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*Gay and not proud*First and foremost let me say give this thought a try, because I know the 'gay and proud' slogan is so postively used that this may cause offence, but its honestly a insight into the way I feel, and the pressures I feel to 'be' one way. I'm currently reading Milan Kundera's 'Unbearable Lightness of Being' and one passage stuck with me for weeks, I've replaced the word 'woman" with 'gay' because this is how I read it and I think it really relates, "Being gay is a fate Sabina did not choose. What we have not chosen we cannot consider our merit or our failure. Sabina believed that she had to assume the correct attitude to her unchosen fate. To rebel against being born gay seemed as foolish to her as to take pride in it" Obviously this raises the old nature vs nuture argument but what I really wanted to get across is that I'm gay but not proud because I don't believe it is something to be proud or ashamed of, I just am. Obviously in terms of gay rights this saying has worked wonders and I don't want to detract anything away that important issue, but I want to ask, is anyone else gay and not proud? Submitted by unbearable_being (4 posts) on June 29, 2007 - 7:37am. |
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nope
i totally understand what you're saying, like why would you be proud of something you had nothing to with. but i dont see why we shouldn't say we are proud to be gay/bi when everyone says it,
you hear on TV all the time people going "i am proud to be an american!", why? because it's a way of saying you like who you are and where come from, the same goes for being proud of being british or black or whatever else.
so maybe what it is, is that it isnt the right word to use, maybe we need a new word? who knows?
i personally am more likely to say i'm not ashamed of who i am rather than i'm proud i think it probably does make more sense.
however it is a sayin that everone uses, gay, straight, bi, black, latina, american, english etc, and there isnt really any reason for its use to stop just because it doesnt technically make literary (dont no if thts the rite word lol) sense, its something most people understand and can relate to.
anyway thats just my opinion but what do i know
www.myspace.com/jo_16_
Re: nope
Nicely said...
I just AM.
I think
that the use of the word "proud" came from the belief that it is the opposite of "ashamed." I am not ashamed of my gayness, so I must be proud!
I also think it grew from pride of being "out", as that most certainly is a choice.
Lisa
I agree with Tease. The
I agree with Tease. The pride doesn't come from who/what you are but from standing up for who /what you are!
"call me old fashioned but I prefer feminism that leaves a little something to the imagination!"
those are excelent points
I think that at this particular point in time, to be proud of who you are, be it gay, latina, or american, lies in the innate need to express that you are not ashamed, regardless of the fact that it is not a 'chosen' path. I think that as society evoves and emphases shifts from political correctness and saying the exact right thing, to a tacit acceptance of diversity, the need to take pride in one's sexuality will be diminished, because that which requires pride, the existance of adversity, will no longer be such an overpowering force.
Ho-Hum
Interesting point. I think it takes a very secure person (because of an insecure society) to completely accept that they are gay without feeling ashamed OR proud. After all, isn't a lot of gay pride about associating yourself with other gay people (almost to prove that we're not different, ironically), and saying 'I'm proud to be associated with these people'? I think maybe a lot of gay pride is down to the fact that previously in society, being gay was shameful, and a lot of gay people therefore felt ashamed - kind of brainwashed, you know. Seems to me to be just a massive reaction against that, and going to the extreme. But then again...maybe I'm competely wrong! :P
Pride.
"I am what I am and that's all that I am..." Popeye
I agree with Rose, Gay pride is a rebellion against all those who are homophobic just like Black Pride is a stand against racists. But you don't have to be repressed or misunderstood to be proud. Self esteem plays a huge role in pride and if you aren't proud of anything... then maybe "you just are".
You quoted Popeye, that's
makes sense!
Don't push the coming out
holy crap
Dude... I feel weird doggin your dad but what a douche bag! Hopefully he just needs more time. Your mom is surely in a tough position between the two of you. Pretty soon your siblings will be able to make up their own minds and come and go as they please. I really wish things were different for you, nobody should have to be treated that way, especially by their own family.
But I have a plan, tell me what you think. The next time I fly home for a visit I am going o get everyone drunk and ask them to play charades. I'll go in a closet and come out. Go in again and come out. Until one of them yells that I'm coming out of the closet and I just stand there looking at their faces and say "Literally. Who wants another beer?"
My dad is more than a
I think pride comes from a
I think pride comes from a sense of accomplishment associated with a struggle for freedom. I have no easy answer as to why I am proud of being Mexican, but (without that twisted sense of patriotism that is being promoted as of late in mainstream media by neo-fascist), when I see a paisano who overcomes dire circumstances, I get goosebumps, I choke up, I am filled with pride. Pride is political, and pride is definetly protest.
I am not proud because I was born with a desire to be with women, I am proud because inspite of this, this that conditions me, this that makes me an other, I have resisted, as well as millions before me, and have made a space for myself,my family, and my friends were I am considered equally worthy, and equally deserving of love and life.
37 years ago, an asshole died : Francisco Franco, and achieving democracy became the priority of a country that had been through hell and back. At this moment in time, Spain is one of the leading countries in legislative matters for the homosexual and transgendered community. Getting here, to where they are, took guts, sweat, tears, blood and many lives, MANY.
I am the last person you will see waving a gay flag tommorow at madrid pride, I do not believe in what flags represent, but I will be there,smiling,yelling out something political, with my RESIST tattoo on my arm. Because I am proud of our resistance to conform, to be overtaken,to be eliminated and ignored, I am proud of all of those who 30 years ago began an international struggle to get things to where they are, I am full of gratitude, respect, admiration and pride.
In that, not in the fact that I like pussy (although that's pretty cool).
Ok, now I'm really sorry if my english is terrible, I haven't slept in 24 hrs.
http://comadotcom.blogspot.com
beautifully said
.
thanx! ;)
http://comadotcom.blogspot.com
pride
I think
I think you are all red blooded human beings. I went to the pride last weekend first time in my life. I had this smile on my face along the march. I didn't choose what I truly am, I find myself through struglling for many years. I just want people to know I am happy of who I am, I have nothing to hide. Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud of who I am! It is difficult for people who doesn't accepted us to understand what it takes to learn the truth about yourself. Maybe stuck in their life is easier, but who says life is easy after all. We all learn how to live and love our life to the very last moment. Appreciation is the word for our very existence and everything around us.
Interesting
wow
thanks for all your responses, I really didn't expect such a great debate, it was good reading all your opinions and real food for thought. I've reached that point in my life now where I have no shame for being gay anymore and so was having issues with whether this means i should be all gay and proud now, but I realise it isn't a simple either or.. cest la vie. Anyway, this was my first foray into the afterellen discussions and needless to say I'm well impressed and thinking what else to talk about now!! x
pride is dangerous
I am gay and not proud. Pride is a dangerous feeling to have. It can limit your actions. Pride wraps your head around an idea that you are above certain things and situations. That they should not happen to you or that you should not go through them because you are proud of a certain characteristic. When in reality we all deal with and go through sacrifices because we are human and that is the way the world was created for us to grow strong. So I accept that I am gay and am happier for accepting it but I am not proud of it nor have ill feelings about it.
I am proud of things like accomplishments. Achieving goals, completing things...
Maybe Excessive pride...
...is dangerous. But a pride based on an accomplishment against the odds is self-rewarding. Pride not earned is hardly pride at all.
I think I come down on the side of quite a few of the posters here and am proud I didn't cave when that would have been sooooo much easier at the time. Especially for a self-proclaimed Daddy's Girl - and he a 30 year career Air Force Chief Master Sargent and Vietnam Vet. I did lose him for a time, but Mom never gave up and basically refused a life without a place for her only daughter in it. I truely beieve that he knew he might lose her over this, although I would never have wanted that to happen. Married now for forty-nine years they are two peas in a pod. Things are better now. He has told me that he wishes it weren't as it is, but hell he likes my girlfriend, calls her his only son-in-law (although I'm definitely the butch in our little party).
I hope things turn around for some of you dealing with family estrangement. No one deserves to lose any small bit of love in this life over something they did not choose nor could control. And I'm admitting that if I could have "straightened myself out" sixteen years ago - to keep my father's love and regard I would have done it. Hell, I even tried, but I kept falling in love with those damn women!
Although it's hard now to imagine that living a life without love could have possibly seemed easy in any way. But maybe that's because I chose another path. I earned my Father's respect back the hard way and I'm proud of it. I think he's quite proud of me too. He does say he is. All the time.