What is it about a "butch(stud,aggressive,femme-aggressive etc.)" that some "femmes" have issues with?

Personally I am a femme and am attracted to butch females.  It solved the issue of me of needing the more protective aspects, the 'take care of my woman' aspects, which you do not get from other femmes, generally.  But still there is the softness and compassion and understanding of a woman (not to mention the body of a woman, LOL).  I don't get the discrimination within a group that is already facing enormous discrimination as it is.  Just let everyone be.  My lady is considered 'soft butch', but she's defnitely a 50-footer, and that is just so sexy to me.  So not everyone thinks it's wrong or perverted! 

Happiness is not the absence of sorrow...it is the absence of fear...

As a femme, albeit a confident one (some have said I'm a diesel femme--which I love that label 'cause it cracks me up), I have been with and attracted to both femmes and butches (that term alone has a continuum, from softer to harder).

I would be offended if someone had a problem with a woman (straight, bi, or lesbian) being butch, two butches together, etc.  It's just damn wrong to condemn someone for where they fall on the maleness/femaleness spectrum.

It says more about THEM than it does what they are commenting on.  Hateful/condemning speech ALWAYS does!

I can laugh at my own label, but I don't label other people.  A lot of people are quick to put down the uses of labels at all, but self-labeling can help with your identity.  Especially if you don't fit in, e.g. a butch woman.  I can pass for straight because I'm femme and this is a cultural norm.  But my sporty straight friend always gets called a dyke.  Any touch of maleness and you're somehow a threat.  It's nuts.

When I was with a butch woman, several friends asked me "Why aren't you with a man?" And my reply was always very simply: wrong anatomy. I'm not into the dangly bits. I appreciated her strength, directness, and spirit. And she was hella hot! LOL People who hate are just BORING. They're telling you all about their own fears and it's just all sooo flippin' boring to me. You want to be vulnerable and tell me about your fears--I'm all ears. Otherwise, bugger off!

I find it utterly dumb that some people simply want to discriminate within their own community when they are already discriminated against by the majority. I feel as if some people need to validate themselves by putting others down and I find that to be wrong. I mean if you have insecurities within yourself why in the hell get mad at others who are happy living their lives by their own terms and not by a specific agenda. 

I can't seem to keep my Damn hands out the Cookie Jar...I love Puertorican Butterpeacans..: )

My subject title tells it all - one size does not fit all. Unfortunately, there are many in the gay community who do not care for butch-identified women. It's an ancient stereotype that a butch woman wants to be a man, wears flannel shirts and combat boots. Gay men suffer the same discrimination if they are perceived as effeminate with the stereotype of a high-pitched voice, limp wrist, and swishy mannerisms. We are all different yet there is a gay hierarchy that disapproves and rejects butch women and feminine men.

Some gay men and women have complained to me that they don't like the butch woman or swishy man because it doesn't reflect how the majority of gay people look and feel. Straight homophobes still have this stereotypical picture in their heads. This is wrong and judgmental of both gay/straight people.

Let me state that if it weren’t for the so-called swish and drag queens and butch women, the Stonewall Riots would not have happened in June 1969. They were the ones at the Stonewall Bar who fought back the cops and were pushed into the paddy wagons. I know of many a drag queen who can lead with a swift right jab to the jaw and many  butch women who won’t take shit from anyone because both ‘types’ have suffered enough discrimination and put-downs from both straight and gay people. We’ve got to stop judging within our own – there are just too many of us to have these hierarchal forms of discrimination.

Say it loud – I’m butch and I’m proud!    

 

I have three statements I always hear from friends that I want to add here as I believe they may be relevant. Hopefully the original poster doesn't mind (?)

"Butches take no pride in their appearance." I hear that screamed by gay men and even lesbians too. Why do I disagree? We all take a certain amount of pride in out looks, it's human nature to be slightly vain. My pride comes out in painted nails, heels, curled hair and tight clothes. A butch may be styled shorter hair, certain clothing choices, shoes or maybe a piece of body art. It's always annoyed me at people commenting on how butches groom themselves when there isn't anything wrong about it. Plus, if we all wore the same clothes and had the same body shapes, I would personally throw myself in a lake just to cure the boredom.

"Why don't you just date a real man?" Why is masculinity only associated with males? Are feminine traits only associated with females? As Helena (I believe) said on The L Word - women know how women are feeling, thinking, what motivates them. It's built into our minds to know women. Therefore, I personally like knowing what a butch woman is thinking or feeling but that doesn't mean I want a copy of myself to date... I also like getting the door held open for me and a jacket over my shoulders. (The hoody in my display picture isn't mine, it actually belongs to a butch friend who thought I looked cold!)

"Does she want to be a man or something?" This is where sexuality and gender really start to confuse me and others, but I think I may have it figured out. Just because you dress similar to a man, doesn't mean you actually want to change gender. I find it odd how people think "Butch woman" equals "Transgendered" because the two are very different in my reading.

Anyway, from a diesel femme perspective, we need more old school butches that can wine and dine, hold the door open and drink pints like water. I know I just stereotyped there, but I have lots of love for the charming butch!

From what's I've seen (and what I've said myself long away), I find that anyone who is disgusted in the butch appearance is often homophobic, even if they refer to themselves as gay. They don't like anything that resembles gay. They want a girly girlfriend so no one can easily see they're gay. Butch is much like being completely honest about your homosexuality, and I think a lot of women can be threatened by that.

It's fine to not be attracted to butch women, but just because there is not attraction doesn't mean there isn't respect. I'm not crazy about the major butch women (although I sure as hell like butchy traits), but I can see/have seen what other girls have seen in them

There's a girl at my school who I honestly thought was a 14 year old boy, but while I wasn't attracted to her I don't condemn her for her appearance, and she has a nice girlfriend. Who am I to judge her?

But yeah, I agree about the chivraly thing. I think we need some more of that! So don't stop Matty!

I think its just something that minority groups do....Its that self-loathing thing...In the black community we have this thing about how the people with lighter complexion aren't the same as those with darker skin.  I'm not sayin its fair or right but sometimes people need someone else to blame....As if to say its not me that society has a problem with, its "them"....when in essence we are all lumped together and we all will face the same discrimination.

I personally don't categorize myself although if you saw me on the street you'd probably think I was a femme with a slightly masculine tone.  But no one has ever pinpointed me as gay simply by the way I dress or act.  I don't really see the issue with women who like to dress masculinely or who like masculine girls...As long as you are comfortable with who you are and who you're with nothing else should matter....

I myself am soley attracted to femme girls....Its just something about girls who wear tight dresses or jeans and heels and the whole nine that gets me going.  But to each his/her own.

That is not meant to sound horrible, its just simply anyone who has an issue with how you live your life and that includes who you decide to love whether, gay, straight, black, white, purple, is simply not worth the time of day.

Mwahxxx

Yes I find it very appauling and shocking about this higher ranking crap that certain communities have but it is what it is. Unfortunately ignorance constantly surrounds me and I can not escape it but I try to not allow it to bother me but it is still appauling and wrong.

Stereotypes in general are simply ridiculus but we all have them I just do not understand certain people when they say the things they say not knowing that they are absolutely socially offensive to others. Then to hear that same ignorance come from other lesbians it is a definite slap in the face. 

I can't seem to keep my Damn hands out the Cookie Jar...I love Puertorican Butterpeacans..: )