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The wedding is off!

The wedding is off and I am dealing with the aftermath for doing the right thing. Yesterday I wrote for a advice on what to do about my ex-girlfriend and if you guys to don't know what I am talking about look at my topic called "she getting marry what to do". Anyway I went to speak to her fiancee like you guys suggest I do and confront him with the proof on the cellphone and he broke down in tears, begging me not to tell his family and not to tell my ex-girlfriend but I told he had to or I will. So instead he refuse to tell her so I and my friend who saw the event with my ex-girlfriend and her fiancee with another guy, told her and let her know what happen and show her the proof on the cellphone. She went nuts on me and started to yell and curse me and my friend and I am trying to calm her down so she doesn't do anything stupid to herself and she started to call people and telling people the wedding is off and then called her fiancee and told him the wedding is off. Then next thing you know the fiancee show up and that was a big mistake because she hit him with a baseball bat, and I had to fight her to get the baseball bat away from her. The fiancee didn't care that the wedding was off as long as his family doesn' know that he was with another man , so he left and she came right back to me and flip and started to scream and one point started to cry then screaming at me. It has been a bad day and the worse is not over at all, she started to bring up things from the past about us during the arguement and I am trying to tell her let it go. Then telling her the only reason I went to tell her, because I care about her and trying to be her friend. But she was so upset that I left her place and finally got home to tell you guys what happen, since you guys wanted to know what happen after I told her.

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 5:49pm.

TAGS ::

Advice (Dear AE...)

good god

Submitted by

Traveler (326 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 6:10pm.

I hate to admit I've even been following this but I have and it's like watching a slow, online train wreck ..

You might want to consider turning off your phone and taking the night off from your ex's drama. Hopefully she has some relatives or friends - who she doesn't feel like killing, which eliminates you - that she can be with right now. At this point you need to get out of her sight - and batting range - and try to get yourself together before this escalates any further.

Good luck, babe.

Yeah

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 6:21pm.

I turn off my cellphone right now and it's has been ringing non stop, and I have been getting nasty and crazy message from all sorts of people, from her family and friends and I don't know how they got my cellphone number. To my friends asking me what is going on.

What!

Submitted by

Plante (39 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 6:53pm.

What the fuck!? How come her family and friends have been calling you? It's not like YOU were the one pushing her fiancé onto the other guy. And I seriously don't get why she isn't telling them off for doing so, 'cause I'm sure they got your number from her. I can see how her sadness and frustration over this got the best of her in the heat of the moment, and that you, being the one who told her, was the one who she put it all on. But seriously, calm down, and blame him, rightfully so, and not you!

You were the one who did the brave and honorable thing, especially compared to him.

»Living in fear is living life halved.«

Right

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 6:56pm.

That what I was thinking about how they got my number in the first place, she must have told them why she called off the wedding and who told her about her fiancee and gave them my cellphone number which is still ringing as we speak.

Been There...

Submitted by

Tina (16 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:05pm.

Me and my partner have been in this sort of situation. It is tough to know something about someone and feel like you have to tell the person it is going to hurt. We had a friend who was married, and his wife kept telling my partner that she had met this guy and that she was hanging out with him behind our friends back, and then it escalated into sleeping with this person. So we felt morally obligated to tell her husband, because at the end of the day that was where our loyalties laid and god only knows what she could have bought back into their marriage after being with someone else. So we did tell...he ended up giving her another chance, knowing full well that we had told. Everything was alright for a little while until she got antsy again and searched out another guy. This time she ended up going to her husband herself as she knew we would, given our track record. But it is really hard to be put in that position by someone you know, and thought you could trust, but at the end of the day you have to take care of your friends - afterall they are the family you get to choose. I think you have done the right thing in this situation, it would have been different had your ex known about what was going on and then had chosen to marry the guy anyway, but she needed to have that option!!! It was a brave thing to do, and cudos for doing it.

Thanks

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:11pm.

I know I had to tell her since her fiancee decided not to, but still given the fact that I tried to do the right thing still ended her having her heart broken all over again.

Love Hurts...

Submitted by

Tina (16 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:16pm.

I know that you are now feeling bad, but hopefully she has good friends (I would consider you one of those...as not many would risk their friendship to protect their friends in this situation) and family that will help her to get through this time. And in time she will realise that you have done her a huge favour as she could have been married and then found out and that is a lot harder to end than an engagement. Hopefully it will all calm down, and she will start to see the bigger picture.

But

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:21pm.

But hear is the thing I hope I am still her friend but like I said she my ex-girlfriend and she still holds a grudge towards me for the way we ended I relationship, which is why I didn't want to be the one to tell her about her fiancee.

Time...

Submitted by

Tina (16 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:25pm.

You will just have to give her some time, and try to be there as best as you can. This is not something that is just going to clear up and go away. She is going to be hurting for a while. And while she is still mad at you, hopefully she will see that you did the right thing by her. I don't know your complete situation, but if it were me, once I calmed down and could see past the tears, I would see that you were just trying to be a good friend.

Yep

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:31pm.

Thanks and I hope you are right and maybe one day we can talk again, but something tells me this situation isn't over by a long shot.

Good Luck

Submitted by

Tina (16 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:35pm.

Well good luck with it all. I don't know, this may be old school, but maybe if you were to write her a letter and send it to her. She could read it and try to understand where you are coming from, and it would let her know that you did all of this out of respect, not to try and hurt her any further.

I hope it all gets better from here. I know that it is easy for me to say being on the outside looking in - but really I hope it all sorts itself out.

Thanks

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:38pm.

Thanks for the advice and I will think about it.

Anytime

Submitted by

Tina (16 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 7:50pm.

Anytime, I just hope something of what I have said helps in some way or another!

Keep Safe, and let me know how it all works out!

award for the most brave!

Submitted by

mental_plague (31 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:09pm.

:O Wow

You did the right thing is all i can say! (claps)

I guess it was a normal reaction ....But Seriously a baseball Bat!

She will come around when she realises what you've done for her - I agree with tina write her a letter..

How did her Father take it?? (very curious to know) - did he call you?

All my life i walked across the road, while my friend walked across the crossing

I know

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:14pm.

No kidding I couldn't believe she had the baseball bat in her hand, as soon her now ex-fiancee came through the door and she left the living room in which she trashed and went to the bedroom and the baseball bat is in her hand I knew all hell was going to break loose.

Her father right now is looking for me and has been calling my cellphone non stop.

Seriously??

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:36pm.

He is looking for you? I hope he doesn't know where you live. Turn off you cellphone.

Be careful with her father because he sounds very special.

No worry

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:41pm.

He doesn't know where I live and if he tried to come by I have good male friends that would kick his ass if he tries anything, and he know that I don't play at all and I'm not that worry.

But still.

Submitted by

mental_plague (31 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:17pm.

But still, she must of really loved him, to bring a baseball bat,

who was she really aiming at? you or him

All my life i walked across the road, while my friend walked across the crossing

Well

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:24pm.

Well I don't think she was in love with him, remember her father was the one that introduce his daughter to this guy. But I think she was angry about the fact at of all people to bring her this news it was me, and I guess she was upset that she wasted her time being with this guy and not finding herself, that what I think.

Also she did hit him on his shoulder but he ran out of their so fast, that Ibecame the focus for her and she started to bring up stuff from the past that it look like she was going to swing, so I didn't take any chance and I fought and took the bat away from her.

Ah yes! well i hope

Submitted by

mental_plague (31 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:28pm.

Ah yes! well i hope everything goes well

i hope she can forget what has happen and move on!

Does she think that you want her back?

All my life i walked across the road, while my friend walked across the crossing

Maybe

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:30pm.

she had some feeling for him after all or she could have felt betrayed. How long were they together?

She really needed to attack someone because attacking you...seriously. You had nothing to do with it but oh well. I seriously think you just give her some time now. Let her be and then after a few days send her a message or a letter and let her now that whatever happens you will be there to support her.

I think

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:35pm.

Like I said I don't think she was in love with him because her father set them up and they only been together for only a year. Which makes me think she only marrying him becasue of her family and his family.

Oh wow!!

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:25pm.

You know once I read about the baseball I was worried she might have hit you too. But look you did the right thing, now just let things cool down. Give her some space to calm down.

By the way did her father call u? I have been thinking about his reaction.

haha same

Submitted by

mental_plague (31 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:31pm.

Hahaha so have I!

All my life i walked across the road, while my friend walked across the crossing

Don't worry

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:33pm.

Don't worry I am fine and she didn't hit me because I stop her from doing more damage. Still my luck that this had to happen, if only her coward ex-fiancee had told her and not me.

Yep her father is piss off and is looking for me and all sorts of people have been calling me non stop and leaving me text message.

Turn your phone off!

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:41pm.

He doesn't know where you live, right? Because if he does and he is looking for you he might just stop by for a visit and in that case it will be you the one that will need the baseball bat. Maybe you can have your guy friend stop by and stay with oyu for a while and if the father is sending you offensive messages or threathening you, then just tell him that you will call the police or something.

Seriously these people are crazy going after YOU when the one that screwed up the marriage was the guy,

I did

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:44pm.

I turn my phone off and like I said my freaking luck for trying to do the right thing. It makes me mad that I am dealing with the aftermath and not the guy.

Well thats good

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:46pm.

Keep your friends in standby ;) in case he decides to track you down.
He should be looking for the guy, I mean these people are very special. But oh well, at least your work is done. You were a good friend and nothing can change that, it is really a pity they lose focus on what's really important but I am pretty sure once she calms down and think things through she will be thankful to you.

God

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:51pm.

God I hope so because doing the right thing that takes a lot out of you. Hope this doesn't ruined my plans for the weekend.

Look

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 8:56pm.

dont let there hot mess ruin your plans. You keep going with your life, you know deep inside you did the right thing and you care for her. It is their mistaken to lose focus and go after you. I know that tomorrow things will be different, right now it is chaotic because it is a shock and it is days from the wedding, so everybody is confused, stressed out and hurt. But things will become better once everybody starts calming down.

If they keep harassing you then you stand up for yourself and tell them that they should be thankful not angry for what you did. You saved her from a doomed marriage and whatever happened in the past between the two of you has NOTHING to do with this. That you did it because you cared and if they refuse to see it, it is not your problem.

Well at least that's what I would say! Don't worry, you don't have to feel bad for what you did because you did the right thing. Her fiance was the coward and liar, not you. And you can even say that you cared so much for her well being that you didn't even care that everybody would attack you.

Thanks

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:02pm.

I really needed to hear that and you are right I'm not going to let this ruin my plans for the weekend. But boy if only you had been their when I say she went crazy on me I mean she went crazy on me, that is just something I can't get out of my head. But still she needed someone to lash out to so I let it be me, so she wouldn't do something to hurt herself.

Exactly

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:07pm.

She just needed to release all her pain, betrayal, hurt, etc on someone and it so happens that you were the one there since her coward fiance ran off.

Try not to think about it (I know it is hard) and do not take it personal. This has nothing to do with you and whatever she said or did it was out of anger for the situation not because of you.

I know

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:12pm.

I know that what she was saying to me was out of anger towards me and I know she was in pain from the way she look at me and the way her voice change. But still felt bad for her and I told her that I only did this as a friend and trying to hurt her or go back with her.

Ohh

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:20pm.

:( If she is holding that against you and is still hurting then it means she still loves you. Because once you move on (it's true sometimes you are still angry but you let go) and go on with your life. If she hasn't been able to do that then why was she marrying this guy?? This just adds more fire to my "pressure theory".

Look once things cool down, talk to her; have a heart to heart conversation. Maybe she will get from that the closure she needs to go on. Explain all your reasons and tell her that even though you two broke up, you still care for her and want her to be happy. And that if she doesn't let go of all her pain and anger she might never be.

Good things happen to good people

Submitted by

mental_plague (31 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:01pm.

Good things happen to good people, don't worry. just think about it you saved someone from going through this heartache later on in the future, the guy will probaly realise that his family isnt going to run his life forever and that he should be true to him self and she probably find someone else that truly loves her and that she loves

PLEASE stay safe

All my life i walked across the road, while my friend walked across the crossing

Don't worry

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:04pm.

I will be fine and believe it or not I've been in worse situation before. But I will watch out for myself.

I agree

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:12pm.

The guy is afraid now but he will come to his senses too and if you think about it you not only helped her but him as well.

It will probably be hard for him now (coming out to his family) but if they love him, they will accept him and he can finally be true to himself. So you helped them both, even though it is probably hard to see now but in the long run it is the best thing for everybody involved.

Time heals even the biggest wounds and she will find someone who will appreciate her and love her for what she is worth. It was not this guy and thank goodness you helped her see it before it was too late.

Good

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:17pm.

The guy needs to face fact that he shouldn't marry someone to quiet his family, but he was begging my ex not to tell his family since they are old school, and they would shun him and he told her he would tell them he call it of because he wasn't ready to get marry. But my ex said she was still going to tell them the truth and couldn't care less.

I see

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:26pm.

It is a pretty hard situation for both of them. Because believe it or not I understand his fear, not all families are understanding (unfortunately) and he will probably suffer a lot because of it. Having said that, it still doesn't excuse him for ruining someone else's life.

Those two families are pretty messed up. But this has nothing to do with you so you continue with your life and know you did the right thing. Let your ex know that when she is ready talk calmly you will listen and that you will be there for her.

Man

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:32pm.

My friend just email me and told me my ex-girlfriend father went looking for the ex-fiancee and went to the guy parents homes to find him and once he found him, he beat the hell at of him. Right now I just got the email and I am waiting for him to email to tell me what happen.

NO WAY!!!!!!!!

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:37pm.

Are you kidding me??? Oh wow!!! Poor guy!!! I feel bad for him too even though he messed up. This really turned out into such a mess. The only thing positive is that now they are not after you but this whole situation sucks.

Btw how does your friend know this "inside information" ? Tell him to keep you updated. I hope her father will not kill the guy or something.

Really

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:43pm.

I know can you believe it because I can't this has gotten way out of hand, this is turning into a train wreck that won't stop.

My friend happens to be dating the cousin of my ex-girlfriend and found out because he was with her when they got a call saying the father is beating the hell out of the ex-fiancee.

Oh wow!!!!!

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:52pm.

So you really have the inside scoop. Geezzz this is really turning into a nightmare!! But is the guy ok?? I mean poor guy!!! But at least the energy is no longer focus on you (I know it sounds a bit selfish) but since you had nothing to do with it, it was not fair.

Wow I am speechless right now with everything that is going on!!

I feel

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 10:00pm.

I actually feel bad for the guy but at the same time I am glad it was not me. Still waiting for my friend to tell me what is going on.

Control

Submitted by

Tina (16 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 9:56pm.

In these situations things get out of control very quickly because no one is thinking about tomorrow. Like her parents are just mad now because they are just hearing about this, and it always makes a parent mad when their child is hurting...there needs to be someone who has their head screwed on the right way there to witness it and to try and calm everyone down. At the end of the day they need to realise that it was better that this all came out into the open now, and not after they were married, and or had children...that makes it all so much harder.

Yes

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 10:06pm.

Nobody is thinking clearly and it has gotten out of hand, and I feel really bad now not only has my ex-girlfriend is hurting and humiliated and now the guy is really getting hurt physical.

You are right!

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 10:04pm.

That is exactly what is going on, people are just thinking about right now. They should just calm down and sleep on it to make mature and smart decisions.

But at least it is not Jennifer's problem anymore. She did her part by being honest the rest is up to the family.

Yep

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 10:09pm.

I just got another email from my friend and he has told me the police were called in and they arrested the father and the guy was sent to the hospital. My friend girlfriend is going to the police station and my friend is going to the hospital to see if the guy is fine. But he told me he will called me as soon he knows what is going on.

NOOOOO

Submitted by

tbamc (112 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 10:12pm.

ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME??? To say this got out of hand is a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT!!

I honestly hope the guy will be ok and it is nothing serious!

No joke

Submitted by

Jennifer (153 posts)

on October 9, 2008 - 10:14pm.

This has gotten way out of control.

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