I know she likes me but she has a boyfriend.

Honestly, I wouldn't try to make a move on her, not while she has a boyfriend.  I don't think it's fair to her.  The truth is that she probably does like you, but pushing her into something she's obviously not ready for is wrong.  I know someone might disagree with me but I don't care if you're gay, straight, or what.  If someone's in a relationship they're off limits.  Seriously, if it's not meant to be with the boyfriend then eventually it will end and then you might get your chance.  For now, I'd respect her choice (which is to have a boyfriend).

What about her boyfriend? What's going to happen to him after you and Lisa seal the deal with a kiss? Have you thought about that? Because I'm pretty sure Lisa's thought about it and she doesn't really want to venture into that territory. First up, I think if she knows you're gay she would either:

A. Be even more sure of her feelings for you or

B. Be freaked out by these feelings and never talk to you again.

So you have to approach this carefully, lest the fear tear apart your relationship. Once the boyfriend issue is settled, because I'm pretty sure Lisa is acting homophobic because she's worried about her boyfriend, I suggest making a move on her. Plan a romantic date or something with just the two of you. If she says no when you ask her out, like a casual "Hey, wanna see a movie together?" Then you can be sure she's scared. But keep asking until she submits or she stops talking to you because you're so annoying (That'll solve your problem).When she says yes and you're both alone somewhere on this date (make it a bit romantic, but not overtly, she'll get spooked), talk and start making your moves. Remember, foreplay is the most important thing in your case, because from there you can tell if she wants to get physical with you. Start by gently touching her innocently, caress her knees, and move on from there. And if she doesn't recoil from terrror but lets you do this, lean in closer and perhaps whisper that you love her, and go on with the kiss. But at any point that this backfires, stop. You guys have some issues to work out, and it's important you get them out of the way if you want any hope of succeeding. 

Good luck, and I hope you find love!

 

I think you must find a another love interest for yourself. Its not easy, but you can save a lot of time and sadnes. She seems to be absolutely unsure about her feelings. I had a friend like her, and she stole six months of my life. she made me bitter and angry. Sry, im not a big help.

She's got a boyfriend, screw that. Even if she is into you, she's confused, and probably scared - not a good place to be mentally in a relationship. I wouldn't try anything unless her and the fella break up. Otherwise it'll just be a huge dramatic mess.

-Ange

http://www.spinner.com/category/laugh-rage-cry/ Tegan and Sara on Prop 8.

msn messenger: the.ange@live.com

i guess because i dont really care for her boyfriend i never really thought of their relationship, or me being a homewrecker. i dont see them breaking up any time soon. but i always go through stupid situation where i always wonder what could have happened if i actually went for it. we have a connection and i do want to prove to her that i still have feeling for her like i know she still does for me.honestly shes the only one so far in my life that im sure of this connection. always before i wasnt sure what they were thinking but i know this time.

i was going to ask her to go out lunch and the mall on saturday. i need to get her away from her boyfriend. every time we hang out he is around. there is that sexal tention every time we hang out and her boyfriend just makes thing for her more complicated. i really do like her a lot and even though this may end badly id rather go through it then always wonder what could have happened.

shes confused and scared i know this but the connection is there and i cant let that up. not this time. ive done it before and it eats me up.

how do i go about making her not so scared and timid? i figured a lunch date and the mall is a good way to get her out and still flirt with her. good idea?

You are obsessed with her but I would say step back a bit and catch your breath. She has a boyfriend and they've lived together for 3 years. She is in a relationship and you need to respect that.

It seems Lisa invites you over to her place when there are people there - namely her b/f. Do not go there. You say she ignores you and then gets drunk. What's in this for you but heartache.

If and when there is a b/f break-up, Lisa might want to further her flirting with you. Do you really want to wait for this when you might meet a wonderful woman who is available?

In closing, I wouldn't ask her to the mall or lunch at this point. Let her ask you and then casually ask her how serious she is with the b/f. For all you know, Lisa might be thinking about a possible threesome. Is this something you really want to deal with? It's happened before so please keep your antenna up.

It seems, that we can not change your mind. So i give you a piece of advice. Go out with her, but if it's not working between you and her, let her go. Your relationship problems stem from personality and behaviour traits that remain unchanged and are unlikely to change. You are a good looking girl, any girl would be glad to go out with you. Don't fall for her. As i wrote before, i had a friend, like her. And she sucked the life out of me. Its a long story, but believe me, its not worth the effort. So give it a try, but only one.

blah.. ok shes got plans anyways for saturday.

i know how you are feeling because i am in a somewhat similar situation. if the girl is in a relationship, you have to respect that no matter how tempting it is to be with her. remember, what goes around comes around.

And what Monique M is talking about...there was a 'straight' girl that I met...who really has a beautiful heart. Once she knew that I am bi, or at the very least, very into girls...she was more receptive to me, and then would retreat. She even told me that she was bi-curious and had experimental experiences with a couple of other women...we met at a bar/restaurant where a musician friend was playing and I was dancing...I also take pictures of my musician friend for her to use on her website and in her promotional flyers. After a couple of months of "seeing" each other on the nights my musician friend was playing, there was one particular night that I had videorecorded her dancing with my digital camera, and she danced seductively to the camera(to me)...at my friend's next gig, she wasn't there...I called her and found out she was very upset because of her boyfriend...I knew had a boyfriend all along, and asked her if she'd like me to be there for her...she told me no, and she had another friend there and she was ok...I told her that I had the video on cd if she wanted it. She said she would get back to me...a week later, I had not heard from her so I texted her. She's home partying with some friends. I reminded her of the cd of the video, to which she asked if she'd need a pc to view the video? Her pc was in the shop. I told her I had my laptop, and if she'd like I could stop by and loan her the laptop to view the cd at her leisure. She told to stop by and we'd watch the cd together...we did...to make a long story short...we ended up having sex that night...she initiated it.

Cut to present time...six months later...she's acting just like Lisa...she has admitted to me recently that night scared the shit outta her. Her relationship with her boyfriend is rocky at best and she is sooo confused about what to do about him...and her feelings overall.

She hasn't shut me out completely, though at times it feels like she has. She's really shutting down on herself really. What has been helping in keeping me in the loop with her, is my ever present FRIENDSHIP to her...plus plenty of time and space in between any communication from me to her. (which you are already doing...keep it up!) She's clinging to her relationship to her boyfriend like a lifeline, even though deep down she knows he's gonna break her heart...he really is bad news for her, but she and only she can decide that for herself.

In the meantime I have invested alot of my self into fostering and nurturing my friendship with her...for several reasons, first and foremost because I do care for her friendship, and for her as a person. I had already begun to care for her, before our night of intimacy...which deepened my feelings...of this I MUST caution you.

As far as whether you should come out to her...sounds to me like she already knows... I suspect she wants to explore but is scared spitless. I would gently suggest that you offer your friendship to her. Say that you suspect she is troubled, if she needs or wants to talk...you're willing to listen...AS A FRIEND...I cannot stress this enough...she needs to feel safe....let her pick the what, when and where...DO NOT try to push or force anything...let it all unfold before you, in its own time.

This is what I have learned with my own experience. Feel free to private message me if you have further questions. I'll help u as best as I can...I hope what I have already posted is of use/help to you. Good luck and keep the faith.

Be Well,

Patti

thanks for sharing your story with me. its reassuring to know that i am not going through a similar situation alone. i do want to mention that i am not obsessed with her like one girl had mentioned, and i do respect her relationship with her live in boyfriend. but i would like to say that i do care for her a lot and i would like to be involved with her. i dont talk to her everyday and most of the time i wait for her to ask me to spend time together. i rarely initiate anything anymore because i know shes scared and makes excuses. but now its gotten to the point where this connection when we are together has been going on for so long that im tired of waiting. i mean that hasnt stopped me from looking else where but if i were to choose over anyone in the world right now it would be her in a heart beat.

talking to her about her situation would be difficult. that would of course involve me coming out to her and also actually getting the truth of how she feels about me. i think she is completely in denial of any attration she has towards me so getting her feelings out would be so impossible! i will try though. and i will absolutely show her my friendship to make her feel more comfortable about the situation.

thanks again gildared!

thanks for sharing your story with me. its reassuring to know that i am not going through a similar situation alone. i do want to mention that i am not obsessed with her like one girl had mentioned, and i do respect her relationship with her live in boyfriend. but i would like to say that i do care for her a lot and i would like to be involved with her. i dont talk to her everyday and most of the time i wait for her to ask me to spend time together. i rarely initiate anything anymore because i know shes scared and makes excuses. but now its gotten to the point where this connection when we are together has been going on for so long that im tired of waiting. i mean that hasnt stopped me from looking else where but if i were to choose over anyone in the world right now it would be her in a heart beat.

talking to her about her situation would be difficult. that would of course involve me coming out to her and also actually getting the truth of how she feels about me. i think she is completely in denial of any attration she has towards me so getting her feelings out would be so impossible! i will try though. and i will absolutely show her my friendship to make her feel more comfortable about the situation.

thanks again gildared!

that's only gonna end in heartbreak.

or a crazy boyfriend who's gonna stalk you both. read: crime of passion. don't fuck with her.

 

I got a dick like a mule...with a big dick.

...especially if you've already tried moving past her.  Just be careful.  It's also good that you respect their relationship - just respect yourself, as well.  My advice is to come out to her and give her some time (just enough...you sound kind of antsy hoping for something to happen soon) before you ask her how she feels.  Hell, she might even be testing the waters.  If she's into you, it's best you leave the getting together until she's out of her current relationship.

I had spent 4 years with someone who initially "wasn't gay", though all of her friends were.  It all started as flirting.  She was not in a relationship with any guys, but she had dates planned at the time we hooked up (she told me this right after we first had sex).  She later cancelled the dates, but one of the guys (who she was previously in a relationship with for a few years) couldn't get the hint to back the fuck off.  Though nothing would happen between them, they remained friends until we broke up.  On a side note, that's also when she finally came out to her family.  Anyway, it was 4 years of fighting with the ex-boyfriend who was trying to get back with her, and 2 years of fighting with her about him.  Fun times.

Yeah...be careful.

we go a long period of time not speaking with each other and i start to feel like ive moved on then she texts me or calls me and imidiately when i see her name those feels come back! its like she knows when im about to get over her then bam! there she is calling me. then we hang out and i see her that its ALL back! then i spend another 3 months trying to move on.

or she sends me those.. i love you, if you love your friends send this message to everyone you love and something great will happen to you within 24 hours... kind of messages.

ugh lol