A Recurring Side Effect Of Straight Friends

That sort of thing is so obnoxious.  They are usually folks who don't respect your privacy.

My ex's friends do it all the time and she gets really annoyed not only because of that, but because she identifies (as I do) as bisexual. I could care less about what people say because I know how I feel but she feels the need to correct people. I just find it annoying that they need to mention it because it's not like they (and we!) don't know.  Maybe the straight girls are insecure?  I don't know...

And it's not only straight friends, but gay boys as well (which I don't get why they need to point it out...?).

That's never happened to me. Maybe you have friends with bad manners.

i think it is still the sideshow factor for me. i live in a college town in alabama, and i find that even though it is 2008 i still get the deer and headlight effect when one of my friends out me to some one new. which is alot because about the only thing to in my town is go to the bar. even though there is no gay bar... they demolished the one we had last year.

I want to punch her.  Whenever she thinks some guy might be interested (I'm out in my department, but it's not like the whole university knows it) she has to bloody well open her yap.  I don't know if it's so he'll [hopefully] redirect his attention to her (mmm, me smell wo-man.  Uh? Dis wo-man no good?  Mmm, you look'em good now.)

I mean, really.  I'm so glad my real friends (who happen to be straight) are actually intelligent/sensitive enough to be my friends!

It can be a little obnoxious and if it bothers you a lot, you should let them know, but it's not really a huge deal and it doesn't neccesarily mean that they're rude/homophobic/uncomfortable with your sexuality/ closeted/etc. People, especially in high school, are used to catagorizing things, it's silly but it's what they're used to.

I'm friends with this really lovely girl who, when she first met me, would always tell boys who were talking to us that I was gay. It wasn't that she wanted the attention directed at herself (no problem there, she was a hot Brit with a cute accent in a small New England hick town), she just thought she was doing me a favor. After a while, I patted her on the shoulder and said, "Darling, that's very sweet of you, but I can probably handle it on my own."

PS (love the thought-process, penny)

That sucks a little gato. My friends don't out me often at all, i think they're actually afraid of doing so, they're always thinking...'oooh harriet'll kill me'. Which is not true, i couldn't give a crap who knows tbh. My sisters are the complete opposite though. If there's a pause in the conversation...'Did you know, my sister's a lesbian?'. *eye roll* I'm not bothered who knows, i just don't like the limelight of people looking at me. 

There was one time though that was just hilarious. My younger sister has this new sorta...not boyfriend exactly, more casual...thing going with this really nice guy. She brought him to a family party when no one had met him before. And i bumped into them in the lounge. She called me over and it went something like this:

Sister: Harriet, this is Matt.                                                                              

Me: Hi, nice to meet you.                                                                                

Sister: This is Harriet, my sister...                                                                        

Matt: Oh right, well hi, good to meet you too.                                                

Sister: Yeah, you know, she's the lesbian one i was telling you about...                

Me: You what?! You have got to stop with this!                                                 

Sister: What?                                                                                             

Me: Telling everyone! I'm not bothered, but you can't use me as a conversation piece when you've run out things to say!                                                                 

Sister: Why not? It's interesting, why are you even bothered?                               

Me: Because you make it sound like that's all I am, like i define myself as just 'the lesbian' and sometimes i don't wanna be that, i am just a person too...               

Matt: Yeah, it's cool y'know, I dabble in some man-loving sex myself sometimes.

<Silence>

Sometimes I almost don't mind my sisters outing me. It was a classic, i was laughing constantly for the rest of the evening. Bless him, he was a nervous wreck. She'd thrown him right in at the deep end, family party, all her friends etc. and he was obviously trying to be jokey but it really didn't work that way. Sooooo funny.

http://www.myspace.com/good_souls

o man that was a good one. well i only have one friend who in turn tells everybody she knows that im gay, like most of you i dont really care who knows simply because idk the people shes actually telling. however, here is the hook...shes gay. idk if shes trying to get me out on the market (im not a piece of meat!) or if she doesnt think her friends would know im gay and let me tell you...its pretty obvious haha but i cant wrap my head around it. a problem i have with my straight friends especially the girls is commenting on the guys at the mall while people watching. they think this one guy is hot and hes all emo and im like no not really and they yell at me "shut up you wouldnt know your gay" joking of course but come on!? i can identify when an attractive person male or female walks by its like one of them saying "oh man, maggie gyllenhaal was so hot in that movie" (which i totally agree its a shame she died in batman!) but how can they say that and i cant say "wow that guys six pack is crazy hot" (at the beach thinking i wish my abs looked like that haha)...what the difference?!

So I put up a list of things my friends can use instead of the lesbian/gay one. Just as informative!

The funny one

The one in the Air Force

The small/tiny/little one

The big mouthed, small, North Norwegain, in the Air Force-one

And for wishful thinking I have: The cute/sweet/adorable/sexy/smart/intelligent one Though I guess they still go with gay/lesbian...

 

 

 

________________________

"We're in love. W-we're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers" - Willow

but my Mom's another. She uses it to bond with people. Like, "yeah, my daughter is gay, too." Then she calls me and tells me about the gay connection she has made, like, "Oh, so the woman I work with is a lesbian too. You should talk to her". Or, "my best friend's daughter is a lesbian, so my friend understands". "This guy that I met is great, he has a gay brother". Yada yada yada.

Fortunately, my friends simply refer to us as "the ladies". We hang out with straight couples and gay men, so we are the only "ladies" in the group.

I have one friend who likes to tell everyone no matter where we are - She will just say this is my friend ***** she is gay!.  Ok it is not like I hide it I am proud to stand up and acknowledge who I am but I don't need her telling everyone in the first few minutes of a conversation.  Sometimes I think it makes her feel better or she is just trying to impress people with the fact she has a "gay" friend (like I am so novelty or something).  If anyone has the answer to this dilemma please let me know.

Snowgirl41

"Every person in the world has a purpose for being here—a calling".

I have a couple friends like urs snowgirl. its not at all fun. Theres another girl in y group of friends with the same name so to differ us they'd be like "the gay ******" till i told them to stop it. now they call me lola(my spanish name) So my suggestion is tell them if u don't want them refering to u in that manner

Glad to know I am not alone clumsy fool.....I think since I came out at 40 and not years ago my friends have such a hard time with it and saying it out loud might make them feel better I don't know it is just tuff sometimes.  I have asked them not refer to me that way but they just don't get it.  I told them what I introduce you to my gay friends as the "straight one" and they just laugh.  I just wish they would get over themselves already.  

Snowgirl41

"Every person in the world has a purpose for being here—a calling".

And actually, I think that the more people use the word (and other gay words), the more they will get used to people who are gay. If you're out of the closet, then let the words out too. Regardless of the person's motive for telling someone else that you are a lesbian, your reaction is where the potential problem lies. As long as you know that you are much more than a lesbian, does anything else really matter? Most people like to categorize and classify things and people, slapping as many labels on them as they can. But that doesn't mean you have to let yourself be limited by their boundaries. Accept others for who they are so maybe they will get the hint and accept you as well. Life is way too short to worry about a label.

I will take your advise you are right Life is way to short to worry about labels.  

Snowgirl41

"Every person in the world has a purpose for being here—a calling".

especially if you're the ONLY lesbian friend, then you become the side attraction show or a piece of conversation they restore to when there is nothing to talk about.

 its annoying as hell, hence why the number of my straight friends is declining.