Wow, this sounds like another dimension of my life. I usually don't comment on relationship problems, but this one resonated, so here it goes:

 

I met this girl over 4 years ago (!!!) who basically completely changed my life. I admired her and adored her more than anyone else in the world, and I would do anything just to talk to her. When we started becoming friends, I thought that I was the most blessed person in the world just to be around her. Seriously, this girl was like the shining beacon in my life. Not only did I look up to her, but she helped me with a lot of problems in my life, and I thought we related to each other in a bigger and better way than I had with anyone else.... So, fast forward, and we've become really good friends, and then I get really sick and end up in the hospital for months. During this time, despite that she knew I was literally on my death bed, she never visited me or anything. Even after all the friendship we had and everything I'd been through, she couldn't even visit me when I could have died. After I got out of the hospital, I emailed/messaged/called her, and she promised me that we would get together and talk... but then, instead of following through, she blocked me on messenger, email, and completely cut off contact with me. Like I was a horrible plague she couldn't deal with.

I feel/felt so used, lead on, hurt for the years we were friends and I extolled her, to now when she won't even send me an email. Like she completely forgot that we used to be friends and see something in each other.

I don't really have any advice, but I know exactly where you're coming from...

A good song is "Not as We" by Alanis Morissette.

 

 

This was my life for about a year. It was horribly painful and heartbreaking. But here's what I've come to discover. You need to break ties with her. Just don't talk to her, don't see her, avoid her as much as possible. Perhaps you've already started doing this. If not, you're probably thinking "but im not ready to cut her out of my life." I have to be honest, the reality is that you HAVE to. The quicker you cut her out, the easier it will be not to think about her. Realize that you don't need her in your life. You need someone who is sure of who she is and happy to be that person. You don't need the burden of her sexual confusion on your shoulders plus your own heartbreak. That's not happiness. This girl is never going to make you happy. You can never share real love until you love yourself first. Until this girl learns to love herself, she serves no purpose to you. You are better than that and most importantly YOU DESERVE BETTER. You deserve true happiness and it's not going to come from her.

 

I hope I helped.

The old me would tell you to set her up, take photos, and redeem yourself. That was yesterday. Today, I will respond like a sensible adult. You can't go back and change the past so you're going to have to forgive yourself for dealing with that for so long and then forgive her for everything too. Forgiveness is a great first step toward recovery. Once you do that, you are going to have to find a way to avoid seeing this individual until the pain gets better. If that means hanging out with the chess club or not partying or going out of town on the weekends or volunteering at a retirement or old veteran's home, do that. Go somewhere else that you know you won't see her. I don't really recommend dating other people but if it takes off some of the sting, go for it. Just don't inflict pain on some other unsuspecting human. Do a little soul searching. Try to figure out why you think this particular person is the only one for you and no one else will do. Write an honest list of her "pro's and con's". Does the good outweigh the bad? For real? No, for real. Most importantly realize that you cannot make someone love you if they don't. Love is as love does. It seems like she's given you her @$$ to kiss and much worse. She's being very clear. You have to try hard to accept it. I hope everything works out for you.

...especially the part about not inflicting pain on an unsuspecting human...

I know exactly what you've been through. I am experiencing the same thing at the moment. So making a short story long, I've pretty much known this girl my whole life, we're from the same little town, and she used to play with my older brother when I was a kid (she's 5 years older than me). About 3 years ago we messed around a little bit before she freaked out because I was so young, and she was also dating 2 other girls at the same time. So I backed off and left her alone, even though there has been some texting and flirting when meeting each other since then. And this winter I got to know that she actually bought an apartment with one of the two flirts she had going the first time we met. But this spring I got a text saying she wanted to meet me, so I agreed to meet her, and one thing lead to another..... I really didn't anticipate anything after, but she wanted to be with me (or so it seemed), and we had a really great summer together, even with all her nagging about her ex.... so I freak out a couple of times and break up, but she convinces me to stay with her, and I agree. So one night about a month she breaks up after some arguing about her not showing up when we agreed meeting at a club. Then we meet up one week after to talk things through, and she says she and her ex are talking things over, and are trying to get things back together (big surprise....), and are putting sweet pictures of them on facebook... So basicly I'm just focusing on all her bad sides, and that she wants to go back to her no- good ex, which she was bad- talking for 4 months (should be a sign right there....).

 

It's important to have other things to focuse on, like good friends and doing things for yourself you've always dreamed of but never deared to do. I also have made a commitment for myself staying away from girls untill I'm "out of the woods", instead of jumping into something new or doing someting otherwise stupid like I use to... I also recommend, instead of listening to sobby love- songs, to listen to really lame 80' rock- music. I know that "stay hungry" with twisted sister has done it's share for me through these hard times. I wish you all the best, just know that there is somebody much better for you out there. good luck! :) 

Love that advice!!  So many people get wrapped up in their pain to the point that all they see is just the two people they thing are involved and all they want to do is somehow "make that person see....blah blah blah" or "I will show them....blah blah blah" or other variations of that theme.  But it isn't until things blow up in their face they realize that oh so many other people are somehow now "involved".  We as humans can't do anything about what someone else has choosen to do....even if that choice includes breaking our hearts or even betraying their own identity (or so it would seem to us).  We cannot, nor do we have any right to alter their choice/path. 

Oh I know how painful and heartbreaking this can be sometimes....I am not saying this as someone that has always been so "enlightened" (so to speak).  I learned this lesson by bouncing down a very long road with lots of speedbumps that knocked this lesson into my thick skull.  But I finally got it....I finally understand.  I'm sharing it with you so you don't have to be as old as I am to finally "get it".  Trust me the speed bumps hurt.

So what does one do when someone breaks your heart and makes a choice that isn't "right" (i.e. you).  My biggest recommendation is that you focus on repairing your broken heart by doing things that are healthy....yes truly healthy.  It is the only way to get well.  Make a list if you have to.  This includes excercise, eating right, sleeping...you know all of those basics.  But it also includes doing things like don't drown this out in drugs/alcohol or bad unsafe sex with strangers or other unhealthy things just because you want to "be numb".  Do other things to stimulate your mind in ways that will be healthy for you so you don't "obsess"....get a hobby, volunteer for something you believe in....whatever just get yourself busy in something other than obsessing.  One last thing that helped me was I set up a thing where updated a weekly status to myself on just how heartbroken I was on that week so I could see progress.  It was amazing that once I was determined to see progress and get that woman out of my mind....it did in fact get better.

Thank you for the advice everyone.

I have been keeping busy, I have a pretty crazy semester.  And as for the inflicting pain on someone else, that's something I'd never be able to do.  Someone I know suggested "outting" her to get even, but for all the pain she's put me through I'd still never want to see her in that situation. 

I do feel a lot better (knock on wood).  I had a moment the other day where I realized that it's over, she's put me through some pretty horrible things but she's done hurting me now, I'm free.  I like the quote about the speed bumps, it's very true.  I've messed with "straight" girls before, against my better judgement, and always made it out alive but this has really shown me that the risk of loving someone who doesn't love themselves is far too great to deal with.  I was told and I listened, but now I *know*. 

Broken hearts... sometimes it feels like there's nothing worse.