Wow.  I know it's easy to say when you're not in the relationship, but I would leave her asap.  She's going to, or is already, using depression and her friendship issues to try and guilt trip you into staying with her.  The entire situation sounds way too stressful, obsessive and possessive. 

I think the most important thing is to ask yourself if you can see yourself happy with her in another year, or another 5 years. 

Also, she should know how important the festival is to you -- No one should control someone else's life to the point they cannot do something they really want to do (That's not illegal, unhealthy and all that stuff).  She's being selfish along with all of the obsessing -- I'd have kicked her to the curb long ago.

_________

Basically you described an emotionally abusive relationship. The abuse doesn't leave marks but it is abuse, nonetheless.

Sorry that she is paranoid and jealous but nothing you do will ever fix that or completely satisfy her.

It is a very good thing that you are recognizing that this is not a healthy relationship but you cannot fix her or make anything completely right for her...only she can do that by seeking professional help for what must be some very heavy issues.

Whenever anyone uses guilt or fear to control your behavior, it is emotional abuse.

I tried to find a UK lgbt site as a resource for you...but the best I could do was to find a US website that has a pretty good article describing an emotionally abusive relationship so you can read it for yourself...

Emotional Abuse and Teen Dating

Please take care of yourself and do not wait. I am concerned about her actions toward you so be careful to make sure that this does not escalate to violence of some sort.

I agree with Harpy, she needs to learn that she can't force someone to do something, maybe don't break up just tell her, you think it's best you "go on a break" and this will give you a chance to see how you really feel- well the both of you, really.

Hope it all works out.

Right idea mr bond... but wrong pussy!

I'm no expert but i red your post, saw no reply yet and felt would lend a shoulder for a bit. Wthout knowing either of you, i assumed that each has the intention of protecting the other in different ways.Whilst you want to protect her from added stress, your gf feels a need to keep you safe by keeping you close and restricting physical objects which she has objectively found threatening like drink, i am guessing with her depression her own insecurities have added fuel to the fire perhaps?

I dont want to influence you splitting and i think you should try talking to her first. Try to get her to understand that you only have eyes for her but you need to also contact friends. If you both can't compromise, you may find the relationship will not exist on emotional blackmail alone. With no other conection, you might have to let go but try to still be a support to her. Honestly, neither of you sound like your enjoying where you are at the moment and even with depression why would you both want to spend more time scared or fighting? Either way will not be easy but a change is enivtable other wise you wouldn't have written, so try to set some basis first...like no shouting, keep eye contact and wear a helmet. I guess you can either rip the band aid off or pull a piece at a time? 

Love,

You are in an emotionally abusive relationship with a controlling person who insecure. She needs help, and you are too young to need a second mother.

I'm not telling you to stay or go, I think you already know the answer. See a therapist or go to counseling to sort it.

Do not judge, unless you want to be judged...

You are 18?! These are the years, that no one willl look weird when you party like crazy, I was sorta in the same spot when i was 18, 2 years ago. I had a gf who always said after we had an arguement that all the bad things i said meant i didnt love her, that when i didnt text her i had lost interest. she had all these problems, on how she lost her mom, cutting etc. Its people like you and me that are showing too much sympathy, think hard.....do you really love her? Or do you just care for her? those are 2 completely different things. You know you have to get out of this relationship, i bet you are craving to have an exciting life where you can party with your friends. After a year i ended this horrible relationship, its been 4 months now and I feel great. No one should ever make you feel guilty for enjoying yourself or having friends.

do you love her? then give her an ultimatum tell her you are miserable in this sort of a relationship and that things have to change or you really will leave.

Just care for her? Then tell her you can't do this no longer, you do have a life out there that is waiting for you and there are thousands girls out there that can  make you happy as well. Being in a relationship isn't everything, spending all your money on phone credit sucks.

You can offer to be her friend, but for me that wouldn't work I cut off all contact. Tell her parents to keep an eye on her or anything. You can't save people from themselves and you aren't meant to. You can only try and help them.

I have to say that Harpy (and all the others) are correct in what they're saying.  Take it from someone that has been there.  Your experience gave me chilling flashbacks to my previous relationship.  I wasted over seven years on the same roller coaster your riding.  If you want to know how it ended, please feel free to email me.

You cannot be responsible for other people's happiness.  Your girlfriend isn't paranoid - she abusive.  Not allowing you to have privacy on the internet or to be able to hang out with friends is not a sign of love.  It's the first set in controlling you so that she is happy and you become dependent on doing what is needed to keep her that way.

My advise:  Go to the festival, enjoy yourself and re-bond with your friends.  Most of all, have fun doing something you have wanted to do for some time.

Any road is a good road when you don't know where you're going.

I was in this same situation about 14 years ago. I was 24, my gf was 20. She was a very controlling, manipulative, selfish person. An example: she told me I had to take her with me to my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary or I couldn't go. She did not like me hanging out with my friends but refused to go with me when I wanted to hang out with them. She did not like me meeting new people at all. The fact is that it was not that she was scared to lose me she just had no respect for me. We stayed together for 5 years. She was not happy in the relationship and she was surprised to hear that I wasn't either. We remained friends and got back together after a couple of years. I stopped letting her boss me around and she gained respect for me. We have been together for and additional 8 years now and we are very happy. We have the relationship that I have always wanted. One with mutual respect and trust. We go out together and hang out with "our" friends. There are things that she likes to do that I don't so she does them without me. I have things that I like to do that she doesn't so I do them without her and we are both fine with that. I say try to stand up for yourself first, before you break up with her (but, only if you really do love her and want to be with her). You know you are not doing anything wrong when you are going out with your friends. Tell her "I am going out tonight I will talk to you tomorrow." Go to your music festival. I guarentee you will regret it if you don't and tell her you will call her when you get back but you will be too busy to call her while you are there. DO NOT let her guilt you into not going or calling every hour or texting all day. Have fun. If after you try this tactic and she still treats you with no respect, dump her. Everybody deserves to be in a happy relationship. You don't sound like you are. And neither does she. And it sounds to me like she is making it miserable for you both. She has her own issues to work out and no matter how much you give into her and "obey" her, it will not make her happy.  And besides, don't you want a gf that your friends and family like? One that you can take with you to bar -b -q's and family functions? Not a gf that you have to defend every time you see your friends and family. Good luck.

Oh gosh! I beg you to get out of your current relationship!

There are teens with neurotic, controlling, micro-managing, punishing stage mothers who dream of the day they can finally be free of them. But as minors their options are limited. You are a legal adult and don't have to suffer this kind of abuse.

It's very kind and compassionate of you to want to take care of her but you also deserve some happiness of your own, and its hard to see how you can have any without personal freedom.

I don't mean to be cold blooded towards her, but she seems mentally ill. If so she does deserve care and love since she has problems. But I don't think it should be you. Maybe some relative of hers? Maybe some other woman who is older than her and suited to take care of her as a mother might a sick child? I don't think she deserves to be thrown out on the street or anything like that. But at the same time, I simply don't think you should be the one to totally sacrifice your youth and youthful interests and needs and dreams, on someone who has mental problems.

This reminds me of a relationship I was in too. I dated a girl for awhile and we had a great connection. When I switched schools, we tried to make it work, but without being around her, I was able to get a better sense of myself as an independent person and I was changing. She was very jealous when I hung out with other people, and would get unbelievably angry if I didn't call or text one day. I was moving on from her, and she was scared of being without me, instead of just letting us drift apart peacefully. She also had depression problems, and it scared the hell out of me. She was a cutter and was very impulsive when she was upset (drinking, drugging, etc.) I hated this so much, but the best I could do was just tell her how I felt and tried to make her understand I wasn't leaving her as much as I was just.. changing. I still loved her, but didn't want to be in a relationship with her while she was being so manipulative, controlling and just plain difficult. I just wanted her to get over me so I could be done with such an unnecessarily stressful relationship.
I was lucky that she was a strong enough person to eventually get over it and do no harm to herself. and we still talk from time to time, just through occasional e-mails and stuff.

My advice is to definitely definitely DEFINITELY talk to her one on one, no yelling, no getting upset.. Just rational talk and fairly point out why what she's doing is wrong, and be sure to let her know it's hurting you. And where are her friends? Why doesn't she find some better things to do?

You should absolutely go to the music festival! Don't miss out on that, it'll be awesome!
If you think the relationship is worth saving, then work it out. But if it isn't, tell her that you think you'd be happier if you could have some time to figure your own life out and work on your friendships.

Good luck, and I really hope things go well!

she absolutely is too controlling.

Don't walk away form this relationship. Run. Seriously. I've had my fair share of drama, but not quite on this scale. This woman does not own you and cannot tell you what to do.

I understand exactly what it feels like to feel like you're the only friend that someone has, especially when that person is depressed and you are (nearly) their only confidante about that. But ask yourself this: if one of your friends started behaving like this, telling you that you couldn't have any fun unless she's there (which is what this whole thing reads like to me), what would you do? The fact that you guys are (presumably) in a sexual relationship does not mean you should have a higher tolerance for bad behaviour like that.

Now it could well be that your girlfriend doesn't realise that the demands she is making of you are completely unreasonable. Maybe she's grown up in an environment where all she's seen is one partner controlling the other, but that's not an excuse. If you have feelings for her (and I noticed that at no point in your post did you actually say that you loved her, or in fact speak of anything positive the relationship brought to your life whatsoever) then give her a week to sort her shit out. Explain to her that you're not her emotional crutch, you are allowed to have a life outside her watchful gaze, change all your online passwords, and tell her to put up or shut up. Relationships aren't about one-way compromises. You've been putting up with this for 16 months. Now it's time for her to show she cares enough about you to start compromising too, and get her behaviour under control. If she's unwilling to do that, or says she's unable without trying, well, then she's made the decision for you.

I wish you the best of luck. It's a cliche I know, but there are plenty of less-high-maintenance fish in the sea. You sound like you have a great circle of friends. I'd be tempted to stick with that for a while and wait for someone new to appear.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but you don't have a relationship you have a person that owns you and you cower to her every demand.  Nowhere in your post did you mention anything about mutual love and respect all you talk about is demands, punishment, and your feelings of guilt and obligation.

Honey I hate to tell you this but this is not a relationship!  The only person that you owe any responsibility for making happy is yourself.

One thing that concerns me is that you mention early on in your post that you don't want to talk to your friends and family because if you don't take their advise then they will be mad, so I'm a bit curious....have the people that are the closest to you been concerned about what is going on for awhile and you just can't make the break?  Honey if you are coming here to this board and all of us strangers tell you the same advise that your family and friends have been saying and it seems like your gut has been giving you that same advise as well?  I only bring this up because I want to ask the deeper question.....are you afraid?  If so what are you afraid of?

Everyone has given the advise to get out of this thing you are in...and I say the same thing, but I bet you already knew that.  So honey what are you afraid of?  Are you afraid of her?  Will she hurt you?  If so you need to tell the people closest to you!!  Or are you afraid that she will hurt herself and that is the fear that binds you to this completely unhealthy aliance that you refer to as a relationship?  If it is the latter then you need to know that you cannot fix her, you are not responsible for her!  She is the only one that can fix herself.

My best and honest advise is to get out of this thing you call a relationship and open up to your friends and family, I bet they love you and want to support and help you.