Umm no, I can’t relate Katherine.  But, umm, good luck with that.  So anyway, I was sucking my girlfriends’ tits and……..

Have you talked to him about these feelings? Do you both want a closed relationship? Or would you be willing to have someone close on the side. Not sneaking arround, just a special friend you can have.

However that could lead to an attack of the greened eyed beast.

~~~

If you'd like the latest Lake Wobegon monologue collection entitled Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Lutherans, press one.

I was in the same situation once (I had a BF, never been with a woman, always wondered, etc). He couldn't deal with it, which gave me a great excuse to break up with him for a woman and now I'm happily married to that woman. :) Go figure.

Anyway, I know what it feels like and unfortunately - at least for me - the feelings got a lot stronger with time, especially if they're oppressed feelings. You'd have to discuss with him if you feel like it's something you "have" to experience, but I wouldn't hold your breath for the feelings to go away.

For me, I realised that - although I'm bisexual - I'm not "mostly straight" as I once thought... I'm mostly gay. That could explain the way you feel; you love your boyfriend but it just doesn't compare to the feelings you have for women. It happens.

"My tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart."

Hey gang, been awhile since I posted-

Personally, I have a major issue with the whole "I can have a boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time thing"...  I was actually a victim of that myself when my own bisexual ex-girlfriend thought she was well within her right to have a boyfriend on the side because, you know, it wasn't a woman.  Perfectly reasonable, right? 

 Hell no.  I'm sure that works for some couples who are in agreement on such things, but I am a monogamous bisexual.  I don't feel like I'm missing out on any particular trait of a gender if I am in a relationship with the other.  I will always be attracted to people.  Then again, I am probably about as 50/50 as they come in terms of attraction, I am a fence rider in the truest sense of the word.  Plus, having been with both genders, I 'know what I'm missing'. 

 The important thing for you, in all of this, is that no one gets hurt.  I can also tell you that a guy will say that they're perfectly fine with you 'exploring' that side of yourself (although most of the time they want to be involved, which is personally kinda gross to me) only to have planted in him a small, undectable seed of envy and self-doubt that will grow into something very, very ugly down the road. 

This is an issue with straight and gay people as well:  anytime you commit yourself to one person you wonder about what 'could have been' with others to whom you may become attracted- it's not just a bisexual issue.  I think that when you have a relationship that is wonderful and fulfilling, then it is enough.  I am presently in love with a man.  Am I still attracted to women?  Absolutely.  Am I still attracted to men as well?  Of course.  But nothing in this world is worth losing what I have with him, because such perfect relationships are a rarity in life.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

I would say, if you're really sexually adventurous and feel like you're missing out, to open up your relationship, but strictly on a sexual level.

Like the famous de Beauvoir/Sartre relationship, where these guys were each others soulmates and understood each other so completely and perfectly, but left room for outside sexual experiences because it was just that- sex. And what they had so greatly transcended base physical attration, yet acknowledged it, that physical attraction lost its taboo and became something wholesome and fulfilling.

So basically, go out, get some taco but come home at the end. If you want.

Good with milk.

Well, I am quite monogamous.  He knows I have these feelings, and we have talked about it.  He does understand where I'm coming from - obviously, he has same-sex attraction himself, though much less than I do.  I don't think anything could happen while we are in this relationship.  I would be okay with it if my BF wanted to occasionally hook up with someone outside the relationship, but I am bizarrely unjealous when it comes to things like that.  I know if I did anything (even if he OK'd it) he would end up being at least a little jealous.  And no, I would never go behind his back.  Perhaps if I believed he was truly OK with it, I could consider pursuing a sexual relationship with a woman, as you suggested, ohmycookie.  We are so close that if I told him that it was something that I absolutely "had" to do, he would (perhaps reluctantly) support me.  At this point in time though, it's not something that I "need" to do.

Koma : I am definitely more gay than straight too.  I'm not really that fussed about guys, except for this one.  If I was mostly straight, this wouldn't be such a big deal to me, you know?     "You love your boyfriend but it just doesn't compare to the feelings you have for women. It happens."  <--- you might be on the money with that one.

Wryterzblock : great post, and yes I agree with you, it's not fair to either party if a bi is involved with a male and a female at the same time.  Don't worry, that is not my plan.  You are right to point out that this is an issue for most people in relationships, regardless of sexuality.  Thanks.

My Sunshine : it's nice to know that someone can relate to my situation, thanks for your post.

Well, I'll have other chances in life to date girls - you guys have reminded me that right now I should just focus on enjoying where I'm at.

 =)

I'd say even if you tell your boyfriend down the road that you need a break and explore this it would be well worth the time. If you get back with him fine. If he is the best thing that ever happened to you and you find out you do like girls much more but you cant live without him fine, Run back to him. But... Do for God Sakes.. seek this out sometime before the i do's and children. I had a thing with a girl in High school and I brushed it off due to religous beliefs and other outside influences. After my husband and I got married I met a WONDERFUL woman and she is everything I could dream of. Emotionally theres no one better for me. Physically she knows me exactly! Mentally she can blow my mind and read it at the same time. I do love my husband Sexually -"the wood" as my girl would say hes got talent.. However emotionally my attachment is because of my children and the "right" thing to do that has been driven into my head. I now wish for some FF experience with her soooo badly... and she the same. Needless to say the 3 way thing has many issues... well DUH!... many people wont even respond to this post because of that fact.. but I assure its done in complete and total love not just some kinda fling.. or something...Anyways... these kindsa of things can make relationships stronger.. Weve been through a lot...

Everyones just figuring it out, some have just figured out the phase they are facing, next will come a new phase to figure out, then they too will be confused... Again.

I'm in the exact same position. Well except for the fact that my boyfriend isn´t bi. He's amazing, truly and absolutely amazing. There's just one small problem... I've only been with two guys, the first guy was my first love, we broke up and only had sex like 2 or 3 times, it had nothing to do with it. Then i met my current boyfriend. We've been together for 2 and a half years. Mmmm the sex thing is kinda of an issue. Well he doesn't really satisfy me. I don't think it's him.. I think it's me. I love him so much though but I'm pretty sure I'm definitely more into girls. But here's the thing, should I sacrifice this amazing relationship because of a doubt :( My feelings for girls get more intense with time. I think he kinda knows, I've never told him though. I live in a very small minded country, so it's hard. My friends know i'm bi. But I don´t think him, his family or my family could bare the idea. So I guess the talking to him and asking for a break is really not a solution for my case. He'd break up with me.

Some time ago I decided that if my feelings were real than someday somehow i'd figure them out. But sometimes i feel like they eat me up inside. And i know, i won't get involved with a girl having a boyfriend. I would never cheat on him.

So anyways.... I just wanted to say, I completely understand your point. Eventually, me and him will break up. I need to find out what i want before i ever tie the knot with someone. But it's just hard, i love him.. but i'm pretty sure, i'm into girls.

Ok, so I did what I never thought possible, I told my boyfriend I was bi!!!! I have to admit that it was at a party and we were a little bit drunk. He freaked out!!! The rest of the day, he barely talked and I did all the explaining. I came home that day, and I was pretty sure that we were gonna take a break. But I didnt feel bad, i wasnt sad, I felt free in a way, not free of him.. just free to be honest! I felt liberated! And i knew that if we did take a break it would've been for the right reasons. That was yesterday, today we met up to talk and he was amazing! He said that he was sorry for reacting that way but now that he has thought of if, that it doesn't change anything. He also said, that he reacted badly in a way because he thought that i was breaking up with him because of my doubts. I assured him, that I love him... but still have doubts. We worked everything out, and we're still together and he proceeded to joke about it all day :D

I guess things like these assure me of how amazing he is. I still can't believe I told him, and it's funny cause he went on to assure me that I needed to be ok with me, and if I was ok with me, then nobody else mattered. It didnt matter what everybody else thought, if I was happy.

So I just thought everyone should know this... I was 99% sure that I would never tell him, that he would take it badly. It isnt like he's happy about it, but he has accepted that it's a part of who I am.

PS Zenarcade good luck in your trip overseas!!! And Garcia Marquez is amazing!! I love that book, I've also read 100 años de soledad, 100 years of solitude i imagine is the translation.. and loved it too!

Well i just thought id say that im in exactly the same situation as you were zenarcade, as a matter of fact as i read ur description above it was like i was writting it.

But, at the moment i am completely happy in my relationship and do not plan on going anywhere, yes he knows im bi, and yes id love to explore that, so maybe a break is in order later on...but right now im happy with my guy =)