Recap Attack: "Clara's Summer"

If you ever went off to summer camp a kid and came home a lesbian, Clara's Summer (aka Clara cet été là ) is for you. If you enjoyed Little Darlings, except you kept wishing baby-dyke Kristy McNichol would hook up with Tatum O'Neal instead of Matt Dillon, you'll get this film. If you always felt like you wanted to be Matt Dillon, I get that.

Clara's Summer is French, but don't let that put you off. It's actually kind of sweet and totally harmless. But I'm going to make fun of it anyway, of course.

First, let me introduce you to our cast of summer campers:

Clara (Selma Brook) — With long, dark hair and big, brown, cow eyes, Clara is our quiet heroine. It's her summer of discovery, teen drama and bad camp food.
Zoé (Stéphanie Sokolinski) — Clara's winsome best friend. She has the hots for a boy, but she's not above having a girl-crush on Clara. That is, only until a guy looks her way, and then it's back to Straight Town. Yeah, we know the type.
Sébastien (Léo Grandperret) — The object of Zoé's affections. He's just your basic, nothing-special guy. So of course, Zoé thinks he's le bomb.
Sonia (Salomé Stévenin) — A sophisticated girl. A beautiful girl. She's the Tatum O'Neal character, if Tatum were bi. We like her.
The Others — The rest of the summer camp gang. All the boys are annoying as hell. One guy fancies himself a Che Guevara protégé, and he's got the beret to prove it. All the girls are twits. Odd girl Morgan looks a tad like Heather Matarazzo, if Heather were blonde and had a chin. Then there's Severine. She's the group ho.

Somewhere in France — Teenagers Clara and her BFF, Zoé, are lying around talking about guess what? Boys. Zoé asks Clara to guess which guy likes her. “Fred?” she replies. Nope, not Fred. “Noel?” Nah, he's too wishy-washy, probably because his parents gave him a girl's name. “Christopher?” Yes, it's Christopher. Clara is neither flattered nor excited. Instead, she says, “We're late. Let's go.”

Apparently they were late for a bath, because in the next scene, the two girls are sitting opposite each other in a bathtub. The French are strange, but in this case, they're strange in a good way. You'd never see two American girls taking a bath together unless the movie title starts with the word “shaving” and ends with “No. 27.”

Back to our movie. Clara says you have to be in love with the person when you lose your virginity. “You have to trust the person.” She keeps saying “person,” not “guy” or “boy.” Interesting, oui? Oh, by the way, this move is in French with English subtitles, so if you're not in the mood to read, forget it.

“I could do it with a guy I didn't know, who I didn't like, and I'd never see again,” claims Zoé, a slut-in-training.

Clara's not buying her teen bravado. “But I thought with Sébastien, you wanted …”

Zoé uses insane teen logic. Her horoscope said she was going to do it with him. Well, actually, it said she'd do it with an Aries, and he's an Aries, so it's practically a done deal. Even so, if it's not going to happen with him, it'll be somebody, anybody. Because this summer, she's going to go all the way. Zoé talks of making a pact that they both lose their virginity this summer. Clara doesn't say anything.

There's not a whole lot of bathing going on. They just keep talking and playing with their wet hair with shriveled fingers. It's a waste of hot water, if you ask me.