Countdown to competition day — We're mere days away from the girls' super-fabulous competition, and the air is electric with anticipation. Vegas bookies are taking odds on the Vanessa-Melissa showdown. The internet is jammed with pictures of Gingi in a thong. Beijing has taken 10,000 3-year-old girls from their homes and sent them to government-run surfing camps to train for the 2027 competition. Not to be outdone by Logo, here! TV is now developing a series about six lesbian friends and lovers who navigate the ups and downs of their love lives and careers, while spending every free moment playing Marco Polo.

OK, maybe not.

There's just enough time for one more practice session, and Erin's determined to make the most of it. She also intends to make a little bank on the side. Standing at the water's edge with Jessica and Vanessa, Erin makes a few friendly wagers.

For $5, Erin tells Jessica to catch a "really good, long ride" without dragging her knee when she pops up. In other words, ya know, surf. Seems Erin's been reduced to bribery.

Next, Erin dares Vanessa to "take a right." Vanessa explains when she "takes a right, it's wrong," because she can't lead with her right foot. This is known as goofy-foot in surfing lingo. There ya go. We finally learned something about surfing other than wet suits look rad and Sex Wax has nothing to do with sex.

Erin challenges herself to get an open face. She means a type of wave, not a sandwich.

Michele's team is practicing, too. She and Melissa sit on their towels and watch Gingi, who's a mere 30 yards away, with binoculars. Yeah, well. Wouldn't you?

Gingi comes ashore after her practice runs and is greeted by cheering teammates. She doesn't seem intimidated by the ocean anymore and plops down with a big smile on her dripping, salty face.

Michele is impressed but dulls the shine a little by criticizing her for surfing a little too close to the shore. Curl Girls only has room for one cocky beginner, and that role is already taken.

When it's her turn, Melissa is attacked by a monster wave that breaks right on her little white head. Melissa's off her game; she's late catching every wave. Michele and Gingi laugh good-naturedly as they watch from shore. Meanwhile, the glare off Melissa's hair is reflecting back on passing planes, raising the Homeland Security Threat Level to Orange.

Saving the best for last, cool and confident Michele strides into the water, her invisible cape flowing behind her. At least that's what Gingi sees.

Gingi: Michele waits for the perfect wave. And the small waves that she can definitely ride and rock from here to high heaven, she's just like, "eh."

Gingi is scribbling on a note pad as she watches Michele's tall, athletic body gracefully guide her board over the water. She's either taking surfing notes or writing, "Gingi and Michele," encircled in hearts, over and over.

The surfing montage that follows is a series of wipe-outs. Why, oh why, do they go out of their way to make the girls look like spazzes? Maybe our Curl Girls aren't professional surfers, but I find it hard to believe they can't cobble together a decent highlight reel. If the magic of television editing can make Jessica Simpson seem interesting, surely someone can make the girls look like they know how to surf.

And where are the thong bikinis and girls rubbing suntan lotion on each other? Every interstitial is a shot of a seagull. Where are the cool action shots and hot beach babes? If I had a show about Hooters waitresses, you can bet your bootie I wouldn't be cutting away to a plate of potato skins.

Erin is lulled into a false sense of confidence when she sees Jessica's slightly improved surfing skills. She takes Michele up on her bet; the losers pay for a trip to Hawaii for the winners. Erin shows signs of sunstroke when she predicts that Jessica will win the bet for them.

Jessica is feeling pretty good about herself and gives Vanessa the lesbian version of a high-five: she rubs Vanessa's face between her boobs. Vanessa curls up on the sand and goes to her "happy spot." Correct me if I'm wrong, but that was the happy spot.