I'm not sure what happened to the older stickied thread, so here's a new one for those who are seeking advice. Does she like me? Should we become more than friends?
This is the place to ask if you're confused about a friend. :)
I am a sophomore at my high school and although I have told a few friends about my bisexuality, I am not out to everyone. Recently I have begun to notice a specific girl in my group of friends. We aren’t close but we hang out with basically the same people. At first I just thought she was cute, then it turned into an extreme sexual attraction, and now the emotional stuff has started. I first noticed her because of her appearance, but over the past few weeks I found out that not only is she my ideal physically, we also have a lot in common regarding likes/dislikes –so much that it’s scary. She is also very supportive of gay rights. Not long ago the gay-straight alliance at my school organized a “day of silence” – a silent protest against homophobia. She participated, and when all the GSA members went into the grassy area of our campus and sat in a circle at lunchtime she went and sat with them, encouraging others to join her. She wouldn’t leave either, even when other students began to shout and throw food and rocks. Alas, she is straight – at least according to her myspace page. I’m pretty shy around her, for fear of my feelings being discovered. But I want to be her friend – I’m just scared that if I get close, I might fall in love with her! I’ve been through something similar to this with a guy before and it was very painful.
First of all, believe me when I say, I know what you are going through. Things right now may be confusing and frustrating, but things between you and this girl will progress. I'm also a sophomore in high school! Sixteen all the way. So, I know how frustrating it can get when it comes to feelings. Especially when dealing with girls. Okay, i'm sure you don't want to hear this, but she's probably confused as much as you are. You know you're bisexual. She's having second thoughts over her sexuality. Its confusing, I know! And you know she's afraid. Has she actually said to you that she's attracted to you? Because the most important thing you need to do right now, is talk to her. Get to know her even more. Observe her when the both of you talk. LISTEN. You find the most about someone by listening to them. So watch for clues. And well all know, we can't help on who we fall in love with. Just be careful. Just see where life takes you. You never know what might happen, she just might start to have feelings for you.
I used to read so many posts about the "in-love-with-my-best-friend-shes-straight" scenario and also used to think it could never happen to me. It just did.
First off, I am 22 and only very recently over the past year admitted to myself that I am a lesbian. So needless to say I am not out of the closet yet and do not think I ever will be. It is not so much about society and what it might say, but more about my parents and how I could never ever ever Tell them for it will crush them completely. Yes, I am contemplating a secretly gay existence but thats seems fake to me.
Next up, suddenly I have an explosion of feelings and sexuals expressions in me directed towards the one person I would classify my best straight friend ( Who hasn't been there , really ?) I have always supressed them for many years partially because I was never honest with myself to start with and now they have just bubbled over. I am hoping this is a temporary crush (right?) and it will pass (it will right?) and I will not be a miserable bitch around her.
Jealousy - cannot stand it. She tells me she made out with a guy. Why girlfriends have to share such information is beyond me and in this case kills me. I really could not take it when she told me that and it still tears me up.
So I am willing to not act on these feelings for I fail to see anything constructive coming out of it. Yet, I am .. I think the term is lonely, and after a point being in the closet seems like a very difficult heavy dark secret. I also know I shall not come out. Atleast not anytime soon.
If she's straight. You won't come out. And you have jealousy issues with her dating men. Then keep you distance from this friendship. You're just torturing yourself. Since you're not comfortable coming out to your friend, then don't waste your time on a straight girl. Being rejected by a straight girl is far worse than being rejected by lesbian, especially for someone who is very closeted.
My issue is my love for my best friend is it true love? or just friendship love? I ask these questions as I am going through a tough time trying to understand who I am as a person and what I want. Firstly I do not see myself as gay, never have. I have had boyfriends in the past though they didnt last long - were only silly high school boys.
I have had a crush on a guy for 4 years now and I can see myself with him in the future. Though at the moment it isn't the right time for either of us. The way I feel for this guy I believe is deep, I want to share everything with him, I somehow trust him with my whole life and I dont know much about him but my love is letting me care for him so much.
Now my dilemma, for the past 18 months my best friend (female) and I have had intimacy moments with one another. It all started with her reaching out for my hand at a sleepover. I only thought of it as a friend in need of comfort. But this developed into her kissing me on the cheek which i was fine with as i do that with my other close friends when i greet them. Then one sleepover she went for it and kissed me on the lips at this stage i had no idea what i was doing or what it meant so i went along with it. And since then it has developed and has turned into making out and yes it feels good to feel loved but i don't feel fulfilled or completely happy. Something doesn't seem right. I know she is in love with me, she adores me and does anything and everything for me. But in my case i feel i love her but it doesnt seem to be as deep. Its like i only love her on the friendship level. My best friend wants the spend the rest of her life with me, she knows she is gay and understands that i am not gay. So has anyone else experienced the same situation? Should I drop the initimacy with her so i dont lead her on? Because i do not want to lose my best friend. Though my bes friend has told me she will never just see me as her best friend, to her i am her soul mate and life partner.
Any suggestions to what to do or reassurance of people's own experiences, would be much appreciated
So your not gay. And you want to be with someone else. If your best friend was a male, would things be any different? If you have read any of the other thread topics on this site, you would see that there are plenty of confused lesbians out there that can't figure out why their straight best friends made out with them. And am seeking out the answer to what their straight friend's actions or reactions really meant. The bottom line whether your best friend is male or female; if you don't see them that way then you have to set it straight on what happenend physically between the both of you. Although you don't want to lose a best friend, you don't want to lead them on just to keep a best friend either.
i seriously dont think u should lead ur best friend on because u obviously dont have romantic feelings towards her and by leading her on, it just makes u look selfish. Maybe u can talk it out with her and still be friends.....maybe not close friends like before because she has develop strong feelings for u and telling her all ur personal stuff like with ur boyfriend would only make her feel bad. SO yea, hope i can help.
you are leading her on, and encouraging her fantasies and keeping her from finding a true reciprocal relationship with a girl who can love her the way she deserves to be loved. You did say you were her friend, right?
You are using her for the enjoyable intimacy of physical contact. It's nice to be adored and touched. It's fun to make out with someone, but if that someone for you would preferably be a guy, then WTF are you doing? If you want to lose everything you have with her as a friend, keep doing what you're doing, it's selfish fun, but it will come back to haunt you. And it won't be nice.
A very close friend of mine knows that I am bisexual. She is straight. We have been intimate together in the past and I have always just figured she had had too much to drink. She jokes around about making out with me. The other night she cornered me in her closet and started kissing me. What do I make of this? We know everything about each other, talk every day, and I am very attracted to her. I don't think she wants to date me or anything I am just figuring this is experimentation.
A very close friend of mine knows that I am bisexual. She is straight. We have been intimate together in the past and I have always just figured she had had too much to drink. She jokes around about making out with me. The other night she cornered me in her closet and started kissing me. What do I make of this? We know everything about each other, talk every day, and I am very attracted to her. I don't think she wants to date me or anything I am just figuring this is experimentation.
Thanks for any feedback.
Being that she cornered you and kissed you, it kinda sounds like she's curious. You don't have to date her, you can just go with it until whenever you feel like you should stop. Just be careful not to let anything taint the great friendship you have with her.
You identify as straight. Your friend is exploring or questioning her sexual identity. Let her know you feel. Let her know you have love for her, but you are not in love with her. Love for someone is spatial and distance. To be in love with someone is sacred,close and intimate. Also let her know you will support her as she is coming to terms with her sexual identity. However, you both need to spend less time with each other, if she doesn't get it. This means no sleepovers.
If anyone had read my other forum, i had been in love with my best friend and was looking for advice on how to deal with it. Now i no longer feel that way for her.
Anyway the thing is that, recently i've been under a lot of stress: My dad's ill, have exams which "the rest of my life depends on" and other family problems. The stress means i've been v. depressed and i have thought about killing myself, it's like a voice is telling me that no-one would care if i did commit suicide. Right now I can manage to tell myself that my family at least care about me.
My dilemma is that i told this friend-the one i was i in love with- and she flat out ignored it, she acted like she didn't care about me and this seemed to confirm what this voice had been saying to me. So if you've been in a situation like or similar to this, how did you deal with this?
Should i talk to her and deal with her and tell her that it upset me or -since she had done this to another friend of mine- should i tell her where to go? -So to speak.
Just so you know i'm not depressed about being a lesbian.
IS THE NECESSARY ELEMENT OF CHANGE. I had a very wise teacher when I was much younger who taught us this. It has been 20 something years later and I still take it to heart.
FIRST: There is never a good reason to kill yourself. NEVER!!! This too shall pass.
Second: Your Father, I am sorry to hear that he is ill. Take some time to be there for him in whatever capacity you feel comfortable.
Third: The rest of your life does NOT depend on exams. While they may be important to the immediate future, 20 years down the line, I doubt how important they will actually be.
Finally: Your friend, be honest with her. Explain to her how her actions made you feel. A true friend, even if the feelings are not returned, will listen and respect how you feel. On the other hand, you have to do the same. As a friend you need to respect how she feels, even if it's not the way you want.
You said she has done this to another friend of yours? Well, let that be between them. Interfering in the relationship (or friendship) between two other people usually leads to drama. I've seen enough of it to know. ;-)
Cammy- Take heart. You HAVE family and you HAVE friends. That is a lot to have!
I agree with everyone else who said that suicide is not the answer and it never is.
Especially when you are under tremendous stress. Stress does has all sorts of negative effects on the body and the mind...to the point you might think of ways to opt out.
I have been where you are...when I first started my career I was working full time and was just maling my way...and I was also going to college at the same time...and then my father got the news he was sick.
It is also times like these when you find out who your true friends are. I did lose friends who simply could not be bothered with me because wasn't available according to their schedule because I was too busy with my job, school and my family.
BUT I also found out who my true friends were and it bonded us forever because they were people who could show kindness at a time I was in need of some.
So I would say it was up to you if you spoke to your friend or not. If talking to her would only add yet more stress to your life then maybe she is not worth it.
AND I hope you find someone you can talk to in-person about your feelings. Remember that info I found about the lgbt groups in your area...I would bet they would offer help to you even if your depression is not related to your sexuality.
And there are a ton of kind people here where you can post something when you feel the need to vent and you will get a thoughtful and considerate response.
nor is a blog about lesbian relationships the place to deal with this life-threatening situation. Please seek professional care and help.
If you have a voice talking to you in your head, a voice that tells you negative things, you need to seek help. This is treatable, you don't have to live with the voice. You are not a bad person, you just need more help than you can provide on your own, or that anyone here can provide for you.
I am glad you believe being a lesbian is not the cause of your depression, but something surely is, and please please please, seek professional help from a counselor, or therapist or tell your medical doctor. Get off the computer and find a medical person and tell them about your voices and about your thoughts of suicide. This should be your primary concern, not what some stupid straight girl thinks or doesn't think about anything.
first: u told ur friend that u were all depressed? or....
second: don't kill urself that's so not a way to deal with things. i've been depressed n stuff before n it's just don't do it. that's all i can say, and people will care if u do commit suicide. don't even tell urself that ur fam. will miss u.... of course they will duh :). they're ur fam. n u shouldn't have to re-assure urself that they'll miss u. it's a given.
last: the friend u told, m assuming u meant the depressed stuff, well screw her if she doesn't care.... then she's not a true friend. i care n i don't no u so yeah just whatever happens don't kill urself. u have a whole life ahead of u n this is just a minor setback. :D? (going to need botox after that one.)
also.... it might be hard to do but tell ur fam. ur for real depressed cuz they can help or get someone to help u out.
First of all i am so sorry to her about your father i just recently lost my older brother!!! I have had times where i myself have contemplated suicide! At the time of my brothers death i was in a very bad relationship and that person was not there for me during one of the hardest things i have ever had to deal with!! I kicked them out of my house and i started drinking heavily i wasn't until i woke up one morning and realized that i had thrown up in my sleep and thank God i cleep on my stomach or i wouldn't be here!!! I realized that " I am an observer of my life and i have a choice!" which means in any situation i have learned to take a step back and do that observe my life my surrounds the situation at ha hand i then decide what is the appropriate solution to that problem it has really helped me! when your friend ignored your feelings i know it hurt not knowing you makes it hard to give you my opionion and i certainly don't want to down play your feelings, but i find if you lean on someone else regardless of whether you know them or just met it makes things a little easier!! So lean on me i may not know you but i care for you, i care whether your life is going well or not i care if you make it through school and how well you do on your exams, yuo could very well be the one person that i am suppose to meet everything happens for a reason, take this as a chance to connect with someone, someone different than the people in your everyday life, tell me your hopes and dreams tell me your fears! and i in turn will tell you mine and together we can keep our feet planted firmly on the ground!! Please don't hurt yourself you have a new friend who would like to get to know you! you have a frined in me!!!!
Hey, am new to this, so if I post in the wrong place, I'm sorry...! I seem to be having feelings for my friend..but the weird thing is I am straight, married and a mum, she is a lesbian and in a relationship - but (I think) I have developed a crush on her, and cant seem to stop thinking aobut her ?!?!?Recently we had a bit of a fall out and I feel genuinely heart broken. I love her and her partner to bits an would hate to hurt either of them, so I know I cant ever tell her. I really dont know what to do?????
Any advice woudl be appreciated - Even just a reassurance that I am not mad....!
Women are more sexually fluid.friends often become girlfriends and girlfriends often continue to be friendly after the relatioship. it's often hard to draw a line btween frienship and romance and that's fine.i think that's what makes us queer. you're not crazy.
Really, having a crush on someone who seems spectacular and having it be forbidden is pretty darn exciting. You have probably been married and a mum for a while, and sometimes our own lives start to feel a bit humdrum and someone else's seems ever more fascinating and exciting. I wonder if it's really her you have a crush on, or the fantasy of her life, or a life with her?
A lot of times when we have unexamined issues of unease or dissatisfaction in our lives, we go for the most familiar escape - a fling or romance or relationship with someone who is genuinely a decent cool person but really unattainable. I don't doubt that you feel intense attraction and a crush and it feels like all you can do is think about her. But I wonder what else is going on in your life? You seem to be replacing the reality of your current situation with a fantasy of a "better" or more "exciting" one. This is not to say that you may not be a lesbian or bi, you might be, but for you to focus on someone who is already in a stable relationship who does not reciprocate seems a safe cop out.
Examine your own life as it really exists. What makes you happy? What makes you unhappy? If you imagine your own life 10 to 20 years out, what does it look like? And let me say that even lesbian relationships are not perfect, people don't listen or won't talk, or talk too much, or don't care about my/your feelings, or are insensitive, or too precoccupied by work or sport or her family or friends, or won't do chores, or spends too much money, or is too cheap, or is no fun, or wants to go out too much... you get the drill...lesbian relationships aren't fantasy relationships, they're just as real and as both exciting and boring as straight ones, with the added pressure of making them work in a culture that doesn't support us. I am happy to welcome you to the wonderful world of lesbians, just know what you are doing, what you are expecting, and what you may be giving up.
If I sound like I am discouraging you, I am not. I have always and only been a lesbian,so I have few illusions or fantasies about what it means to be a lesbian. I would never be anything but, but that's me. Search your soul and find who you are before entangling yourself in something that you are ambivalent about, long term.
there is this girl at school that I really, really like, she is nice, funny , smart and so cute, she is 5 years older than me. I met her 3 months ago when I started my course.
We have a friend in common who's doing the same course than I do and we sometimes have the same subjects with the girl I like (M.) . We go out together, the three of us, almost every weekend. and we really get along.
She doesnt know I like girls, but I know she does, she was even engaged to a girl but they decided to have a break. On Saturday night, we went out and M. and I were pretty drunk.
Our other friend took care of us on the way home, until we arrived at her house, then M. and I had to walk home (dont really remember that). maybe 30 min later, we had to take different ways so I kissed her goodbye, on the lips and again and again until we were really kissing. At one moment, she stopped hugging me but we were still kissing, I thought she was gonna push me back, but she didnt, she just took my face into her hands. She is so beautiful.
Anyway, when I arrived home, I kinda panicked a lil bit. I dont really know why, maybe because I was wondering how to act on Monday at school or because I don't want her to be mad at me and also because she is already confused about her relationship, I feel like I took advantage of her. I freaked out. and I sent her a text message which was: "hey, I know you are in a complicated relationship so don't worry about us , we were drunk" I know this is the most stupid message I have ever sent but I was still pretty drunk.
I had a crush on her since I have met her, before I even knew she was into girls. and I dont think that this is gonna help me to get over it but now it's done.
If you are wondering if she texted me back, the answer is no but she doesnt have any credit on her mobile.
how should I act tomorrow?.... I am not even sure she remembers it or maybe doesnt mean anything for her. it's so stupid.
Im sorry for the mistakes, english is not my first language.
Ahh...I know all too well what it's like to fall for a friend, especially a "straight" friend. My story is long and complicated, but let's just say we've decided to be just friends. It sucks sometimes because if circumstances were different, I believe we could be together today. Or at least try to make it work. But, it's her lose. I'm a great catch! And, so I'm out there, meeting people. Just taking it one day at a time. Hopefully, the next time I fall in love it will be with a woman who is in love with me also.
"Maria, these walls were not meant to shut out problems.You have to face them.You have to live the life you were born to live"
"The lily means... the lily means 'I dare you to love me'."
i'm talking to my best friend from college online right now, and her boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with her. she's devasted. she loved this guy and had plans to marry him in the future, and he said tonight that he doesn't love her anymore. i'm consoling her of course, playing the best friend role. i had nothing against this guy but he was nothing special and she could do waaaaaaay better than him. (she's smart, SMOKING hot, and funny as hell. this guy was just...bleh).
anyway, in college, we were REALLY close. we slept in each other's dorms nearly every night, sharing a twin mattress while spooning. so gay, i know. we would have the occasional drunken kiss, but that was it. when we talked online, we'd be flirtatious, but it never went anywhere. she swears to this day that's she's 100% straight, but in my heart, i know better. i've recently told her that i'm bisexual (which may or may not be true, but that's a whole different topic). this is the woman that made me realize my attraction to other women. i fell madly in love with her in college. although we've drifted apart somewhat, we still have that close bond when we see each other. i would LOVE to be with her, but that would never happen because she's "not into women". it's been nearly 3 years since i've moved away from the town we lived in together, and for these past years, i still think about her a lot. i do consider her my first love. i knew we never had a chance, but i could never let the thought of an "us" escape my mind. well right when i was getting over her, when i went home on leave (i'm currently in iraq) she got really upset with me that i couldn't make the time to come visit her during my 2 short weeks i had available. we got in a really deep discussion, and during it, she mentioned she had fallen in love with me back in college. she went on to say that she was bitter that we don't hang out as much anymore, but the way she said it, she made it clear that she misses our FRIENDSHIP. this girl is driving me nuts. she's so subtle about the "love" thing and then goes on and on about our friendship. i don't get her.
our relationship goes a lot deeper than what i've typed so far, but i'll stop rambling for your sake.
i can't help but feel like an asshole for not having sympathy about their break up. i just didn't really like the guy. and besides, deep down inside, i want her all to myself. i just wish i was at home right now to get her drunk and take advantage of her. lol not really, but the thought crossed my mind. if only she didn't care about other people's opinions so much...
i really suck at posting shit in the right places, apparently. thanks for all the folks that replied to this post before it moved.
reading all these other stories helped me feel a little better. thanks for not making me feel like a douche.
i highly highly highly doubt anything will ever happen between me and my friend, but hey, a girl can dream. falling for a friend seems to happen more than i thought, and it also appears to be a popular way of realizing you're gay. thanks again, everyone!
"it means vagina wig."
I just moved in with three girls, including someone I've had a huge crush on for a year. Since then, I realized I was in love with her. She's a stunning blonde girl, with blue eyes and an athletic body. She's really smart and funny, in a sarcastic way, which is so cute. We've only been acquaintances before we moved in together but now, we're getting closer, learning to know each other and I think I can say we're on our way to become friends (I don't use that title with just anybody). We're having a great time together but I know she's straight (besides, even if she wasn't, my beauty doesnt even come close to hers, so...). I have no clue what to do because I'm afraid things would become awkward between us and of course, I don't want that. She seems to like me, though, but liking doesn't mean anything. Everytime I tell myself I should just let go, she smiles to me and I lose my train of thoughts. I don't even know wether or not she knows I also like girls, but I don't want to be too obvious about that, because more than just girls, it's her who I dig...
Does anybody has an advice to give me ? I really don't know what to do, it makes me crazy...
I think I'm having a similar problem. It's something like this.
I spent the last academic semester on exchange to a university in Singapore. Given that I chose to do physics modules over here, there werent very many girls around..(and the guys seriously thought I was lost). Anyway, that's where I met this girl, who surprise surprise, lives at the same residence/hostel as me. We hit off right away, and we were pretty close quite quickly. She started telling me things about herself that she said she's never told anyone. And she started telling me how comfortable she is with me.
That's about the time when all the touching started. It was somewhat tentative at first, a pat on the shoulder, that sort of thing. But it very quickly progressed to her rubbing my legs, and similar kind of contact. While I acknowledge that BFFs do touch each other affectionately and things, this girl is the kind of person who hates all things touchy-feely; she actually flinches when people touch her hand or shoulder. What startled me, besides the increase in intimacy, was the look she had in her eyes during the said moments of intimacy. It was really soft, and inviting and um..things.
As for me, well, she's gorgeous. And I am attracted. But I dont know whether to act on it. For all I know, this could all fall within the broad margins of BFF-affection. Or something. Maybe someone could help?
I'd go for it, because I'm not into touchy feely nonsense with someone unless i like them in that way, and I have done so with friends i have liked. If you like her maybe talk to her about gay related things and stuff, If you do decide to go for it then good luck, and if you don't then maybe she will. :-)
Thanks for your advice. Which I didn't exactly follow. But anyways, she told me that she fancies me, and that she's afraid because of the homophobia from her portuguese-chinese family. In any case, we're taking things slow. Thanks again
Man.. my best friend claims to be totally straight ("for now" she says) but she's told me about dreams she's had where we were together and how she's thought about being with me. She's been with a girl in the past, but not for the act of being with a girl. I mean sort of but it was a threesome with her friend and her friend's boyfriend and there was copious amounts of alcohol involved and.. you get the idea..
She calls me her soulmate and talks about running away together and I nod and agree and we make inane plans we know we'll never carry out. I go back and forth between stark realizations that I'm in love with her and deciding that it's not worth the hassle and we'd suck in a relationship anyway. Sometimes she sort of hints that she's [been] on to the fact that my feelings toward her are probably not completely platonic but she also never lets that stop her from initiating more than platonic actions.
She's also with this guy who's she's been dating on and off for the last several years and he's emotionally and sometimes physically controlling and an ass and she just takes it.. and she falls for guys and hangs out with guys.. I'm one of the few ladies she even respects. I can accept that she's straight, I just can't deal with the fact that she entertains the idea of us in the back of her head.
For the most part, it just sucks when I get all jealous over her because it only solidifies what I'm trying to not feel. I don't want to want this woman carnally anymore! I really just want to stop being jealous of every guy that gets to have her and never seem to live up to what she deserves.
how do i stop wanting what I realize will probably never happen but can still see a faint glimmer of hope for?
I'm kinda confused about my best friend. We've been friends for 9 years now, which is a real long time, and I sometimes wish that we can be more than friends. She doesn't know that I'm gay even though she has told me that she thought I was before, but me being my stupid shy self denied it. She is bi, and has this boyfriend that I find to be, I dunno just ugh.
I have gotten the feeling that she likes me by the way we touch, but that could just be the so called BFF affection. Well when she does come over we always sleep in the same bed, and we sometimes hold hands. We used to cuddle more before she got her boyfriend.
I've wanted to tell her so many times that I'm gay and that I may like her, but I don't know how she will react to that. I know the gay part wouldn't bother her because she's bi. But how am I going to break out of my shell to tell her that I do have some feelings for her. Will our friendship become awkward, or more open. I just don't know.
I told my housemate (who I'm in love with - see my story above) that I was bisexual. It came up in a discussion about mariage and she took it well, though she didn't comment on it and moved on. So, now, I'm stuck again. What should I do next ? Does any of you have any idea what should be my next move ? Thanks.
Well you have two routes. One, you tell her. Two, you don't. You can beat around the bush or you can tell her how you feel. Weigh your options. Make a pro and con list about telling and not telling and see all the different angles.
Is her friendship more important to you? Are their outside issues?
I found when I told my best friend that I was in love with her, it went over the way it should have. She wasn't in to me. But you have to gage whether or not you should or shouldn't. I didn't have any other choice because I was dying inside.
Think it over and really analyze it. Otherwise I have no clue. Hope my little tired ramble helps.
I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit
Across the table from you
Wishing I could run.....
Ok, so I have this really good friend who I've known for about..4 years now and for the past 3 years I've been falling more and more in love with her. (that's how it feels anyway). None of my friends know that I am gay, although they always ask if i am. I really want to tell her that I am gay, in fact I think that I'm going to do it this weekend when I see her. I was just wondering if I should tell her how I feel aswell. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend and is not looking to get involved with anything to serious. She's also bisexual so I know that I may be in with a chance.
So yeah, basically should I tell her how I feel or not??
I'm kinda in the same situation as you. I like my friend, she doesn't know I'm gay, she has a boyfriend, and is bi.
You should tell your friend that you are gay, and maybe see how that goes, if she brings up the subject about you liking her, than maybe you can tell her.
A month ago, I met a girl, L, who is a friend of a friend. The three of us were hanging out, shopping, just having fun, when it hit me. She was flirting with me. Blatantly. We were finishing each other's sentences, laughing at each other's jokes, talking like we'd known each other forever. Problem was, she had been seeing M for nearly two years.
That same night we were at our mutual friends house having drinks. I was in the middle of a story when she looked at me, cocked her head, half-smiled and said "I really want to kiss you right now."
As endearing as it was, and as much as I wanted to, too, I told her no. I told her no so many times. Until I started saying yes. Oops.
A few days later she ended things with M (told me it "wasn't just about you, things were ending anyway") and we started seeing each other everyday. After three weeks she called me and told me she just wanted to be friends and she wanted me to be friends with M, too since we were both an important part of her life.
After a few awkward conversations, I realized M is actually a really sweet girl with a great sense of humor. We really get along.
So two nights ago at a party, we'd all had a few drinks and M was all over me. My first thought was that she was just doing it because L was there and was trying to make her jealous, but it doesn't seem like it.
I think I really like her. It could be that we are just vulnerable and needy and feeling like we've both been hurt by L, but I think we have a lot in common.
This all just seems sort of inappropriate. What am I supposed to do?
They are both drama queens who will gladly suck the life out of you if you allow them.
If you were dating a guy and it ended, what would you do if he said he wanted you and his girlfriend to be friends? Nuts, right! First of all, who is L to tell you who to be friends with? And why is she so flaky that she broke up with you after only three weeks? And then immediately got back with her previous girlfriend.
This is all very inappropriate. Just get the hell away from these two!!
You have better ways to spend your time than have it be trampled on by low-lifes.
So..like I said earlier I'm thinking of telling the girl that I like how I feel about her. We were talkin on MSN and I nearly tld her on there but my parents were around and I didn't want to then because I know that I would have ended up crying. So we arranged to go out. Just now we made the final arrangements and we are going shopping, to the cinema and to get a starbucks on Wednesday. I'm just really nervous because I've been trying to put this off for as long as possible.
Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to bring the subject up and just tell her??
Not so much because of her but because you have had these feelings for her for so long.
The fact that she is no longer with her boyfriend and you know she is bisexual...these are good things. The fact that she doesn't know for sure that you are gay...a minor minus.
But instead of focusing on the topic of your feelings for her...I would give yourself a break and approach her a bit differently.
What I would suggest is this...just go about your plans for the day...as friends (do not pressure yourself to confess anything, just enjoy the day with your friend!)...then...
toward the end, when you know everything is wrapping up and you both are headed back home...after you both had fun together and enjoyed each other's company...
ask her if she would be interested in doing something together again soon...but more formal...like a date.
That will pretty much convey that not only are you interested in girls...but you are interested in her in particular.
And it will be so much more exciting for the both of you if you both are mutually interested in each other...to look forward to a date together.
But if she is not interested...for whatever reason...like maybe it is too soon for herself to be dating anyone after just breaking up...then you will not feel so exposed and vulnerable.
My question isn't so much of 'should we become more than friends,' but whether to tell her about my feelings in the first place. My friend is straight to the fullest extent of my knowledge, and normally I would just let these feelings subside and allow myself to move on as I've done before - however, she's leaving in four weeks for another country. Though she'll be back in the States later for university, I may never see her again. Now, my plan initially was to just stuff my feelings for her somewhere and get on with life in the mean-time (I'm leaving for college next month), but my best friend says I should 'get a move on' and just tell her, since she'll be leaving soon anyway.
My question is - is it worth it? Now, the girl I have feelings for is definitely gay friendly (we're mutually friends with the same circle of gay people), and she loved the movie Rent. Buuut is it worth possibly freaking her out (I've never seen her in this situation before, though I think she'd be fine with it)? I really don't see any advantages in telling her except for the whole 'carpe diem' thing, and I'm 99% sure she's not interested in me at all. I mean, we have had some weird chemical moments involving eye-contact, etc. and she seems to seek out my company/conversation (recently, we spent basically an entire day together, alone), but this could be her just subconsciously responding to the attraction on my end. Or her just being the interested, friendly person that she is. Also, she doesn't know I'm gay (though I never said otherwise either - I just don't tend to tell people unless it comes up in conversation...and I think she may have figured it out anyway).
So, since I'm reasonably sure she has no further feelings for me, and most likely nothing will come of it except awkwardness, should I tell her? And is it worth it? I've been in this position before, and I did end up telling this other friend - except that turned into a huge drama where she basically used me for attention (however, I trust my current crush/friend entirely with myself).
"This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world."
Short Stuff, I suggest you only tell this friend that you are gay. I agree with you on what will really happen if you do tell her your feelings for her; I do not think anything will. You say she is heterosexual so i do not think she will like you in that way. Telling her you are gay will help you feel comfortable with telling others and she will possibly become a closer friend especially if she is for lgbt rights.
I think I am in love with my best friend. She is bi, but she has a boyfriend. I don't have a problem with telling her how I feel because I have already done that and I know how she feels about me. She has told me that she likes me, but I'm not sure how much she likes me. I just need some advice on what to do. She has told me that she isn't going to leave her boyfriend to be with me and she says she is in love with her boyfriend. I am not sure what I should do now.
I suggest moving on because you are hurting yourself, emotionally. You are expressing feelings for someone who does not share the same, you are stuck. You may have the possibly of meeting someone who likes you the same way if you move on from liking your best friend. Plus you should let your best friend have her happiness and you have yours with someone else. Would you want another person messing up your relationship if you were with someone you really like/love? You will have a hard time moving on and you will continue thinking of your best friend but just remember an intimate relationship will not occur anytime soon with the best friend. So move on.
Madeinvegas wrote...
[Copied from a duplicate thread]
I am a sophomore at my high school and although I have told a few friends about my bisexuality, I am not out to everyone. Recently I have begun to notice a specific girl in my group of friends. We aren’t close but we hang out with basically the same people. At first I just thought she was cute, then it turned into an extreme sexual attraction, and now the emotional stuff has started. I first noticed her because of her appearance, but over the past few weeks I found out that not only is she my ideal physically, we also have a lot in common regarding likes/dislikes –so much that it’s scary. She is also very supportive of gay rights. Not long ago the gay-straight alliance at my school organized a “day of silence” – a silent protest against homophobia. She participated, and when all the GSA members went into the grassy area of our campus and sat in a circle at lunchtime she went and sat with them, encouraging others to join her. She wouldn’t leave either, even when other students began to shout and throw food and rocks. Alas, she is straight – at least according to her myspace page. I’m pretty shy around her, for fear of my feelings being discovered. But I want to be her friend – I’m just scared that if I get close, I might fall in love with her! I’ve been through something similar to this with a guy before and it was very painful.
Advice?
xoxo
Where to begin?
First of all, believe me when I say, I know what you are going through. Things right now may be confusing and frustrating, but things between you and this girl will progress. I'm also a sophomore in high school! Sixteen all the way. So, I know how frustrating it can get when it comes to feelings. Especially when dealing with girls. Okay, i'm sure you don't want to hear this, but she's probably confused as much as you are. You know you're bisexual. She's having second thoughts over her sexuality. Its confusing, I know! And you know she's afraid. Has she actually said to you that she's attracted to you? Because the most important thing you need to do right now, is talk to her. Get to know her even more. Observe her when the both of you talk. LISTEN. You find the most about someone by listening to them. So watch for clues. And well all know, we can't help on who we fall in love with. Just be careful. Just see where life takes you. You never know what might happen, she just might start to have feelings for you.
We should talk sometime!
Good luck.
Talkelin wrote...
[Copied from a duplicate thread]
I used to read so many posts about the "in-love-with-my-best-friend-shes-straight" scenario and also used to think it could never happen to me. It just did.
First off, I am 22 and only very recently over the past year admitted to myself that I am a lesbian. So needless to say I am not out of the closet yet and do not think I ever will be. It is not so much about society and what it might say, but more about my parents and how I could never ever ever Tell them for it will crush them completely. Yes, I am contemplating a secretly gay existence but thats seems fake to me.
Next up, suddenly I have an explosion of feelings and sexuals expressions in me directed towards the one person I would classify my best straight friend ( Who hasn't been there , really ?) I have always supressed them for many years partially because I was never honest with myself to start with and now they have just bubbled over. I am hoping this is a temporary crush (right?) and it will pass (it will right?) and I will not be a miserable bitch around her.
Jealousy - cannot stand it. She tells me she made out with a guy. Why girlfriends have to share such information is beyond me and in this case kills me. I really could not take it when she told me that and it still tears me up.
So I am willing to not act on these feelings for I fail to see anything constructive coming out of it. Yet, I am .. I think the term is lonely, and after a point being in the closet seems like a very difficult heavy dark secret. I also know I shall not come out. Atleast not anytime soon.
What do you guys think ?
Stay away from the straight girls.
Ditto
lozkim18 wrote...
[Copied from a duplicate thread]
Hi all,
My issue is my love for my best friend is it true love? or just friendship love? I ask these questions as I am going through a tough time trying to understand who I am as a person and what I want. Firstly I do not see myself as gay, never have. I have had boyfriends in the past though they didnt last long - were only silly high school boys.
I have had a crush on a guy for 4 years now and I can see myself with him in the future. Though at the moment it isn't the right time for either of us. The way I feel for this guy I believe is deep, I want to share everything with him, I somehow trust him with my whole life and I dont know much about him but my love is letting me care for him so much.
Now my dilemma, for the past 18 months my best friend (female) and I have had intimacy moments with one another. It all started with her reaching out for my hand at a sleepover. I only thought of it as a friend in need of comfort. But this developed into her kissing me on the cheek which i was fine with as i do that with my other close friends when i greet them. Then one sleepover she went for it and kissed me on the lips at this stage i had no idea what i was doing or what it meant so i went along with it. And since then it has developed and has turned into making out and yes it feels good to feel loved but i don't feel fulfilled or completely happy. Something doesn't seem right. I know she is in love with me, she adores me and does anything and everything for me. But in my case i feel i love her but it doesnt seem to be as deep. Its like i only love her on the friendship level. My best friend wants the spend the rest of her life with me, she knows she is gay and understands that i am not gay. So has anyone else experienced the same situation? Should I drop the initimacy with her so i dont lead her on? Because i do not want to lose my best friend. Though my bes friend has told me she will never just see me as her best friend, to her i am her soul mate and life partner.
Any suggestions to what to do or reassurance of people's own experiences, would be much appreciated
thanks so much
take care
Try removing the lablel from your situation.
i seriously dont think u
Whether you intend to or not
you are leading her on, and encouraging her fantasies and keeping her from finding a true reciprocal relationship with a girl who can love her the way she deserves to be loved. You did say you were her friend, right?
You are using her for the enjoyable intimacy of physical contact. It's nice to be adored and touched. It's fun to make out with someone, but if that someone for you would preferably be a guy, then WTF are you doing? If you want to lose everything you have with her as a friend, keep doing what you're doing, it's selfish fun, but it will come back to haunt you. And it won't be nice.
Me, too!
A very close friend of mine knows that I am bisexual. She is straight. We have been intimate together in the past and I have always just figured she had had too much to drink. She jokes around about making out with me. The other night she cornered me in her closet and started kissing me. What do I make of this? We know everything about each other, talk every day, and I am very attracted to her. I don't think she wants to date me or anything I am just figuring this is experimentation.
Thanks for any feedback.
oh friends...
A very close friend of mine knows that I am bisexual. She is straight. We have been intimate together in the past and I have always just figured she had had too much to drink. She jokes around about making out with me. The other night she cornered me in her closet and started kissing me. What do I make of this? We know everything about each other, talk every day, and I am very attracted to her. I don't think she wants to date me or anything I am just figuring this is experimentation.
Thanks for any feedback.
Being that she cornered you and kissed you, it kinda sounds like she's curious. You don't have to date her, you can just go with it until whenever you feel like you should stop. Just be careful not to let anything taint the great friendship you have with her.
----------------------
'Love is a verb'
Talk to your friend
You identify as straight. Your friend is exploring or questioning her sexual identity. Let her know you feel. Let her know you have love for her, but you are not in love with her. Love for someone is spatial and distance. To be in love with someone is sacred,close and intimate. Also let her know you will support her as she is coming to terms with her sexual identity. However, you both need to spend less time with each other, if she doesn't get it. This means no sleepovers.
Good Luck!
Cammy wrote...
[Copied from a duplicate thread]
If anyone had read my other forum, i had been in love with my best friend and was looking for advice on how to deal with it. Now i no longer feel that way for her.
Anyway the thing is that, recently i've been under a lot of stress: My dad's ill, have exams which "the rest of my life depends on" and other family problems. The stress means i've been v. depressed and i have thought about killing myself, it's like a voice is telling me that no-one would care if i did commit suicide. Right now I can manage to tell myself that my family at least care about me.
My dilemma is that i told this friend-the one i was i in love with- and she flat out ignored it, she acted like she didn't care about me and this seemed to confirm what this voice had been saying to me. So if you've been in a situation like or similar to this, how did you deal with this?
Should i talk to her and deal with her and tell her that it upset me or -since she had done this to another friend of mine- should i tell her where to go? -So to speak.
Just so you know i'm not depressed about being a lesbian.
The kindest and the cruelest part of life...
IS THE NECESSARY ELEMENT OF CHANGE. I had a very wise teacher when I was much younger who taught us this. It has been 20 something years later and I still take it to heart.
FIRST: There is never a good reason to kill yourself. NEVER!!! This too shall pass.
Second: Your Father, I am sorry to hear that he is ill. Take some time to be there for him in whatever capacity you feel comfortable.
Third: The rest of your life does NOT depend on exams. While they may be important to the immediate future, 20 years down the line, I doubt how important they will actually be.
Finally: Your friend, be honest with her. Explain to her how her actions made you feel. A true friend, even if the feelings are not returned, will listen and respect how you feel. On the other hand, you have to do the same. As a friend you need to respect how she feels, even if it's not the way you want.
You said she has done this to another friend of yours? Well, let that be between them. Interfering in the relationship (or friendship) between two other people usually leads to drama. I've seen enough of it to know. ;-)
Cammy- Take heart. You HAVE family and you HAVE friends. That is a lot to have!
To Cammy...
Suicidal ideation in not a joke
nor is a blog about lesbian relationships the place to deal with this life-threatening situation. Please seek professional care and help.
If you have a voice talking to you in your head, a voice that tells you negative things, you need to seek help. This is treatable, you don't have to live with the voice. You are not a bad person, you just need more help than you can provide on your own, or that anyone here can provide for you.
I am glad you believe being a lesbian is not the cause of your depression, but something surely is, and please please please, seek professional help from a counselor, or therapist or tell your medical doctor. Get off the computer and find a medical person and tell them about your voices and about your thoughts of suicide. This should be your primary concern, not what some stupid straight girl thinks or doesn't think about anything.
for serious?
first: u told ur friend that u were all depressed? or....
second: don't kill urself that's so not a way to deal with things. i've been depressed n stuff before n it's just don't do it. that's all i can say, and people will care if u do commit suicide. don't even tell urself that ur fam. will miss u.... of course they will duh :). they're ur fam. n u shouldn't have to re-assure urself that they'll miss u. it's a given.
last: the friend u told, m assuming u meant the depressed stuff, well screw her if she doesn't care.... then she's not a true friend. i care n i don't no u so yeah just whatever happens don't kill urself. u have a whole life ahead of u n this is just a minor setback. :D? (going to need botox after that one.)
also.... it might be hard to do but tell ur fam. ur for real depressed cuz they can help or get someone to help u out.
Lean on me!
Tiffany
First of all i am so sorry to her about your father i just recently lost my older brother!!! I have had times where i myself have contemplated suicide! At the time of my brothers death i was in a very bad relationship and that person was not there for me during one of the hardest things i have ever had to deal with!! I kicked them out of my house and i started drinking heavily i wasn't until i woke up one morning and realized that i had thrown up in my sleep and thank God i cleep on my stomach or i wouldn't be here!!! I realized that " I am an observer of my life and i have a choice!" which means in any situation i have learned to take a step back and do that observe my life my surrounds the situation at ha hand i then decide what is the appropriate solution to that problem it has really helped me! when your friend ignored your feelings i know it hurt not knowing you makes it hard to give you my opionion and i certainly don't want to down play your feelings, but i find if you lean on someone else regardless of whether you know them or just met it makes things a little easier!! So lean on me i may not know you but i care for you, i care whether your life is going well or not i care if you make it through school and how well you do on your exams, yuo could very well be the one person that i am suppose to meet everything happens for a reason, take this as a chance to connect with someone, someone different than the people in your everyday life, tell me your hopes and dreams tell me your fears! and i in turn will tell you mine and together we can keep our feet planted firmly on the ground!! Please don't hurt yourself you have a new friend who would like to get to know you! you have a frined in me!!!!
New and confused...
confused and needing advice!!
Hey, am new to this, so if I post in the wrong place, I'm sorry...! I seem to be having feelings for my friend..but the weird thing is I am straight, married and a mum, she is a lesbian and in a relationship - but (I think) I have developed a crush on her, and cant seem to stop thinking aobut her ?!?!?Recently we had a bit of a fall out and I feel genuinely heart broken. I love her and her partner to bits an would hate to hurt either of them, so I know I cant ever tell her. I really dont know what to do?????
Any advice woudl be appreciated - Even just a reassurance that I am not mad....!
You're not crazy
You just did it
Feel better?
Really, having a crush on someone who seems spectacular and having it be forbidden is pretty darn exciting. You have probably been married and a mum for a while, and sometimes our own lives start to feel a bit humdrum and someone else's seems ever more fascinating and exciting. I wonder if it's really her you have a crush on, or the fantasy of her life, or a life with her?
A lot of times when we have unexamined issues of unease or dissatisfaction in our lives, we go for the most familiar escape - a fling or romance or relationship with someone who is genuinely a decent cool person but really unattainable. I don't doubt that you feel intense attraction and a crush and it feels like all you can do is think about her. But I wonder what else is going on in your life? You seem to be replacing the reality of your current situation with a fantasy of a "better" or more "exciting" one. This is not to say that you may not be a lesbian or bi, you might be, but for you to focus on someone who is already in a stable relationship who does not reciprocate seems a safe cop out.
Examine your own life as it really exists. What makes you happy? What makes you unhappy? If you imagine your own life 10 to 20 years out, what does it look like? And let me say that even lesbian relationships are not perfect, people don't listen or won't talk, or talk too much, or don't care about my/your feelings, or are insensitive, or too precoccupied by work or sport or her family or friends, or won't do chores, or spends too much money, or is too cheap, or is no fun, or wants to go out too much... you get the drill...lesbian relationships aren't fantasy relationships, they're just as real and as both exciting and boring as straight ones, with the added pressure of making them work in a culture that doesn't support us. I am happy to welcome you to the wonderful world of lesbians, just know what you are doing, what you are expecting, and what you may be giving up.
If I sound like I am discouraging you, I am not. I have always and only been a lesbian,so I have few illusions or fantasies about what it means to be a lesbian. I would never be anything but, but that's me. Search your soul and find who you are before entangling yourself in something that you are ambivalent about, long term.
Jukpi wrote...
[Copied from a duplicate thread]
so I am gonna tell you the whole story,
there is this girl at school that I really, really like, she is nice, funny , smart and so cute, she is 5 years older than me. I met her 3 months ago when I started my course.
We have a friend in common who's doing the same course than I do and we sometimes have the same subjects with the girl I like (M.) . We go out together, the three of us, almost every weekend. and we really get along.
She doesnt know I like girls, but I know she does, she was even engaged to a girl but they decided to have a break. On Saturday night, we went out and M. and I were pretty drunk.
Our other friend took care of us on the way home, until we arrived at her house, then M. and I had to walk home (dont really remember that). maybe 30 min later, we had to take different ways so I kissed her goodbye, on the lips and again and again until we were really kissing. At one moment, she stopped hugging me but we were still kissing, I thought she was gonna push me back, but she didnt, she just took my face into her hands. She is so beautiful.
Anyway, when I arrived home, I kinda panicked a lil bit. I dont really know why, maybe because I was wondering how to act on Monday at school or because I don't want her to be mad at me and also because she is already confused about her relationship, I feel like I took advantage of her. I freaked out. and I sent her a text message which was: "hey, I know you are in a complicated relationship so don't worry about us , we were drunk" I know this is the most stupid message I have ever sent but I was still pretty drunk.
I had a crush on her since I have met her, before I even knew she was into girls. and I dont think that this is gonna help me to get over it but now it's done.
If you are wondering if she texted me back, the answer is no but she doesnt have any credit on her mobile.
how should I act tomorrow?.... I am not even sure she remembers it or maybe doesnt mean anything for her. it's so stupid.
Im sorry for the mistakes, english is not my first language.
Falling for a friend...
Ahh...I know all too well what it's like to fall for a friend, especially a "straight" friend. My story is long and complicated, but let's just say we've decided to be just friends. It sucks sometimes because if circumstances were different, I believe we could be together today. Or at least try to make it work. But, it's her lose. I'm a great catch! And, so I'm out there, meeting people. Just taking it one day at a time. Hopefully, the next time I fall in love it will be with a woman who is in love with me also.
"Maria, these walls were not meant to shut out problems.You have to face them.You have to live the life you were born to live"
"The lily means... the lily means 'I dare you to love me'."
brittanym13 wrote...
[Copied from a duplicate thread]
i'm talking to my best friend from college online right now, and her boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with her. she's devasted. she loved this guy and had plans to marry him in the future, and he said tonight that he doesn't love her anymore. i'm consoling her of course, playing the best friend role. i had nothing against this guy but he was nothing special and she could do waaaaaaay better than him. (she's smart, SMOKING hot, and funny as hell. this guy was just...bleh).
anyway, in college, we were REALLY close. we slept in each other's dorms nearly every night, sharing a twin mattress while spooning. so gay, i know. we would have the occasional drunken kiss, but that was it. when we talked online, we'd be flirtatious, but it never went anywhere. she swears to this day that's she's 100% straight, but in my heart, i know better. i've recently told her that i'm bisexual (which may or may not be true, but that's a whole different topic). this is the woman that made me realize my attraction to other women. i fell madly in love with her in college. although we've drifted apart somewhat, we still have that close bond when we see each other. i would LOVE to be with her, but that would never happen because she's "not into women". it's been nearly 3 years since i've moved away from the town we lived in together, and for these past years, i still think about her a lot. i do consider her my first love. i knew we never had a chance, but i could never let the thought of an "us" escape my mind. well right when i was getting over her, when i went home on leave (i'm currently in iraq) she got really upset with me that i couldn't make the time to come visit her during my 2 short weeks i had available. we got in a really deep discussion, and during it, she mentioned she had fallen in love with me back in college. she went on to say that she was bitter that we don't hang out as much anymore, but the way she said it, she made it clear that she misses our FRIENDSHIP. this girl is driving me nuts. she's so subtle about the "love" thing and then goes on and on about our friendship. i don't get her.
our relationship goes a lot deeper than what i've typed so far, but i'll stop rambling for your sake.
i can't help but feel like an asshole for not having sympathy about their break up. i just didn't really like the guy. and besides, deep down inside, i want her all to myself. i just wish i was at home right now to get her drunk and take advantage of her. lol not really, but the thought crossed my mind. if only she didn't care about other people's opinions so much...
damn, my posts are ALWAYS getting moved!
The_french_girl wrote...
[Copied from a duplicate thread]
I just moved in with three girls, including someone I've had a huge crush on for a year. Since then, I realized I was in love with her. She's a stunning blonde girl, with blue eyes and an athletic body. She's really smart and funny, in a sarcastic way, which is so cute. We've only been acquaintances before we moved in together but now, we're getting closer, learning to know each other and I think I can say we're on our way to become friends (I don't use that title with just anybody). We're having a great time together but I know she's straight (besides, even if she wasn't, my beauty doesnt even come close to hers, so...). I have no clue what to do because I'm afraid things would become awkward between us and of course, I don't want that. She seems to like me, though, but liking doesn't mean anything. Everytime I tell myself I should just let go, she smiles to me and I lose my train of thoughts. I don't even know wether or not she knows I also like girls, but I don't want to be too obvious about that, because more than just girls, it's her who I dig...
Does anybody has an advice to give me ? I really don't know what to do, it makes me crazy...
um. help?
I think I'm having a similar problem. It's something like this.
I spent the last academic semester on exchange to a university in Singapore. Given that I chose to do physics modules over here, there werent very many girls around..(and the guys seriously thought I was lost). Anyway, that's where I met this girl, who surprise surprise, lives at the same residence/hostel as me. We hit off right away, and we were pretty close quite quickly. She started telling me things about herself that she said she's never told anyone. And she started telling me how comfortable she is with me.
That's about the time when all the touching started. It was somewhat tentative at first, a pat on the shoulder, that sort of thing. But it very quickly progressed to her rubbing my legs, and similar kind of contact. While I acknowledge that BFFs do touch each other affectionately and things, this girl is the kind of person who hates all things touchy-feely; she actually flinches when people touch her hand or shoulder. What startled me, besides the increase in intimacy, was the look she had in her eyes during the said moments of intimacy. It was really soft, and inviting and um..things.
As for me, well, she's gorgeous. And I am attracted. But I dont know whether to act on it. For all I know, this could all fall within the broad margins of BFF-affection. Or something. Maybe someone could help?
Oh dear, this is quite a long one. Sorry.
If it was me...
Thanks..
Thanks for your advice. Which I didn't exactly follow. But anyways, she told me that she fancies me, and that she's afraid because of the homophobia from her portuguese-chinese family. In any case, we're taking things slow. Thanks again
Problem solved
why don't we do it in the road?
Man.. my best friend claims to be totally straight ("for now" she says) but she's told me about dreams she's had where we were together and how she's thought about being with me. She's been with a girl in the past, but not for the act of being with a girl. I mean sort of but it was a threesome with her friend and her friend's boyfriend and there was copious amounts of alcohol involved and.. you get the idea..
She calls me her soulmate and talks about running away together and I nod and agree and we make inane plans we know we'll never carry out. I go back and forth between stark realizations that I'm in love with her and deciding that it's not worth the hassle and we'd suck in a relationship anyway. Sometimes she sort of hints that she's [been] on to the fact that my feelings toward her are probably not completely platonic but she also never lets that stop her from initiating more than platonic actions.
She's also with this guy who's she's been dating on and off for the last several years and he's emotionally and sometimes physically controlling and an ass and she just takes it.. and she falls for guys and hangs out with guys.. I'm one of the few ladies she even respects. I can accept that she's straight, I just can't deal with the fact that she entertains the idea of us in the back of her head.
For the most part, it just sucks when I get all jealous over her because it only solidifies what I'm trying to not feel. I don't want to want this woman carnally anymore! I really just want to stop being jealous of every guy that gets to have her and never seem to live up to what she deserves.
how do i stop wanting what I realize will probably never happen but can still see a faint glimmer of hope for?
wow...
This sounds eerily like my situation....it really sucks sometimes.
?!?!
I'm kinda confused about my best friend. We've been friends for 9 years now, which is a real long time, and I sometimes wish that we can be more than friends. She doesn't know that I'm gay even though she has told me that she thought I was before, but me being my stupid shy self denied it. She is bi, and has this boyfriend that I find to be, I dunno just ugh.
I have gotten the feeling that she likes me by the way we touch, but that could just be the so called BFF affection. Well when she does come over we always sleep in the same bed, and we sometimes hold hands. We used to cuddle more before she got her boyfriend.
I've wanted to tell her so many times that I'm gay and that I may like her, but I don't know how she will react to that. I know the gay part wouldn't bother her because she's bi. But how am I going to break out of my shell to tell her that I do have some feelings for her. Will our friendship become awkward, or more open. I just don't know.
This is long I know.
Krystal! How bout
Krystal!
How bout coming out first? See how that goes over.
I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit
Across the table from you
Wishing I could run.....
-Cake, and what I live my life by.
yeah
Take your time but don't
Take your time but don't put it off. I understand the shyness but I promise that you'll feel better even if the result isn't what you wanted.
I believe in you.
I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit
Across the table from you
Wishing I could run.....
-Cake, and what I live my life by.
I will
Rock it Krystal! If you
Rock it Krystal! If you want you can talk to me all about it through messaging here or on myspace.
:)
I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit
Across the table from you
Wishing I could run.....
-Cake, and what I live my life by.
Still need advices
I told my housemate (who I'm in love with - see my story above) that I was bisexual. It came up in a discussion about mariage and she took it well, though she didn't comment on it and moved on. So, now, I'm stuck again. What should I do next ? Does any of you have any idea what should be my next move ? Thanks.
Well you have two routes.
Well you have two routes. One, you tell her. Two, you don't. You can beat around the bush or you can tell her how you feel. Weigh your options. Make a pro and con list about telling and not telling and see all the different angles.
Is her friendship more important to you? Are their outside issues?
I found when I told my best friend that I was in love with her, it went over the way it should have. She wasn't in to me. But you have to gage whether or not you should or shouldn't. I didn't have any other choice because I was dying inside.
Think it over and really analyze it. Otherwise I have no clue. Hope my little tired ramble helps.
I don't want to doubt you
Know everything about you
I don't want to sit
Across the table from you
Wishing I could run.....
-Cake, and what I live my life by.
help.....
Ok, so I have this really good friend who I've known for about..4 years now and for the past 3 years I've been falling more and more in love with her. (that's how it feels anyway). None of my friends know that I am gay, although they always ask if i am. I really want to tell her that I am gay, in fact I think that I'm going to do it this weekend when I see her. I was just wondering if I should tell her how I feel aswell. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend and is not looking to get involved with anything to serious. She's also bisexual so I know that I may be in with a chance.
So yeah, basically should I tell her how I feel or not??
I'm kinda in the same
I'm kinda in the same situation as you. I like my friend, she doesn't know I'm gay, she has a boyfriend, and is bi.
You should tell your friend that you are gay, and maybe see how that goes, if she brings up the subject about you liking her, than maybe you can tell her.
mollypocket wrote...
So this is a bit confusing.
A month ago, I met a girl, L, who is a friend of a friend. The three of us were hanging out, shopping, just having fun, when it hit me. She was flirting with me. Blatantly. We were finishing each other's sentences, laughing at each other's jokes, talking like we'd known each other forever. Problem was, she had been seeing M for nearly two years.
That same night we were at our mutual friends house having drinks. I was in the middle of a story when she looked at me, cocked her head, half-smiled and said "I really want to kiss you right now."
As endearing as it was, and as much as I wanted to, too, I told her no. I told her no so many times. Until I started saying yes. Oops.
A few days later she ended things with M (told me it "wasn't just about you, things were ending anyway") and we started seeing each other everyday. After three weeks she called me and told me she just wanted to be friends and she wanted me to be friends with M, too since we were both an important part of her life.
After a few awkward conversations, I realized M is actually a really sweet girl with a great sense of humor. We really get along.
So two nights ago at a party, we'd all had a few drinks and M was all over me. My first thought was that she was just doing it because L was there and was trying to make her jealous, but it doesn't seem like it.
I think I really like her. It could be that we are just vulnerable and needy and feeling like we've both been hurt by L, but I think we have a lot in common.
This all just seems sort of inappropriate. What am I supposed to do?
get away from both of them!
They are both drama queens who will gladly suck the life out of you if you allow them.
If you were dating a guy and it ended, what would you do if he said he wanted you and his girlfriend to be friends? Nuts, right! First of all, who is L to tell you who to be friends with? And why is she so flaky that she broke up with you after only three weeks? And then immediately got back with her previous girlfriend.
This is all very inappropriate. Just get the hell away from these two!!
You have better ways to spend your time than have it be trampled on by low-lifes.
ok..
Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to bring the subject up and just tell her??
Kind of tricky.
Not so much because of her but because you have had these feelings for her for so long.
The fact that she is no longer with her boyfriend and you know she is bisexual...these are good things. The fact that she doesn't know for sure that you are gay...a minor minus.
But instead of focusing on the topic of your feelings for her...I would give yourself a break and approach her a bit differently.
What I would suggest is this...just go about your plans for the day...as friends (do not pressure yourself to confess anything, just enjoy the day with your friend!)...then...
toward the end, when you know everything is wrapping up and you both are headed back home...after you both had fun together and enjoyed each other's company...
ask her if she would be interested in doing something together again soon...but more formal...like a date.
That will pretty much convey that not only are you interested in girls...but you are interested in her in particular.
And it will be so much more exciting for the both of you if you both are mutually interested in each other...to look forward to a date together.
But if she is not interested...for whatever reason...like maybe it is too soon for herself to be dating anyone after just breaking up...then you will not feel so exposed and vulnerable.
Good luck to the both of you! :)
Should I Tell Her?
Hey guys,
My question isn't so much of 'should we become more than friends,' but whether to tell her about my feelings in the first place. My friend is straight to the fullest extent of my knowledge, and normally I would just let these feelings subside and allow myself to move on as I've done before - however, she's leaving in four weeks for another country. Though she'll be back in the States later for university, I may never see her again. Now, my plan initially was to just stuff my feelings for her somewhere and get on with life in the mean-time (I'm leaving for college next month), but my best friend says I should 'get a move on' and just tell her, since she'll be leaving soon anyway.
My question is - is it worth it? Now, the girl I have feelings for is definitely gay friendly (we're mutually friends with the same circle of gay people), and she loved the movie Rent. Buuut is it worth possibly freaking her out (I've never seen her in this situation before, though I think she'd be fine with it)? I really don't see any advantages in telling her except for the whole 'carpe diem' thing, and I'm 99% sure she's not interested in me at all. I mean, we have had some weird chemical moments involving eye-contact, etc. and she seems to seek out my company/conversation (recently, we spent basically an entire day together, alone), but this could be her just subconsciously responding to the attraction on my end. Or her just being the interested, friendly person that she is. Also, she doesn't know I'm gay (though I never said otherwise either - I just don't tend to tell people unless it comes up in conversation...and I think she may have figured it out anyway).
So, since I'm reasonably sure she has no further feelings for me, and most likely nothing will come of it except awkwardness, should I tell her? And is it worth it? I've been in this position before, and I did end up telling this other friend - except that turned into a huge drama where she basically used me for attention (however, I trust my current crush/friend entirely with myself).
"This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world."
RE: Should I tell her?
I need advice.
RE: I need advice..