Haha too feminine? Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not. Maybe I'm just meeting the wrong lesbians... most of the ones I know are more...well let's say butch. But they're all friends with other butch lesbians! Not saying I'm butch but what is it? Do they see me as too much competition? Not that I'm a hot piece of ass...maybe it's because I'm young, naive and I hang out with all the straight people and steal their straight girlfriends.

Who knows....

Maybe I'm not "gay" enough to hang out with the lesbians in my town... haha...I hate my town. 

What exactly do you mean? Lesbians won't even hang out with you? Or is it more of a romantic problem?

Anyway, humans are a complicated lot. Us lesbians are no different. I don't think there is any good, solid advice anyone can give you that will solve your problems over night.

What I can say is that when it comes to me, I'm very careful when it comes to women. If I get any odd signals at all I abort any flirty behaviour or romantic overtures that I might have been engaged in. Plus, I'm sure there's some anti-bisexual bias going on. There's a lot of that going around these days. Insecurities is the villain in that particular drama.

Do you actually feel happier with straight girls...in so far as, you are not under any pressure to perform, you are bringing them onto your own territory, initiating them...Would an experienced lesbian make you feel unsettled and therefore perhaps, you are keeping them at a distance?  (This question is asked, with respect for your situation.)

I don't know how your daily life looks, but I kinda have the same problem. Only the lesbian girls don't hate me :P I talked about it with my gay best male friend. And the only reason we could come up with is that being gay happend to be a part of me.

Im gay thats it, I'm not trying to behave in another way, I'm not hiding it, but I also don't scream it of the rooftops (is that an American proverb? I don't know :P But it is a Dutch one :D)

I'm not choosing my friends on the condition of being gay. So right now I don't have any gay female friends. Just some girls I know from going out... But I noticed that some lesbians are looking weird when I tell them that I only have straight friends, like it is a crime :S Maby thats the same as your problem??

Be in love...

...Always!

Okay, so I totally get this.  The few times I've been brave enough to go into an 'all women' environment, I feel like I got funny looks.  I definitely don't have a look that screams GAY.  (Though an ex of mine would always tease me by saying I did.)  And I don't think gay women respond to me really -- it seems like I just don't send off that vibe, or something. ... But whatever vibe I DO send off -- plenty of straight girls seem to respond.  Which can be fun, I guess, particularly as all the recent ones have been pretty damn attractive, but of course, not exactly better for anything than short-lived encounters.  (What am I, a magnet for the bicurious?  ;) )

I think Druj is right in terms of saying there are some phobias of and stereotypes against the straight-looking bisexual (from the lesbian side).  But this ability on the part of that bisexual (or straight-looking lesbian??) to 'play the middle ground', as it were, provides a safer space for any straight girls with curiousity, as they might be more apt to hook up with someone who more closely resembles them.

Actually I'm not very straight looking...a lot of people think I'm a lesbian and that's that, and other people are shocked when they hear the I may have "lesbian tendencies" haha so it's all totally up in the air I guess. I'm also not really the flirty type, I am if someone starts it, but I usually respect girls in the fact that I know if they don't want me, but sometimes, man, I get surpised when I get hit on by a VERY good looking straight girl whom I didn't get any vibes off of...it's all totally random.

But yeah, like I said before, I'm not meeting the right lesbians, don't mean to be offensive but all the ones in my town that I know are kinda sketch lol

Since puberty, before I even knew I liked girls, straight girls liked me. But I think that if you suffer as I do from this "condition"as inevitable as it is, you might want to try a shift in your point of view. Mainly its a matter of time; highschool girls are into experimenting but it is almost a sure thing that they will at the end of the day go back to the social safety of heterosexuality. This screws with your head and many times ends up with you hurt. But highschool girls go on to become a  more mature, self  confident college girl version of themselves who are more likely to stick around based on pure desire,love or even stubborn conviction. This isn´t always true, but there is something I do know from experience : that  combination of the wierd str8 girl attraction magnet thing and not being liked by self proclaimed lesbians can be a good thing allowing you to branch out. Meeting people, and by people i mean women , that if you´d been absorbed in a total and absolute lesbian environment, you might not have met. It has worked out that way for me, and in the last couple years has brought on a new condition, now label disregarding girls are attracted to me. It´s like str8 girls with all the goodies(first times and what not) but without the cruel experimentation , yet also like lesbians but without the drama and underlying rules. That would define my current girlfriend(3 yrs and still happy) perfectly. The only setback is if your very ppolitical. So I say the only option is to hang in there and enjoy the ride because this might just be a good thing...

I'm only 19 and thank GOD still not in highschool, i hated that place, funny thing is I'm friends with people now that I was enemies with in highschool, people do change ALOT. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing things not for myself when I get close to these girls, alot of the time they thank me afterwards for a great "friendship" and I know that by letting them know that men are not the only option it opens a whole new world for them not just with sexuality. I've met the most close minded people before and helped them open up and feel more confident and most of the time it doesn't benefit me in any way but as long as they walk away feeling better about themselves....

I guess I'll just roll with it for now, I don't mind if I'm being hurt as long as I'm not hurting anyone else. But I'm glad to know that some people have the same curse as I do but I guess at times you can consider it a blessing.

shiz said, 'kinda sketch' - sorry, could someone translate, for an english girl, thanks x 

im an aussie girl here, so please speak english... i have trouble finding anyone who is attracted to me..  sure ive had a few girlfriends but they never lasted.. 80% of my friends are lebian, and most of them are happy with girlfriends..sure i dont look like a lesbian, but i am with them 90%percent of the time. my last girlfriend slept with 8 other chicks while we were together.. its not that im not fun to be around, coz i am soo fun.. great sense of humour. so someone please help me out here.. give me some advice

"I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I'd like to quiet any unnecessary rumors that may be out there. While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I'm gay isn't the most interesting part of my life"

T.R Knight

Yeah, I think as a minority community, we have a problem sometimes with blending in with the "heteros" and them equally with us, but I don't see why we can't all just chill out and enjoy each others company...

Your ex slept with 8 OTHER PEOPLe when you guys where together, jesus I thought my ex was bad!!!

 Love you all!!!

holy crap!  if my ex slept with 8 girls while we were together i would've been wicked pissed after the first and dump her ass!  course i've got like NO ROOM to talk 'cause my ex cheated on me, too....... with a guy.  i think you still mo'def beat me though.  you just need to try to get out of this tight knit circle of gay friends and find someone who likes you, not the whole free world!  things'll even out, that's the one thing i  learned in the lgbt community of love and loss.  that and i need to stop going to parties with bicurious drunk girls knowing there's a lesbian in the room who's not smashed.

peace and love and good stuff all around

 i know.. 8 other girls.. it was very painfull.. well mabe u are right, maybe i do need to get out of that circle of friends for a while, but the thing is, i dont know how, i hate hurting people, so that makes it very difficult, im a shy person when it comes to talking to new people, but im okay when i get to know them. im trying to find someone who likes me, but its not as easy as it should be..  

"I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I'd like to quiet any unnecessary rumors that may be out there. While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I'm gay isn't the most interesting part of my life" - T.R Knight

thanks for the translation.  I struggle a bit, my first language being the Queen's English!!

Will stay in this place and continue my bi-lingual training!

I was at a party recently with a gay male friend and he had a woman-friend with him.  It obviously came out that I was gay and ALL night she kept saying 'I don't believe you'. Which was funny the first five times, then completely disheartening. :(  I have a lot of straight friends, but I think it's because it's really hard to make lesbian friends. Cracking into a social circle has been difficult for me unless I meet new lesbians from work.

I worry that some of this stems from looking really feminine...ya know? I can't change me...

shiz and co.,

Could you tell me, why you are all so keen, to break into 'the scene'?  These woman sound as if, they are right up their own orifices!  Surely you don't want, to become one of them and start ostricizing, others?  

 I can understand wanting to be with your own, as it were but at the cost that the pressures of 'the scene', will bring?  

Your straight friends accept and love you, why not settle for that?

AN ENGLISH GIRL, UNDER YOUR ORAL TRAINING...?! 

I'm not trying to break into some lesbian scene...cuz well there isn't really one where i live...unless i want to drive an hour and a half to sf ...but i'm lazy

i'm just wondering why it's the girls that are confused that love me and not the ones that know for sure that they're gay...

------------------

"Valentine's Day's coming? Aw crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!"- Fry

I don't have a look that even remotely seems GAY and when I'm in gay clubs the girls that do hit on me are usually big butch girls.  Now I'm in NO way knockin my butchies some of my best friends are insanely butch but I am freakishly ultra-femme and I'm looking for a fellow femme-bot. 

Add to the mix my behavior which screams gay man more than lez - I get really pumped about disco.  I'm constantly talking about the genius of the Queer Eye guys.  I call everyone Gurl, Honey, or Babe.  I talk with my hands, do the cheek kiss thing and have actually been called flamboyant.  WTF?!  You get the picture right?!  So I have to admit most of my close friends are gay guys and straight girls. 

I don't know if this is addressing your prob or not but maybe in someway you can make a connection.  IDK...It's just life and the secret jokes that the world plays on you.  You just have to like who you like and see what happens sometimes nothing sometimes something magical and the magical times are well worth the bad times - believe me! 

I've been saying for years that what I really need is to hook up with a real live, self identified, at least moderately experiences lesbian (or bisexual) - because this would be a huge departure from my normal relationships... Unlike some of the other women who have posted, I am comfortable in an "all woman" environment... and can look the part - tall and somewhat androgenous, though still can dress the 'girl' part... That being said, I have pretty much only ever had long term relationships with women who either didn't yet know they were gay, or certainly thought they were straight... and of course, in my infinate wisdom, they've often also just come out of long term relationships with guys... I don't know WHAT is wrong with me - that I somehow think I can make the relationship work that would have a Smart lesbian running for the hills. Although I can walk INTO an all grrl environment... I do find it quite intimidating.. I suppose with a less experienced women, everything moves at my pace... I dunno.. but I recently made a promise (to my last ex, straight, with the ex bf and all) that I would never date another straight grrl again... lol

my two cents

I have no gay girl friends.

All straight girls, straight guys, gay guys.  Which is weird given, well, me.  I'm very feminine and enjoy all of the things my straight girls do except for, generally, boys.  I don't think chosing friends based on sexual orientation makes any sense at all.  My friends have a hard time believing that I'm gay sometimes because I've never had a girlfriend, and I still hook up with guys out of boredom.   *ducks rotten tomatoes* I know it's bad, but it's all in fun.  I just haven't met the right girl yet, what can I say, I'm really picky. 

Don't worry if some lesbians in your community "don't like you".  Girls can be bitchy and completely insane for reasons unknown.  You'll meet the right people eventually.

not meaning to sound patronising, or old.. but it sounds to me that you simply need to live and learn a little...

Being a lesbian, does not automatically guaratee that other lesbians will like you, we are all individual humans before anythign else... I am caucasian, for example, so you being caucasian (assuming that you are) does not immedietly mean that I would like you, over say, an asian person... being a lesbian is the same way... for me anyway...

As for straight women, not meaning to sound overly harsh, but very few straight women who are not actually inclined towardsbeing bisexual, will actually regard lesbian sex as anything except a frivalous, or fun experience, but as soon as a suitable man shows up, they move on...

Don't play with straight women, unless all you want to do, is play...