thats how me and my gf started out....we have been together a year and a month or so now...you learn to love eachother very much and in EVERY way... <3 brandi

You know, I've always wondered the same thing, but have never really put myself in the position to find out...but that just gets into the complexity of my experience...

I can recall that as a child and all the way to the present (I'm 24), it seems that there are certain girls that I notice that I want to get to know...want to be around.  Unfortunately, most of them are most definitely straight...I have to admit, I've been in love with my best friend for the longest time...but that would be way more trouble than it's worth.  So, I'm not really sure what I am.  I do know that I feel the most comfortable around girls and that's who I tend to notice and want to be around. 

I guess I'll never know until I find someone who is safe, and I know the feelings are mutual.  Don't know if that makes much sense...but I think I've been spending quite a bit of my time in the mist of confusion.

-J

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.  --Emerson

Heya -

 Not sure i can provide any help... im still trying to figure it out!  My thoughts are that it's easy to confuse a bond that some of us are lucky enough to have with out best and closest friends.... Sometimes it's so intense and you feel that they get you more than anyone that it just kind of leads to more than anticipated.

 Thankfully my closest knows me so well that she kind of helps me figure things out - the fun we have on the side even though she's straight as is just an extension of how relaxed and incredibly in tune with eachother we are! Not really sexual if it makes any sense.. guessing not:

 As for identifying whether your lesbian or bi... um well i find  that 90% of the time it's women who i am thinking of when im thinking  matters of the heart and men really only come into play when their those one in a million you just connect with.

Good luck with figuring it all out and if you come up with some seek easy quiz or formula - pls pass it on!!

I don't know whether I'm gay or bi, but I do know that I like women. I have always known, I guess, like some people have always known that they're straight. 

It's so refreshing to realize I'm not the only person who keeps falling for "best friends". But you know what for me it get's harder the more time we spend together. Sometimes I wonder if it's better to sort of drift apart. I mean I've known mine since college and I just have to keep reminding myself that this situation is so hopeless. She's straight I'm so sure. I think it's great that you can be friends with benefits.

As for being gay or bi, I don't think I've ever been sure about that ever either so it remains to be seen who you can connect with. Like fee said eventually.

Wow its amazing to know im not the only one confused out there. Im 29, and i have never been with anyone sexually due to confusion. I know im extremely attracted to women and i have been for as long as i can remember. I dont have the words to describe how i feel but looks like i dont have to when alot of you know exactly how i feel......but like someone has already said ill never know until i can find someone i feel safe with and the feelings are mutual.

Even though i know there are many women out there trying to figure out who they are i feel and have so alone but thanks to the above comments its nice to know im not alone....i wish everyone lots of luck on trying to figure things out! ;)

I just wanted to say thank you soo much to everyone who has replied, and posted stories similar to mine! It makes me feel so much better that I am not the only one who just plain doesn't know.

It's a funny thing now that I think about it,  I remember always seeing things having to do with people being gay and wondering what if I'm like that, could I be like that... I guess I was just never sure.

Like a lot of you who answered said, I feel that I am just more comfortable with women. I just feel more drawn to them, because I'm sure it's easier to have something in common with a woman than a man. I'm not going to lie when I say I've hardly ever been with a guy, and when it does feel unnatural and like I should be, it isnt so much because I want to, its just because I feel like it's what I'm supossed to do, ya know? My best friend and I are so close, it's almost like it's supposed to be like that. It's a good feeling, I guess.

Well as I'm sure you all hope to, I would just like to figure it out once and for all! I'm 18 so I guess that means I have time, but it would be nice if it all just fell into place before I got to college.....

Thanks so much for replying, I appreciate it so much! Good luck to you all too.

it feels so much better now than i can identify with all of you. I'm 18 and i don't know if I'm bi or gay but i'm sure that I like girls. Just like trivial obsession above, i'm hoping to get it all sorted out before college . I'm not out yet so I'm supposed to be leading the typical lifestyle of a heterosexual teenage girl but the fact that I'm not doing that means that maybe I am gay.  But then I think maybe I made up my mind too fast about that and that I really am not giving guys a chance. This gorgeous guy, keeps asking me out and I keep making up lame-o excuses. I'm not sure if I could have feelings for him but maybe it is a possibility. Or maybe I only think that I am attracted to him because he's so darned pretty, almost like a girl. God I just looked at what I typed and the word "maybe" is here like a gazillion times..maybe, maybe , maybe...god,  this word is haunting me

i am 17 and in my first year at college. i love the l word and p!nk and sugar rush ect ect. i never thought that i would be a lesbian or bi but over the past couple of years i'm liking girls more and more. i am a catholic and in a really catholic family so it would be a nightmare if my family found out. but this site has been really helpfull because i am finding people who are feeling similar to me. so thank you all. :-)

 i'm only just coming otu to a few of my friends at the moment and that is hard and scary enough even though most of them will b fine wiv it but wen i think about tellin my family it's horrible. i no they wont disown me but it will b like they have and they may as well do. it took me a while to addmit it to myself and accept it but it will be 1000 times worse if my family find out.

> In any event I was just looking for how other people knew they were lesbian or bisexual.

Does it really matter?

<>My advice: don't worry too much about labels.

<>Sexual orientation and sexual identity are actually fluid and can change over time. Continue to explore your feelings and sensations. Continue to have relationships of whatever kind suit you. Over time, you may try on a "label" -- be it lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, or other -- and you may decide later that another suits you better -- or not.

<>There are no right or wrong answers. The most important thing is to be comfortable with who you are :-) Good luck on your journey!

for a long time i struggled with the whole gay/ bi label thing, and it took me a long time to see, but eventually you realize that it doesnt really matter. i think its more important to be who you are and do whatever makes you happy than worry about a label... even if it is more comforting to have yourself in a set category.

and also... to respond to the whole ''how do i know..." thing, to be honest... if you're on this site and actively questioning your sexuality, chances are you aren't straight. when i told the couple of straight friends i'm out to that i'm gay, they asked me how i knew i was gay and i told them that at first i just knew i wasn't straight and they didnt seem to understand. i asked them how they knew that they were straight... and they told me it wasnt something they had ever questioned.

i hope that helps a little bit. feel free to message me if you want to chat. :-)

I'm trying to figure everything out right now too.

I'm know I'm not straight just because of the fact that I've been questioning it so much. I'm 17 and within the last couple of years I've also been drawn to and  have watched a lot of lesbian films and the L word and it's made me think about what I am.

When I was little I always had crushes on female teachers and actually had kissed more girls than boys by the end of elementary. But it was never a "lesbian" thing to me because until just recently I'd never even considered it. It was just I think this girl is cute and I want to kiss her. But I had crushes on boys too, and wanted to kiss them too. And did! (I sound like I was kiss crazy but it was all very innocent lol) My last "crush" on a guy was in 6th grade and I've never stopped liking girls.

I feel like I might be jumping the gun if I label myself gay, straight, or bi (P.S. does anyone else feel like calling yourself bi is like a sort of limbo between the two?) right now because I don't know if things will change or if I've even given guys a fair shot. Should I have to though?

I definitely don't want my sexual orientation to define me and that is certainly something that happens. But I do want to be able to define my sexual orientation. I guess it's just hard to put myself into a minority group that so much of the world doesn't understand/accept.

Basically BLAGH!

I've always known I was gay since I was a kid, long before I was involved with other women.  I've never been attracted to men, so I never questioned whether I was bisexual or not.  The first girl I fell for was a close friend. Not sure how she identifies herself today, but just seemed to be the way it happened.  From the gay and bisexual women I've meet over the yrs, you seem to be in the majority - most seem to realize they're attracted to other women later in life.

I don't have a problem with labeling myself gay because it fits.  I think if you listien to your feelings, you'll find your answers.

it's just a matter of getting over how people will see you.. the label thing sucks.. but i guess it's how people are constantly trying to find some sort of order..

i read somewhere that everyone was born bisexual.. it was just a matter of "gender roles" that you were tught as a kid.. i don't really agree too much on that.. but it does make some sense..

i think deep inside, you always know.. it's there somewhere.. hidden.. just a matter of finding it..

advice.? don't worry so much.. it'll come to you sooner or later (hopefully sooner).. it's not a matter of what people call it.. just fall in love.. whatever else anyone calls it doesn't much matter after that..

or you have sex with a couple of both. If you enjoy both you are bi. If either one or the other is a problem, thats what you are not!

It's called "sexual" orientation for a reason!

I have just accepted that I'm bi in the last year and a half. I was slow when it came to having crushes on guys, I've never had a relationship, and I was a tomboy when I was little.I think at one point my mom did wonder if I was gay when I was around 14 or 15.

For me when I finally came to my senses and realized that my being gay was a strong possibility, I looked back on all those intense feelings I had for girls (that I never had for other guys) and it all just made sense. It also explained why being with guys never felt quite right. I could go on and on about how the pieces of the giant puzzle I have been putting together for 20 years now finally started fitting together.

I am now working on accepting it. I have gotten over the flat out denial, and I am now looking for a way to tell some of my friends. I am also looking for a relationship (oh aren't we all) but I think only when I am comfortable with myself will I be able to take that step.

 It is nice to know that other people are going through alot of what I have been going through!

Ive been having this issue for a while. I'm nineteen now and it's been about five years since I started questioning my sexuality. I really doubt that I'm straight because I've had a few crushes on girls, but I've never had many crushes and I don't usually find anyone attractive beyond just looking at a person and making a quick decision and anything I feel doesn't last so it's hard for me to remember.

--------

hi!I can only tell you my own personal experences as they are all i know...i find myself that it doesnt really matter to me what sex these people are i just fancy/start to love someone for who they are...nd even if they are male or female i always seem to go for quirky kind of people,who lead interesting lives are creative and are very sweet people and are intelligent and very open to other people..and it just seems to be secondary if they are male or female...why set yourself a set code or regulation when love can cross all divides and barriers?

labels are just a spin off of this media culture we live in and all through the ages there has been different prevailing fashions for labels,my advice?go with yur gut trust your heart but use your head not to get sucked into a labeled part of society..and alays keep yur wits about you,try not to be nieve but try not to be cynical either...

just live your life as who you are!

hope you get somepeace of mind soon,and are happy with who you are...

best wishes!

I knew I was gay when I was 13 and I've never doubted it since. All my friends in Junior high were so boy crazy and I had absolutely no interest in guys whatsoever. I've never been attracted to men. They do nothing for me. Women are sexier, funnier, smarter. Oh, and I knew I was gay when all my friends were drooling over Brad Pitt and I had a crush on Jeri Ryan.

I think its important to everyone to be able to fit into one category.  To be able to say for sure, yes i am lesbian or yes i am bisexual.  I believe that everyone is bisexual to a degree.  The kindsly scale. 0 being straight 100 being gay.  I think im a 90.   everyonce in awhile i feel a connection for a guy.  But i never feel the need to act on it.

Few people are actually 0 or 100.  I think if you are over 95 and under 5 you are pretty secure in your orientation.  i think those that are between 20 and 80 are bisexual. 0-19 straight 81-100 gay.  THere are probably a lot of bisexuals out there that don't want to admit it huh?

ofcourse i could be wrong ofcourse. 

Great topic!

 How funny, I've been thinking about the same thing- am I gay or Bi?

So here is what I figured so far: right now I'm in love with a woman, therefore I am gay. When (if) I'll fall for a man, I'll become Bi. Either way since I've been attracted to both, I am not stright.

I was in the exact dilemma about three years ago. Growing up I had always been a tomboy running around and tumbling with the boys. I even dressed in loose clothes and cried every time my mom tried to put my hair in any other style than a pony tail. However, puberty hit and I started to look more like a girl. Don't get me wrong I played basketball and tennis (obvious lesbian) lol.....but I dated boys all the way into high school and college. It wasn't until I was in my teens that I took games of truth or dare as an opportunity to explore. Than my curiosity turned into overdrive when I saw Coyote Ugly in the theater....it became pretty clear that I had more than an interest in the same sex....so I naturally rented and watched all the lesbian themed movies and books I could. haha ... yeah now 2 years later I am in a wonderful relationship with a woman. And that's when the when I get married picture I use to paint with my friends now has a face to it....and its my babe. :)

The truth is that labels suck...lesbian or bi..... lets say we are humansexual.....lol. as long as you're not doing animals and hurting ppl--you're alright in my book. :)

It is common to be confused and not be able to identify your feelings right away, in fact, you shouldn't be in a hurry to put a "label" on yourself. May I ask how old are you? I ask because attitudes and understanding about our sexuality change as we grow and sexual identity is developed through time. I went through a phase of being straight, to being bisexual and now a lesbian. I know a lot of people who aren't gay but have sexual fanasies of the same sex. Fantasies are fantansies, it doesnt mean you are gay. Do you wanna sleep with women? Being straight and having dreams about sleeping with women or being curious about sleeping with women is perfectly normal. Don't be discouraged, and don't try to force yourself to feel something that doesn't come naturally to you.

Something I've gleaned from talking to people who profess some level of bisexuality: It seems for some, the sexual elements of attraction are about the same toward either gender, but their feelings toward one gender (affection, love, etc.) may not go beyond that, while they find they can experience the whole range of attraction toward the other. It is a question of what makes you happier.

PS: to the comment above- Humansexual it is!

Hey,

Me and my girlfriend started dating that way, too. I was as confused as you are, except that I really didn't want to face the fact I might be a lesbian, and she had come out about 5 years before and was totally okay with it. But when she first touched me, I knew deep inside I really liked this. That's how I knew I truly liked girls. I thought I was a bisexual, but with time, as I started to accept that I was attracted to women, I realized just quite how I don't like men hehe...

But take your time and follow your heart. It doesn't really matter who you are for now, just allow yourself to fall in love with anyone who makes you feel good and loved. If this person is a man, go for it. If it's a woman, go for it too. I think that's what love is all about: loving a person. You don't absolutely need to clarify whether you're gay or bi if you don't feel ready to. The answer will come by itself. You'll just know it. That's what happened for me. When I stopped looking for the answer, it came to me.

~ Cannelle ~

- Si por un beso pones la vida, que importa tu sexo... Si pones el alma en cada gesto de amor que le dabas... (from the song "Como Una Flor", by Malú)