Who pays for dinner when dating?

I always assume it's who asks pays. If I ask someone then I pay. If I've been asked then I still offer to pay my portion at least but I let them pay if they insist. If we're doing something else like going to a movie I will offer to take care of that to equal it out.  What do I know though. I haven't actually been on a date in a very long time *sigh*

 

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http://www.drunkduck.com/Empathy/

well i guess it depends on who asks. i know that when i asked my girl out for the first time i paid since i was the one who asked her out. but she offered to pay for half the dinner and then when we went to the movies later, i paid again but she offered again. i think it shows the kind of person you are by showing that your willing to pay for half. i hate when people just assume that the other person is going to pay for it all. even if you know they are going to pay atleast make the offer anyways. you should tell your neice that usually the one who asks is going to be the one who pays but maybe take another look at the girls she's taking out. the other person should stil make the offer.... 

but split the check make it fair 

feeling love sick

Thanks to all who answered my post. I thought it was the one who asks usually pays for dinner, etc.

I'm getting the feeling that my newly-out niece reaches for the check too fast and now she doesn't know how to tell her dates that they should pay for something. Money seems to be a delicate issue with women and I just don't know what to tell her. I hope these ladies aren't playing her.

How does one handle this situation without looking like a cheapo? Actually, I think her dates are cheap but I'm not there so don't know what she's doing when the check comes. Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle it?

Hmm, actually, I would pay (But that's just me all the time. But yeah I agree with everyone in the above statements, the asker should pay. Or if it'll end in an agument just pay half and half (Unless it's me hehe) Well I never been on a date so I can't tell you that Ruby but hmm.. I would tell her try to keep your money in pocket and then when the bill comes mutually talk it out or have a deal "you pay this time, I pay next time" or something along those lines. Although, I know most people don't like to discuss things all too often, eh in my opinion, people with always either think your a cheapo or not, it's just people not even the actions. Hope that sort of helps?... Eh... well.. I tried.

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Could you fill in da blanks in my story

So the age old question of where is the line between between chivarous or being taken advantage of??  Well, first one has to figure out if it is a casual sort of date or the kind of date where you want to make a major impression or is more formal.  If it is more casual and the date asking sort of goes like "hey do you wanna get together sometime for some pizza and a movie?" then I think it is pretty easy to suggest something like "do you want to split the check, or do you want me to pick up the pizza and you pick up the movie?".  But it is probably better to do that before the check arrives.  Now if it is a more formal date or say your neice wants to make a major impression then it probably falls in the category where if you do the asking, you pick up the check.  That sort of date asking goes something like "I would really like to take you to dinner and a movie."  When I ask a woman out on a date like that, I don't expect her to pay or even offer to pay.  When I have been asked out in that fashion, I also don't offer to pitch in for the check.  But for the pizza gig....I certainly offer to pitch in.

This is just my 2 cents, hope it helps.

Speaking for myself, I would be the one reaching for the check first.  I even do this with my friends.  Fortunately over time, I have learned to keep around the friends that fight with me for the check instead of not at all.  I haven't been on date yet with a woman either.  But at the bars to initiate conversation, I always offer to buy the drink.  On a date I could see myself paying most of the time.  But of course I could see that after several dates and the girl never makes a remote attempt to offer to pay anything, then that would be a turn off for me.  Because after several of dates, now they're just taking advantage. 

So for your niece, have her go with her gut feeling.  After several outings, if her gut feeling is saying the person is starting to seem like a "user".  It's probably the case.  

Whomever I'm dating always pays.  I don't insist, I don't even wait for them to claim the check, they just do.  In fact when i try to insist that I reciprocate I always get an argument.  But, maybe it's just my generation.  I'm not sure how the younger women do it - if they have different rules, or whatever.  The only thing I make sure to do is that if it's not a date, but just dinner or lunch with a friend who just happens to be a lesbian, I always go dutch.  I never allow a lesbian friend to pick up the check because I don't want her to get the idea that we're dating.

I usually pick up the check. There's been instances where my date has paid, pays half or takes care of the tip. I don't base my reasoning for paying vs. not paying on any criteria.

 

 

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I was told by my mom to always offer to pay, because nothing is free nor should be. If they're buying you dinner it's not that they are expecting sex, but just in case... If we go to the movies one can buy the snacks and the other can buy the tickets. That kind of thing. TsC

Just out of general respect and kindness. I insist on getting the check. Usually with most dates I've had the girl would want to pay as well. The girl I'd be on a date with most of the time would want to return the favour by paying for something else throughout the date. I don't think it's ever a good idea for someone to sit back and wait for the check to be paid. It's a little rude. Especially if it's the first time. Once you're much more comfortable with eachother it doesn't matter anymore. With my girlfriend. Sometimes she pays, or I pay or we split. It really depends on how much money either of us have to spend that night.

I agree with everyone about that.

BUT, even if I didn't ask, I'll still pull out my wallet and make the jesture.  If I'm rebuked I'll put it back. Or I'll promise to pay for our next outing

And sometimes I'll just grab the check because I feel like it.

BUT, people need to pay attention to the balance.  If you're always the one who's asking, that should be a red flag

As far as testing the waters... I would grab the check, put in my fair share and pass the check to her.  Then I'd watch for her reaction.   Any sign of an attitude is a red flag.  Or at least an indication of the future dynamics of the relationship.  If you don't mind being the provider then you probably don't have a problem. If you want some reciprocity, you're probably not going to find it with someone who pulls an attitude about paying their share.

I agree with Uneek about  establishing the payment plan before you go out.

There is another side to it.  If everything is going smoothly, you'll end up in a pattern of paying for it one time and she'll get you the next time.  It's an indicator that the relationship is going  somewhere.  If I'm constantly insisting that we go dutch, it's because I really don't want the relationship to go anywhere and I don't want to feel like I owe them anything.

Once, The waiter brought the check to the table and the woman I was with actually put the check in front of me and said "Do you mind getting that?".
I already planned on paying; but I thought it was pretty funny.