Advice:How to tell if she's gay?

that sounds really frustrating. talking to girls can be really scary! i'd say just try to get to know her first. maybe ask her out for a cup of coffee after class sometime, or ask her how she likes the class or what she's studying. simple things like that can be really natural ways of breaking the ice with someone. just be yourself - i've found that's really key.

as far as the gaydar thing goes, that can be tricky. some people just have really good gaydar and other people don't. i've been out for 8 years and my gaydar only works some of the time (though it does work a lot better than when i first came out).

the things i usually pick up on are voice tone/quality (like if a girl's voice is a little warmer or fuller or deeper - kind of like jodie foster's voice), how a girl puts her hands in her pockets, just like posture and how she stands or walks, these are all kind of more masculine things i know, and i've missed out on some more fem girls using them, but they work.

the other thing i've started being able to do just this past year is use eye contact. like if you're at a coffee shop and there's a cute girl at the cash register and you have to make eye contact, just like hold the gaze for slightly longer than you normally would - i've found that if the girl's gay she'll hold the eye contact for a little longer too - it's this really quick but intense eye contact. it's really weird, but it almost feels like there's this energy or "fizzle" in the gaze. that might be more advanced gaydar though.

also i think that just trying to notice what you find attractive in women is good, as is just making friends and haning out with people in the community. for me it's a skill that's gradually developing, but it's definitely learnable.

hope that helps! good luck!

First of all, must point out... I AM NO EXPERT... but here are my 2 cents 

Get to know her, and then... ask her! I think thats the simplest way.

If your afraid, just casually ask her about her stance on things like gay marriage, feminism... does she watch The L Word? So on and so on. Through questions in normal discussion u can figure things out, and still not reveal the truth about urself (if u wanna hide it) cuz plenty of straight girls watch The L Word, are worried about queer politics or the feminist agenda. And u dont necessarily have to tell her ur opinions anyway, if she says something like "Gay marriage is an abomination" U can just be like "hmm ok, i dont really have an opinion on it, hey hey, imma republican too" LOL

I know it can be difficult to talk to someone u don't know (or worse- someone ur crushing on), but ur gonna have to if u wanna ever pursue it. I think u can figure out someones sexual orientation way better through their words and opinions rather than their outer appearance. And in the end, if u hit on her, and she's straight, plenty of straight girls would be cool with that, and if she's not, then who cares!

GOOD LUCK! 

there is this girl i like who i am constantly reading between the lines with. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!! to top it off, i CAN'T be myself around her. I either turn into a quiet personality-less corpse, or a bumbling idiot. It's impossible to make eye contact with her aswell and if so it's only for a second and then i look away quickly thinking that i stared too long and gave myself away. I hate all of these games we play as humans! why can't we just get past this awkwardness?

i've had my fair share of sexually ambiguous-girl crushes, so this year i'm going to take matters into my own hands.

"Even in his heart the devil has to know the water level."

I had a major massive stupid crush on this girl for like, 3 years. I used to see her around, then suddenlyi never saw her again. Then like, 3 years later she pops up and i see her all the time. She had a masculine swagger and wore straight-legged jeans and t-shirts ALL the time. One time i was walkin to class and (on a campus where no one speaks, and she was known to be really introverted and kinda bitchy) she looked at me for an inappropriately long amount of time, smiled and said 'hey.' So i said 'hey' back. (while queefing from excitement) so kicked myself and turned around and said 'hey.' she came back. 'um. you're really pretty.' i kicked myself for that one too cuz it was so lame. she said thanks but i was too busy trying to run away to notice her facial expression. So i totally figured she was gay because then i kept seein her and she'd wave and shit. So then one day i decided to ask her if she wanted to hang out, except i sounded like a complete creep so she said no. Then like, a year later through a series of events she ends up playing flag football with me and my gay friends and acts a total donkey about the gay people saying we set her up and shit.

Now she's pregnant lol. So maybe she wasn't gay. (I still think she's gay despite that lol)

Moral of the story: Just because she's tomboy doesn't mean she's gay; however, it's a very strong possibility she is,and you might be the one to bring it outta her. G'Luck!

I got a dick like a mule...with a big dick.

i dont think you really have to worry about the gaydar thing cuz i know alot of gay friends who dont have it.... im not even really good at sayin if someones gay or not but i agree with everyone els about just gettin to know her and see what happens i was in the same situation there was this girl i really liked and one of my friends told me she was bi but my friend did that to everyone to make them feel dumb when u asked them out n they said no...so i wasnt counting on that but i jut got to know her we talked everyday on the phone i walked her to classes and one day i just told her i really liked her and she kinda smiled but i still wasnt sure if it was cuz she liked me or it was just a kinda UMM OK thing lol

but turns out she was bi and we ended up dating for 8 months and still we arent together but good friends the point is your never gunna know unless you go for it and even if ur let down u dont have to worry about wondering wat could have happend. so jut get to know her and gradually work ur way up till you feel comfortable enough to ask her who knows you could be surprised....... good luck

VICKY

Eye contact is the major way of being able to tell if someone likes you, gay/bi girls have a 'gay look', and i dont mean their appearance or the way they dress, i mean the way they look at you. Once youve caught her eye so hi, have a chat, see what happens. If theres chemistry you'll probably feel it right away.

Although yeah straight girls can be misleading...my first two girl experiences were with straight girls, one was a good friend, one was a friend of a friend, and with both of them we'd go out clubbing, theyd both totally stare at me really intensely which would make me all giggly lol, then try and dance with me, hold my hand etc. but it would only ever go as far as kissing, theyd get too freaked out to do anything more. Both pretty much straight unfortunately. So yeah, going out clubbing is always a good move if its your kinda thing! I know not everyone likes the scene, but gay clubs are a good place to start if you're exploring your sexuality. Then a faulty gaydar isnt as much of an issue.

Here's how I can tell if someone is gay.  If I'm attracted to her, she's straight.  Been right on target so far.  *sigh*

 I think we need to adopt a saying, a secret code like Charlie's Angels

"How's the weather today?"

If they are straight, they answer normally, but if they are gay, they respond with something like ' Good day to eat pink cookies' (or whatever)

 See?  Totally solves the problem!

All right everyone, go spread the message!  :-)

I really doubt my gaydar...and now that i realize it..i have tons of friends who watch The L word...ha! i knew it heheh

Eye contact does it for me:] 

I don't know. High school is SOOOOO much harder than regular life (when it comes to meeting girls), because half the girls that are gay either hide it or don't even know it yet.

I have French class with two girls who are friends. One is pretty damn hot (hey, i'm not going to lie.). The other one...eh.

The "eh" one I can almost guarantee is gay. I just know it. She dresses feminine, but there is that something. Plus the straight one flirts with the other one in that straight-girl-touchy-feely way that the other girl get uncomfortable and agrees with whatever the straight-girl asks for.

Those straight girls.

I wish I had better gaydar too.

There's a girl in English class that sits right in front of me that I have a total crush on. And she seems just the teeniest bit gay. Ha, I also found out she sees my therapist on the same day as me (one hour before me, so yes, that does mean ducking in my car while she steps out of the office).

If only I knew....

I like to walk at this park in the city once and a while. Sometimes I walk opposite the crowd. I do this to see the people faces and to make eye contact as well. OK, so one day as I was walking a cute girl coming at me pass by smiling at me. Her smile melted me. There on every time she passed me she smiled. Yes, I got excited. On my last lap she was waiting for me. She stops me, we started to talk and It turns out that she knew me from years past her family and mine were friends but with time we stop seeing them. She is younger  then me. And now she is all grow up. So we talked about our families who's doing what this days. Both our fathers cheated on our mothers. I then say" that's why I don't date men" she then says " it's the same with women"( In my head I was jumping for joy). I then ask her "so ur queer" out loud in my excitement ( I kicked My a** for asking her in that way) she says " I am BI" :) (In my head I hear  the song"Take a Chance on me" by Abba.) I tell that am gay. You all might think that I sealed the deal  but I was so flustered that I forget to give her my number. I haven't seen her at the park lately hopefully I will soon. I can't gat her out of my head. So my advice to everyone is ask her out , give her ur # even if u are't sure if shes gay. Go for it cause u might kiss that opportunity good bye. Or if u take my advice u might be kissing HER. Good Luck! But wait if u do ask her out invite her over to see a movie at ur place I recommend u rent "RENT the movie". It has every thing from Gay men, lesbians, gay marriage and Aids but its all about Love. Then start the conversation about it and then tell her about urself. If it turns out shes not gay at least she saw a great movie and will have an opened mind.

To that person, 

If ur reading this story and sounds familiar  contact me here.

I hate mine. The ONE TIME I really trusted it, it let me down. Big time.

Stupid girl is too attractive for her own good. Keep me away from her!!!

I'm not as good with the straight-up (or not-so-straight?) eye contact mentioned earlier, but I've had at least two interesting instances where a sort of fluttering eye contact was totally pinging my untrained and sometimes screwed over gaydar. Both times it was with girls who I thought were cute, but wasn't smitten by, and one of them I totally received independent confirmation about.

Anyways, what happened was that we made eye contact as you do with any normal person who is being introduced to you or is close enough when you're walking around, then glanced away politely, and then we both looked back at each other at exactly the same time.

This can be accompanied by that fizzle feeling described earlier, but it's a just another possible sign if you're vainly staring holes into a girl's head trying to figure out "was that a fizzle? or is the biting fall wind just making my eyes water?"

I'm glad other people put faith in the "gay look" as well! I was worried it was just my wishful thinking. I have a pathetic crush on a girl who definitely gives off a gay vibe; I'm not out, like at all, but I don't think another girl has ever looked at me the way she does. As for "how do I know if she's gay," my only advice is that time will tell (I hope).

Best of luck!

I honnestly don't really know if there is a "look" but I put a lot of faith in eyes and the messages that they can convey, so I would definitely just look and see what transpires!

As for gaydar, mine is...well lets just say I didn't get the manual. Mostly though, if I like someone then they are almost definitely straight.  Never liked someone who would reciprocate.  Not that I ever found out (gee, I love this closet!) I just based my info on things they said...another very good way to learn about someone!! Try starting a conversation, although not always easy, its a very good way to go!!

If they are straight, they answer normally, but if they are gay, they respond with something like ' Good day to eat pink cookies' (or whatever)

 See?  Totally solves the problem!

All right everyone, go spread the message!  :-)"

LOL!

That's awesome!  I'm going to spread the word. Pink cookies it is!

But... what if both people are outside at the time of inquiry?  Might be a little odd.  :)

This is usually how I approach it. It's along the same lines that many of the other girls have already mentioned.

I see girls DAILY that I am attracted to. So how do I approach these girls? Well, if I keep seeing or crossing paths with the same girls, I try to definitely get them to notice me. Whether it's me just "accidently" bumping into them, or asking them a question to break the ice. Breaking the ice can take time too. For example, there's this girl I was attracted to from the moment I saw her. Each time I saw her I would smile and say hi to her. She would do the same back. And I noticed she was in one of my classes. I saw an empty seat next to her, and I took the opportunity to sit next to her. She had recognized me from seeing me so much that she actually a little curious about me. We ended up chatting a lot, and I worked my charming skills ha ha. I could have swore she might be into girls, by that "look" in her eyes, but I found out, she has a boyfriend thanks to Facebook. ha ha. That's another great tool.

Other girls, I see in my class, I just try to find ways to start a conversation with them. And then I ask them if they'd like to hang out. And then I see from there how things go;] Some I end up hooking up with, and others just end up being good friends.

My point is, take the risk to flirt with another girl. What's the worst that can happen? There are TONS of girls out there, and if they aren't necessarily into girls that's okay. There are plenty of girls that are! And there are plenty of girls out there that are waiting, and wanting to experiment with other girls. Ha thank you Katy Perry for making girl on girl action A OK.

Good luck, and go for it. Talk to the girl already! 

I can understand your frustration as I'm going through the same thing.

I've had a crush on a girl at work for a few months now and have no idea if she's gay, bi or straight.  I'm bi but not out and have only recently come to accept my bisexuality.  Only my gay friends know I'm bi and know about my crush on her.

We've become friends at work but I'm still trying to get her out of the office so I can get a feel for which side she plays on.  I also want to be able to tell her that I'm bi and I can't do that in the office. We've talked about one of my friends coming out and losing all her friends and she said it was unfortunate that people had to be so closed-minded so she appears to not have an issue with gays. 

I can't help but feel like we're both playing the same game in trying to figure out if each other is gay or not.  She gets very jealous when other girls in the office talk to me, especially one in particular.  So I feel like I should tell her about myself and that I'm not out but feel like she should know as my friend.  Perhaps that will green light her into telling me where she stands.  Even if I get a great friend out of the deal instead of a relationship I'm totally fine with that.  I'll just have to drool over her in a corner. ;)

There's a woman at work that is either being really super sweet to me, or is trying to figure out my leanings for one purpose or the other.

The moment I think one thing or the other, her behaviour seems to change.  I don't want to pursue anything even if there were something to pursue.  But, my curiosity is killing me. 

I could swear she's cat and mouse flirting with me, but seeing as it's work- I don't want to assume anything.

I generally like my bubble of personal space and tend to give off that message.  But, this woman has brushed up against me, tries making eye-contact like crazy, and there's this lingering that I don't engage in but that's there, among other things.  Today she winked at me.

She has a boyfriend, which obviously obscures how I'm interpreting things.  But, that doesn't necessarily mean everything in the equation.   

Maybe i'm autistic or something... but I think she may like the gays... what do you think? (because I'm sure as hell not going to ask!)

I am horrible with eye stares and conveying messages to people through them. I end up just having people asking me "Do I have something on my face?" or "Why are you looking at me like that, you have that idiotic look on your face, knock it off."

If people ever try giving me 'the stare' I blush horribly (my face turns red at the slightest bit of attention even when it's not sexual. My english professor seems to notice this and is always calling me out in class, damn him!). If I'm around someone I like, my mind goes completely blank and I end up stammering out some random thing that popped into my head. It's even more embarrassing because I mumble when I get nervous and people are always asking me to repeat the stupid things that I said. But my tomato face is what keeps me from making any moves as blood automatically rushes to my face when someone I don't know too well talks to me or even looks at me. I've heard smiling helps make the 'blush' go away, but then I feel like a jackass because then I'm not just a tomato, I'm a freakish looking one with a fanatical smile plastered on my tomato-y self.

from the way she talks,

the things she enjoys doing,

topic that arouses her interest..

trust me, it really shows =)

god knows ive experienced all the situations that you have all mentioned here. what ive learned is that you must do your homework and keep on moving. let me explain:

if you like the girl, you have to talk to her. do your homework. find out what she likes, what is she into? those are great conversation starters. what matters most is that you cant just sit and wait for something to happen. you have to initiate if she doesnt or nothing will happen. sometimes a simple hello can do the trick. dont think about the whole gay thing. think of it as you trying to get to know someone better. its acting - its all performance. be confident, if you dont have it - fake it and eventually you will get it. 

i agree that asking her feelings on gay issues is a great way to find out where she stands, but considering that you havent had small talk yet, im guessing this is far down the road. and even then you cant really tell. same thing with the whole facebook / myspace thing. i still say im straight on that thing and we all know thats not true. ive also put that i have a boyfriend which was true at the time, but ive also had girlfriends. so you cant really rely or depend on those things 100%. even if she has a boyfriend, that shouldnt stop you from trying to get to know her better. 

im still working on the whole eye contact thing. i havent quite mastered it cause im just not perceptive when it comes to body language. its a work in progress.

all in all my advice to you is..you have to talk to her, get to know her better. ive gone out with girls who identified themselves as "straight" so dont worry about it.

do your homework, talk to her and charm your way into her heart.

good luck.