blue; your situtation indeed sounds somewhat like a very delicate issue... (and I might be the wrong person to ask, yet from the always comfy outside i'd do the following:)

as you are already getting a certain vibe and she is higher in hierarchry than you and you are soon gonna have some changes in both your careers; why not approach her at work asking for some important "career" or sth similar advice after work? Suggest it'd only be short for discussing that very important matter.... and that you are turning to her 'cause you consider her the most competent to your issue (i.e. try to flatter her in a very subtle way).

Ok, now the hard part: you sorta, at least for a smooth start, need to "make sth up" if you don't already have some sort of question like that ready. Apart from your real problem...

on the assumption, if you manage well to ask her, she agrees on the meeting:

well, and then see how it goes. does she feel comfortable? decide whether you want to just steal the time with your made up story or want to slightly change into your real problem's direction.... or just leave your original topic soon and try some other (private hobby etc.) topic....

hope this is of any help to you.

actio supra reactio // in vino veritas

help please! much worse situation here:  I have a huge crush on a girl who works on the same floor.  we work for the same department but i never met her until three month ago.  She is Gorgeous!  i bump into her now and then (kitchen, conference, hallway, bathroom (i know) ... and i remember each time so clearly).  every time i look into her eyes i just lost my ability to speak or act normally. it's like, she's telling me something with her eyes (or my wild imagination...) and the only thing i can mutter is "how are you" and then i run as fast as i can.  i am so afraid i am going to say something stupid and every time i kick myself for doing that.  see, i am not a 16 year high school student or college student anymore for that matter.  i should be acting like an adult right?                                                                                          

here is my problem, i don't know if she's gay or if she's single.  a beautiful girl like her should have a girl/boy friend already right? i try desperately to find out more about her.  however although we work for same department we belong to different group.  what would you do to find out?  it's not like i can approach her with work related questions because we don't really work directly together.  and i can't think of a time i can be along with her. i have her phone but i can't really just call or something. what if she's straight and get freaked out?

i am a coward, but please help me, what would you do if you are me?  a million thanks.

It's sounds soooo familiar.

I work in a shop and there is this cute girl who's our client. At first I thougt I just had a crush on her (I don't see her that often at all). And every time a saw her, she was so nice and cute and always smiling and  I kind of thougt she was in to me too, but I don't know if she's even gay or single. So a few days ago she came again and she seemed to be so happy to see me and when she left she kind of nodded for goodby. Nobody does that like that...That was so sweet and I got all butterflies in my stomach. She was supposed to come back the next day, I of course waited all day... But she came the day after that. Again, I was waiting, wanted to talk to her I find out if she feels the same way. And when she came, all I could say was Hello and smile and it was it. That was just from one look at her. I needed to write her a check and my hands were shaking, knees were weak and I couldn't speak. I just tottaly lost my mind. I did make a comlpiment about her work (she is an artist) and she thanked me. But our shop was crowded and she was busy, so I couldn't talk to her more.

So, same problem I guess. I don't know if she really likes me or am I so blinded taht I hope she's in to me too.  And because she is a clinet, I cant really ask her number either.

It is good to hear that other people are lost too (I'm not alone) and that there are actually so many of you with the same problem. Just don't know how to deal with it. It is new for me too.

Geeky, thanks for sharing the story.  haha, you are right.  you do make me feel better knowing other people are lost too.

she sounds really sweet.  at least you tried to ask her. i usually reject myself first. good luck to you. and let us know how it goes.

I usually never make the first move, I'm sooo shy and I'm afraid to be rejected or misunderstood. But I knew a had three seconds before she goes and maybe I'll see her again in two months or so.

But about mixed signals. One time there was a situation where a girl was totally flirting with me (not the opposite) and after that we talked a lot in the internet and it was great. But then when I saw her again and this time I was the one who came on to her, she was so cold and basically told me to go back home... I was seriously confused and like what a hell just happened. She told me she was just nice to me the last time (sitting on a couch next to me, cheek to cheek). Yeah, ok, what ever.

So, how far goes being nice and where starts flirting?

Maybe my huge crush is just nice too...

Any thoughts

At least I'm glad to know I'm not the only single woman on here. 

 The most simpliest form of flirting is a compliment.  Women love compliments watch them smile. Give a compliment.  If you a quick minute or two ask them if that color,perfume, style,or whatever is their favorite. See their reaction.

I must say it is very hard to tell if a woman is gay or bi. Some straight women won't shut up about their boyfriends or husbands so no question there.  If you want to axe through the mixed signals here are some quick tips.

 Breathe slowly in and out until you're brave enough to look at her

Smile! Smile! Smile! Your soul shines when you smile.

Say Hello and make eye contact longer than five seconds (it says you're interested)

Watch a reaction or hear a response.  If she stares back into your eyes not at the wall or what's in her hands longer than 5 seconds with same reflex.  Go for it!

By it I mean give a compliment, make small talk(how empty or croweded a place is),etc.

Everytime you see her go back and do it again Breathe, Smile,Hello, Contact (10 secs then 20 and build up) Small talk builds up to conversation.  Be clever like I bet your boyfriend likes that hairstyle on you (open door for you to know if the hottie is single and a lesbian)

I'm big flirt.  I love to flirt. I tease.  It helps me break the ice when Im around women.  I end up finding a little more about them like their sexual orientation,married,single,kids,etc.

Now Go Flirting! Practice makes you get a girlfriend!

I think the part about "breathe slowly" was very good:)

The thing is, I have no idea when I'm going to see her again, if ever... Well then I'll just wait. Damn, I can't get her out of my head and it's killing me. I hope she'll come again and soon, because I kind of thougt we had a connection or something, at least I felt it and I'll be gone for two weeks. 

When I made a compliment about her work, I wanted to tell her that two of my photographs are also on an exhibition and if she goes to see them she's interested, but I never had the chance to say that...   

So I think I'm back to square one.

Its good to know that I am not the only one with a quandry such as this.

2 years ago I was royally dumped by my GF.  My life was turned upside down and I was lost.

I moved back to my hometown (800 miles back).  I decided that instead of wallowing in my grief and turning to my boys Jack Danials, Johnny Walker and Silent Sam

I decided that I needed make changes.  I always wanted to go back to School so I did. It is great I love it. It has boosted my confidence.
I promptly decided to get a crush on my professor.  I know this happens all the time and that its not a good idea to get involved with a professor even though she is only a little older then I.  I am honorable and would never put anybody's career in jeopardy and blahbity blah.

I absolutly hate this! She is absolutly stunning.  She is smart witty funny.  She wears these cute little business suits with these sexy heels and she has this sort of swagger and she has this tough guy deadpan sense of humour.  Plus she has a butt that won't quit.  She is very business like and staid but very sincere and good at what she does.

Anyway here's the deal.  She smiles at me alot. She talks to me all the time or tries too.  I am so shy I just end up saying stupid stuff (and I am not a teenager anymore).  She compliments me and says things like  "You look great"  One time I thought I might have offended her and she said

"I knew you were joking, I definatly don't have a problem with you".   Emphasis on definatly

On a lark I went out on a limb and commented on her outfit I told she looked good. (She is Hot, Incendiary even). It was a big deal for me to say.

She just smiled shyly (which was weird for her) and said "Uh Im really tired" and she walked away.  (maybe she was saying eew)

There are some other things she says and does too but not anymore suggestive (I don't think). 

Anyway I just wanna know if she has a crush on me back.  I mean I don't want to get anyone in trouble I don't want to activly persue it. I just want to know. Because I noticed that her comments (though I will never admit it) gave me confidence.

Or is she just trying to be nice. (thats ok too).  I want everyones opinion.  I just want to know for my sanity  (But please don't make me ask her lol).

Sincerely

Fireball

Reading the stories above made me think of my own experiences with the "Vibe" that straight girls or bi curious girls give off once they realize you're into girls.

I'm very friendly, but also very shy when romantic attraction is involved. I don't know how to flirt, and I have no gaydar whatsoever. Anyway, i have this friend that confuses me sometimes because she gives me on and off signals. I'm currently in a relationship, and I've been pretty good at distancing myself from this girl when I feel like she's being "weird" (subtle signals). However, it feels as though the more I try to  ignore her, the "friendlier" she gets, then when I do turn around and pay her any attention, or when she feels like I'm getting reeled in, she just completely stops. My gf says I should just beat her at her own game and just corner her in the bathroom one day (haha gotta love my gf).

Here are some of the reasons why I wonder if she kinda likes me that way:

- I often catch her looking at me (several times) during class then she would smile and sometimes give me that eyebrow greeting where she looks at me and raises her eyebrows a couple of times (I call it the eyebrow nod)...this happens a few times when we actually have classes together (we were from different sections and we had few combined classes)... she also did this before exams. When I'm sitting in the back, she'd turn around and look directly at me and smile. It could totally just be me, but I can't help feeling like she tries to peg where I am in the class then she'd carry on.

-She sometimes sits really close to me even when there's enough space

-Ever since she found out I was a lesbian, she's been giving me a certain look...I can't explain it... it  just gives me that I'm-suddenly-interesting-coz-i'm-a-lesbian vibe. She would also glance at me occasionally when we're with our friends and give me a knowing look and smile at a joke only the two of us seem to get.

- Once, I was sitting behind her, and during the break she turned to her side and leaned pretty dang far to put her arm down on my desk about an inch or two from my arm

-She would sometimes make comments out of the blue like "You look pretty today" "Someone smells nice, is that you?", touch my hair and say things like "Your hair is nice or Your hair smells nice" even though hers is 10 times better. And once I remember her looking at me and I asked her why, she said "because you're pretty", but she made it sound like a joke (Ouch!).

- When I used to bring my gf to our study groups, she would stare at my gf and smile at her but it made my gf feel like she was measuring her up.

- I was looking at another friend's pictures or something one day, and she came up and sat next to me. I moved over to give her room, but somehow her arm landed right next to mine so we were lightly touching, and she kept it there ( Haha I know I sound like I'm reaching here, but the way we were sitting, she really didn't need to be that close)

- She often makes playful jokes with her other friends about girls liking girls like when her friend innocently says "Oh, I have your lipgloss in my pants pocket"...she looked at her married friend flirtatiously and said "You shouldn't say that out loud" then laughs about it.

Reasons why I don't think she's really into me...(or girls for that matter!):

-She's very very inconsistent. One day she would eye me until I say hi to her, or she would go out of her way to say hi to me, then for the next few days, she would act like i don't exist

-She would sometimes come up to me and ask me the most random questions but then she would just walk away after i answer them. It's very weird.

-She's very very religious. She goes to an Orthodox Church no less! Her religion is all over her Friendster.com page and she makes that known also in conversation sometimes.

-She says I'm the only gay person she knows so maybe she's just remotely intrigued

-She doesn't really sound extraordinarily happy when she's on the phone with me...and she never shows up for any activities I organize. granted they're all group activities, but still...

-She didn't really say much to me during our graduation. We were taking pictures close to each other but we never took any together (I have her in the background of my gf and I's pic....she was looking our way)

- she talks about guys quite often...she's a young single girl, and she always makes a comment about being single, but makes it sound like she's looking for a guy.

-She's the hottest and youngest girl in our entire program...everyone says that openly but me. Maybe she just has that hot chick syndrome: "I can get ANYONE i want and if someone doesn't seem interested, I'll make them want me". (My gf says she was that girl back in her days, hence she pursued me. Unfortunately for her, she fell for me and had to buy the whole cow harharhar!) Maybe it's the novelty of my sexuality that makes me a challenge for her, or the fact that I'm taken, or the fact that I'm shy, not that attractive, and could totally be eaten alive(not in that way) by someone with her confidence. Who knows.

-She's not an unfriendly person, there's a chance that she does what she does to me to other people...I just don't know.

-Her parents are Super strict, traditional Indian parents (they actually might find her a husband pretty soon the same way they found her brother a wife). She's pretty sheltered so I may be mistaking her naivete (or rebellion...whichever) for flirtation.

- She's very hard to read period. In the same way that she gives off that vague I want you to want me vibe, she also gives off that I'm straight and I'd totally freak out if you hit on me vibe. lol

I could totally just be reading way too much into her actions... But hey, two years of those mixed signals...you can't really blame me for wondering right? 

1st off you should kinda ask in a non obivous way if she is seeing anyone

if shes not you should say something like "why not your soo gorgeous" soemthing witty and not TOO obivous because if she isn't into you than you don't want to ruin your changes or friendship/w.e

2. if she flirts back to your "why not...blah blah" then you should get a vibe or w.e it works for me

 then i guess kinda ease into the conversation if she is into girls and what not

=/ hope i helped

It's wonderful to read all of your comments.  I'm glad some of you are finding it helpful to use some of tips.  I actually took part of these tips from a book I read when I was teenager about flirting and I was trying to practice. But when're gay and want to flirt with girls . It can be hard. I know when I like a girl-I have to be around her constantly and if she's not paying attention to me I become jealous.  So I think of ways to get her attention. Flirting is too break the ice.

To whatjusthappened: I hope you watch out for girls like these. If you get with them one day they will break your heart b/c they're palying with your feelings. Both of you should talk about sexuality.

 Cheyenne: the same goes for you too abt talking to your friend.  Perhaps you and yourgirlfriend and your friend should hang out and talk to each other abt it.

Fireball, ask your professor in no-direct way about husband and kids or if she has a partner. At least you can get an inside track. "Hey I like that perfume you wearing,did your husband by you that for mother's day?"

I noticed there aren't dating or flirting tips for lesbian or bi women  nor a book oon how to get a woman. I wish there were.  Maybe i'll write it.

 I realized in the black lesbian culture women try to get with other women the way straight guys do and to me it's messing them up in relationships. I see alot of confusion going on. I'm not a therapist or psychologist. I just see what I see.

If you notice straight  women/girls don't stand too close to other girls the way lesbian women do.  Straight women/girls  are sort of standoffish. Your vibes can be sharpen by observing behavior not necessarily how a woman dresses  but who she looks at as hot.  I've actually done that -people watch for fun to sharpen my gay vibes with friends. We would go to a mall or crowded place and just watch people and talk about them. Take notes to see who they turn their hates at that's hot or if they look down,smile, up, where they eyes land on what body part.  Listen to how they speak is it jovial, cold, cocky,warming,flirtatous,interested in you (ask you questions out of curiousity like "so what school you go to,what classes you taken," etc) People are funny beings. Does the woman  stand close to you with her front body faces towards you (she likes you) turns half way(maybe she's in a hurray yet interested in you like a friend) She touches you like your hair, smell you( Likes you). I had women smell me and touch my hair- It turns me on.

Other ways of telling:

She checks you out:looks you up and down, looks directly in your eyees for a long time,winks,hug you a long time.  You can feel the electric current between you and the other woman as well if two are attracted to each other. Engages in long conversations while looking at you with twinkles in her eyes(happened to me last summer) Listen to that inner voice,it is probably right.

 Once again heteros open thmeselves up about liking the opposite gender so if you talk to a woman who seems fishy or sketchy about her personal life, it raises an eyebrow. Nothing wrong with that but it leaves an open door of mystery about her.  

 Ask outloud you want to see the girl you like again. Keep those thoughts in your head and close your eyes visualizing the woman.  Repeat everyday. When you see her again step up and do the damn thing (talk to her longer time than normal).

okay enough rambling tips.  Me off to bed.

Thank You all for the great posts. 
All of you have great advice and stories.

Cheyenne: very succinct in terms of instances, very interesting. 

Ketina: Talking about this helps.  I am really embarrassed that this is happening to me.  I’m usually immune to pretty girls.  You see what I can’t see in women.     If you wrote a book I would buy it and be in the front row when you do the Oprah show.

Sometimes in the car I practice what I am going to say.   I am suave and cool in the car but when I get around her… Huh…What…

When I am around other people I am fine.

Is she giving the vibes?  I’m getting some sort of vibes.  I notice things like no jewelry, no nonsense nails. Very little make up (but she is gorgeous with out it), very tailored suits in black or blue or grey, feminine with out being too cute or pretty.  No gushing talk about a husband or boyfriend or men in general.  Even her briefcase and purse look like something a man would carry if he was a woman.  But the way she looks walking away in those heels (lord have mercy).

I love the attention.

She stands a little too close to me when she is talking to me, it makes me nervous.  I don’t want her to know I want her in the most sordid and disturbing fashion. 

 Our class works in teams (business). She will often come to our team and sit down beside me and start a conversation about something other then the subject at hand.  Often comments on my work (top of my class).  I make sure the rest of the team has a chance to jump into the conversation.  I make sure I smile back and nod.  I try not to get stupid but I think sometimes I do

She calls me “madam” which she knows I hate.  Then she sort of giggles under her breath.   I know she is teasing me.  I sometimes try and say things to make her laugh but she gets all “self deprecating” or just smiles sort of shyly.

I used to think I could never get a crush on anyone then she moves her hair out of her beautiful face and clicks her pen and bites her bottom lip she fills the room with the grace of god I’m sure.    

I think I am going to follow all your pieces of advice.  Talk more, smile more.  Get her to open up a little bit more.  Maybe she is just as shy as I am.

Thanks for your time,

I’m on Fire …ball