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Home » Forum » Everything Else » Bisexuality » A lost soul..

A lost soul..

How would you choose between a man you are in relationship with maaaany years and for who you feel like you "owe" him everything:marriage,love,kids...and a beautiful young girl you met and fell in love like never before. A difficult dilemma.At least,for me.If i follow my reason.i will not hurt (he doesn't know for the girl) him but i will probably be miserable for the rest of my life.If i follow my heart,he will be devastated..and i am not the person who hurts others for my own benefit...
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Submitted by
Mima (13 posts)
on November 18, 2007 - 3:54pm.
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WS6's picture

All

Submitted by
WS6 (101 posts)
on November 18, 2007 - 4:53pm.
I can say is that you can't be anguished for the rest of your life. If he loves you then seing you miserable will make him miserable. There is no use in both of you agonizing through life. So that is what I think. In the end, only you will be able to know what works and is best for you.
Pyewacket's picture

I agree.

Submitted by
Pyewacket (1814 posts)
on November 18, 2007 - 8:23pm.

No matter how hard making a change will be...being miserable for the rest of your life will be worse.  No one can keep all of that inside.  It will come out sideways and affect your relationship with your man and children.  There is a chance you could grow to resent them for you having sacrificed for them.

And yes, the final decision is yours...but I would suggest you at least find a good therapist you can talk to about all of this...someone who you could supply all the details to and be objective...and support you in whatever decision you make...so you don't feel so alone.

I wish you well.

jennifer from pittsburgh's picture

Only You Know

Submitted by
jennifer from p... (1430 posts)
on November 18, 2007 - 10:19pm.

Only you know what you can live with, and how you can live with yourself in this life. I had to get out of being married. But, I got out when I wasn't in love with someone else. I don't know if that makes a difference or not. I knew that I wasn't in love with my ex, and that this emotional wasteland was not something that I could continue to endure...for myself or for my kids.

I hope you get to a place in your thinking where things seem clear. The muddle is the worst!

Spice's picture

A lost soul

Submitted by
Spice (2411 posts)
on November 19, 2007 - 5:48am.

 

As Jennifer said, only you know what you can and cannot live with…, I get what you trying to say when you state that you “not the person who hurts others for my own benefit...” but I have a question: If you decide to stay in the marriage, and are not in love with your husband (the message I get from your post is one of “self-sacrifice” – I will stay despite being miserable), will you not be hurting him in the long run? I don’t imagine that you can make your partner completely happy when your commitment is not out of love… Just a thought.

 

"For most of history, Anonymous was a woman" - Virginia Woolf

 

 

Mima's picture

A lost soul...

Submitted by
Mima (13 posts)
on November 19, 2007 - 6:47am.

All of you are right.I wish i had met this girl much earlier.I didn't realize when i met him that he was not what i actually wanted in my life.Maybe if the country i live in were not so strict and conservative about homosexuality ,i would choose easily...and certainly i wouldn't even love a man at all...Serbia is not like the USA or some European country.Sometimes i have this feeling that it still propagates some 17 century ideas and rules...which are out of use centuries ago...

Stupid country,stupid rules..

:((((


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