The worst relationship you've ever had? To be unfair, I've had two that I can think of. One ended in death, the other just... ended.

I was dating this woman, we'll call her Adrianna, and we'd been going out for about six months. Things were going wonderfully, we got along great, had the same interests, the same tastes in music, clothes, sex, art, literatue, you know, all the essentials, and so on and so forth.

Right, round about the seven-month mark, Adrianna asks me to start staying at her place on weekends. Great, right?  Not so much...

On the eve of the first night I spent there, Adrianna went through these wild mood-swings, from exhilerated and loving to depressed and downright abusive the next. I couldn't understand it, thought I'd done something wrong, misunderstood her somehow. I asked her, she told me it was nothing, she was just like that.

I thought, OK, I can deal with that. If she's in a bad mood, I'll just you know, make her a sandwich or something. If she's in a good mood, we'll do our normal thing of talking over a bottle of Merlot. OK, that's what I did.

Second weekend - same thing happens. I'm getting a tad frustrated, but I'm not going to get all angry about it, thought I'd just let things slide for a little while longer and maybe think about talking to her during the week when she's more relaxed. Right, I do that.

And it backfires. Adrianna goes BESERK at me - accusing me of cheating, stealing, lying. I should probably say now that the most important thing, without a doubt, with no exception, to me in a relationship is trust. Of course, I'm devestated about these false accusations. Eventually, I simply leave because I'm not going to tolerate being verbally abused by someone whose unstable at that moment in time.

A week, then two passes. I get worried and decide, in my wisdom, that I'll just surprise her, by turning up and offering to take her out for a meal, or perhaps even to the art gallery. I arrive, knock on the door.

No answer. Thus, I take the key I've been given and enter the house. I know she's home, car is in the garage after all. I'm walking through the house, calling out for her, lest she's in the attic. Adrianna's nowhere to be found. I'm a bit concerned and then wonder if she's outside and hasn't heard me. Outside I go, to the 'Granny Flat' out the back. I knock on the door, seeing the light's on and step inside.

There's Adrianna, injecting herion.

Suffice to say - I left her. I was devestated, betrayed and hurt for a really long time after that! Catching someone I truly cared about injecting drugs was just... it was too much for me to handle. Having not trusted me enough to tell me (although I've since learnt there were lots of things going on that I didn't know about...), I was hurt by that. We're actually speaking these days - but this time, I'm her counsellor and she's simply my client. I only hope that I can save the next g/f from catching her harming herself!

Anyone else?

P.S - Sorry about the really long post!

>> why do most relationsihps seem perfect at the start? i thought my gf was the perfect and last one for me. i dont know if i broke her heart or it's the other way around.

we met in a chatroom and started calling and sending text messages and i was fascinated with her voice (yes, with her voice, i wasn't really attracted to her picture) but i suddenly fell for her. we became gf's without first seeing each other in person.

when i finally saw her nothing has changed. we became closer and more intimate and we had the chance to live together. everything seemed perfect. we almost planned of our future.

however, my new job demanded much time and required me to move to the home office. but she wasn't allowed to stay with me so i had to leave her. since we were far from each other and i didn't have much time to be with her and date her, things have all messed up.

she became so jealous while i wasn't cheating. she got confused and was tempted to experiment with her unfinished business with her male lover. i was banned from going to her house for her parents found that we were having a relationship (of course we pretended to be just friends and they loved me before it happened). eventually, i was choked for she was putting too much pressure on our relationship. i couldn't stand the way she has changed. it was all about her attitude that made pissed off. then i left her.

i can't help but to keep looking for my cinderella. no matter how difficult it is to let go everytime i meet someone who's not meant for me, i have to keep calm and patiently wait even if i'm not sure that there's someone whom i could be with forever.

right now my ex is having a hard time with her current gf. she admits she still loves me and she's keeping me as her counselor. i like the idea of reunion (it must be intensively exciting) but i don't feel anything for her. i don't want her heart to break again. i just don't know how to help her. *sigh*

~ the greatest law is not punishable yet rewarding ~

I have fallen really hard for someone I work with. I have never felt this way about anyone before - it's actually a little scary. If she stands too close to me I literally can't breathe, and god forbid if there is actual contact. I can't stop thinking about her. There are feelings coming the other way too, which should be a good thing except for the fact that our boss has made it clear that in no way shape or form will he be ok with anyone having a relationship with a co-worker.

Now I love my job and the people I work with and can't imagine not working there, but at the same time I think I'm in love too. I'm so torn that it is making me sick.

HELP!!

Be yourself. There is no one more qualified!

My girlfriend has a drinking problem. I knew that when we first started going out but thought I could help her with it. She has gone crazy before but in the last two weeks it has gotten worse. She has hit me twice out of nowhere, I just don't know what to do. I really love her but can't deal with it anymore. We have been going out for two years and she's my first girlfriend. 

Should I keep on trying or just give up???????????

i believe hitting one's partner is never acceptable.. if she loves you she has to do something to make you feel better or respect what you want from her. after all it's all for her own good.. while drinking has health benefits, too much of it isn't really nice and, therefore, should be avoided. you may keep on trying but it's not worth it when you're no longer happy. i mean, whats the use of staying if you're emotionally and physically suffering? who knows if your first isn't really meant for you? but talk to her about it that she may realize you are about to give up since you can't deal with it and she'll try her best to change for love's sake.

To “see the light” too often has meant rejecting the treasures found in darkness. ~Adrienne Rich

i have found the love of my life :)

any advice on how to keep long distance relationship, especially when it's new? we are looking forward to live together but not in the next few years because we really don't have a choice at the moment.

To “see the light” too often has meant rejecting the treasures found in darkness. ~Adrienne Rich

Copied from a duplicate thread: 

I had the same discussion with my ex just before our first anniversary. We were in a long distance relationship and she was curious about other people because I was the only one she has slept with. She wanted to have an open relationship which I said no to because I couldn't cope knowing she was with other people. I told her if she wasn't commited then we should split, she couldn't have her cake and eat it.

Over the next year and 1/2 she cheated on me at least 3 times and we finally split up on Friday because she 'didn't know' if she wanted to be with other people or not and couldn't promise not to cheat again.

I know I'm probably a bit jaded because of a recent break-up but looking back she was obviously curious and wasn't totally commited to me back then and I ignored the warning signs because I was so much in love. We tried to make it work but her curiosity was there and I became jealous because I knew it. She'd cheat, apologise and say it was a one off and we'd get back together.

You never know what's down the road. I don't regret having the relationship. I don't regret doing all I could to make it work. You have to decide whether you can get over it if she does experiment, get over the paranoia of her cheating if she does/doesnt and trust her to not act on these feelings. It's not easy, especially when you aren't on the same page.

To me commitment is commitment. I was curious and had opportunity to cheat but didn't. My partner wasn't the same.

[Copied from a duplicate thread] 

Gia - I know this finds you in horrible pain and you are asking yourself what did you do and what to do next and all sorts of painful questions.  The best advise I can give you or anybody going through your situation is that now that you have said the words that you are letting go.  This time is all about how you rebuild yourself and how you pick yourself back up.  Don't even think about getting her away from her situation....you can't control that or fix it......honey the only person you can focus on right now is yourself.

Don't think about all of the future "what if" scenarios, just think about yourself right now.  You need to make yourself whole again.  Do the things that are going to make you get through this grieving period.  Some people do that by finding a good person to talk to, others do it by playing loud music and screaming at the top of their lungs, some call a close family member and cry it out on the phone.  Whatever your method I urge you to find a healthy way to start to work through this.  It is important that this be as healthy a period for you as it can be.  You need to focus on putting your broken heart back together.

Once you have your broken heart mended back together then you can look at things with her with different eyes to determine where it sits.  But right now darlin things are too raw and you are too broken to be able to think right about it.  So just put it all away for just a wee bit......don't worry it will be ok.

Thank you for the sincere advice. I cried the whole time while reading coz i never expected to find strength from someone so far. You gave me encouragement and helped me get through this day and that is a lot, more than you can imagine!

But I have a long way to go... Although my heart is in pieces, all of it still screams her name. She called me this morning and said she will ask for a vacation leave and spend all of it with me... She said she still loves me and that in the end she knows in her heart we will be together.

Although this painful situation is happening, somehow i can sense hope from the sound of her voice... And i get to thinking, Its not that I was a perfect partner to her, I mean I had my faults and shortcomings too... and we've been together for so long... Looking back, she has helped me become the best of me in so many wonderful ways.

God knows how I longed to hear those words.. But am I being delusional? I know she still has feelings for the guy. And I doubt that I am in a secure and stable situation to deal with her unwanted feelings... And I also want to protect whats left of my broken heart... But God I really love her... and I cant live without her... She's the love of my life...

I dont know what to do. My heart says forgive her... But Im so scared if situation wont work out in our favor next time around, my heart wont be able to survive.

Gia I sure wish that through these painful times there was an easy quick way to get through it.  I also wish that there was a simple single answer that fit for every occasion.  Sort of like a perscription for a broken heart.  But there isn't.....there just isn't.

As for what to do or how to do it.....ultimately you will be the one that determines that answer.  But as for just a bit of advise from some objective person from a far away place who has suffered a broken heart before.  When you are in the middle of the agony and you are shaken to the core that is a really bad time to try and figure out the foundation of your new relationship.  And when I say new....I don't mean someone else new....I mean that what you have now with her is very different......it is on totally new ground.....  You can't say right now what the outcome will ultimately be but I do know that you can't figure all of that out until you mend your heart a bit.

Imagine in your mind that your house just went through a huge earthquake and everything is a mess inside and in the process of the earthquake you got injured.  Now before you can ever determine if the foundation of the house is ok you have to go to the hospital and get your body healed up.  Once your body is healed up then you can find out if the foundation of the house is ok or if you have to rebuild the whole house.  But honey you can't do all of that at the same time plus be right in the middle of the aftershocks.

I know that she said the words that are absolutely the most dreamy words you could ever want to hear.....she said she still wants to be with you and that she is dropping everything and running to your side.  But what I also heard is that you have so much doubt about yourself and so much hurt and you are so scared right now.  So what I wish for you right now more than anything is that you will have the patience and strength to tell her in the most loving of ways that you need just a bit of time to heal and become stronger so that when the two of you do come back together you are able to have real conversations about the foundation of your future and not stay stuck only talking about the horrible earthquake that you have just been through.  You will only have the strength to move forward after you have healed a bit ....although it will be the hardest most painful thing to do and I don't know what that future holds.....but it has to be the future.

I’ve just come out of relationship and I have to admit that I’m not in a very good place right now, we were together for about three years, my first serious relationship, I know it may not seem like a long time but considering that most of my previous relationships only lasted as long as it took me to get dressed the next morning I felt for sure that this was it, true love.

Then one day I come home and find her with some other woman making out on the couch, they didn’t even hear me come in, they didn’t even see me standing there, they just kept going on and on. I tried a couple of times to say something but I just couldn’t think of anything to say, I mean what are you supposed to say? Hey sweetie, I’m so sorry to get in the way of what you’re doing right now but I really need to know… who the fuck is that?! - Whatever it is you’re supposed to say in this kind of situation I didn’t say it, I just stood there hyperventilating until finally they noticed me.

~ Kisses are a better fate than wisdom ~ 

Thank you both for your replies :)

in a relationship, we've only been together for a few months, but it feels like we've known each other for ever lol.. but yeah, i think we really need to sit down and talk about all this.. it's the first serious relationship for both of us. i'll let u know how it went ;)

xx

[copied from a duplicate thread]