The L Word Recaps: Episode 4.2 "Livin' La Vida Loca"

THIS WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:

Circles: Heaven in the back of a limo.
California University: Bette's new playground.
Curve: A magazine, or a brainwashing tactic? You decide — oh, you can't because of the aforementioned brainwashing.
The other C-word: Jenny's new favorite epithet.

THIS WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Heather Matarazzo likes adjectives; Jessica Capshaw admires Bette's assets; Cybill Shepherd moves at the speed of light.

Dance mix — Alice is in a club, spinning slowly like a disco ball. Welcome to the first of many reasons to appreciate the phenomenal Marleen Gorris, who directed this episode.

The music sounds kinda like M.I.A., or maybe it's just the Spanish techno A.C. Newman has been longing to hear. As Alice threads through the crowds, we get a glimpse of various interesting characters. She seems to be looking for something. I wonder what it could be?

A woman calls out to her: "Alice, right, from the radio? Here I am." She kisses Alice's hand, and if the woman weren't so drunk, she'd surely see the distaste on Alice's face.

Alice: Really? You're … you're …
Drunk Woman: Papi. I hear you've been looking for me.
Alice: [in utter disbelief] You're Papi?

Let's just say the woman doesn't look like she's bedded thousands.

A drag queen interrupts to say that she is the real Papi. She looks like the Chiquita Banana. She takes Alice's hands and puts them right on her own chiqui-ta-tas. Alice's expression has gone from befuddled to slightly afraid.

Several others shimmy up to Alice and profess to be Papi. It's like some sort of twisted, gay(er) version of Spartacus. Another drag queen explains why there are so many claimants:

Nonbanana drag queen: Papi means "daddy." You know that, right? You are going to find a lot of papis here tonight.

Alice makes that sort of eh-heh-heh sound you make when you're not really laughing but don't know what else to do.

The other manhunt — Shane is calling people who might know where Gabe (her father) is. Of course, no one knows. Max overhears; he's been checking the stock listings in the morning paper. Wall Street is doomed.

Max: Still no luck, huh?
Shane: No.
Max: You know, I could do a computer search. I mean, there's this great new program for tracking down missing people. It accesses police records, and … I mean, I could look for Carla too.

Shane just keeps her head in her hands and doesn't respond, no doubt because she's aware that Max isn't exactly a member of the technorati. I mean, "computer search"? On what? Your room-sized boop-de-boop punch-card processor like the one Katharine Hepburn battles in Desk Set?

Jenny hopes Max's computer search works, because even though Shay is a sweet kid, Shane's friends miss seeing her. If you ask me, the larger issue is that if Shay stays around much longer, we'll have to suffer through many conversations in which somebody thinks somebody else said Shane instead of Shay: "What do you mean, 'Shane didn't pass her geography quiz and keeps wetting the bed'?"

Jenny says Shane is hiding and distracting herself by "trying to get the kid off your hands." Naturally, Shay walks in as soon as Jenny says this. Nice job, Oh Tactless One. Everyone squirms a little as Shay leaves.

California University — Chancellor Phyllis Kroll (Cybill Shepherd) is giving Bette a tour of the campus. She also tells Bette she'll have to raise money for the new art building.

Bette: Well, I've worked up a list. I don't see it as a huge challenge.

Bette's like a Santa Claus for grown-ups. Maybe if I'm really, really good, she'll work up a list and then work me over.

Wait: Does Cybill Shepherd have lockjaw or something? I guess she's trying to seem like a stern academic, but I feel like any minute she's going to squeak, "Oil can! Oil can!"

Phyllis says her husband might show up for the trustees' brunch. He's the dean of the School of Engineering at Stanford. Maybe he'll hire Max and take him away, never to be seen in Los Angeles again. I'm sure that's not what Chancellor Kroll is plotting, but she does seem to be looking for some reaction from Bette when she mentions her husband. Bette just stares ahead calmly, unflappable.

Bette is slated to give a presentation, at the brunch, about how she's going to "re-establish California University as a leader in fine arts education." She'll get a TA to help her with that and more; there's a whole slew of brilliant candidates.

Phyllis: Well, there's a lot of competition. You're the most glamorous dean they've had in years.
Bette: Matthew Reese was 85 and bald.
Phyllis: Well, it's more about your background. Your show Provocations was the flash point for the generation. They all still seem to think you can change the world through art.
Bette: [under her breath, as she and Phyllis part company] So do I.

She really is Santa Claus: She's going to restore my faith in world-changing art, too! But not before she restores Phyllis'. Hey, that's fun to say — Phyllis'. Don't try it if you have lockjaw.