My take on Religion

I'm from Jamaica which is a country where many people have died for being homosexual. This is also a country where nothing is open on a Sunday because everyone is supposed to go to church. You want some bread on a Sunday? Forget about it. Anyway, I moved to the U.S. almost 5 years ago and I came out to my mother this January and a couple of weeks later after arguing endlessly about it she told me I was going to hell in the middle of a church service. I realized at that point she was never going to change her opinion about me or about anybody else like me. I cried silently beside her for the rest of the service. I have never felt so vulnerable in a place where I thought I would be the most safe. I haven't been to church since to say the least.

 I thought about changing religions but it doesn't sit with me well that I can change my religion to my liking. I do still believe in God and I've been much more open to other beliefs since my detachment of the christian faith because I realized that, just like everything else in life, there are a lot of gray areas.

When I think about the bible I think, "God did not write this." So how can I believe words according to man? And even if those words are God's words, there can be so many interpretations for any given verse, how am I to decide which one is right? And if I can't decide, who can I trust to believe? I made the decision to steer away from those beliefs and try to live life the way I think is right. I CANNOT be worried about what is going to happen in a next life and miss out on now. Yes, there might be heaven and hell and all the things that we've HEARD about when we die and when the Lord "saves us"  but there's a slight chance that that there might not be any fanfare at all.  "To everything that has a beginning there must be an end". After having that grated in my mind how can I just accept eternity? To me eternity is something that happens only in fairy tales and we all know that fairy tales are nothing like real life. I know I might be wrong, but if I live my life and be the best person that I can be, without out judging and hurting others in the process, then I should have nothing to worry about.

 If there is the slight chance that nothing happens after we die, would you live your life differently? I can't worry about a life that may not exist. My point is that you should live your life as if it's your last. After all, this is all we know. I'm not an atheist. I'm not saying this to justify my sins. My point is that I was brought up to believe that I was condemned because I wanted to kiss girls instead of boys. Thankfully, I don't believe that anymore, and I'm a better person for it. The bottom line that stands across all religions is that God loves us all unconditionally. When I love someone and I see that they're happy it makes me happy. When I'm happy I don't judge people. I don't want to commit murder. I don't want to steal or break any of the other ten commandments for that matter(Apart from the whole sabbath thing but even Jesus broke THAT one). In fact, I try to spread my happiness. Isn't that what life is all about? We can't all have fame, we can't all be rich, we can't all have everything that we want but we can all love and, in the words of The Beatles, all you need is love, right?

I don't commit to a certain religion because it confines me into a little box. A box defined by MAN to gain power( Do you know how many NEW religions we have now? Where did they come from?!). And after coming out of my stuffy old closet I'm damn sure not going to be stuffed in a box. But then again, maybe love is my religion.