Straight Sistahs. Are they really?

www.myspace.com/lunakiss7

Their silence probably represent the down-low culture. Straight in the streets but no so in the sheets. Your encounterment are with bi curious or lesbian curious womyn who are on the down low about their sexuality. 

Sidenote: Don't let your friend who wants to sleep with you use you for her own sexual demise . Unless you like her more than that. 

"or is there a possibility that there's more flexibility there that they won't admit to except in secret? "

 I think you are hitting the nail on the head here.  And unfortunately, this has a lot to do with religion and the traditional views of the church on homosexuality.  It's sad, it hurts so many people

Not downing religion, but sometimes its a real c*ntblocker

In my experience all of the black women I know,except one, have been very supportive. I guess I've been lucky. They are not afraid to have conversations with me about my relationships, they all read the erotic novel that my girlfriend  wrote and said maybe it was something they'd like to try. I'm talking about women on the job and from my church. One black woman tried to out me to the clients at my job (I was working in child care) the other black women as well as white confronted her on my behalf. My boss basically made it clear to her that she might want to find other employment and she quit. I think I've been blessed to just have loving people in my life, because I've met some very open minded women, who I know for a fact were not quite so open minded prior to meeting me. They even go out to the club with me and have a great time. No question in my mind that they're straight, they just understand that we are all human and are now able to see beauty in everyone.

I think this is true in all cultures not just the black community. In my experience, the reactions I receive are curiosity, indifference, or disgust. Even the women who are straight and claim to have no affinity for the same sex are inquisitive. I get lots of questions and sometimes strange looks but for the most part the reactions don't very that much. In my family, it was a big deal because they're all religified but they've lightened up over the years. My cousin even agreed to go to Atlanta pride with me but my other cousin was getting married so we had to scrap that.

I think it may be a part of the whole religious upbringing and the fact that you don't really see lesbian women of color in the mainstream media. Believe or not, about ten years ago, I had one woman tell me that she didn't know there were black lesbians. Also, I had one woman tell me that being black and a woman was hard enough and she couldn't understand why I would choose to be gay. I discovered later that her comments reflected her feelings towards me that she still, 2 years later, hasn't come to terms with. We were together briefly before she went back to her boyfriend and tried to live the traditional life. By her own admission, church and family keep her from being with me even though she's in love with me.

I feel sorry for her and women like her who sacrifice their happiness for tradition.

People who are straight but supportive or at least accepting of same sex relationships have their own closets to come out of.  I think the really homophobic people just happen to be very vocal in a society that is gradually becoming more accepting of homosexuality.  It's not easy for anyone to come out of the closet on anything when it is potentially confrontational.

Growing up I saw many different types of acceptance and homophobia from other Black women.  One of my granduncles was gay and very close to my grandmother and aunt.  This in turn influenced my aunt, who is heterosexual, in a positive way towards gay and lesbian people in general.  When my aunt first went into the military back in late 1950's.  To be Black, female and an officer was extremely rare.  Also at that time the majority of women in the military were gay, even if closeted.  So if you were a woman in the military and heterosexual, you were the minority.  This of course changed over time, but I think it had a profound influence on my aunt.  The women she was interacting with in a work situation were mainly lesbians and she needed the comradery of other women in such a male and White dominated service. 

She became very close to one lesbian couple in particular, and when my brother and I were kids she purposely had us spend time with them when we came to visit her during the summers.  Nobody came out and said, "I'm a lesbian.", but the subtle message was there.  Being a lesbian was just another way of life.  I think my brother was too young to understand, but I kind of got the idea.  This was back in the 1970's.  Whenever anyone referred the this couple, their names were always put together as one word.  My aunt used to joke that one inhaled and the other exhaled.

For all the straight women in my family only one was really homophobic, but even she eventually changed her attitude over time.  When the whole "Don't Ask. Don't Tell." question was first being posed, there was a commission set up to study how it could be handled in the military and how the general public felt about it.  This was in the early 1990's. I joined a letter writing campaign and got a handful of heterosexual and former military officers and noncoms to write letters to their senators, congresspeople and the commission charged with handling the whole thing.  There was only one Black woman that was hesitant about writing a letter in support of allowing people to openly serve in the military, but she went through with it in spite of her concerns.  All the military people were very clear that they had worked with lesbian and gay women and men during their service, and it was no big deal to them.  They thought Colin Powell was doing a whole lot of stupid posturing.  Military cohesion comes from the top down, not the bottom up.

Anyway I think the degree to which heterosexual Black women are willing to express support or acceptance for same sex relationships depends on what they've been exposed to, who they are as individuals and the general climate of acceptance/homophobia in their particular community.

Lit'rally. lol.

ok like i see where you're coming from adn there's a whole plethora of theories that go along with that. i don't feel like reading throgh the responses so i'm gonna outline mine anyway:

- they're just as DL as the black male community. 

- they're no more curious than women of other races..and in your case with the flirting and stuff, it may be an experimental situation..you know, how a girl finds out you're gay and either hits on you or expects you to hit on her, even though she may NOt be interested..they just like that attention.

- also. the thing about them sayin 'ugh' to gay men but keeping quiet or even justifying gay women..well they may not think homosexuality is gross in general, but if they hear about DL men and the alarming rate at which they are, they may feel like they've slept with a man who's slept with other men, which would bring about the disgust factor. She may know her hairdresser is a gay man (stereotype for your ass, lol) and not give a damn because he's obviously gay. But for the men who are more masculine and aren't readily identifiable as gay, and who may be bisexual or on the DL, it's a harsh realization to be a woman who loves men only to hear 'oh x amount of black men are living on the DL and still have sex with women' or whatever. So. Yeah. That, and our view of what a MAN is supposed to embody is so antiquated, and doesn't account for being poked in the booty by another man, or being possibly submissive to another man, so that could have something to do with it. Women..we are the fairer sex, we are fickle and whateaver (not my view at all, but a 'man vs. women' old school view observed of aunts and uncles), and we're more objective..perhaps we see where a man isn't doing what a man is 'supposed to do' but we know women are capable of doing (not in a 'buy me shit!' way, but more of a 'support what i do' way) and are seeing the benefits of why a woman could be with another woman. 

And yes there are a LOT of women on the 'dudes ain't shit these days' mindset so that has a lot to do with some women making the switch, and other women understanding why they would.

Again, the 'how men act vs how women act' part doesn't reflect my opinions, it's an observation. And besides. We ALL know how close-minded we can be. Don't act like you don't know someone who totally thinks like that, lol

I got a dick like a mule...with a big dick.

Some "heterosexual" women have told me that it was their fantasy to be with another woman and how they applaud me for being an openly lesbian woman. But none of them ever went past that. All I recieved was silence like it was going to be nothing than just a mere thought and should never be discussed again. I believe in Laurinda D. Brown books she puts these issues clearly and how the presumingly "heterosexual" women are not open because of what people might think of them and how they go about singing in the choir and putting up a front. Yes indeed African American women are gay but there are these horrible stereotypes out there that do cause people to stray.

There is a new documentary coming out about Womyn and every aspect of it from Down Low Sistahs or openly lesbian/bisexual women. I hope after watching it people will start talking about stuff instead of keeping things quiet. 

I can't seem to keep my Damn hands out the Cookie Jar

But i looked it up on Youtube and it is very interesting I believe the woman behind it is Tionne I am not sure I spelled that right. But it has interviews with Cheryl Clarke and other older African American lesbians and they talk about this very issue and the disrespect that our generation has for them when they tell us about such issues as this.

(Sorry about the lack of information i will follow up on this when I find the exact name)

I can't seem to keep my Damn hands out the Cookie Jar

It is awesome if you havent seen it I would most definitely recommend it  

I can't seem to keep my Damn hands out the Cookie Jar

The women that I've encountered when talking about lesbianism are a mixed bag. Some say they would try it or have thought about it, while other have that, "Eww, disgusting" attitude - and those seem to be the closeted ones who'll probably try it if the right woman approaches.

Personally, I don't believe a woman when she says she's never even thought about it. I'm not saying she's a closet lesbian or even bisexual, but any woman that says she's never thought about being with another woman is lying. Everyone's thought about it at least once.

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.