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Insult Me!

Shakespeare was a genius. And so are his insults.

Rules:

Post a Shakespearean insult, or invent your own (because eventually we'll run out) using Elizabethan verbage. Gibberish will even work if you're creative enough.

Fling it around .... you know you want to!

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:11pm.

TAGS ::

Fun & Games

Let's rock it!

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:16pm.

Thou caluminous base-court strumpet!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

WS: Last Will and Testament

Submitted by

gypsywee (937 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:31pm.

"I give unto my wife my second best bed with the furniture."

Um...

Submitted by

Omega II (385 posts)

on January 30, 2008 - 12:47pm.

Actually that isn't an insult. At the time the best bed was for the guestroom, and the second best bed was the one the couple slept in.

"Bad jokes are us, ur me."

Thanks for the 411...

Submitted by

gypsywee (937 posts)

on January 30, 2008 - 1:32pm.

Omega II! I told Pirate I was sure to post what I thought was a W.S. insult only to find out that it was a compliment! Thanks for proving me right. :)

The Tempest

Submitted by

gypsywee (937 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:34pm.

Fill all thy bones with aches.

Insults...

Submitted by

~H~ (1885 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:49pm.

I received this list of insults as a forwarded email and this seemed to be the perfect place to post them:

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison;" he replied, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." Samuel Johnson

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork" - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

Perhaps these insults will inspire us!
:-)

Henry V

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:41pm.

There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

Wow.

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:43pm.

H - above and beyond. as per usual. :)

[Thou art] a wretch whose natural gifts were poor

gotta have Hamlet. He was original Emo.

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Hamlet

Submitted by

starlettels (805 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:44pm.

Polonius: Do you know me, my lord?

Hamlet: Excellent well; you're a fishmonger.

and-

Gertrude: Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

Hamlet: No, good mother, here's metal more attractive.

oh Star ...

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:49pm.

You can do better than that! INSULTS! INSULTS! Out of all the things Hamlet says ... those are pretty tame!

[Thou] rump-fed ronyon!

see? fling it!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

heh heh

Submitted by

gypsywee (937 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:44pm.

Thou art the Mars of malcontents.

Hey GYPSY!

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:45pm.

Thou wimpled tardy-gaited miscreant!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Pirategrrrl!

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:48pm.

Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of the Nile!

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

Not really an insult...

Submitted by

starlettels (805 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:49pm.

but said to anger Desdemona's father: (and they're just great anyway)

"Even now, now, very now, an old black ram is tupping your white ewe."

"Your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs."

Star!

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:53pm.

Come on now ..... do you want to play with the big dogs? or are you gonna sit on the porch with the puppies?! :P

Thou impertinent rude-growing whey-face!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Hey Lei!

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:51pm.

Hast thou or word, or wit, or impudence, that can yet do thee office?

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Measure for Measure

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:52pm.

Thou art a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward!

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

Oh yeah?

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:54pm.

Your bedded hair, like life in excrements, start up and stand on end.

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

All's well that ends well

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:54pm.

Me think'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

Lear

Submitted by

starlettels (805 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:56pm.

"You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face."

:P

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:56pm.

Thou puny rump-fed popinjay!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Yeah! and...

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:56pm.

Go, prick thy face, an over-red thy fear, Thou lily-livered boy!

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

Troilus and Cressida SMACK DOWN!

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:57pm.

Idol of idiot-worshippers!

BRING IT!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Well...

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 4:58pm.

Thou poisonous bunch-back'd toad!

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

All's well that ends well

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:00pm.

A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

HAMLET?

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:01pm.

OH YEAH .....

[Thou] vicious mole of nature!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Here Lei ...

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:03pm.

Chew on THIS!

[Thou hath] not so much brain as ear wax.

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Oh Dear Pirategrrrl,

Submitted by

gypsywee (937 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:04pm.

Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall. I have fallen...brb with something worthy.

alrighty then

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:05pm.

Your brain is dry as the remainder biscuit after the voyage!

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

Rise by Sin?

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:06pm.

You said it.

Thou odiferous beetle-headed miscreant!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

You...

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:07pm.

You are as a candle, the better burnt out...so take THAT!

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

That's what you are but what am I?

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:07pm.

Thou vain common-kissing flirt-gill!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Thou

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:08pm.

Thou art pigeon-liver'd and lack gall

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

Subtle

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:09pm.

Thou subtle, perjur'd, false, disloyal woman!

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

I know I am but what are you...

Submitted by

gypsywee (937 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:11pm.

That unlettered small-knowing soul.

I'll give it a try...

Submitted by

~H~ (1885 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:13pm.

Thou hast a way with words, yet the direction remains uncertain, you...you...you sophomoric, lily-livered hack!
;-)

This better?

Submitted by

starlettels (805 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:14pm.

Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool!

Alright!

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:15pm.

Good one! ~H~! You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neef's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish; O for breath to utter what is like thee. You tailor's yard, you sheathe, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

Much!

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:16pm.

Here's Measure for Measure ....

Canst thou believe thy living is a life, so stinkingly depending? Go mend, go mend.

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

Ah...Starlettels!

Submitted by

Leibug (1722 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:18pm.

You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe (as well as your feet)! ;0)

"I want freedom for the full expression of my personality." ~Ghandi~

the feet ay?!

Submitted by

starlettels (805 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:22pm.

well....."the devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon!"

Ready ... Aim ...

Submitted by

Pirategrrrl (1310 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:23pm.

Get you gone you dwarf

You minimus, of hindering knot-grass made

You bead, you acorn!

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

The spirit of christmas...

Submitted by

gypsywee (937 posts)

on January 29, 2008 - 5:31pm.

Kylestra: Do not oppress me, ample youth!
Cartmaneo: Call me not ample, posterior tupper!
Kylestra: If thou do not wish to be ample called, belittle my people not, thou tuppering ample rear!
Cartmaneo: GOD'S WRATH I SEEK! CALL ME NOT AMPLE REAR-TUPPING SPAWN OF BITCH!

this sounds more like Yoda and Shakespeare! LOL

Source material (adults only):

Kyle: Don't you oppress me, fat boy!
Cartman: Don't call me fat, butt-fucker!
Kyle: Then don't belittle my people, you fucking fat-ass!
Cartman: GODDAMN IT DON'T CALL ME FAT YOU BUTT-FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!