I somewhat understand where you're coming from. Homophobia is sickening to deal with. As bad as it sounds I've learned to distance myself from it and not take it personally. Granted thats incredibly difficult but the underlyning message I get from homophobia or any irrational hatred is clearly ignorance and unintelligence. When it comes down to it people who are homophpbic to me aren't worth my time or thought. There are enough people in the world where I can find better ones to overshine the bad ones. Also...I tend to think that they're beneath me if they're that insecure with themselves and filled with hate, though I take issue with my own mentality of people being beneath me because I'd like to think were all human and the same on some level but there's no need for that animosity and not to sound like a hippie but its not worth being around people like that. I understand why you would be annoyed at some straight people, but try not to generalize, some make up for the other ones who are lacking. Good for you wanting to be out and make it known but at the same time its difficult because on some level you're always going to have to reaffirm your coming out constantly, which is written about by a bunch of gay theorists on sexuality. Overall I wouldn't say that I'm angry...I think some people take a lot for granted and I remain very cynical about a lot of things but hopeful that the future will be better and riddled with less ignorance and more progressivism.

I think that it is a great thing if you can use that anger to give you the strength to come out.  If you can turn it around to something positive more power to you, but don't hold on to it.  You may find that when you come out, those same people who made those awful comments did so like you said out of ignorance.  They may feel very different when they discover someone they know is gay.

 

I found that some of the people who said the most hateful things around me before I came out to them, were some of the most kind when they found out I was gay.  They wanted to know more, and they were very apologetic for previous comments when I explained how much they hurt.  Being black in a mostly white neighborhood, I've always had to educate friends about  what is appropriate to say around me.  They asked lots of questions about black people because they did not know.  And although it became frustrating at least they had the desire to learn.  I think that experience prepared me for the ignorance about homosexuality, and the job I had ahead of me. 

We can't just expect them to understand.  Just like I knew all about white people because that's what the media fed me on a dialy basis, but not much about minorities.  I know all about straight people be cause that's the norm.  People used to get so offended by that saying, "it's a black thing you wouldn't understand".  But it was so true, how can you understand unless you've lived it, or taken some time to learn about it.  Well Sweetie "it's a gay thing you wouldn't understand".  We know they haven't lived it, and I'm positive most haven't taken the time to learn about it.  It is our duty to educate in the most positive way possible,  the only way to get great results. 

 

I think that the only time anger is a good tool is when we use it to our benefit.  Take it girl, as a strength pill.  And once you've gain the power from it,  be prepared for what may turn out to be some very different reactions than you were expecting.  And those who act exactly the way you expected, well they don't matter because now that you have that strength to protect you.

God Bless you sweetie!

 

Hey PrideandJoy. As others have said, if you turn your anger into energy it can be great, but if you're not putting that energy into something positive you may end up very bitter.

As sexyseed said, you will probably find that when you come out, the people who previously made ignorant comments will stop because, through you, they will learn more about homosexuality and ultimately be less ignorant on the topic. When I came out a lot of the people who had previously said flippant, stupid things were actually very supportive once they understood me, and are lifelong friends of mine. A lot of people don't actually know any (out) gay people and they don't understand anything about being gay. When you give them a chance to understand you, you may be very surprised by the outcome.

Good luck!

 

It seems to me that your anger lets you make the same mistake as many straight people: you generalize. Yes, there is too much homophobia and yes, there is too much ignorance. But, not every straight person is like that and not every straight person deserves your anger.

Honestly, I have met a couple of gay people who acted just like that and you know what: I ignored them, not because of their sexual orientation (which is of no interest to me) but because of their attitude and behaviour. I don´t want to get anything shoved into my face and I mean that in a bigger sense than just sexuality.

I think you should try to learn to control your anger, anger has never lead to anything good. I think that being "a good example" by simply being a positive person who is happy about who and what she is would be much more helpful. And again, I am not only refering to sexual orientation.

I  have a bit of a different take. I think most of these bigots have never had the chance to really know a gay person, or if they do, they don't know the person is gay because of their attitude. You have an opportunity to show them that lesbians don't have 3 heads, aren't perverts, and in fact, are more classy and graceful than they are. This works especially well with religious people when you ask what part of the bible advocates calling gay people names or beating them up. This acquaintence said she didn't want me to come to this lunch because she was christian and I innocently told her I was unfamiliar with the part of the bible that said she shouldn't share a meal with me. She felt so bad she called her priest LOL. I think it's always better to "win" with grace and intelligence than to stoop to their level or let it change how you feel about yourself,who you are. It's not all heterosexuals-- many are supportive in advocating for us, it's just the bigots are usually louder.

i was recently in israel and i have friends there who live on a kibutz (generally lefty place) and they're all cool with me being gay. However some people from cities came to visit and apparently if you're not gay in israel you're a homophobe (obviously generalising and not my words at all). anyway i found it annoying as these people would make homophobic comments all night and my friends who knew would purposefully ignore me as they didn't want to take sides! (i know takes sides, whatever....) anyway i got to a computer and got to  chat to my friends from afterellen and other gay friends of mine back home and it just made me feel so much better.

and this is my point. Hey, there's fuckloads of homophobia in the world, hey, we can't currently stop all of it, and guess what, we have an amazing community that is one of the most inclusive communities in the world! i love the gay community and afterellen and everyone related so much cos when people in my school are homophobic and when my friends even make homophobic comments i don't get angry cos i know i have an amazing community that accepts me and anyone that is different for who they are.

(i'm probs gonna sound like a hippy now but..) we really do need to have love for everyone. we can still try to change someones mind but getting angry never helped anyone!

actually to quote a hebrew song that i love but i'll translate: 

You and I will change the world,
You and I, then all will follow.
Others have said before, but that doesn't matter.
You and I will change the world.

You and I will start at the beginning
It will be difficult.
But that doesn't matter. It's not so bad.
Others have said before, but that doesn't matter.
You and I will change the world.

probably a bad translation but what can you do! it's a great song!

                                     

 

 

I try not to let it affect my relationships with other people, gay or straight. Moving to the South seems to have magnified my anger; however, I have found that if I am a good, loving, hardworking person, it makes it hard for bigoted people to hate me. And in fact, I usually wait to come out till they make it clear they already like me. Then it kind of throws their own hypocrisy in their face. Most bigoted people I knew simply weren't aware that they knew gay people. A lot (not all) seemed to come around once they realized that the person they liked before they knew they were gay, is still the same person now. (Does that make sense?)

I can feel your emotions through your writing....your anger is so palatable.  I'm not saying it isn't justified or wrong by any means.  Hell we have all felt it and we have all been on the bad side of the homophobic crap....so I understand.  But I agree with Pirate anger is born from fear and pain.  You might want so spend some time looking for where all of that intensity is building from within you and look to balance some of that out.

Yes the homophobic crap is there and yes we all deal with it in different ways....the trick is how to not allow that crap to dominate your life and cause dramatic ups and downs that control you.

I have amazing wonderful friends and family in my life that are not homophobic in any way and are open to point out and talk about the great things in the world that happen in support of gay rights or anything gay supportive.  I make it a point to interact (such as volunteer) with gay causes that move me personally so I know that I am helping other people's lives in gay supportive ways....it is amazing how when I help someone else I think I get more out of it than I think they do.  I celebrate positive change!  I feel it is really important to make a statement when something good happens in the world to mark that moment in time with a small celebration so we don't forget that good things do indeed happen....and quite honestly the celebrations are just damn good fun.  We have done simple stupid things like bake cupcakes for when spain allowed gay marriages....and we are planning a monster big bash of a party for when Bush leaves the white house (hahaha) but we try to make things fun and make it a point to look for the good things.

Trust me if all you did was focus on the bad homophobic statements and comments and the abuse then indeed we would all spend every night holed up in our houses/apt and watching old movies having long crys.  The decision is do you want to live your life that way?  Frankly my answer is NO!!  I will NOT allow the depression and anger to win, I will vow to look for ways to allow for my internal light to come shining through so I can be happy.  To do that it isn't about focusing on the homophobes....it is about focusing on what I can do to make myself as happy and balanced as possible given the world that I live in.

Thank you so much to all that replied and gave their advice and love! I could just cry...but i won't lol. All of these words are like little golden nuggets to me. Thank you!