Too Girly To Be Gay?

I hardly well never get approached by women and I am seen as super Fem (with a bold F). I think it mostly what I tend to project then what I look like. Some of the women I had to approach to get "some action" said I was "intimidating" and "looked straight" "not in the mood for a pillow queen" and GASP *bi-curious* (how does one "look bi-curious???).

Anyway, I realized a long time ago that I had to get out of my safe zone and get over my fear of rejection. I might be suffering from an inflated ego to curb the *ouch* of a rejection, but I still somewhat tolerable!

Honestly, the only 'gay' thing about me is my hair. Other than that I wear make up. I can run in stilettos, I went to fashion school and now work in the industry.

 I woiuld never give up who I am and I dont think you should change a thing about your beautiful self!!

I think it's all about frame of mind. Everyone tells me they just 'know' I'm gay by the vibe I give off. TRy getting your 'vibes' to seem gay

I accidentally found this thread- I thought I'd share my experience with this universal problem-

Firstly it unimaginably tough and alot of times lonely being a "femme lesbian"- but you know you cant stop being who you are-!!

For me being butch isnt an option- and I agree with everyone's views on here- its the age old problem- but you have to remain true to your convictions. 

I for one, have had loads of hassle- I was refused entry in to G.A.Y in London with my femme gf because they said we weren't gay- OMG WTF!! (Not to mention I had to endure a group of gay guys infront of us in the que all having a very dramatic debate on whether we were infact gay- and how looking like we do- we couldnt possibly be-) so to then not get through the door was truely annoying.

There is a gross sterotype everywhere about Lesbians and Im hoping shows like the L Word will help revolutionise all that- we need to start evolving- we need more girls to embrace being femme- to turn up the heat- balance out the butch dykes. Every birthday when I blow out my candles it is my repeated wish that I find a club/Country/hangout full of hot femme girls where I can be in my element-lol) I mean god if I was butch dyke I could change GF's like clothes- there's so many of them- 

The most abuse I normally get is from actually butch dykes- they are frankly rude- and have the cheek to say Im not  gay and why am I in their bars etc- 

What's deeply ironic about this for me- is here I am in a gay bar for gay women looking like a women and I have some boy looking dyke telling me I shouldnt be here- when they say this to me- I smile and tell them in no uncertain terms the irony as I see it- I say, 

"I look like a girl and I date girls who look like girls that makes me a lesbian and qualifies me to be in this bar- whereas you look like a boy and date other boy looking girls - so really that makes you basically a gay guy- so I suggest infact it is actually you who is the wrong club- so please step off" Almost always that confounds them and they go away-  

Its brutal being a femme no doubt- but when you do hook up with a hot gay girl well it makes it all worth it- (although I find the femme girl circles ridiculously incesteous due I suppose to the lack of choice) 

All I want to say is Yes, we are a small breed of women- but you know we are the "true Lesbians" and there is nothing sexier than that- Men fantasise about us, gay guys are jealous of us and butch dykes are confused by us - We get to be hot and sexy and date other hot beautiful chicks- and there is nothing sexier than that-

I cant understand why every gay women doesnt want to be a femme girl- I think in all honesty you do need to be very confident to be one- and I know lots of girls can be really quiet and not really confortable with being ultra feminine so perhaps thats why they choose the easier option of butching up- and joining the masses. 

There are hots femmes if you look about- dont loose hope! I will admit though they're in short supply. Ive been told that Barcelona is where they all are- how true that is is anyones guess.

P.S If anyone does know the answer to my birthday wish please pm me. 

Anybody can be gay..whats the big deal if someone say hey you cant be gay, you wear heels,fancy handbag, cherry lipstick and nice long hair???...if a mom with 10 kids with her previous husband can be gay why not us?girly girl can be gay whatever they want to be...am a femme too...guys loves me alot but always turned em down..hell...they dun believe it thats they problem...we live in the same planet...we have our own right...dun worrry ur not the only one.....if you saw someone with another tubes of lipstick, you never know if shes gay...but you have the chance to ask if they are...straight girls are always queer about themselves...trust me...they are loadsa girls are girly out there...

Don't you dare to change a bit! I'm also girly (at least i look hot) but here in vienna (austria) it's really hard to even find a hot lez!

My friends and i are "on the search for a hot lesbian" because every lez we see is this tomboy baggytrouses tanktops short hair type of girl..... We came to the conclusion that there are no hot lesbians out ther in austria because we couldn't find a single one!

So here i am with my boots-addiction wearing already a rainbowbelt! and no sexy lesbo comes up to me and nobody realises i am in fact a homo!

I'm about to throw away my boots my makeup und my belt and change all of this into a short haircut a white tanktop und baggys and maybe a leatherbracelet . Maybe then i'd have a chance to get a girlfriend... The hell am i doing! I am what i am, as a great woman once said ;)

So don't you dare to change a bit because we need more of the girly girls to overcome this cliches!

It is most definitely impossible to be too girly to be gay.  In fact, I totally understand where you're coming from.  I'm girly, like wearing reasonably fashionable clothing, wear some form of makeup nearly everyday, have a weakness for hot shoes (especially boots!), have long hair, and carry a handbag with me most of the time.  I don't seem to set off any gaydars (not that mine is very good either, especially since I'm primarily interested in more feminine women), and feel generally invisible the lesbian community.  The funny thing is that my close friends (most of whom are straight) are less girly than I am, and yet I am the token lesbian in our group.  Go figure.  In addition to this, I attend a women's college where most of the lesbians/queer women fall into the more obviously queer category (i.e. more stereotypically gay), which makes it less likely that any of them will actually realize that I'm just as gay as they are, and makes it difficult for me to find women to date.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not the only one out there in this situation by any means, and that you have to hold true to who you are!  Becoming more stereotypically lesbian isn't going to help any of us feminine types...I suppose one thing we as a group can do is make the effort to come out to people as who we are, and to shatter the heteronormative stereotypes about lesbians.  Stay strong!    

whoops, double post*

I totally feel you girly girls. I have the same problem! Whenever I go to gay bars I get hit on by straight guys who come there probably because they know that  many gays bring their straight female friends with them and they think they can find someone... even when I tell them that I'm not interested they don't believe me and they are sure that they can still convert me, as a result, no girl talk to me (first because I look girly and second because I spend the night trying to get rid of straight guys...). Even gay guys hit on me more than girls... I really feel like it's gonna be impossible to meet someone unless I get one of those tatoos "GAY" on my face!!!! I also don't want to change the way I dress and everything because I know  I would feel uncomfortable. I really have to find a solution... 

there's nothing wrong with them, i absolutely love them! keep your love of fashion up, if that's what you love doing. :D don't worry about stereotypes... theyre just misguided notions.

being a lesbian doesnt mean you have to dress a certain way. i mean, no one gave us a uniform or rules of what we should be wearing. the only true definition of what a lesbian is is a female whose sexual orientation is geared towards other females. :)

I have the exact same problem...

stupid stereotypes >_< 

Im sorry, but this did just make me chuckle abit, i know, bad of me, but the "extreme obediance to steretypes" has always been one of the human quirks that's made me "huh? hehe!"

Be, always always always be true to yourself, even when it hurts, because one of the worse things is turning round at 3pm on a tuesday afternoon catching a look at your reflection in a store window and thinking "oh..my (ewwwww) god, who the hell is that?!?" and then realising its "you".

apparently alot of AE'ers like tha Femme *s*, so there should be some somewhere in your area who are the same, frustrating and sometimes hurtful as it is to be denied -merely- because one doesnt fit the stereotype... any minute of the week, give me someone who looks at -me-, who just accepts what i say of myself, someone who is prepared to bin thier own preconceptions.. because i bet, the ones that -cant- do that, cant just go "ok then *makes mental note then smiles* [continue conversation]" in the end are potentially so stuck in thier own ideal's, they'll never open thier heads long enough to truely listen to or share with you in yours. (and that is part of a successful freindship/relationship).

May a gorgeous Femme fancier randomly cross your path soon!

(Melodia, -definately- go for the braclet/bicep braclet in rainbow that might help, as for the "I'll convert you" guys (how nausiatingly Egotisitical is that?), try "Ahh, so your suggesting im not mature enough to know myself? that's insulting, get lost".)

Sweet water, Light laughter.

Az

~What do you do when your shatterd, when the tales you have to tell are normally reserved for those who have travserd this world for thrice your span? All I have found as an answer is "Share"~

of the same issues, so you're not the only one.  this is just one of those situations where you're just going to have to keep meeting people and keep putting your self out there.  eventually, even those that were gay who didnt believe you were gay will hush up once they see you on the scene enough times.  there are quite a few lipsitck lezbos/femmes out there like ME!!!!! (hehe)  please do not lose your self confidence.  i bet thats probably one of your many positive traits.  

-->just believe in yourself, keep talking to people, and not only will miss right will approach, but you'll also get those non-believers to shut up.  there are plenty of girls like us.  trust me ;o)

of the same issues, so you're not the only one.  this is just one of those situations where you're just going to have to keep meeting people and keep putting your self out there.  eventually, even those that were gay who didnt believe you were gay will hush up once they see you on the scene enough times.  there are quite a few lipsitck lezbos/femmes out there like ME!!!!! (hehe)  please do not lose your self confidence.  i bet thats probably one of your many positive traits.  

-->just believe in yourself, keep talking to people, and not only will miss right will approach, but you'll also get those non-believers to shut up.  there are plenty of girls like us.  trust me ;o)

-)

-)

Never thought that being so beautiful and "girly" would come up as a problem. LOl,I guess thats a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. The only thing bad about it like u mentioned is that girls won't think that ur gay or that ur into girls lol. Im personally intimidated a bit when there's a girl that I think is absolutely beautiful, first thing that comes to mind is "Yeah she's absolutely beautiful, but I'm pretty sure she's straight" so that in itself stops me from talking to some girls. Sounds lame i know, but I think that u shouldn't change at all, stay beautiful, "girly" and all that good stuff. Strut the Christian Louboutin stilettos, the Blahniks, the Louis purses and the Hermes. I personally think beautiful girls are intimidating, but it's exciting u know? and I definitely love how sexy and amazing girls look when they dress up and all. 

"I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths, I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am."

*Peace, Love & Basketball*

But the not girly but "Too pretty to be gay"

So it is like are only ugly people supposed to be gay because I know some of the finest people who are LGBT classified lol. I mean Hello what if I said you were too pretty to be hetero what would happen then. I mean are weiners have magical powers that can turn out all the hott chicks. I think not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR9uKoeY81k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Srou-zcJtnE I found this hillarious