Wow this place is huge.  It's going to take me a while to navigate.

So I'm 39, married with two boys, ages 13 and 6, and I accepted I was lesbian about a year and a half ago.

Not bi, haven't been in the same bedroom as my husband for a year. I live upstairs, he lives downstairs.

I fell for my very best friend.  She brought up feelings she was having for me that she didn't know what to do with.  She is married also.  So next time we were together we explored, and then the next time, and the next, and we fell in love.....easy to do since she was already my best friend.

Then we came out to our friends first, many of whom dropped us immediately, then our husbands.  That was a long painful road.

She and I broke it off a few months ago.  That's been tough.

I'm moving towards independence, husband and I have talked over him moving out, and that's as far as we've gone, but I have been doing things he doesn't "approve" of.....like cutting my hair.......so far we're a little worried about economics and of course the kids when we split. It's coming though.

I have had clinical depression for two years, and med changes from time to time.  I'm getting there.  I've also been through the angry phase, and the "no one understands" phase, and so on.  My poor friends heard a lot of crap.  For those that stuck with me, I have the greatest admiration.  There aren't many.

So I'm just kind of looking for  a place to belong where maybe I can get a fresh start.  Make new friends. Friends that didn't know "hetero Paige" or "L's girlfriend Paige"......."angry Paige" or "sad Paige" or even a few that couldn't handle the loss of "always bouncy Paige".

I just want to be plain old fallible, regular Paige.  Sometimes mad, sometimes sad, sometimes happy. I don't want to pretend because someone can't handle how I feel. 

At the same time, I can't blame others for all the issues. I've said more than I should at times, said things the wrong way, been too needy, been too outspoken.  So I'm more careful and thoughtful now, wish I'd learned without doing it the hard way.