Discrimination in Italy

It makes you want to scream at people "why do you have to hate me for who I am!? Love is love to me.  That's what makes the world go round.  If everybody was attracted to the same person, we would all be fighting over each other.  Why does it matter who I choose to share my bed with? What does that have to do with my job performance.  What does that have to do with my parenting skills? why does that anger you!?!"

People love to play follow the leader and tha'ts just how it's going to be until they realize that discriminating people because of their orientation is the same as hosing people down because of the color of their skin.  We will continue to fight these human right's wars until the end of time because man will always find another reason to exclude people because of their inability to see from another's point of view.

I say fight for what's yours....My ex and I walked down the street hand in hand every time we went out. Of course we recieved comments and stares but we didn't care.  We were too caught up in a shared moment with each other to really notice.  There will always be people who refuse to accept change, but you know what? they probably have something in their closet that they are desperate to keep hidden. 

ciao! ma ci sei stata al gay pride a roma? lì c'era una bella atmosfera e ho avuto un po' di speranza ..anke se le cose sono difficili da cambiare nel breve periodo credo.

a volte mi ci incazzo ankio. ma come le cambi le teste delle persone? ci vuole tempo, pazienza e coraggio.

I’m guessing the homophobia in Italy and overseas is probably worse than what we’ve got in the US, but it’s still here in the US, trust me. You'd think that with all the visibility we have in the US that there would be less discrimination, but there isn't. Especially in a rabidly Republican Southern red state, not wanting to stereotype or anything. They say visibility is increasing and people are becoming accepting, but somehow I don't see that happening when I walk around with my gf even when we don’t display any PDA.

What's even worse is the way people are so transparent with their views. Anti-gay comments and actions are so frequent that describing them here will probably shock you. Hate crimes and discrimination go unreported and people blackmail you if you dare report them. Outing yourself without preparation is not a risk a lot of people are willing to take here.

It is especially so when your neighbors are supporters or involved in focus on the family or CWA or other extremely homophobic organizations. You just wish you could scream in their faces and show them all the evidence that gay parents are like any others. When your family themselves are supporters of such religious right views coming out and actually being accepted and loved can only become real in a fantasy, imaginary world. A world where acceptance is actually possible because it isn't here that’s for sure. Being an adopted child of a different color and background in such a family can make you feel different and left out. You feel obligated to meet the expectations of your family even when you know it will kill you slowly.

 My family hasn't come to any of the parties and anniversary celebrations that we've invited them to and ever since they have had some doubt that I wasn't the "perfect" person they'd always wanted and planned for me to be, they have excluded me , explicitly and implicitly, from family events in the hope it will make me reconsider. Some family members still keep in contact with me quietly rather than openly, so as to not catch the wrath of my parents. It's such a suffocating feeling to meet your parents in a supermarket or in a shop and then for them to avoid talking to you and meeting your gaze. When basic questions or requests such as "How's it going?”, "Mom and Dad, why don't you love me anymore? Why are you avoiding me?Can you answer me this..that ever since you got me, have you ever loved me once even for a moment? Did I never bring you a moment of happiness and joy even for a second? If I have just tell me that you love me now. Just once.” go unanswered. They are either dismissed with “Stop making a scene. You’re not a child anymore and we can’t handle your mental and emotional problems. You know what we expect of you.”

Or if they are answered they are answered in homophobic terms, "We saved you, we took care of you when your mother had an unwanted pregnancy. We loved and cared for you, but then you had to follow the wrong path. You've never been normal, always behind your age, and you've always had mental and emotional problems. You've put us through so much and  on top of that we’ve had to put you through a number of ex-gay programs, but it hasn't worked. The role-play activities, the mental and health interventions, the focus groups with those who were freed from your lifestyle, the reparative therapy counselors, the priests and the bible sessions. We've given up on you and sometimes we wish we hadn’t saved you.” I feel like saying that it’s because what I am is natural for me and that is why you can never change that about me. What you’ve done is worsened any mental and emotional problems I may have had previously. Religion has nothing to do with it. I feel like asking ' Have you also given up on your love for me. Or was that love and care you gave to me and other similar children based on us growing up to fulfil your dreams and hopes. Is that why you consider me a failure? If you didn’t want to love me and care for me unconditionally why did you “save” and adopt me?” I know there is no point as their homophobic views are so engrained that nothing I say and do can change that.

Sometimes I wonder if my birth parents would be as homophobic as my adopted parents. What made my birth mother abandon me and would it have been better for her to have just aborted me. Maybe it would have been. Now that I think about it, it may have been the better decision. Totally contradictory to what I’m supposed to believe, but whatever. I’ve realized that life is not black and white, people are not good or bad, it all depends on the situation. Coming to this site has opened my mind and allowed me to think outside the small box I built for myself. Though I doubt I've made a great first introduction here. :)

Unconditional love is a lie. It’s a myth. Parental love is based on meeting their expectations. Love between friends is based on doing what everyone else is doing and love between partners is based mostly on compromise. I’ve learnt that love is more about taking than giving. Of course there are some people who are wonderful, as I have found through my travels, but they are few and far between. If it wasn't for the understanding nature of my current gf and her love of the place I would have moved to some other more accepting place. She tells me that greater visibility is what is needed to make people more accepting and that we should live boldly without fear of social repercussions.

Don’t know if my long story has helped. But just know that you are not alone in your feelings of not being accepted. It’s here in the US as well and probably in most other countries. Though the degree and nature of it may vary. Growing up Catholic myself, I can’t imagine what it must be like in Italy, home to the most homophobic priests around, but all the best.

What I got from US society compared to many european countries I would guess we are a helluva lot better off in Europe!

I do get annoyed myself at people complaining about the situation and in the mean time not realising that if they keep hiding nothing will ever change! Obviously each has to make her own choice but when you do choose, stop complaining about the result of your choices! If you are not willing to take the risks, don't expect others to do it for you!

"call me old fashioned but I prefer feminism that leaves a little something to the imagination!"

Rhianna's story really hit home to me.  I myself was adopted and for some reason I could never do enough to please them.  I never had the opportunity to come out to them as I have since severed all ties.  I find that it doesn't matter who that person is, or how strong the bonds that you share are, If they don't support you, love you, and create positive energy in your life, then you don't need them in it.  Some might call it a coward's way out, but I believe my quality of life is much better for the lack of negativity they would have created.  

That's not to say that I haven't had with my own homophobia/gay bashing experiences.  I share a 3 BR house and at some point realized I was gay.  After letting close friends and family know, I came out to my then roommate.  She broke down and tried to take me with her.  She screamed in the streets that I was a pervert, she called the Child protective services on me because in her mind a lesbian should not be around children.  I endured humiliating interrogations, court appearances, drug testing, and I almost gave up on life.  The day finally came where I had lost my job, the house owner said we had to move out, my gf broke up with me, and I was terrified because the only thing left to lose was my beloved child.  I went to the court pleading for help and an angel saved me.  I went home and meditated/prayed (whatever you want to call it) and that very night she (roommate) was lead away to the phsychiatric unit.  I regained a little strength to fight for my rights, and I was able to obtain a permanent restraining order against her.  

A few months after it was all over, it was voting time at the polls.  I went to vote for the first time in my life. Guess who was sitting at the polls checking people in.  I yelled for everyone to hear me.  "I voted Democrat for GAY RIGHTS!!!!"  I looked her in the eye and walked away. 

So my friends, keep fighting.  Our day will come.  And yes, there will always be hurdles.  But if there were no problems, you'd have to call it Heaven, and I'm not ready to go there yet.  I have some things I'd like to accomplish first.

That story is a good example!

If I had been there my focus would not have been on the message send by a few rednecks! Instead I would have been angry with the people who ignore them.

If this was a concert with KD Lang I am betting the lesbians far outnumbered the a**holes and had people been "out and proud" they would have been put in their place and hopefully think twice the next time! But they got away with it and will do it again for sure ! Probably because everybody was waiting for someone else to speak up. If you were afraid to do it alone you could have asked these other people next to you how they felt about what was going on and suggested to say something together.

The only time the few can drown out the many is if the many let them. So I say: speak up! Get angry!(not hateful) Be vocal and drown out the homophobes instead of letting them drown out you. Or at least ,like the famous line says; do not go gentle into that night! :)

edit: all just my opinion of course.:)

"call me old fashioned but I prefer feminism that leaves a little something to the imagination!"

May I say that I personally ( for very selfish reasons) am glad you think so Harpy! Reading your posts in another thread made me worry I might be one of the people you prefer to avoid and I am sincerely hoping this post means I am not? ( it may be silly of me but I am still a bit insecure! or realistic. I know I can irritate the H*** out of people ;))

"call me old fashioned but I prefer feminism that leaves a little something to the imagination!"

That's sweet of you Rhianna but I am afraid it is not as safe to assume as you assume:) I am glad though you are also enjoying this conversation!

"call me old fashioned but I prefer feminism that leaves a little something to the imagination!"