it's just mistaken identity, probably not discrimination. i doubt the bouncer was out to harass her. if so, whatever you decide to do, he won't be in a job at a gay bar for very long if that's his attitude, other people will notice.

i'm sure she was offended and of course she is justified in talking to the management, but it probably was an honest mistake. it happens all the time. what is important is how he reacted after, like, was he crude about it, or did he let it go; did he call security to further harass the woman or anything?

as an illustration of how genders can get confused, i mistake one gender for another fairly regularly, but the other way around. maybe it's wishful thinking but i frequently interpret the combo of cute+skinny+tshirt+jeans+short-gayish-hair as cute queer girl instead of androgynous, cute (gay more often that not, but straight or whatever too) boy. it's just how it reads to me in the millisecond i first look at somebody because that's what i expect to see. that, or i'm not wearing my glasses often enough. far too often i've automatically checked out a cute boyish girl and then realized, "shit, that's a MAN!" fortunately i'm bisexual enough that i'm not horrified by my mistake, but it's still disconcerting.

Gay bars are not exempt from pompous assholes.  It really is not that surprising, it is found everywhere (even in gay bars) that people still carry their own stereotypes and cliques.  I wish we could all just get along, but even in the LGBT community there is tension between each other.  The best we can do is lead by example and be role models.  Be ourselves, accept others, and show that the queer world should be accepting of every single soul represented in the LGBT title!

I agree that it was a case of mistaken identity.  While I can understand that it's frustrating to be mistaken for the wrong sex there are a lot perverts and sickos, gay bashers etc. around who as a female I don't want in a bathroom with me and I'm glad for the security. I can also understand that if this was done in a clearly harrassing and abusive way that I'd feel different about the scenario. I hate discrimination of any kind, but I think sometimes folks can go overboard where it's not ok to make an honest mistake without being crucified for it.

I was carded buying a bottle of tequila the other day. I'm 44, even though I look young, I don't look like jail bait. I laughed and showed my license and told the guy I've been legal to buy alcohol longer than I was underage. Mistaken identity-- me for a kid LOL.

He was probably embarassed and laughed it off to make himself feel better.  Not really the best course of action, but I can understand it.

Personally I think lesbian bars are more bias towards men then gay male bars are bias against women.  I know of a number of lesbian bars/clubs with the 'No men unless accompanied by a woman' rule.  No gay bar I've ever been to has had a 'no women' rule.  I've been to a gay leather bar before and been one of only two or three women in it and we were treated great.  I've seen men at lesbian bars given sour looks by women there -- Many, many times.

In my opinion and experience, gay men are more tolerant of women in their bars than lesbians are with men in a lesbian bar.

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A few weeks ago I had problems getting in to a so-called gay men's strip club that was reallllllllllllly unfriendly to women.  I had to pay twice as much money to get in than the men, I had to sign a waiver verifying that I acknowledged it was an "all gay men's club", give them my drver's license number, acknowledge I wasn't allowed to touch the dancers (but male customers could), and abide by the two drink minimum rule. 

When I asked the, ironically enough, woman at the door if the men had to sign the waiver too, she gave me an attitude filled-"no this is a gay gentlemen's club".

Although once I was inside the dancers and patrons were friendly and I did see a few other women there.

I do have newfound sympathy for men in mainstream culture having to pay extra on "Ladies Nights".  Different prices for different genders seems "wrong" 

Weird. They've never heard of butches before and they work in a gay bar?

Some trans people I know who went to gay bars with their gay friends got shit from security too - they wouldn't let them into the loos that they wanted to go into. Why can't they just assume that people can read the sign and just let you do as you please?

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"The people will feel no better if the stick with which they are being beaten is labelled 'the people's stick'."

"A boss in Heaven is the best excuse for a boss on earth, therefore if God did exist, he would have to be abolished."

-- Mikhail Bakunin

Not sure....that is a new one to me!  I have been clubbing with plenty of decked out, beautiful? girly? lipstick lesbians?  feminine women and haven't heard any such complaints.  Also, on the other extreme very butch and androgynous with no problems.  Maybe in the area she was talking about gay bars are not that common and they don't want to have someone pay a cover and walk into an uncomfortable situation for them?  I did alot of clubbing in Denver and several other places and never witnessed any kind of blatant disrespect. 

where you are lucky if you can find a gay bar hidden between all the redneck bars and the "didn't you marry your sister?" bars.  I have to travel like 200 miles to go out with my friends, who are mostly gay males and my girlfriend.  My friend owns the bar that we go to most of the time.  They welcome anyone...gay, straight,....sideways, whatever. And I've never had any problems getting in or being accepted to the "boy" bars.  But the one time my girlfriend and I decide to go to the "lesbian" bar, minus the boys.....we get denied because we weren't a butch-fem couple.  First off, I didn't know there were guidelines to being a lesbian couple.  I thought the only requirement was that you were both women.  I don't judge people on how they look, or how they identify themselves....to each their own.  But to tell me that because my girlfriend and I both look "straight," we won't be allowed into the bar is ridiculous.  I guess it was a blessing that we didn't get in, because we probably would have turned around and walked out anyway.

i've never had the chance to visit any sort of gay bar or club. mostly because there aren't many close by...well there are 2 that i can readily think of and they are members only (private club type a thing). but from what i've heard, many times over in fact, is that the running assumption is that if you go to a gay/lesbian club, then of course, you are either gay or lesbian. i don't think i'll ever understand why in a place of queerness you would just automatically assume one thing, knowing full well that bisexuals (and whatever a pansexual is) might want to come into a place where there are other queer folk.

talk about not being made to feel welcome!

~~Come With Me If You Want To Live: the forum

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