I sort of know what you're going through..In a way I guess..I had a mix of a very open and a very close minded family..,My mother was cool with whom ever you love, but my father was not..I felt the need to be perfect, to be the girl with the boyfriend..So I decided to date my one and only really offical boyfriend..It was more of a 'see I'm really straight' sort of move..But then when it came down to finally getting away from the clutches of my bio-dad I realized I really wasnt' attracted to guys, and not that I'm encouraging it, but I did end up fooling around with my best friend at the time..All in all, if you want to see what these feelings really are about I'd suggest ending it with your current boyfriend..It hurts to be cheated on, trust me I know..But you're still young, you have time to figure it all out..And if you thinkn you're boyfriend is the way to go as of now, stick with him..But if you want to explore your sexuality more, have a girlfriend perhaps, do it after things are ended with your boyfriend..And if he's understanding, explain why you think it's best to go your seperate ways..Even if it's only for a short while, at least you'll find out who you really are..Sorry I blabbed, I hope I helped you out..Feel free to Private Message me if you ever need to vent or anything..I'm a good listner [:

Best of luck!

Honestly I wouldn't know how you feel because I have ALWAYS been attracted to women, even when I was 3 I wanted to be Jessica Rabbit's girlfriend. I thought that coming from a very conservative Cuban family would make coming out impossible (they voted republican ever since they freaking got here for god sakes!) but, thank you JEBUS, that wasn't the case when I finally decided to come out to them. I honestly know it isn't the same for everyone’s family, a friend of mine was sent to a "get straight camp" for homosexuals when he told his very right wing WASPy family so I don't want you to do something rash that will get you in trouble, especially if you depend on your parents financially.

As for having a fling, I know some people might think "HEY! That's what college is all about!" but then you have to think about the person you get involved with. It might not be just a "test" for her and you may end up hurting her unintentionally. Plus, I don't feel it's ever cool to try and hook up as a test with anyone. I think that if you have only felt attracted to one woman then that seems to be pretty common. Heck, if it makes you feel any better, when I came out to my mom she told me she had a crush on a few women when she was younger, and this is a woman who is 50 years old and has been happily married with 2 kids for 25 years. Does that make her gay? I don't think so (judging by the huge crush she has on John Stewart). Does that make her bi? Maybe? Did she feel a loss at not having acted on those feelings? Probably not.

I guess the main thing I'm trying to say is this. If you have a boyfriend who you care about, try talking to him about it SERIOUSLY. I know some guys will jump on that and be all, "WOOT, THREESOME." But, if he isn't a douche, then he'll listen. Don't lead him on if you really want to explore these feelings but don't think that just because you think a girl is attractive that you automatically fall into the bisexual category. My bi friends would tell you the same thing. It's very different to like both sexes... sexually than it is to be attracted to men and find a woman or 2 pretty. 

Sorry for ranting. Hope it helps.

-Alejandra 

thank u so so much for the advice. i know what you mean, u cant change the way u feel - no matter who's holding u back.

i see a future with my current boyfriend, thats why im afraid to end things prematurely (although we have been dating for nearly 3 yrs), but i do want to explore "the other side" whether that ranges from simple flirting or a kiss or something more...

i guess when the opportunity is there, i should take it...it's just a matter of finding the right girls and not going for all of the straight ones (which is usually the case, i think).

maybe even hitting up a local gay bar or something? 

thanks!

i guess it's more than just thinking the girls attractive. i mean, it's feelings, thoughts, the "what ifs"

to be honest, can i see myself in a serious relationship with another girl? right now, i think i can

would my friends approve? some. 

would be parents ever approve? absolutely not (believe me)

sad, but true. 

as for my boyfriend, i have mentioned this to him before about how i have these feelings for other girls sometimes and this and that, and he was crushed.  of course he wants whats best for me, but that doesnt involve dumping him and moving on...

i guess i'm making this more confusing then it has to be, but i really appreciate all the advice i'm getting. so thank u! 

I just came out at 21, and it has not been too late! I struggled for years with my sexuality, and I went back and forth between gay, straight, and bi. I grew up in a really conservative town and saw my out friends go through hell in high school. And as a result, I battled myself for years. I too kissed several of my female friends, but I had disgustingly big crushes on them I realize now. First, I came out as bi about a year ago to my closest friends. This still didn't feel quite right, but it was better. However, the relationships I was in with men never satisfied me. After taking some single "me" time without dating anyone (where I discussed my sexuality with me and me alone so I could be completely honest), I came out. It took two weeks, but I think that is unusual and part of my bigger struggle for nearly nine years. I have also never been happier.

That being said, I would suggest looking at how you phrase what you say: "an undenible attraction to the same sex" is a pretty intense feeling. I read that as you are pretty positive you like the same sex. Whether or not that is 100% or falls elsewhere on the scale of straightness I cannot say. Also, "a (very attractive) girl" came into work and you sort of, kind of flirted with her. I have a lot of straight friends who flirt with really attractive girls. Think about what words you used and why.

If you say you are in love with your boyfriend but you feel a need to explore this, then, on some level at least, you are not satisfied with something in the relationship. Don't let him stay in the relationship if you are not. It is kinder. My advice is take some single gal time. Flirt, but do not cross an intimacy line. Have many wonderful conversations with yourself; don't worry about anyone else's opinion. At 21, there is still a ridiculous amount of time to be gay, straight, or bi. And it can suck trying to figure it out, but ultimately, you will be happier going through it and getting to the other side.

It is okay if you are straight and are just figuring it out. My best friend went through the same thing at the same time I did, and she is so so straight! But she needed to deal with herself to figure it out. I wish you good luck.

There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek such problems because you need their gifts - Richard Bach

WOW.....you have plenty of various different views from others who have shared thier experiences.

This is all good....but you need to have your own experience to figure out your feelings towards women.....

Is it just pure attraction.....???

My advice is NO RECRETS......Dont ever be left wondering what might have been.....

Its never too late....and yeah not having a GAYDAR sucks, I'm in the same both I cant tell with some women...specially some of the ones that I have asked out who turned out to be striaght. I never had a bad experience/ rejection from any of them....But most importantly I have no recrets....and I'm not left wondering.....

This can be a scary and confusing time.....and you dont want to hurt the ones you love. But it can be more hurtfull if your not honest with your self and to them on how you really feel.....

Most of the time people know how they feel and what they want...and all they need is someone to agree with them and tell them its OK....So just follow your heart gal (-:

so so much. i've been going back and forth with this for far too long. i'm scared, but in order for me to stay sane, i think taking "me time" is needed.

for now, i think i'm going to wait it out, test the waters. like i said, maybe if i meet a girl i'm attracted to and maybe want to pursue something with (if i play the cards right), i'll pick it up from there. this is something my bf and i def need to talk about again

it seems like you all have had very different experiences with coming out, either gay or bi (either knowing that you always were or slowly finding out). and you're right, joey. i think i just needed someone to tell me this is ok. 

:)

I really relate to everything you wrote. A year ago, I could have written exactly the same thing. I had a boyfriend, we broke up 8 months ago. We were together for 2 years and 7 months, to this day still, I say he is one of the most wonderful, amazing guys that could ever be. I'm 22 and we even talked about how we've met too young but still we could picture us ending up together for good. We even talked about names for our kids. Anyway, all that time I knew I was attracted to girls. I had never kissed a girl though, and I just felt like it was becoming more and more important in my life. Everytime we went out, I ended up talking to a girl or kinda flirting with one. I never cheated on him. I was soooo confused, I loved him so much but I knew I had to figure out what i wanted. I remember thinking that I had to but in a scale and decide, what was more important, my doubts or being with him. For a long time, being with him was more important. One day I just couldn't handle it and I told him. I told him everything, I told him how I had always wondered but how everybody would be crushed. He was crushed when I told him. But I said to him, that in spite of my doubts I chose to be with him and that I loved him and I would never cheat on him. He magically understood everything (again, he is truly amazing) and we stayed together and even joked about it a couple of times. This went on for 2 or 3 more months until one night we went out with 4 girl friends of mine. One of them is gay, another was her girlfriend and the other two are straight. I danced with all of them and we had the best time. That night, he noticed it... He noticed how I preferred to dance with them, he noticed my repressed feelings, he noticed how I couldn't stop looking at one of them, he noticed everything. We broke up the following day. I don't think I've ever cried so much, we both cried. We knew the amazing relationship we had, but we both knew that we couln't go on like that, that I had to figure out what I wanted and he couldn't be with me until I did. It really hurt but the thought that I was finally figuring out what I wanted got me through. I had absolutely no gaydar but it was like being single and available and putting myself out there made a whole difference. 8 months later I can say that I stand behind of my decision still. I'm happy, truly happy. I finally kissed a girl, I've dated a couple of girls, I even fell in love with one. I always thought that you meet the people you're supposed to meet, when you're ready, not sooner, not later. I could definitely date a guy again, but right now it's just not what I want. I even came out to my mom which a year ago seemed truly and utterly impossible.

My advice would be, make a decision. Right now you can have as many doubts as you have, but you can still choose to be with him in spite of them or the doubts could weight more in the scale. I always knew eventually I had to break up with him, and that I would hurt him, but in a way that was inevitable. When the time comes you will meet a girl, but it will be when the time is right. My advice could be completely wrong but I just wanted to share my experience because I really related to what you wrote.

The best of luck!!! It's hard, but you have options... never forget that!

Hugs!

thank u so much for sharing your story. it makes me feel so good that there are other girls out there going through this same thing. it's tough and confusing, but to know u can relate and have support (from complete strangers at the very least) is such an amazing thing :)

i know i have options, and when the time comes -- like u said -- i think i'll be ready.

you're ex bf sounds like an amazing guy for realizing and listening to u the way he did...and u seem like an amazing person for staying true to yourself.

thank u!