more "normal" or abnormal than an other relationship.
My question is how many bisexual women do end up committed to women as apposed to men.
I guess there are some that if they do take the time to read this whole post they'll be pissed. It's just my experience.
Yeah I can definitely see
Yeah I can definitely see why you would feel that way, I am not pissed at the post more so at the biesexual women you mentioned, ah. Its disappointing that there are still bisexuals that live up to the stereotype...
"My question is how many bisexual women do end up committed to women as apposed to men."
That would be hard to figure out, but if you feel that its more likely that a bisexual women would end up with a man also realize that assuming a bisexual was 50/50 and there are lesbians that still say they would never date a bisexual women the chances of them getting involved with a man are higher strictly because there are more straight men.
As I understand Lisa
As I understand Lisa Diamond's 10-year study (written up in book form as Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire), bi women were the most likely to end up in long-term committed relationships lasting at least 5 years than either straight or lesbian women. I seem to recall reading an interview in which she said they were actually more likely to settle down with women than men, which is interesting given the smaller pool of women available, but I can't seem to find the article online where that was discussed. GoogleBooks allows a search, and I did find on page 216:
You can listen to her BBC Manchester interview here. She talks about how some women attempted to be more straight and find men to settle down with, but who found that this idea of sexuality as a choice just didn't stand up to reality. Very interesting and well worth your time. The limited preview of her book on Google Books is also worth a look, as it gives a taste of her style and explains that she is not making a simplistic case, but arguing for a nuanced approach to sexuality as a whole.
I'm not pissed off, but I
I'm not pissed off, but I am curious. I find myself wondering if you were ever let down by lesbians, and, if so, did you decide never to date lesbians again?
I'm honestly not trying to have a go at you here, but to point out that we all have a tendency to react more negatively and strongly to "out-groups" than "in-groups". For example, it happens with colour, ethnicity, religion, class, nationality, and so on. I knew someone who was mugged by a black man and a white man. She explained that she was scared of black men after that, and wouldn't visit a black neighbourhood. I asked her if she was scared of white men, too, which totally threw her for a loop. She is white and came from an almost entirely white neighbourhood, and hadn't recognised the fact that she was projecting the whole of her fear onto the member of the "out-group". Once she saw that, the fear dissipated. It was really interesting. I began noticing it in myself, generally around gender and class, and it's pretty uncomfortable to realise I'm doing something that annoys me when other people do it! Motes and beams, and all that jazz.
yes
After having been to several
I wouldn't either, for some reason!
Happiness over "normality"
I’m not sure about getting married to someone of either sex but I could see myself in a serious relationship with a woman or a man and as for living a “normal” life i’d rather live a happy and honest one. when you’r with the right person that life will feel normal.
http://ffionlrees.weebly.com/
Beautifully put...
I’m not sure about getting married to someone of either sex but I could see myself in a serious relationship with a woman or a man and as for living a “normal” life i’d rather live a happy and honest one. when you’r with the right person that life will feel normal.
http://ffionlrees.weebly.com/
Amen to that.
Re: Flor...
I'll try and answer this one :)
I honestly think there are different kinds of bisexuals no matter how weird that sounds. At the same time, different people interpret the word "bisexual" differently.
I consider myself bisexual. However, I've been in a very committed relationship with a woman who I believe I'll end up marrying one day. I still consider myself bisexual though. Why? I've been with this woman for more than 1,5 years and I can't picture myself with anyone else. I do still get attracted to men once in a while though. Just as well as I'm attracted to other women once in a while. With that said, this doesn't mean that I'm going to start an affair with the man or woman I find attractive. We're humans, and it's natural to feel attracted to other people and flirt with other people - relationship or not - but I know that my girlfriend is the one I want to be with. We even check out girls together (she considers herself lesbian), for us it's just normal that we as humans feel attracted to other people because we know that we want to be together.
you might call me a lesbian then. i've been with this amazing girl for more than 1,5 year and she's the one I want to be with and to many people this sounds like I'm a lesbian. They don't know how I feel though and sometimes it's just easier to go with the flow and identify myself as gay even though I don't feel like that deep down.
I think that many people act differently. I identify as a bisexual, however, I do not feel any desire to sleep with a man when I'm with a woman and vice versa. I'm 100% devoted to my girlfriend and would never even think of sleeping with someone else - man or woman. It's the same with heterosexuals or gay people. Some are faithful, others are not.
I think that a lot of people find bisexuals promiscuos because of the way media portrays bisexuals. It's "in" to be bisexual. I have a lot of "bisexual" friends who honestly would never be in a relationship with a person of the same sex. It's just "in" to consider yourself bisexual and somehow I find this to be a good thing because this means that we as a society have moved towards more acceptance of how we're all different. But at the same time it also frustrates me because I consider myself bisexual, but I actually have dated people of both sexes, but I've been 100% devoted to whomever I dated. However, I believe that there are many bisexuals like me who are mature and sure about their choices in their love life and who are 100% devoted to their partners. The other half is not, but the same thing goes for some heterosexuals and gay people. We're all humans and some people have other standards in their lives than the other half.
I think that the original poster of this post just needs to figure out who she is before she decides what she wants and what she doesn't want...
If I was deeply in love...
If I was deeply in love with a woman and felt that I could spend the rest of my life with her, then yes, I would have to marry her, regardless of the consequences.
Honestly?
No. And this could be for one of two reasons: first of all, I have only been in two actual relationships (I've got that fear of commitment thing) and only one of them was (is) serious. Both of these relationships were/are with men. I have lusted after/flirted with/pursued/gone out with women, but in a more casual sense; I have never had a deep emotional connection with a woman the way I have with a man and therefore have no basis of comparison to drawn upon. And/or secondly, it may be because of societal norms, and what's technically easier.
If I were to fall in that sort of love with a woman though, I am certain the second guess would not stand any longer.
I see myself marrying a
Wow, that sounds
Wow, that sounds lovely.
yeah. if only had someone
yeah. if only had someone to be my bride.
I'm a dreamer.
Absolutely
Either or...
Yes, Especially at the Moment
To answer the question, I
To answer the question, I shall pretend that I'm not happily partnered up: I could easily see myself marrying a woman. Or a man. Or someone who did not identify as either. Gender and gender identity are not invisible to me, but they do not determine my attraction to another person. If (god forbid) something happened to my partner, or we split up, I could perfectly well see myself falling for and committing to a lifelong partnership with someone who was honest, compassionate, funny, and shared my core values.
for me this may be a massive
for me this may be a massive issue.
i'm a christian, for a start. so for me, ideally, marriage is a sacred act made in a church. therefore, i can easily see myself getting married to a man (i've already been in a position to think that way about two partners so far, but they didn't work out). i've been in love with one woman my entire life (not entirely sure i ever quit carrying that torch, it wasn't reciprocated) but i am yet to meet a woman that makes me want to marry. i would love a marriage, children and bunnies (the whole shebang). but i want to make sure that person is both appropriate for me and my faith (this presents issues for men too).
I would..
Yes
I could absolutely see myself getting married to a woman.
I know an older bisexual woman who told me that at her stage in life, she's ready to meet a man, get married, and have babies. The reason she needs a man is because she wants to have a baby "the traditional way." While I understand the pull to be able to see both yourself and your partner in your child, that desire is not one that I have at this point. I would just be happy to form a loving family.
You know, at 40 I'm still
You know, at 40 I'm still technically within child-bearing age, and I'm trying to think of a worse way of going about securing a happy, healthy future for any offspring than choosing a life-partner because he has the right plumming for conception. Is she planning on having fertility testing being an integral part of her courtships? There are no guarantees about love and life, and at my age you get to know plenty of people who took their fertility for granted until they got Bad News.
I know parenting is a really emotive issue, and I'm not trying to belittle the woman; I just think you're best off finding the right person (or persons, if you are so inclined) for you to spend the rest of your life with, and then work out how to go about the whole Becoming Parents thing after that. Just seems the more psychologically healthy way to go about it, but that's just me.
I definitely agree
that you should be more concerned with finding the right person for yourself, not the person who could most easily help you conceive a child.
I didn't press my friend to explain her comment, but I have a feeling that her desire to be with a man right now also has a lot to do with problems in her relationships with women in the past. Her older sister is bisexual as well and is currently in a long-term relationship with a woman; they are now trying to have a child together. My friend said that she thought that was fine, but she wouldn't want to have to deal with sperm donors and artificial insemination. Again, I don't share her viewpoint, but if she strongly feels that she wants to have a child with a man, then I can accept that. She seems to believe that she's in a good place in her life right now--that she's figured herself out and knows what she wants, so I think she'll be fine.
Oh, bless her naive little
Oh, bless her naive little cotton socks! Not only should she check out any potential male mate's fertility, she should start with her own - it's amazing how many of us come from abundantly fertile families but find that we're incapable of unassisted conception. In my case, I reconciled myself to not having children because I didn't want to undergo fertility treatment; in several friends' cases, either due to fertility issues or being in same-sex relationships, they chose the IVF route and it was the best thing they ever did.
If she's so serious about getting pregnant through sex with a man, she really needs to get herself thoroughly checked first. Fertility is never, ever a given.
hrmm i am bi too and i do
hrmm i am bi too and i do like women more than men。 i understand what you mean by normal life, something that society wants you to have。i guess in a way it is easier to live like everyone else。 if i love a woman i dont mind getting married to her at all,on the other hand i do want to have a family of my own。 i want to have a child of my own and go through pregnancy。but love matters the most and i will choose to marry whoever i love the most。
Marriage has never been a
yes
I'm a pansexual, but the
I'm a pansexual, but the bisexual forum is my very close cousin, so I'll answer this.
Yes, I could see myself getting married to a woman. In fact, if I were to marry, I could only see myself with a woman. It's odd, but men have always seemed temporary to me. Fun, a person to hang with and maybe get to know for a bit- but not forever. A woman is forever to me.
I started a pansexual thread
I know this is totally off topic but since we do not have a forum of our own I decided to start one.
But if you could tell your story or experiences as a pansexual, for the rest of AE that would be beautiful!
http://www.afterellen.com/node/57329
Matt's world you just live in it!
Of course..anyone who
Of course..anyone who makes/will make me happy.. See no point in living a lie (if that would take to live socially acceptable life) or adjusting to views of others I don't even approve or respect.
Never insult anyone by accident.
R.A.H.