can't you see that I'm gay as HELL!!!! It's so damn obvious! I don't like to be stereotypical, but I'm the perfect stereotype of LESBIAN!!

And please stop talking crap about gay people, talking bad about them won't stop my feelings. It also hurts me.

**sorry for all the bad words..

dear you,

i'm sorry that you're having a hard time accepting that you're gay, but it's not that bad, i promise. i care about you a lot, and that's all that matters. don't worry so much about what people will say, don't worry about what they'll think. whats important is that we have ech other, and that's what really matters.

right?

love,
me

jenny: i think she's psychotic. what do i do?

I just wish you were easier to get to know.

That you'd realize that I've had this crush for ages, and I wish that all the quirky conversations we've been having would finally lead to... I don't know;

something.

- - - - - - - - - -

I would never be a straight girl's first lesbian experience, because being a straight girl's first lesbian experience is like teaching a baby how to roller skate: I'm dragging her ass around, she's screaming WEEEEE, and then my back hurts the next day!

even though i have the opportunity to tell you how i feel, without actually telling you how i feel, you still have me speechless, like i cant gather the right words in my head.

 

but then, words dont always work...

 

do they?

i hate the fact i told you to go for it with that guy, now i never see u and i miss our drunken sat nyts walkin bk 2 urs at god knos wot tym, gettin locked in curry houses, tryin 2 fry chips when we r so wasted we cud burn down the house, stoppin u frm kissin me even tho it wud b the best thing ever, but i kno its only cus ur wasted blah blah that'll teach me 2 fall so badly 4 a straight girl, hu i tell 2 go hook up wiv this guy, who she then falls for and has his baby all in the space of a year!! why can't i just get over you....

i wish time would have brought us together before you got married and had kids. maybe then i wouldnt be so envious of your life that doesnt have room for me in it.

Even though you are probably the worst thing for me.. Sometimes I wish time worked out on our side and you weren't dating that foolish boy - because honestly, no matter how badly you hurt me, I still want to figure out what could have been.

 

Stop ignoring my girlfriend! It's rude and unnecessary. Why is it so hard for you to even just say a simple 'hello'? No wonder she thinks you're a complete bitch, and no wonder I've been trying so hard to avoid you.

P.S. I think it's about time you came out of the closet.

when i'm around you, i forget to eat, sleep, or breath. you're just that amazing. i want to give up everything in my life right now to be around you, because lying in your arms satisfies me more than anything else in the world possibly could. yet, i can't drop out of school to pursue a relationship with you. all i can do is hope that fate brings us together sometime soon, and that you're waiting for me too.

 

My mother thinks I should not listen to you because you are bad for my health. I really don't like you at all, cept all you say makes so much sense. I am worried if I let you go you will find someone else to destroy. I read about your victims and wonder how you first came about. I know you do not care for me, I know I am just another weak person to manipulate. Today I ignored you and ate dinner with my mother. Is that why I now cannot sleep? Sometimes I really want you to leave; most times however, I couldn't imagine a life without you. You make me sick.

I wish I could find the right words to tell you how I feel, but then again I don't even know if I really know how I feel. I miss you a lot. And I wish I could be there for you, but I have realised long ago that I cannot even remotely be what you (would) need or want. So I'm just going to back out and pretend nothing's ever happened.

Please take care of yourself. I want you to be happy, even though it hurts to know I probably won't be the one to make you feel this way.

 

 

 

"ADEEEEEELE! What am I gonna WEEEEAAAR?!" - Jenny

I don´t really know how to start. Perhaps by saying that you are not "dear" to me. You haven´t been "dear" in a very long time. But, yes, you have been a dear friend for a while. And that makes it so difficult for me to write this. But recent "events" gave me the impression that I have to write to you and as you like to make things public I will write to you in public. Also, I don´t want you to think that I´d like to engage in private conversations with you.

I met you on AE and we quickly became online friends. My first mistake. I started to trust you, which is never easy for me, and that was my second mistake. I let you get away with a couple of things and that was my third mistake. At the end, I didn´t clearly tell you that I didn´t want your attention anymore and that was my fourth mistake. Writing this is perhaps my last mistake as I feel that I am writing my own "death sentence" on AE. So what ? I deleted my original account a long time ago and I will do it again.

You made things about me public, things that I only shared with you, trusting you, thinking you knew the difference between "private" and "public". How wrong was I. And if you didn´t make it public, you shared it with your other buddies. Some of them used to be mine, too. You started to control me. And when I didn´t let you, you started to isolate me from those "friends" thinking that I would come crawling to you to ask about them. For a while, I even did because I thought they were my friends (another mistake, but not really a big one).

But you kept telling me things about them that they never told me and I asked you not to. But, like always, you didn´t listen and I had to tell you that I didn´t care about them just to make you stop sharing their private issues with me. I am very sure that you immediately told them and that they stopped communicating with me because of that. Or whatever else you told them to make you look like my victim. Everything became too much for me, too emotional.

I tried to slip away but you always jumped at me when I went online. Therefore, I decided to delete my avatar. Next, I frequently changed my screenname to stay under your radar. Then, I deleted all my buddies because you monitored me through the buddylist, you were the hardest one to get rid of. I kept pushing AE to remove all those monitoring tools, even wrote to Sarah Warn to explain my situation. Finally, I deleted my account because of you. Because you kept monitoring me.

When I was not online, you sent me PMs and emails, even when I told you that it was costing me too much money; you even suggested paying for my online-time - that was when things began to feel really awkward.

I started to realize that our "friendship" wasn´t about "us", it was all about you. You kept saying that you cared about me but you never respected me. You even started to "speak" for me. It was all about controlling me. And when your "sweetness" didn´t work anymore, when you thought I was moving away, you wanted to keep control over me by making me feel like a bad friend. I can hardly believe myself now that I did feel like a bad friend back then.

A while ago you wrote an email about a former friend of "ours" who had contacted you, I instantly knew it was a trick to make me respond to you. Then, you posted something about me on the forum, it was private information and you made it public again (you have done this before and I asked you to never do that again, oh, how sorry you were back then). I was seriously pissed. To top it all, I found a card from you in my letterbox (yeah, giving you my real name and address was my biggest mistake by far, I am just glad that I never gave you my phone-number !).

All of these things (and more) made me realize that you obviously cannot accept that I don´t want to be friends with you anymore. That I cannot be friends with you because you betrayed me, abused my trust, didn´t respect me and my privacy, lied to me, lied about me. I don´t trust you.

Why am I writing this now ?

Recently, you accused someone on AE of being obsessed of and monitoring another member. This isn´t about that but you used very harsh words to defend your "friend". While I think that it is admirable to be at your friends´ side to defend and protect them (I have done that too, remember, even against people you regarded as enemies and whom you wanted to go away one day, only for you to suck up and become best friends with them right the next day; I don´t think that I have ever met anyone who could change her feelings for someone so quickly), I kept thinking that everything you wrote actually fits you just as well. It made me wonder whether you really didn´t know that you are sitting in a glass house and that you are throwing rocks.

I have lost a lot of time and energy (and friends) and wasted far too many thoughts because of all of this and I will not describe what I have been going through during the last couple of months as a consequence of your activities because I don´t want to give you that pleasure. I assume that you don´t understand that this is about you. But even if you do, I am sure that you will excuse everything by saying that you just "cared" about me and once again, you will feel like my victim and cry, like you have done many times before.

You went too far and didn´t stop when I asked you to a long time ago. Perhaps this will make you stop now. And perhaps it´ll make other people realize that you are not as sweet and caring and loving as everybody thinks.

Non-dear you. You are a stalker. Stop contacting me ! Stop writing to me or about me ! Leave me alone !

 

 

The Hearer

 

 

PS: if anybody thinks that they should attack me for writing this (I can imagine some people spraying their monitor with hatred now), I have two things to say to you. Firstly, you don´t know a tenth of what this person did to me (even if you may think so because parts of my private conversations with her were copied to you), so don´t think that you have a right to judge me. Hold your breath and keep your hatred to yourself, you will need it some other time.

Secondly, I can only hope that you will be stalked by a "friend" one day, that you will experience what it feels like to constantly fear what she will tell people about you, that you will become so desperate that you will write something like this although it is totally against your nature, just to get some peace of mind and to be able to sleep without having nightmares.

 

 

PPS: for those of you who may wonder why I didn´t write to AE about this: well, I did and they say that there is nothing they can do. They think being stalked is harmless. I know better. Perhaps they will even delete this post, who knows.

The Hearer..I understand you. I think she is a psychopath! I never imagined that you could go through this on AE! Anyway, Of course there will be no dear just you.. "I regret loving you..I hate you.. I know there is a real psychopathic narcissist under the loving eyes..shining smile..and sweet words..sweet words of lies! I hate you. Nice to write the hate word but I don't live it"

I'm not a psychologist too but I read about psychopathic people and they are not only the criminals in our society..There are lots of forms. If she was manipulative, a liar, don't have a consciencs, hurtful and inconsiderate of your feelings, if she played with your emotions and used you then she is. Oh and my case was a loving friendship. Not anymore. You know! It's a learning experience so we know now how to detect this kind of people and not do the same mistake again. Wish you the best

We used to be such good friends, always texting, ringing, sitting next to eachother in class, walking eachother home, we were best friends. You were one of the first I told, but instantly you betrayed me and told the group of girls who followed us around, who I had no time for but you didn't like them either, apparently, but still you whispered and laughed with them, while I said and watched on. Any time you fought with me and treated me badly and I know it was because you didn't approve that I was gay, or as you said going through a phase. I shared everything with you and I know you shared it with that group of girls, but I turned a blind eye and ignored it. I needed somebody to talk to and you were there. You had more faces than a coin, but after the last 6 years I finally think I've seen them all. After in depth conversations with your other apparent best friends I figured you had a face for everybody. Somebody told her, the biggest gossip mouth in our school that I "was going through a phase of liking girls" that night in Redz. I knew straight away it was you. After these last few weeks, I've came to the conclusion that being your friend is more of a risky chore than being friends. And I pity that, and I often wonder if I never told you, would we have been better friends. I would kick you to the curb and would cut ties of our friendship when I think of the last 6 years in which you made me feel so bad and so guilty for anything, any time you were in a bad mood or bored you took it out on me. I don't have time for it anymore. But.. Alas, we share friends and my best friend is also your friend and it's only for her I even talk to you.

I know your a homophobic, fake liar.

But I could never tell you to your face.

I feel so much better now!