I think that it largely depends on how political you are.  My personal views in politics reflect my values and beliefs.  I think that for me, one's values and beliefs are huge in a relationship.  So, I personally would not want to be with someone that had opposing values and beliefs. 

However, I do know people that really could care less about politics and it does not reflect who they are as an individual (the fact that they are not political (good or bad) may reflect who they are, but not their political view points and in this case may not reflect who they are).  So, getting back to my original thought, I think the success of a relationship with two people having opposing political views is dependent on how political they really are. 

I'm probably jumping the gun here but.... I would find it hard for people of the lgbt community not to be political.  With that said, for me, it would not work out.  I think you can really find out a lot about a person if you look behind the political view points on specific issues.

Good luck though and I hope that you are able to work through an issue many would find unmanageable.

and perhaps you shouldn't listen to me, but since you asked...

I have found myself on a couple of occasions falling for someone who clearly had different sets of beliefs and points of view (political, social, religious, etc.) than me, but I've always refrained from getting involved because I sensed that at some point in the future our differences will really matter and I might find myself getting really hurt and/or hurting her in the process. Not to mention others in our lives getting hurt, like family, very good friends, eventually kids...Anyway, I didn't trust that love alone could make it work.

But if my heart wasn't involved, I definitely went for it. I have a hard time saying no to a hot body :)

In your case, I sincerely can't tell you not to go for it, because in my own family I've seen both good and bad results from this choice.

I have a cousin who married someone who he and his family are complete opposite from us, 17 years later, they're still married, seemingly still in love, with 3 boys;

And I have another cousin who also married someone whose family is so different than us, I can hardly remember what they looked like, and the marriage lasted about 7 yrs.

One thing I do know is that the ones whose marriage's still going strong never denied their differences, always acknowledged it wasn't easy, and always tried to make the best choices together regardless of anything else.

Hope that helps :)

answers it. Maybe not for you, but for me.

I couldn't. It's always been one of my standards: I could never be close to someone who was right wing. No matter how lovely they were... wait, if they really *were* lovely, why would they support such values? I was going to say "why would they be so stupid?" but didn't. It's like Dr Phil says, "That's a deal-breaker." Now, Phil seems pretty right wing. I like his show. I watch it a lot. I even time my naps around it. But would I do him? No way!, and my Daddy didn't fall off a turnip truck neither!

I also have a thing about not being with women with handwriting I don't like. I mean, handwriting that has no character. Like, if they put hearts instead of dotting their "i"s. I have ignored this sacred rule, and I've always lived to regret it. But the political thing? No. I couldn't.

For me, I could deal with a difference that was along voting lines, if the reasons for their support of that party wasn't fundamentally in conflict with my own values - does that make sense?

There are some issues that I am less compromising about than others. I couldn't date someone who didn't have anti-racist principles, wasn't critical about war and politics and all this kind of thing, who was against self-determination for Palestinians, etc.

It's not just a value thing sometimes, it can bring up real questions around lifestyle and raising children, etc.

On the + side for dating, you're both the same on the big issue of gay rights. On the - side, that'a all you agree with politically.

I'm intensely fairly political myself and there's no way I could do it. I love discussing politics and current events and while I enjoy an occasional debate, I also enjoy getting riled up with people who have similar beliefs. I don't think I could be with someone who is anti-choice, simply because I wouldn't take the time to get to know her. I could keep my mouth shut if her family wasn't too obnoxious about their beliefs, but it would be stressful and not much fun.

If this was a friend who you had known all your life and been through thick and thin and wanted to get involved, I'd encourage you to go for it, but I can't since she's a new friend, because it would be easier to be her friend and accept her differences if you weren't intimate with her.

Let us know what you decide.

I agree.

While my politically-correct public relations instinct is to say, "Yes! Down with this partisan bilateral scale of crap!", the truth is...I am an activist, I am my politics, and there's no sense or truth in trying to shed a label which I proudly embody: I am a leftist, and I can't imagine a relationship with a Republican/Conservative etc. working because fundamentally our...everything...would tend to form dissonance.

That was a FRIGHTFULLY long sentence.

So...I'd be wary if this is still a small crush. Get to know her very, very, well before any ensuing pursuit, I'd say.

While there are those heterocouples who are on opposite ends of the political spectrum and have no problem with it, they also don't have the albatross of being relegated to second class citizenship.   This is or should be the heart of concern of every gay, lesbian bi and transgendered person's being as an American citizen.  Republican philosophy dictates that LBGT people are to be treated as second class citizens period, end of discussion.  No marriage, no rights, no protection.  Anyone who is gay and who supports this party in any way, by default, supports being treated as a second class citizen.   Being gay in support of republican 'values' is like being a Jew for Hitler.

If you say there are 'other issues' aside from the 'gay issue', then you fully ignore your own rights of citizenship as an American which should come first and foremost.  All else is secondary.   Once the attraction simmers down, this relationship is heading for problems.  No way will you be able to reconcile your own core values with an inauthentic person.  I know.  I live in the South, and there are plenty of so called gay republicans here.  The problem with them is that they're so brainwashed from their upbringing, that it masks their self loathing attitudes.  

I have to say that I agree with everyone here.  While it's certainly an individual choice I, too, have never been able to understand how any LGBT person can be republican/conservative.  It goes absolutely against everything we are.  At the end of the the day, a gay person who votes republican is saying that he/she does not believe they deserve the same rights and protections of any other American citizen, regardless of whatever other republican platforms they support or decry.  It's just one big fear-based cop out.  For myself, no, I could never be in a relationship with someone who had beliefs that were completely opposed to my own.  I find it very hard to take gay republicans seriously because, essentially, they are fighting for the same side that's trying to limit or take away my rights, whether they admit it or not.  How could I possibly be involved with someone who is trying to do that?  But again, I feel myself to be more politically bent.  If you are someone that's not, then it may not be a problem for you.  It's a decision you have to make for yourself.  Could I shag some incredibly hot republican woman?  You know, I was going to say yes, but again, her beliefs may make her totally unattractive to me, but I don't know.  I'll let you know if the situation ever arises ;-)

Good luck with your dilemma.  Just make sure you protect yourself!

Well, I am not sure if I am really qualified to answer this. I grew up in a political world that is not ruled by a two party system. So I would say it is absolutly possible to date someone who votes for another political party. In fact I did. We never had problems in our relationship because of this, even though we both were pretty political and had some really good and intense talks about politics. I found those very enriching and actually an asset to our relationship. They surely helped to understand her better.

But we had something more important, we both had the same principles of life and core values, yet the conclusions and outcome when concerned with political questions and problems were different. Also we had and still have a great deal of respect for each other. So I think as long as you and your possible girlfriend have those things in common I don't see why you two should not date.

But I add again that the parties we both voted for would be considered in America something between 'normal' democrats', left democrats, (that maybe sounds strange, but both democrats and 'left' democrats in my country are actually considered something between conservative, christian something and something in the middle of the political spectre, probably social democrats) and greens, and left libertarians.

Also we didn't have to face "big moral dilemmas" because those big moral questions like abortion and and gay rights are for the most part already decided and most parties agree with that. Also we very much agreed on the issues at hand, it was the details that seperated our political beliefs.

Sorry if I wasn't that much of a help.

I'm very liberal and have an open mind but nowadays our country is so divided politically I think to maintain a relationship with someone with different political views is maybe hard but not impossible. I have friends with all kinds of political beliefs but friendship is different than someone who is your romantic partner. I would probably find it hard to do that because I would want a partner I could discuss politics without it becoming a debate that turns ugly

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."-Helen Keller

I have never dated anyone that didn’t share my fundamental political values. In fact, I don’t even have any close friends with whom I disagree with on the “deal breaker” issues (choice, LGBTQ-issues, anti-war stance, affirmative action…). I have some casual friends with whom I sometimes disagree with on these issues, but I don’t think I could let them in to my inner circle. I know this is mean, but I feel that these issues determine intelligence and moral character. *let the flaming begin* BTW: I’m not saying I’m proud of this opinion…just being truthful.

My partner, on the other hand, is very open. She takes her politics seriously, but that would never stop her from having a close relationship with someone for whom she cared--no matter what their politics. 

My partner and I seldom fight (we have a good row once or twice a year), but our most recent fight was about politics—kind of. She was recording the Bill O’Reilly show on Fox (she likes to know what the enemy is up to). Anyway, I told her that I was sure Comcast (our cable provider) tracked the programs we recorded and watched on our cable DVR box. I accused her of feeding the right-wing extremist machine by recording the show. She gave me a priceless look—and things got kind of ugly. LOL We made up and it’s all better now (she records two lefty shows for every right-wing show).  

The discovery of the good taste of bad taste can be very liberating.
-Susan Sontag

i really wouldnt know to be honest. =\

i don't really lke politics..gives me a headache and makes everyone hate everyone else...

i suppose if you really loved the person it can't stop you from having a healthy happy relationship. just don't bring up the topic of politics.

and if they DO like bringing it up, just have a serious chat about it with them and come to a compromise. if they can't, they're not worth it =\

-----------------------------------------

i speak with my hands
and you speak with your eyes.

~~~~~~

Don't write me a love song;

write me a check.

In my opinion, core values have nothing to do with your personality or your intelligence. Core values are the things about yourself that are not likely to change...they represent who you are and what you need. They are the deal breakers (i.e. (1) desire to have children, (2) Religious beliefs, (3) How you deal with money, (4) How you make important decisions, (5) the importance you place on honesty, integrity, fidelity, (6) how you view relationships/love), (7) sexual gratification, and (8) emotional needs.

Your interests can differ and aren't necessarily deal breakers. Although you might not have many shared interests, you might have the same core values and can forge a relationship. Weird personality quirks/behavior have been deal breakers for me. For me, I'm not looking for a clone of myself romantically or with my friends (=boring).

I rarely discuss religion or politics with people, because things can turn ugly rather quickly. I can agree to disagree, but a lot of people are dogmatic in their beliefs and intolerant of others.

Everyone needs to be honored, understood and accepted by their partner and each of us has our own way in which these needs must be met in order to feel happy and secure. You can have everything you want in a person and not be happy because you don't have what you need (chemistry).

Despite all the comments, it seems that people keep saying LGTB and "other issues." Well what issues do you disagree on and does she have any real reasoning to it? Honestly it sounds like the girl doesn't even care much about politics and has no opinion on these issues. In which case, would it really matter if their different?

I'm personally not into politics myself. I believe in some issues, and certainly support them, but nothing I would get really angry about. I'm open in terms of people all having their own opinions. And as long as you can articulate them and it makes sense, then that's fine.

As for gay people not being able to be republicans? well not everything about republicans is gay and personal issues. There's financial aspects as well (such as giving money for programs to help underprivaleged people). I've known people who are pro-choice and LGTB-friendly but still believe that poor people shouldn't be given anything and have to work for themselves.

I guess I'd adhere to the philosophy that One's soulmate is not the person that always agrees but, instead, the person who challenges. Someone who can enable us to see outside our own paradigm or who makes it possible for us to really think about why we value a particular thing or believe a certain way is the person that facilitates the most growth. I don't think that anything about who we are is supposed to remain stagnant. Even if the fundamental belief doesn't change, loving someone with different beliefs might allow for you to see the human side of a debate. In the end that's most important to me. Instead of a liberal or conservative, I'd rather see a human being.

All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story.

James Baldwin

After reading all of the above I see such a wide array of answers to such an interesting question.  Basically, some folks find it really important to find a mate with very simular or the same core values while others seem to allow for differences.  What seems to be constant is the passion by which each person feels their stance.  You can read statements that swing from folks that won't even have friends that have differing views to others who tend to look for lovers specifically for their differences as their belief is that it stimulates growth.  Like I said the theme isn't the opinions its the passion of the statements.

So for the person that is asking for advise I would say only this, look deep inside yourself and determine where you sit on this wide spectrum of core value variation (that is how much tolerance/desire do you want from a partner from your own core values).  It helps to know what your core values really are and what they are not.  For example something that might be a biggie for you could be political views, but something that might not be a biggie for you could be religion (I picked random...so don't get to into the details here).  But learn to understand where you stand for yourself and learn how to communicate effectively about how you will portray yourself and your core values in a relationship.  What this means isn't "You NEED to be xyz to be with me", its more "I am xyz and this is core to who I am and I would really see myself with a person that is more abc."  You can't change a person's core, you can only determine your own compatability with that.  It is sort of like trying to match Hawaiian shirts together.....some go together....others not so well, but they all have bright colors.

So rather than tell you Yes you must have the same political views or no you don't have to have the same political views.........I would say, take a good look inside yourself and figure out what is truly important to you and determine where on the spectrum of difference you want your mate to be.

I think everyone has different religious, political and even cultural views to me. If I were to try to find someone like myself in these aspects to date, I would find no-one.

My only real condition, is that religion, politics and cultural blah blah, stays out of a relationship as much as possible, as I ussualy do not want to know about it, unless it somehow effects somethign I am doing with the person. ie: I am dating a jew, and must curb my like of pork when I cook for her, or a muslim, and I must wear ear plugs when she gets up to pray at the crack of dawn. Or whatever... But, just as I will make consessions for others, I expect them for myself... it is a two way street, regardless of who is in the theoretical cultural/religious/whatever divisions.

When I say I do not want to know about something, it is not that I am not interested in someones culture/religion/etc. but it should not, imho, be a dominant thing. I grew up in a dozen countries, speak many languages and have exposure to many religions... I am interested, but it should not be the be all and end all of all interactions and conversations, as people are so fundamentally different, that it is like constantly pointing it out, and picking at something that could be a divider, but which in reliality, is diversity to be celebrated and not taken so damn seriously all the time.

As a whole, though, I do not care about what divides us. Unles it is something rampantly incompatible. I am very liberal, greenie, borderline socialist, so a highly not-liberal, capitalist inclined woman and I, would probably not get along at all...or we would argue a lot and have fab make-up sex. Heh.

Realistically, no, I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who had entirely different political beliefs.  My political beliefs are a major part of my life.  I studied politics, and I perceive a lot of things as being political; I can't "turn off" my political beliefs for the sake of harmony and I wouldn't really want the stress of either having to tone it down all the time or have values-based disagreements about politics frequently, as fun as a political argument can be.  

I'm not religious, and the values that my political beliefs are based on are the most important values to me: equality, democracy and free speech, living sustainably, respect for human rights.  I think if someone didn't share this framework of seeing the world we would be incompatible.  I think there are multiple points of view that can come out of this framework, so something like political party is less important (here in Canada our political parties there is not the vast chasm like between Democrats and Republicans, although I am not as pro-authority as my Conservative friends.)  Disagreeing on policy is fine.  I don't think I could really share my life with someone who didn't value democracy or human lives, or who was strongly anti-feminist, or who insisted on driving a SUV alone to work.  For example I definitely couldn't be with someone who supports torture.  (Being pro-torture to me indicates that someone lives in a world where they ignore evidence, which is an issue... the evidence is that torture is an ineffective way of obtaining information.  So it's both morally reprehensible and it doesn't work, and I admit it: I do judge people who will support something if they're that divorced from both humanity and reality.  And that's not a good basis for a long-term relationship.)

~Talk Derby to me.~