The Star of My Own (When I use astronomy as the analogy to my sexuality)

Ah – beautiful glimmering night. I could still remember, when I was here, still breathing. Millions of stars glowing and twinkling like the lights of the Christmas tree. All looked the same. All looked like the others. As I was lying on my back, pillowed by my hands, I closed my eyes as the sound of nature relaxed me, soothingly. I was half buried under the thick grass of greenery. The crickets were having a fiesta as their singings were louder than the nights before.

Oh, the stars again. Mesmerizing. How would the death of a star affect the view I was appreciating? Not even a million years that I could differentiate one star from the others. But look – there was Venus, shining Her femininity proudly. God The Almighty, stood Venus out as the second brightest object in heaven after the Moon. Even brighter than Andromeda, overruling Mars. How more powerful women can be?

Two hours, I spent just to stare at Venus every single night, enjoying Her glowing dignity. I was easily in love with Her the first time I met Her, the first time I knew Her. Oh how wonderful, I could still taste that very feeling. I would patiently wait for Her at the foot of West, as She rose, my night had begun, my perfect, meaningful night.

I went home that day with my heart so full of satisfaction and happiness. It was not easy to say goodbye, but Venus had to travel some place else, we parted. And we would see each other again the next day.

Like any other nights, I waited for Venus again, as the sun set. A few patches of dark, black, thick cloud passed above my head. I was praying so hard for it would not rain. I prayed for the cloud would go away, for it would not block my view of my lover.

For our love was pure. The cloud did go away, leaving me, staring at my lover without any obstacle. She was so near that I thought that I could touch Her with my fingers. I longed to touch Her. I longed to hold Her in my arms, even until today. But oh – how impossible! So there I was, lying on my back, without blinking, mesmerized by Her beauty.

The heaven was clear on that night, how could I forget? I could only see the Moon and of course my darling, Venus. May be there were some airplanes passed above my head. But I was too captivated by the perfection of my lover, that I might have abandoned their existence. God could send me even the miracle of Aurora Borealis; I would not turn my glance away from my Venus. Yes, MY Venus.

But something did not feel right on that night. My heart was telling me that something was terribly wrong. But what was it? I could sense something uneasy but I could not tell what the cause of it was.

Out of no where, the black cloud returned, and covered Venus from my sight. Oh, my darling Venus.How could I ever breathe without you even for a second? As my body became restless, and my mind was working like a mad lady who had just lost her whole family in a fire, I stood up and ran, trying to look from another angle where I could see my lover. But it was useless for the cloud was way too powerful from my ability.

But the cloud did not show even a sign to move and surrender upon my cursing.
What do I do now? My tears had started to wet my cheeks and my hands had begun to tremble. I turned my head and looked at the other foot of heaven, and what I saw was an ugly view I wished I never had looked. Ugly, may not seem to be the perfect adjective to be used – threatening. Yes, threatening. Oh – how uneasy I felt that I fell on my knees and my tears poured down my cheeks so heavily that I did not care.

For what I saw was another beauty of the night heaven which I should not, would not, or could not appreciate. Hatred was building greatly in my heart. Never ran into my head that I would run into him on this night when I was making love to my darling Venus. him! – Mars.

Red, blazing Mars rose from East, traveling towards the West, getting nearer to my Venus I ran around like the mad lady, buried in the tall grass, as tall as my waist. I could not see my Venus, but I knew that Mars was getting closer to Her.

But Mars kept moving, nearer and nearer to Venus, seducing Her and trying to trap Her with his slow, seductive movement, blinding Her with his color of bravery which was faked.

Why would not the black cloud have pity on me? I was begging now, kneeling on my both knees. And Mars was getting even closer now. I felt hopeless and helpless. But, NO! I could not afford to lose Venus. I stood up and ran around like the mad lady again, trying to get a different angle in order to see her. Oh! – How could I forget how worried and terrified I was to lose Her? I was running without bothering to take notice about the edge of the cliff which would send me to an unending and eternity cleft.

And Mars would not stop too. I was half insane. I realized now that I, was the mad lady. The destiny of my life was about to be stolen by Mars, the blazing fire. I ran back and forth and at last I could see the silhouette of Venus behind the black cloud. I kept running and got a clearer view of her. Oh! – How much I missed her already.

And that was the time, I could still remember, when I felt the happiest to be rejoined with my love, even though my left feet had stepped on the thin air and my right feet was barely stepping on the edge of the cliff. And I fell, with happy tears in my eyes, and a smile carved on my lips as I had never seen Venus as clear as that before.

Until today, I still wait for my Venus every night, for night only that I am allowed to be free, and be breathing. As I am floating over the cliff, where I first saw Venus as clear as crystal, I do not care anymore if Mars ever tries to steal Venus from me. For I know, that Venus belongs to me, and my life, my death and my ghostly self belong only to Her.