|
Video Blogs
More Video
TV Shows
Navigation |
phases and changeok so i am part of my gsa (gay straight alliance) at school and every so often we talk about our stories and everything that is going on in our lives. so anyway, around th second or third meeting we were sizing up the group and seeing who was actually gay, straight, bi whatever, but there were a few people that said they "used" to be gay... now i am not judging them but i was just wondering how many people on here thought or believe that being gay is a phase and that we can change. also who thinks being gay is a choice or who thinks we are born this way? Personally i have never met a gay person who says that they chose to be gay, i mean i would have never chose to be different and had to come out and all the baggage that comes with it...no doubt i love being me and loving hot chicks :)... but then the basketball player (sorry i cant remember her name something swoops i think actually) but she claimed it was a choice and i think coming out and living with her partner was a choice but i cannot imagine she said one day "oh, maybe i will be a lesbian" so thats my layout. thanks for reading :) hope to get responses, can't wait! Submitted by Emmy (78 posts) on March 5, 2008 - 7:45pm. |
User login
Recent blog posts
Recent comments
|
News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media
My two cents
I'm of the opinion that no one would actually choose to be gay, it's just the way you are and that's the end of it. I certainly didn't wake up one morning and think the best way to p*ss everyone off was to be gay. Now, I love who I am, and I love loving women, and I can't see what people's problems are when it comes to who other people love, but there are a lot of people out there - some in my family - who are most definitely not of the same opinion. It may be a choice to live your life as an out lesbian or not, and certainly there are people who don't, but it's not a choice whether to be gay or not. And it's not a lifestyle either; the implication that we all live the same way because we're gay really bugs me. I don't think there's any way in which being gay makes your life easier - or if there is, I've yet to discover it - but there are certainly ways in which it can make your life more difficult.
I think maybe what these people who say they "used to be" gay mean is that they went through a phase of thinking they might be, as it is fairly common to have a "crisis" of sexuality as a teenager, for whatever reason that might be, but I don't believe that anyone can ever say they used to be gay. I think you either are or you aren't gay, bisexual, straight, transexual etc and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Stepping down from the soapbox now.
Phases
Well, the only observations I can make are based on my own personal experiences. I am a lesbian. I have never had a relationship with a man and would never hurt someone else like that just to hide my sexual identity. Being gay is so diverse in and of itsself. We come from all different cultures, ethnicities, socio-economic and religious backgrounds. I could not change, and would not choose to change, my attraction to women. People may at times question their true sexual identity, but you will eventually have to be true to yourself to find true happiness. You cannot live your life to please others (claiming to be straight it you are not) without sacrificing your own personal identity and happiness. Everyone should be happy to be themselves and allow others to be with whatever partner makes them happy (whether that be queer, bi, hetero, or transgender) live and let live.
well..
i feel like i'm gay, i identify as gay, but i like to leave room for error. Time makes fools of us all, and while right now i have no interest in men and can't see myself with one in the future, i'd be naive in thinking that, at 24 with (hopefully) 50 good years left in life there's no possibility of falling for a man. I think it's completely possible for my ideal person to find me in male form, and i'd hate to miss out on that because i feel the need to 'adhere' to something i figured out about myself when i was 17. Like i said, for the past 8 years i've identified as lesbian, but who knows.
I didn't articulate myself as well as I wanted to. Eh.
I got a dick like a mule...with a big dick.
I'm of the opinion that no
I'm of the opinion that no one would actually choose to be gay, it's just the way you are and that's the end of it.
I love being gay-- if I had to do my life all over again and I was given a choice, I would choose lesbian over and over again. I love the GLBT community and the diversity among us. I just wish the rest of the world treated us equally, didn't discriminate, or violate us--- and that the dating pool was a little bigger LOL.
Oh
Me too, but I meant that it can make life a lot harder for people, and you just don't know if you'll be one of them at the stage where you're figuring it out. I'm probably still not articulating it very well, but I just don't think it's a choice.
I do love being a woman loving women though, and I wouldn't change who I am for the world, but I just believe that it's not something that you can change even if you want to. Maybe it just wasn't phrased quite right. Maybe it still isn't. :P
I agree. I love loving
Born to be
Before I came out,I had a boyfriend.Chemistry brought us together but my chemistry for a girl ended it. I just thought I was born a lesbian and that girl made me realize it.
-------
Nice lesbian video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=3-WZRAt6mYU
a strange process...anyone else?
before: i was always the little tomboy playing with the boys
5th grade: had know idea why i wanted to be friends with this new girl at school
6th grade: found out about lesbians (two women can be together?) and was like hmm. then i was like i cant be a lesbian...so i hit denial
7th grade: you know what maybe i cam just curious. i did a little research and figured it was a phase i could never see myself marrying a girl.
8th grade: maybe i am bisexual...there is nothing wrong with experiementing...guys are still hot, right? :/
9th grade: alright i admit i am gay...but maybe i will date a few boys just to make sure
10th grade: boys are eww, but its normal right so i was like whatever
11th grade: GIRLS ARE HOTT!!!!! yea i am openly gay i have a girlfriend...your words cant hurt me i am me deal with it...but i aint stupid i am not telling everyone i am gay
future: just be me and not lie about anything or leave some information out when talking about who i love and date
That's kinda like me, minus
That's kinda like me, minus the girlfriend and being out but plus the future (hopefully). you've got guts
"Even in his heart the devil has to know the water level."
very similar
Mine is almost the same except I shoved the first few years on yours together. BTW the school grade/years system is almost the same in NZ except 5th grade is year 6 and 6th grade is year 7 and so on (just thought I would say that before I started). <year 7 - I was pretty sure I was a boy until a girl pointed out my name was on the girls roll. No idea what being gay was.
Year 7 + 8 - friend was making fun of gay/lesbians, I'm like hmmm good idea wait its a bad thing I don't want to be made fun of.
year 9 - I explain my dislike of boys to new friends, my reasoning they were gross and smelt bad. They kept asking me if I was gay. 2nd 1/2 of year was like I'm gay, crap my friends were right.
year 10 - Told friends who thought I was gay that I was. Other people at school found out and I didn’t mind. very end of the year got a girlfriend (she was questioning and now assures me she is straight). But it gave me a reason to be completely out. and I told my Mum.
Year 11 - Turns out throughout the whole of year 10 my best friend didn't realise that I was gay even though I had told her a lot even that I had gotten a girlfriend, she insists on calling me a lesbian. Which is annoying "this is holly she's a lesbian".
now I'm pretty sure most people know I'm gay, students and i'm sure a few teachers know.
can I ask whether anyone else has a problem with the word lesbian, I always use the word gay. It makes me cringe when my friends are like talking and say lesbian when describing me.
Je suis le morse...... c'etait BOF
the word lesbian
I thought I was the only one with a problem with the word lesbian... I rather use "gay" instead of lesbian. I don't know... "lesbian" sound a bit too dramatic (at least to me, maybe because in discussions with my mom she uses that word and makes it sound terrible; funny thing: I'm not out).
Also: "gay" is shorter...
Quote from VivaLaDouche:
Quote from VivaLaDouche:
can I ask whether anyone else has a problem with the word lesbian, I always use the word gay.
I have an issue with the word as well. I either use same gender loving or the mainstream label, gay. I prefer same gender loving, though. My issue with the word lesbian is it seems to have some stereotypes attached to it. I feel if I state I am a lesbian, some others would assume I have to dress and behave a certain way.
Thanks for bringing up this question, VivaLaDouche.
lol i don't use either.. i
lol i don't use either.. i say i like girls and thats the end of it ;)
"Sometimes when i get homesick i hum the mr softee song"
phases...
first of all, i'm sooo jealous that u have a GSA on your school.. if i have that i'd make coming out a hell of alot easier..
ok now phases.. i don't think i went through phases with this sexuality thing.. i've just always been gay.. and i never denied it to myself.. i was confused about it at one time (but then again who wasn't).. then i just accepted it..
and i here the term "she's just going through a phase" ever so often.. it just makes me laugh.. because i know that i'm not..
--------------------------------------------------------------
GOD made men then He had a better idea girls.to anyone who's afraid to
the only choice is to be
the only choice is to be happy, in a honest way.
about the strange process, I totally agree. Just some days ago I remembered that I was 11 or 12 years old when I started to think about this. I can't remember what where my thoughts about that or why I thought about that.
I was never sure or I didn't think too much about it, but last months were much more clear... I'm totally gay. But SO in the closet. I always thought is totally OK to be gay,(who cares) but my mom is total homophobe.. it's a very complicated (large, huge) situatiation... Althought, I'm happy to be sure about who i am, and what I like.
Maybe some day I can come out.. maybe when I move to other country:S but this another theme...
alot of us this way
hiii im also like u suffering from this but the bad is that im not completely sure of who i am ??? long story :(
take care
We learned about this in AP
did anyone else think this was a buffy reference?
phases... changes... two stellar btvs episodes.
did i just expose my inner geek?
My theory on sexuality
I was actually discussing this topic a couple of days ago with my friend (who happens to be straight.) She expressed that she doesn't believe people are born gay. I told her that I beleive there are people, such as myself, who are inately gay but I also believe that there are people who weren't gay from birth. I'm a firm believer that everyone has the potential to be gay and everyone has the potential to be straight. When I say that I mean that everyone could potetially be attracted to an individual from either sex regardless of their gender or sexual identity. Some of us lean further to one sexuality and some of us the other but we all end up falling somewhere in between. We may be born in one spot on the scale and the experiences we have in life or just as we grow older we may shift one way or the other. I don't think there's anything we're born with that takes away the possibility of being with anyone solely based on their gender. I believe that our sexual identities are based on the gender we feel we have highest probability of being with. I identify as a lesbian, not only do i prefer women but i have a physical aversion to men. I have, however, met maybe two guys who I have been emotionally and mentally attracted to. Although, i know I'll inevitably end up with a women I don't deny that 1% chance that I may date or fall in love with a guy at some point in my life. Sexuality is too complicated to say without a doubt that the sole reason we identify as gay or straight or bisexual or whatever else is genetics or enviroment or experiences. It's probably a culmination of all that and more.
Oh yeah, my friend also told me that she believes people are attracted to people of the same sex because they have too much of the opposite sex's hormones. This may be the only theory that I will definitively say is complete BULLSHIT!
My opinion.
First things first: I'm a sapphic girl, ever have been. The moment I realized there are such things as sex, relationships and love (at about age 9), I knew that I am attracted to girls. I never felt any sexual attraction towards men. I don't perceive men to be physically repulsive, I just don't find them attractive and erotic in any way. So no, I don't fall anywhere in between on any scale. Would I change my sexuality if it would be possible? Absolutely not! I love what I am. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Of course the emotional and spiritual bond between partners is very important. But I cannot imagine a functioning, complete relationship without sexual attraction. For me, such a platonic relationship would simply be a close and deep friendship, but not more.
I really think people make this whole topic unnecessarily complicated. There are monosexual people (hetero and homo) and bisexual people. There is nothing fluid about sexuality. The problem is that many people simply fail to see that bisexuality is much more common than they think.
There are, imo, only three aspects which are really complicated. First, to be honest with yourself about your sexuality. Seems many people are not good at that. Second, the social environment you have to deal with, the most difficult issue for many. Third, and that's the only thing which can "change" something, mother instinct. When their mother instinct kicks in, and having children becomes the predominant thought on their minds, some women start to just ignore their sexuality. Of course this doesn't change their sexuality, it just overrides it. Believe me, I have seen women do very stupid things, just because they suddenly thought they MUST have children. Mother instinct can be a mean little critter.
The Never Ending Debate
I know everyone feels the need to state their opinions as fact, but on this subject everything posted here is, well, an opinion. I do not claim that what i post applies to everyone it's just what I believe. I say sexuality is fluid, you say it's not. Niether one of these are facts. I have no need to have anyone think as i do. That would be oh so boring.
To me sexuality is complicated. I love who I am and have never had any problems or gripes with being a lesbian. I also wouldn't flip out or have a crisis of identity if I found myself attracted to a male. It doesn't matter to me at all. I feel no need to understand my own sexuality because whatever i feel i'm going to go with it, without a second thought.
However, i am an analytical person so if a question is posed to me about sexuality as a whole i'm going to ponder it thoroughly, dissect it and present my results based on what i've seen. Tommorrow my opinion may be very different, maybe even contradictory, and I won't have any problems with that or feel the need to explain it. I will however state my opinion as it is.
If I feel someone makes an arguement that disproves my theory I will acknowledge it, but on this topic, thus far, no one has. So, I think I'll stick to my belief and leave you to yours.
Misunderstanding?
First: My comment was not meant as a reply to yours, I was speaking in general. I just used your example with "falling in somewhere on the scale" because it was well suited to make the point I wanted to express.
Second: It's not about your personal sexuality, how you perceive it, how you think about it and how you feel it. This is of course up to you. It's your business, not anyone else's business. I'm not the kind of person who would try to force others to meet certain predetermined standards or fit into a certain box.
But I do have a problem with the fact that a lot of people out there are pretty sloppy in their use of certain terms, let's call them labels. If a lot of people use these terms, but apply different meanings to them, misunderstandings are inevitable. Misunderstandings can lead to prejudice, and prejudice will lead to trouble. Just have a look at some of the threads about bisexuality here on AE. That's the reason I prefer clear-cut definitions. And my personal definition of lesbian simply is: A woman who feels sexualy attracted to women ONLY. I don't have a problem with bisexual women. I did have one in the past because of personal experiences, but I overcame that. Let me try to explain this with an example: If I happen to meet a woman and develop an interest in her and she in me, and she tells me she's a lesbian but later on I find out she's also interested in men, then I do have a problem, because: a) either she just used the term lesbian carelessly without thinking much about it, or b) she deliberately lied to me about the true nature of her sexuality, for whatever reason. But if she lied to me then, how can I be sure she's not going to lie again in the future? I simply prefer to know whom I am dealing with.
As for the fluidity thingy: I know many bisexual people are using terms like fluid and fluidity to describe the fact that they can be attracted to members of both sexes. At one point in time this person might be a man, at another point in time it might be a woman. The attraction between two individuals of course relies on many different factors and variables. As you said, it's complicated. But using these terms can also be dangerous, as monosexual people could see it as an indicator that someone is indecisive or a flipflopper, even if this person is anything else than that. And the expression "sexuality is fluid" also implies that sexuality is a choice. If you look at it from a political point of view, this is VERY dangerous.
Tia...
Shut up and fuck me already! Mwahahahaahaha!!!!
I call myself lesbian, bisexual, potato, patato ... who cares? I'm not lying to anyone if I say I'm gay and then fuck a guy... I'm just a slut ahahaha!!! But I'm honest...
I mean I AM GAY... I just have some unnatural tendencies sometimes...
And I think gold star lesbians who spoon and want to move in with you along with her seven cats the first time they meet you are the real liars here... people who use "I love you" so carelessly and so easily and then process every single word you utter and go crazy because you might like men are much more unreliable ahahahaah
a bisexual girl who calls herself lesbian and then she's not might just be a poor girl afraid of being bashed by biphobic rabid lesbians ahahahaha!!
boooooooooo.... I have the world's worst hangover ahahaha!! I don't even know what I'm saying ahahahaha!!!
boo me!! I suck.... mwahahaahaaa!!!
PS: and sexuality is solid. XD
* I am the Cinnamon Spider *
Gay, queer...
...gay, queer, gay, queer, whatever. What does it mean anyway? It's pitty-patty. It's nothing. If a homophobic quaterback throws a pink scarf around his neck, his "dudes" will shout at him "You're so gay!". And in German gay means "schwul". It's derogatory and only applies to homosexual men. So in a certain way, if you say you're gay and then fuck a man, you're really not lying (ignore the derogatory here, OK?). But I wouldn't call this unnatural. I would rather call it a massive temporary loss of taste. So maybe it's a language thingy? Ahh no. I just don't like the word, so I don't use it.
And for the record :) I'm not a biphobic, rabid lesbain. I'm just a rabid lesbian. And (technically) I'm not a Gold Star (don't ask). And I don't have a cat (but I love 'em furry, little buggers, just have a problem with all the hair flying around). And you're right. You're a honest bi slut.....but I love you. ;)
Hey, aren't you ill? You're not supposed to have a hang over at all. *shakes head and waves finger* You should be lying in your bed, having a bunch of hot nurses getting you back on track (enema included).
P.S.: Sexuality is Metal Gear Solid. Just my opinion, of course. :)
Genau...
"I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired"...
AJHSGFJHGSFJAHGFSJAHFGSJHAFAFSDAGDSD!!!!! I NEED TO ESCAPE THIS FUCKINGLY BORING/ ALBEIT ADORABLE ROOM!!!
Why don't you come over and try that enema on me yourself? Honestly I could do with a little raping here and now... ;-)
And yes, I was ill and I went out and partied all my way from Thursday to Monday and now I'm a complete wreck... but a satisfied one mwahahahaahah!!!!
Still, I just can't have enough so drag your ass down here this instant and sex me up already!!!!!
ASJHDGAJLHSGDAJHSGDFJASHGDFKJH!!!!! I'M SO BORED!!!!!
Fuck you all you healthy happy people!!!!
* I am the Cinnamon Spider *
I think bein gay can be a
I'm a bit late to the discussion but I thought I'd say something
First off, I'm sorry cause I'm not really that great at saying what I want to say, but I'll try. Secondly, I'd love to hear what people think.
Right, basically this is how I came to the conclusion that I was bi:
11-12 yrs: Right, why am I not boy-crazy like my friends?
12yrs: *seeing two girls on tv for the first time made me blush from head to toe, I think it was on Buffy* Oh! OoooOOoOOh! That makes sense! I'm gay! (ah, crap i'm gay).
13 to 15yrs: Yay! I'm gay! WTF is wrong with me though? I like girls + I like guys too = I'm gay but in serious denial about it, shit, I don't want to be the loser who's in denial. (you remember that song about gay people that Phoebe sang in Friends?)
15 t 16yrs: (After reading Afterellen) Oh! Right, duh, I'm bi, that makes more sense, phew. (then told friends)
Right this is what gets me now, at uni, I've noticed that I'm predominantly interested in guys, whereas before it was the other way round. I know it may sound silly but, um, what if I, you know..I turn straight. Out of the people I knew in school who said they were bi, I think I'm the only one who hasn't turned one way or the other. Plus, a lot of (gay) people give me the 'ha! loser, you're confused/in denial, I was once like you'. I know it may sound a bit silly, but, I've identified as bi for quite a while now and I don't want to change again.
At the moment I'm not really worried about it but it is niggling me at the back of my head. I, ugh, that's really what I've been feeling lately. I'd really like to hear what people have to say about it.
This is actually a debate I get into on a regular basis
Personally, I get offended when people say "Choose" as far as I'm concerned, I never chose to be gay. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for the world. The thing is people say stuff like "you can't change who you have feelings for", but then turn around and tell you to like a certain gender, sorry but it works the same way surely?
I'm going to stop before I start ranting :)
i like your attitude
i agree 100% with what you said...
honestly the weirdest thing is happening to me; when i see people profiles and they say straight, i find it less interesting or daring, or just plain boring, and i dont have the slightest clue why... being gay just seems soo much cool and sexxier! maybe just cause im a lesbian but idk, it was just on my mind...
Sooo NOT Cool!!!!! GSA not recognized
omg so i got my year book and i went through it and i have an awesome picture of me punting the ball (soccer) and my gf has the absolute most gorgeous senior picture... im not just saying it cause shes a total tomboy, but when she gets dressed pretty, she beautiful... but thats not why im upset...
First off our school did not allow us to observe the day of silence cause they threatened our newly founded gsa...
second, in the year book all the clubs, christian club,philosophy club, and adventure club, all of them where in the year book EXCEPT for my club! they did not put the Gay-Straight Alliance club in the year book and im hurt that the school didnt want to recognize our group of kids struggling with the most intolerance which is coming from the adults.
they think being gay is a choice, well its not... but being assholes about the whole thing is a choice. They had the choice to put our picture and captions in there like every other club. we had more members than the christian club which is saying something.
burn them down....
or send the principal a dead bunny ahahah!!! That's what I would do since there is obviously no way of being respected enough...
there's nothing worse than tolerance actually... it's like "Yeah, right, go do your little GAY things in that gloomy corner and we won't come bash you with torches and chainsaws because we're so cool and we TOLERATE you so much bla bla bla... btw, the Christian Virgins Squad are holding a public special viewing of It´s a Wonderful Life this Friday.... could you serve them the plum juice?"
another idea... why don't you just cry the word "homophobia"... that sure scares straight hypocriticall asses... I use it on my mum constantly just for fun ahahah!!! Poor woman it makes her feel real bad about it. If she gives my sister a bigger slice of cake it's homophobia ahahahaah!!!
ahhh yes, the power of manipulating guilty consciences is boundless .... ;-)
* I am the Cinnamon Spider *
i'd sue their asses into
i'd sue their asses into the ground.
"Sometimes when i get homesick i hum the mr softee song"
When I came out to my mom
When I came out to my mom awhile back she told me a pretty funny story. Apparently when I was four we were on our way home from pre school and I randomly just blurted out," Mom, I dont like boys at all. Why cant girls just marry other girls?"
Even though it was just an innocent inquiry of a toddler, I still think that it is proof that I was born the way that I am. It was also a red flag to my mom that better prepared her for what was to come. I would love to go back in time to give the little version of myself a high five for that one.
that is
the cutest story i have ever heard. lol.
i wish i was a cool little kid like that!
i had a boyfriend in pre-school instead. i went to his fourth birthday party as a fish. he was a pirate........ young love
That's a brilliant story!!
talk about talking in circles......
i believe sexuality has everything to do with previous experiences AND how the brain is wired. i had some BAD past experiences with men and i know that helped me search out women more but.. i think ultimately i would have come to the same conclusion no matter my previous experiences. when i was 13 i had a b/f who was a real asshole. i liked hanging out with him but i didn't LIKE like him.. i thought it was only cause i was young.. but the next year in high school i got a new friend and SHE was bi.. at 14! i was surprised, raised catholic and quite conservative at the time.,. but i wasn't disgusted.. thats what confused me the most. then of course i got a girl-crush on my OTHER best friend... who then came out to me as being bi. and i did the same to her... so all of my best friends were all accepting. THEN... about a year and a half ago.. half-way through sophomore year i realized... guys are fucking idiots. so i started classifying myself as a lesbian BUT didn't tell my friends immediately. for some reason even though they were both bi, i couldn't take that step. well, last year i did. told my closest friends and then felt like an idiot for not telling them sooner. haha, so, now i just like girls. i sometimes think guys are cute, but truthfully the only guys i ever look at are pretty androgenous [sp?]. now that my friends know i'm pretty happy with life but.. coming out to my family will be totally different. my mom is conservative [was gonna vote for rudy giuliani!] and so is my grandma. all my aunts are pretty liberal so if i come out to ANYONE it will be one of them first. which, coming out to my aunts before my mom? weird.
anyway that got REALLY long. sorry!
"Sometimes when i get homesick i hum the mr softee song"
Decisions decisions decisions...
Personally, I do not think that sexual orientation could ever be a choice. Like so many people have said, above me, why would anyone chose to go through (what for some people could become) an agonizing coming-out, friends that will not accept your sexuality and bigoted peers and strangers judging you constantly. Technically it is a choice to come out, but it's one that shouldn't even be a choice. We shouldn't have to announce our sexuality like it's a burden for others to hear. Heterosexuals don't have to 'come out'. When we don't, however, it's called being closeted, when we do, intolerant people call it flaunting. If this is all a choice, I should have taken the blue pill and lived in ignorance. But instead I live honestly and I live the life I have, not the one I 'choose'.
As for the phase thing. Well, identity crisis is a stage in everyone's life (except those with perfect psycho-sexual development. Ugh, this psych exam is getting to me). A lot of people now adopt an orientation along with an identity, only to realize it isn't who they are. They then call it a phase. Personally, I think people are WAY too quick to apply labels onto themselves. Especially during high school. It might sound hypocritical for me to say that since I'm in high school and identity myself as a lesbian, but I've known this about myself since I was 3 and wanting to marry Cameron Diaz.
We can't change. We're who we are. We can lie to ourself, but that's not changing. It's not even about 'being born' gay. It's just about being gay and lovin' it!