A hurtful thing I was once told.. "Bisexuals are just perverts."

There are many people who think it's fine to be gay or straight. But not to be bi.

Sadly there are quite a few gay/lesbian people who tend to think like that, as well as a lot of straight people.

One of the problems is with the word "bisexual" itself. It instantly makes them think of what you must do, or what they think you must do, sexually.

In other words when they hear the word bisexual they instantly start thinking about over-sexed, irresponsible, faithless types running around having wild promiscuous sex all over the place with multiple partners of whatever sex.

Try telling people you're biemotional, or biamorous, instead. They will probably be unfamiliar with those words, so with any luck they will ask you what you're talking about and might actually engage their brains for a moment and start thinking about what it actually means for a person to be attracted to, and fall in love with, another person regardless and/or irrespective of gender. With any luck it may help them to realize there can be a lot more to being bi than just being bi-sexual.

It is really depressing the fact that a lot of people don't seem to get the fact that it is possible to be attracted or fall for someone's soul, personality, essence .... without being the gender an obstacle, it's that easy, I mean, we're all humans, right? .... I guess one can only hope for the rest of the world to be as open minded as you but that's just wishful thinking.

Another thing, when you say bisexual people immediately think that you want to have sex with anyone, whereas being straight surely doesn't mean you want to have sex with every guy on this Earth and being lesbian doesn't mean you want to have sex with every girl that crosses your way ... it's just ridiculous

My mother has said the same thing.

Both my parents have said they do not think bisexuality exists. 

My mother has been expressing this opinion repeatedly since I mentioned when I was 12 that I maybe wanted to make out with a girl at some point (this was a very bad idea and when I said "maybe make out" I actually meant "would really like to date"). Sometimes I feel like I have spent way too much time and energy thinking about how my sexual orientation fits with what I have been told by my parents.

I do occasionally feel the need to vent about it as well. 

I could go on a rant on theories and historical phenomenon which would explain why Bisexuality in particular seems to get discriminated against and the rant would make my professors proud of me. However- its far too long to type. So i will summarize for everyone.

There is this strange idea that the human experience is dichotomous in nature, that is you are either something or you're not something. ( I'm angry or i'm not angry) When in fact most of human experience and expression is on a continuum. The Kinsey scale is a great example of the continuum of sexuality and sexual expression. What i'm trying to say is, there is no dichotomy of straight people on one side and homosexuality on the other, its more of a continuum or a bell curve.

Bisexuality then is just another place on the continuum of sexuality. Also there is this notion that sexuality is fixed when it really isn't and that scares alot of people. The idea that sexuality is just as fluid as other parts of yourself is a frightening thing to many people because it suddenly makes you ambiguous somehow. And ambiguity is not allowed in our society, look at the length we take to label ourselves and essentially pigeon-hole ourselves into a way of being.

However there are some myths around bisexuality. Bisexuals are really just people who will have sex with anyone.Not true. Thats speaking to erotic behavior and not sexuality, granted erotic behavior is a part of sexuality.. it is not the total of sexuality. But not to get off topic, lesbians and gay men have the same stereotype of being promiscuous so it sort of boggles my mind when a lesbian tells me she won't date a bisexual because the bisexual is most likely promiscuous and will leave her for someone else. The change of one person leaving another person is the same despite their sexual orientation and to say other wise is just feeding into old stereotypes from an era that pathologized all LGBT people.

If you want to read more I would suggest " Education, Research, and Practice in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered Psychology: A Resource Manual" edited by Beverly Greene, Gladys L. Croom 

Being bisexual is such a double-edged sword, simply for the fact that the homophobic will try to play off your attraction to women by saying you still sleep with men so you must either be confused or going through some sort of phase.  Likewise, there are some lesbians who won't take you seriously, or hold some sort of bias against you.  And then there's your idiot relative who has no idea what the emotional aspects are of being bisexual, and just spurts out stereotypes to hide misunderstanding.  We are definitely still fighting traditionalist ideals that have been hammered into our brains about sexuality, but what's most important is you figuring yourself out, and not anyone else trying to do it for you.  Like the above concept of dichotomy, people are always running for black or white and pretending there isn't a gray area.  Gray always confuses things, the lines in the sand become vague, and I think the positive of bisexuality is that you have learned to accept that life isn't as clear-cut as we are led to believe. 

That being said, I just think it's funny he called you a pervert.  When I picture a pervert I think of a wrinkled old man in a trenchcoat flashing little kids in the park.  Or checking out naked women in fitting rooms.  Ha, well...that also being said, I'm definitely a pervert...but it has nothing to do with bisexuality.

P.S. don't call the cops, or MSNBC, I don't really check out women in fitting rooms:)

smithsayswhat.blogspot.com

I'd love to see the day that women can be open with who they are, what they think, feel, desire, and do without a care in the world. I vaguely remember Dr. Drew's old show on MTV ("Loveline") in which he mentioned bisexuality and Bipolar Disorder in the same sentence. Look, there is nothing wrong with dating multiple people or engaging in physical activity with multiple partners. It's all about individual circumstances that make or break whether such actions are responsible or not. The best thing is to be flippant in that you're gonna do what you want to do and not worry what others think. When you stop caring what others think, they'll stop thinking about you and will no longer have the ability to manipulate and intimidate. Men are known for doing this and it's about time women, who are socialized to be "people pleasers" in every phase of life, do the same.

A smart person should realize that sexuality (sexual personality) is fluid and varies from person to person, whereas sexual orientation is very specific and applies to the biological and psychological desire for multifaced relationships (social, emotional/romantic, sexual/physical). Two men can ID as gay and one will be into the monogamous lifestyle and want a partner and "The American Dream" whereas another is fine with NSA dating and sex. Yeah, they're both males oriented toward males, but their sexual choices are so much different. Gay, straight, bi define who our companions will be, but our physical activities are up to us and unless somone supports us or wants to be with us, it's none of their concern.

Another case in point: Angelina Jolie is bisexual and has proven herself to have (at least according to the public) monogamous relationships (albeit the last few have been men, but that's how it goes). Remember how "the community" was aghast when Kristanna Loken had a fling with Michelle Rodriguez and then after that became engaged to a man. These two women seem to be comfortable with their orientation and have maintained relationships with social, romantic, and sexual connotations with men and women. This is how it's possible for men to be into just women for companionship but engage in sex with both. We can have sex with anyone or anything and our orientation dictates who that will be with the majority of the time, but when it's just fornication, all things are possible. Also, it is our business if and when we fornicate.

The problem is with these, as Sarah Warn calls them, "Bisexual Straight Women". They claim they're bi because they play hide the salami with both men and women but have absolutely no romantic/emotional desires for women whatsoever. You know, that's cool, but they are better off identifying as straight as everyone has the right to experiment with their sexuality and keep their romantic/emotional desires sepearate. These "Girls Gone Wild" chicks and porno stars claim to be bi, but I'll bet you a million bucks that almost none of them will ever date or marry a woman. They just desire sex a great deal and within reason, they'll hook up with a man or woman. Besides in XXX and GGW these women are just "gay for pay". These women give bisexuality a bad name.

If people think bisexual is just about bedhopping, that's their problem. If they want to be ignorant, uniformed imbeciles, let them. Know where you stand in life and stand proud. All that matters is that you're the one left standing in the end.

To JJP: I'm sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me so our wounds will heal. God is gracious.

I feel much better after reading all these replies... I really should just tell them and say flat out, "Oh yes-- I'm bisexual. And if that means I'm nothing than a pervert to you, so be it." Curse this cowardliness.. I just don't feel ready yet.. Maybe I'll announce it on Christmas as a wonderful little surprise for my family. "Merry Christmas! Oh by the way, I've been bisexual since I was seven. Just needed to get that out in the air. Presents anyone?" Ah thinking is so much easier than actually doing..

I think it's really interesting too how bisexuality is hard to believe for even the gay/lesbian community. And how some straight people are willing to accept homosexuality, but not bisexuality! They just don't believe it exists, I suppose.. That it's all mere 'confusion'. I wonder if the many out of the blue bisexual claims by celebrities is affecting it, that many believe it's just an 'in' thing to say? (by the way, I'm not saying there aren't any bisexual celebrities out there-- I've just noticed that lately many well known actors/musicians have been claiming it all the sudden.)

By the way, Bomi, I'm very interested to read that. I'm definately going to look for it, thanks for the suggestion! It might be a useful tool to use if my family refuses to believe it.

That so many of us have been hurt by and then had to try and deal with, such shallow comments about bisexuality and homosexuality made by friends, relatives and the general public. There is little, yet some comfort somehow, in knowing that the impact of these type of comments have not affected just one of us. This certainly does not make it any easier to understand, and definitely does not make it acceptable for people to judge, and even worse openly state their judgement. However, it would seem that if a person is anything but appearing to be straight, we will all have to continue hearing harsh and uninformed comments, for a while to come.

I agree with Smith's post saying that bisexuality can be a double edged sword. Somehow, I believe, it is easier for people to accept (whether they like it or not) relationships between either men and women, or people of the same sex. For some reason if you are simply attracted to both, this seems to be even more confusing and can create a great deal of insecurity in people. The truth is, some of us just like "people".

A very dear friend of mine made a comment once that although she was straight and could not understand being gay, she said that "bisexuals are the worst because they just can't make up their mind". I dropped the discussion but was deeply offended and hurt, as she had made up her mind that she was just never going to change her viewpoint, try and understand or ever accept anyone in this "category".

People of all sexualities are perverts, some cheat and some of us are just plain, simple, love people and are monogamous in a relationship whether it be with a man or a woman.

Ms. Gentleman, I sincerely hope that the responses to your posting have eased the pain and helped a little.

Good luck with being true to who you are. This is all that really matters, your real friends and family who love you will accept you as you are. 

I would've come out of the closet a long time ago if I was just gay. I'm afraid that if I come out as bi, no one will take me seriously. It's like bisexuality is percieved as half-assed gaiety. Or people think that bisexuals are just promiscuous.

It doesn't help that so many famous bisexuals shy away from actually calling themselves that. They'll be like (Margaret Cho), "I'm not bi. I'm just slutty."

It's annoying me. Why is bisexuality more shameful than any other orientation?

Whatever. People are just jealous. We're not perverts, we're just greedy!!!

I kid, I kid. If I actually listened to the garbage and nonsense people say about sexual orientation on a daily basis, I'd go crazy. People that make uneducated intolerant comments aren't worth your frustration.

I agree, my mother has said that bisexuals are perverts, they need to chose, they are evil, and they are nasty. It was hurtful more because it came from my mom, this is the reason I have not came out to my parents yet.

- Peace, love, vegan! -

I've never heard of the *pervert* description for bi's before.

The stereotypes just keep on rolling don't they! 

my mom's comment'bout bi is it's just gay's common excuse or backup plan for theirself not to wind up being alone.

when I coming out to her, she consoled herself with it, said at least her daughter hv an alternative, being w/ a guy one day. I was like, errr...that's not what I mean...

I'm bisexual. I know I'm not a pervert. Or greedy. Or promiscuous. End of.

 - My mother made me a homosexual.

- If I send her the wool, will she make me one?

Easier said than done but sometimes you just have to laugh it off make a joke of it 'yeh i want to have my cake and eat it too! jealous?' and just random responses like that. These ignorant people spout their crap about bisexuals simply because they do not understand what it means to be in love with a person. Simply that meaning nothing else matters for example their sex and furthermore i find people say ignorant things for kicks, to get a rise out of you. To watch and see how quick you are to defend yourself and your 'community'. You give them a good enough reaction and they'll continue on their ignorant ways, believing deep down that you too have issues with your own sexuality.

hun, if you allow every random ignorant comment to stake you through the heart, prepare yourself for a lifetime of misery.

i'll be brave here and admit that once upon a time, i believed that i would never involve myself with a bisexual, because they honestly dont know what the hell they want. for a person can be stung one time too many.

what can i say? there were just too many girls around me who proved my theory right.

but, i'm getting to know more bisexuals out there, more of their emotions, behavior and WHY they do what they do, and honestly i can say i'm ashamed of the way i used to think.

so letting that off my chest, i have to repeat to you the fact that most people will think LGBT individuals are perverts, fullstop. we cant sit there and wallow over every hateful insult they fling at us, the brave thing to do is to smile and shrug off. if you open your ears to the hate around you it'll drive you crazy. its good to be deaf sometimes.

really, many of the posters have coverd anything i'd say here soo..

I'd like to thankyou all for your testimony further adding weight to the evidence that people = stoopid.

add another to the count of Bi people who wont sleep with -just- anyone of any gender.

oh and

didnt know being capable of loving individuals of any gender was unacceptable, does this mean i should hate men or discount someone from something because they're male? hmm interesting..

(those who said yes to this rhetorical question, meet my middle finger, its happy to see you)

"weigh each of your words with care, for they will betray "you" and are by which you are weighed."
"Freedom of speech is not an excuse to say anything you want carelessly and then the means to avoid an acco

Last week, when I was visiting her at college, my best friend since I was five years old told me that she "doesn't believe in bisexuality." She was the first person I came out to, and one of the people I was the most comfortable with talking about my sexuality. I haven't felt like talking to her since then.

It makes me sad that people can't just accept someone's sexuality with whatever label they feel is best for them.  

multiple times ive heard people say " bisexuals dont, exist theyre just curious." i couldnt disagree more. i think that the term bisexual has been distorted by people (especially celebs) who are curious and have a one or two time experience with someone of the same sex and then label themselves bisexual.  it makes bisexuality seem unstable and indecisive. but in reality, actual bisexuals couldnt be more stable. so i think that those who say these things about bisexuals just dont know any better because they are eating the lies being fed to them and arent thinking for themselves.