I've questioned this over the years because I get into some odd moods where I think I can't stand people anymore but if I ever found someone who was calm, doesn't talk loudly, avoids drug use, is considerate and have fun moments of spontaneity, like jumping in the car at 3 in the morning to head to NYC, I say why not? Hah ok...anyone that showers. I can be around that person more often if they smell nice. I don't love people who are too serious. I love people who can make fun of themselves, someone who's shy and anyone with a good sense of humor. So basically...Jill Bennett and Karman.

Wow! Great topic. :) Everything you said, and...

For me, my best friends bring out parts of my personality that I never express without them. Having someone who loves and adores me for who I am is liberating and empowering (and shocking). It's easy to be fun and spontaneous with people who love you unconditionally. Maybe this effect is a little more exaggerated with me because I am painfully introverted and the two pals I'm thinking of are total extroverts. They could walk into a room full of strangers and walk out of a room full of friends. Amazing! And yet, somehow, I am special to them. That blows my mind, even after all these years. We're deeply loyal to each other, like extended family.

I don't know about same-sex vs. opposite-sex friendships. One of my BFF's is a man, and one is a woman, and I'm very close friends with my two brothers. All I can say for sure is that, in my personal experience, men have treated me better. Far, far, far better. Kinder. Gentler. More nurturing. More accepting...

I agree with a lot of what Rebbie says: some friends have an amazing knack of allowing me to express sides that otherwise remain under wraps,it's like a chemical reaction in some ways. I also have friends who are outgoing and able to talk to anybody and anything;I'm not sure how satisfying their more superficial friendships are because I'm not a big fan of small-talk and chatting just for the sake of it.With some people it's incredibly easy to forge a connection based on mutual interests and, most importantly, a sense of shared humour.I often find I'm attracted to friends in the intial stages and flirtation gives way to something more substantial and meaningful.It's funny because my close friends and I now admit to crushing on each other way before we got to know one another better. I guess we seek in our friends a lot of the same qualities we'd like to find in a partner: acceptance; honesty,humour and the underrated sensation of being completely true to ourselves whilst in someone's company, regardless of how our quirks may come across. My experience of friendships with men and women has fluctuated over the years,I used to be a real tomboy and the boys/men offered me a fantastic outlet for the rough & tumble side of myself; later, during the whole coming-out phase,women provided the emotional encouragement.Now I can combine the two by having a great gay male friend as well as my queer female crowd. Friendships are fantastic for that reason alone,the sheer diversity and their staying-power.In some ways they are more precious than romantic relationships, their longevity not as fragile as romance...of course,if you find that rare person who is one of your best friends as well as your lover you're a very lucky person!

that quote from lord tennyson's poem is awesome. so so so true.

it really depends as well. i always aspired to be a true friend, but sometimes the person you're willing to sacrifice everything for isn't as wiling. so i stop to take a step back and think: what am i doing? i'm quite self-destructive, so if i realize that i'm wasting my time with a person, i end up doing the complete opposite, alienating myself from them and ultimately hurting myself (not physically). wonder why. i'm passionate about so many things and i just get hurt by the things i burn for. =\

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women are the new men.

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how is it to know that you're everything i want?

I look for women who share my hobbies and interests. Mostly out lesbian women or bisexuals. I really don't think friendships with males, especially gay ones, can have the same quality and intimacy. I don't know what it is about gay males. I think its their innate belief that they rule the world and are the centre of everyone's universe. They think their the best at everything, when they're clearly not. I can't have a friendship with those sort of arrogant, self centered and patronizing people. And I'm sure many people here wouldn't want to share that sort of friendship with a gay male either.

honesty... i look for someone i can trust with my life. someone who doesnt expect things from me.. things that arent reasonable.. i look ffor someone who can meet me with a smile.. i cant stand grumpuy people... atleast not at work...someone who is cinscere in all they do...

Trust.

It is so important in ANY relationship. And so hard to find. Sometimes it takes longevity, and sometimes trust can be immediate. But my closest friends are the ones I trust to stick by me no matter what. And as I've aged, this just gets deeper and deeper embedded into my philosophy and into my life.

Really, trust affects so many other areas for me - love, loyalty, respect, vulnerability ... and unfortunately, I tend to be one of those people who, if my trust is betrayed, it is really damned difficult to get back.

Must be all my years sailing the seas. Mutineers are many and varied, but a mate is one in a million.

great topic, IG!

 

 

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
It's always our self we find in the sea

 

randomly my closest friend have a very little in common with me... but they are all honest, loyal, trustworty and have a sense of humour. My closest friends are the kind that drop everything when you call & buy you chocolate just to cheer you up because you're down (like one of them did today.) I don't take rubbish from my friends anymore and have lost a few but thats because a friend is someone special and if people mess me around, or lie to me or just treat me badly i don't have them in my life anymore - i feel like life is too short to let people who have a negative impact on you be around you.  My friends hace really shown themselves this last week, as i had a death in my family, but i've been extremely lucky that my friends have been around me constatly or just generall doing what ever i need doing, one of my closest male friends drove an hour from his house just to check i was ok, I suppose at times like this you appreciate you're real friends and you realise why you value them in your life!

1 - sense of humor 2 - respects people 3 - has a good heart 4 - someone who can be trusted Everything else is up for grabs. I have had and still have great friends in my life from all different backgrounds and religions and genders and age groups. But they all had the above 4 in common. And they all are wonderful people.

honesty and empathy are the biggest things i expect i guess

you know you're with your best friends when you can hang out with no money no plans and no awkwardness. just chilling happily. i think especially for a lot of the lgbt community, friends become our families, and that comfort is awesome to find.

I mostly like humor in a friend, what make a real friend is someone who is there for you, wants the best for you and is always truthful with you even if it hurts.

I basically value honesty, loyalty and trust. But also there is whether or not they make me feel like a decent person. I had a friend who always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I met him when I switched High Schools. I always felt inferior. I'm not use to feeling belittled because I always had family and friends who were my strongest supporters so I would lash out in response. He finally understood how he made me felt and hasn't done it since. But that didn't leave us with a strong foundation so I barely see him that much.

My closest friends happen to be my cousins. We grew up together and so we have that history and if we ever have a falling out we always work it out because in the end, we're family. If something happens, I can tell them everything with honesty because I trust them enough to say everything. Above all, there is loyalty. I'm fiercely loyal so my friends can always expect me to be there for them no matter what and I know I can expect the same from them.

For me, I'd say all of the above e.g. humour, kindness, confidence, willing to do anything for you etc. PLUS a little extra chemistry. With some people, don't you find you just *click*? It scares me sometimes when I click better with people I've just met than my supposed 'best' friends.

I just recently realised that halve of my friends are fake. One of my friends i thought was close to me turned out be a complete Ahole. I dont think I even want him in my life anymore.

The ones i consider my real friends, are the friends that i clicked with instantly. The ones I can laugh with for hours, the people that just get me without having to explain myself all the time.

In friendship I look for honesty and trust. Trust is the most important one to me. If I can´t trust you than p*ss off. And there has to be a connection, I can't listen to someone talking hours about something that totally doesn't interest me.

I must say, I am so intrigued by these questions.

I think every serious friendship I have follows its own rules and I can't really see a pattern evolving. Some are challenging bordering on exhausting, some are comforting and soothing, some are fresh, some are long-lived, some are exciting, some are wonderfully boring. Some friends I had crushes on before falling in friendship, some might have been a tad bit in love with me ...

With some friends it's quite obvious why we feel drawn to each other (same humour, same guilty pleasures, same past, same vague core values), but with others I don't seem to have that much in common on first glance, but there's this deep mutual fondness ...

Still, I always felt that my friendships (just) kind of happened, some growing fast, some taking their time, but always because s/he and I clicked, because we "recognized" each other in a way. I probably see at least a little bit of me in every one of my friends and vice versa and this sense of "another self" holds us together, but it's the differences that "spice up" the friendship and help us complement each other.

When it comes to true friend ( best friend basicaly ) they are the ones that will come over to help you pick an oufitt, or come over and have a movie mararthon with you. A true friend will dance on top of a table with you, let you cry on there shoulder, someone that just wants to be around you because you make eachother happy. someone you could trust with anything You should be able to talk to them about nothing for hours. Honestly when it comes down to it a really true friend ( or bestfriend ) should be almost like the the love of your life minus physicaly attraction.  The person that would carry you home because you passed out and they were too drunk to drive is a true friend.