Confused About Sexuality

I am pretty sure i'm gay........i love girls...whats not to love? smooth skin, long hair, they're caring and sensitive. I have dated a few guys but i find that i get completely bored of them within like a month. Girls are just soo hot!

 "When i kissed a boy it felt like a chore,....when i kissed a girl my heart stopped."

i guess i assumed i was straight my whole life, until i met this one girl. i have never liked somone so much. i could not stop thinking about her. i was so freaked out because i thoguht i was straight and all of a sudden this girl changed everything. i liked her for a loooong time until she moved and i slowly got over her. now i havne't reaaly liked a guy like that for a while and every time a kiss them i get nothing out of it. im not totally sure if im bi or what but girls turn me on alot more then guys. im not going to totally rule out guys though becasue maybe i just haven't met one that i like yet? im not going to label myself as anything now because i dont know. what i do knoww is that i waant a girll baad.

I am 28...and have just figured out in the last year that I might like women more than I like men. I have been married now for 6 years to a wonderful sweet man, but I can't stop thinking about women. I can take or leave the sex with him, but I am totally turned on by everything lesbian. I am attracted to some guys, but not nearly as strongly as I am attracted to some women. I have finally realized that YES I am attracted to women and want to know what it's like to be with a woman. Not in a drunken one-night experiment kind of thing but in a caring relationship/celebrate all the capacities of a woman kind of way.  Now that I know what these feelings are, I can look back at my past and see some humongous signs along the way. I can see now some times when I've been attracted to my best friend at the time and maybe even that I have hurt so much when I've lost/been separated from a friend because maybe I loved her romantically and not just as a good friend. But I am still so confused. Am I really attracted to women enough to sleep with them, or am I just bored with what I've got? What if I've been missing a huge glorious feeling all my life that I would get from a relationship with a woman? Add to my personal confusion the commitment I've already made to this sweet man who's done nothing wrong. I don't believe in divorces. I believe that if you really love someone you'll figure out a way to work it out. Very few circumstances I think that warrant a divorce. I guess maybe the wife is a lesbian at heart is probably a big fat reason for a divorce for a man in a marriage huh?

I met a woman in this last year who has turned into one of my best friends. I'm pretty darn sure she's straight since she's married as well (and that's a whole other issue I know), but I can't stop thinking about her - what it would feel like to kiss her and more. I haven't ever told a soul about these feelings, nor have I ever acted on them. I live in the midwest - very conservative rural area. This sort of experimentation would make everyone I know disown me. My other best friend of 10 years really turns me on sometimes and other times she's just a friend. And I don't know that I can risk my close friendships either by telling them of my realizations and/or telling them that they are partly the reason I have finally figured this out. I'd like to think these women are open-minded and loving and wouldn't leave me all alone and even if we never continued with the romantic relationship part I would still need them as friends. And I don't want to hurt anyone (my husband), but I don't know that I can live the rest of my life never knowing what it feels like to have a loving relationship with a woman either. Am I obviously gay and I'm just trying too hard to ignore it (as in I'm the only one who it's NOT obvious to)? And wow what a situation I've got myself into if I figure out that I am gay...should have taken more time to figure this out when I was in college I guess. What do you think?

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ACK. I typed this long comment that took forever to make sense of and then it disappeared!  OH NOES.

So now I'm tired and I don't want to write it all again, so here's the cliff notes.  

I'm 22 and newly gay.  I think.  I think I'm gay and I think it's new.  On one hand, I am attracted to guys.  On the other, I may be lying about that.  I'm finding myself newly attracted to girls, and I may have always been attracted to girls.  On one hand, I rarely want anything but when I do I know what I want, and on this hand I think I'm crazy.  On one hand I haven't had a boyfriend (or even a date) in three years, and maybe I'm just really lonely and decided to broaden my options.  Then again I haven't really wanted a date in three years.  I may be creating feelings that don't exist just to get a thrill or I may be finally acknowledging feelings I've had my whole life.  What I know is that I'm tired of having to mentally justify myself when I stare too long at a woman, or get the wandering eye, or find myself latching on a little too tightly with new friends.  I do, however, have a knack for creating drama in my otherwise bland existence.  Suicide threats, break-ups/make-ups.  I once stopped eating and lost 30 pounds and turned into a pointy pasty skeleton, because I was depressed and I wanted someone to pay attention to me.  It didn't work.  What if this is all a fantasy and I just want someone to pay attention to me; to force my friends and my parents to support me for a change, because I am so fucking tired of being the shoulder to cry on and not having one for myself?

And what if all this doubt is just me trying to justify my feelings and tell myself I'm straight and to quit being so dramatic?

CRAP.

what do I do?

As i read all the great advice here in that thread I can relate to a lot of them but I still feel a dilemma. Because without beeing out, it would be hard for me to start dating girls or begin a relationship because I wouldn't really allow myself to be myself, if you know what I mean. On the other hand, coming out is a rather huge step which I feel I can only do when I'm really sure. But I'm not. After one year constantly thinking about me being gay (and the years before occassionally) I still catch myself judging myself with thoughts like "You don't REALLY want to be in a relationship with girl" or "you don't REALLY want to kiss a girl, you just fancy yourself beeing gay, because you need attention" or something like that. And that keeps me from doing anything more than jusk looking at girls, any opportunity for more me panic.

I think I could not really make it clear but can anyone relate to this or has anyone been there and give an example how it went on ? thanks for your thoughts, coyote

Is it worth for me to even figure out if I am gay? It's been something I've been struggling with for years and even more so recently. I haven't had an experience with a girl other than finding them attractive but my experience with guys (even the good ones) has been bad. I just have this feeling that I can't ignore- that maybe my feelings towards girls is somethin I should be exploring.

Yet I'm askin should I even bother dealing with it when no matter if it turns out that I do like girls, I can't be gay. I couldn't be out of the closet, in a relationship or any of that, so is it worth even investigating?  

I'm the typical conservative Christian Republican girl (though I have supported gay rights from day 1 so don't get angry with me about that!) and I'm surrounded by (for the most part) friends with similar views. My parents are not ultra conservative (though my mom is more than my dad) and not homophobic but at the same time i don't think they would react well if a family member were gay. I've been fortunate enough to go to a very diverse college and know some terrific gay people as well as gay-right supporters who are straight but because its a situation where everyone knows everyone I don't even feel like I can turn to them.

I'm not strong enough to deal with the process of coming out. I've always had somewhat of a self-esteem issue, though the past few years it has gotten a lot better but I'm not ready to be able to deal with something like this. Especially by myself.

So, as a result of the above factors as well as the fact that I have political goals, not only am I not in a position to explore my feelings but even if I did discover I'm gay or bisexual there's nothing I could do about it. Is it even worth it to be asking the question? Sorry this is so long- I'm just lookin for some friendly advice!

but the things I want conflict with each other. I know Gay Republicans exist and I think that's great- (what's the best way of changing something? by gettin involved and changing it from the inside out) but how many elected politicians are such? I can't think of any!

My personality has always been that of people-pleaser. I'm not sayin it's right, I'm not trying to make myself into a goody-goody (haha cuz i am far from that), but I just would rather put other people's preferences before mine. I'm a pushover and can't stand up for myself, I know, but for the majority of my life I've been okay with that. I don't know that i could be okay with turning people away from me! 

If it turns out that my heart wants two things that are incompatible- what do you do?

I will cut my story as short as possible (!) to have the best chance of you reading it and sharing your advice with me;

I am in my late 30's I have been married (to a man) for about 15 years together with him for over 20 (yes we were very young). I have tolerated intimacy avoiding it unless impossible. I had a non-consensual early sexual experience (around 6 to 10 years old) and always thought my reluctance was a result of that. If I got drunk I could sometime let go a bit.

I never put a label on the way I felt seeing women making out or when I found a book with girl-on-girl action I would squirrel it away read and re-read it. Nancy Friday women's fantasies book is falling to bits!

About 18months ago my husband made a planned move away and I was living on my own during that time. I cant recall my thought process but almost immediately I started looking on line for lesbian forums and sites reading all I could, and posted an ad to meet a girl. I met someone and we got to know each other on line; I was honest about my situation and although she was reluctant we had already started feeling strongly for each other and developed a deep emotional and pysical relationship.

I have never felt so open and connected pysically, my libido went into over drive (blushing!). We fought, and still do fight a lot, but I know there is a lot of pressure on us becuase of my situation, she is not out, but is a lesbian and looking for a long term exclusive partnership.

My husband came back. To say my family adore him is an extreme understatement, they have said in the strongest terms they would disown me if I did anything to spoil our marriage. I love him he is a kind fabulous intelligent hardworking man, anyone (straight woman that is) would be privlidged to be married to him.

On the one hand I know I am cared for and loved, I will enjoy a fun comfortable life surrounded by a supportive family with a man I have been with for over 20 years.

On the other, I dont even know if I classify as gay (ohhh how I wish there was a test!) I dont know if I have a future with this woman with whom I fight so much and face the wrath and outrage of my family.

oh well that ended up being so much longer than i planned! 

"if i had my time again i would pick more daisies"

A lot of people look for labels because it provides a diffinitive answer, but it's not that simple. If I had to classify myself it would be bisexual, but what makes most sense to me is that I'm attracted to both sexes, but slightly more so to females. The kinsey scale is a pretty solid idea, allowing for a range of sexual interest as opposed to rigid labels that don't necessarily represent how we feel or see ourselves.

For a while I wasn't comfortable with the way I was, it was someting I knew for a while but repressed pretty vehemently denied, because for some reason I labored under the misconception that it was ok for anybody else to be gay, just not myself. I finally came to terms with it. And now for whats it's worth am a self-assure, sexually frustrated person.

Well I never thought about gay issues at all. I always thought I was straight, that is until I locked eyes with my spanish teacher the first time I saw her. I could never think straight since. She was the first women I fell hard for.

Well the only reason I'm confused and the reason why I join the wagon of "sexuality is like fluid" is because I fell hard for a guy before. I had a connection with him, the thing is is that it was only on an emotional level. That's the sole reason why I would never say never when dealing with men.

On the other hand when it comes to women, I know for a fact that with them I can have it both ways. An emotional and physical connection.

So...I guess I'm bisexual, but to be honest I hate that label for some reason, I don't know why.

i'm totally confused with everything!

like, i know i'm not straight. i mean i really can't be :b haha.

basically i have had crushes on boys until i was about 14 but since then i've just slowly fallen for girls..but it's true. like i hardly find boys attractive now, i can say like famous people are hot but i haven't had a proper guy crush for a while. 

maybe it's the fact that for nearly a year i have been actually IN LOVE with my best friend and i don't know how to tell her that i like her, even though i'm pretty sure she's bi. the thing is i'm scared of admitting it to myself & i've never properly come out to anyone before.

but i'm really not sure whether i'm bi or a gay? 'cause surely if i was bi i would equally have crushes on boy's at the moment, that couldn't just suddenly go. it's just so confusing..

Im at a very young age of sixteen, and up until about 5 months ago, i thought i was completely straight. I have always liked and admired women, and maybe had a few crushes, but i thought that was normal, i didnt act on it after all. My family is very open and loving, and i grew up around gay people all my life, so Ive never been judgemental. The L word has been one of my favorite shows for years, even when i thought I was straight. Lesbians always seemed to make me really curious even when i was younger.

Well heres the story:

My mother was a manager at a haunted house and she asked me to come work one night. I met another girl that worked there named Megan. She was 17, crazy, outgoing, beautful, and totally gay. I had an instant attraction, but didnt think anything of it. I started to notice that after working and hanging out with her a few times, she was all i would think about. I wanted to tell her, but she had a girlfriend, a girlfriend she seemed to like a lot, and i didnt want to make it awkward. A few weeks went by and we started to get really close...One night i took a chance and told her i had a "girl crush" on her. To my surprise she told me she had a crush on me too. After that, things only got more interesting. She told me that she would break up with her girlfirend, but thats not what i wanted (at that time anwyay) I wasnt even sure if what i felt for her was in a romantic way. So she said that i should kiss her, and it would tell both of us if there was anything there. We started to have sleep overs and I wanted to kiss her, but I just couldnt. One day I was at her house and we were getting ready to go to CHURCH with her homophobic parents. I was stading in her room when she turned and looked at me. She walked twards me, grabbed my face and kissed me. It was amazing, my heart was about to jump out of my chest. Soon after we had a hot makeout session in her hallway. I felt bad since she had a girlfriend, but i realized I wanted her to be mine, so i wasnt going to back off. We snuck around at the Haunt for about a month, making out in the dark hallways, and sneaking into the actors lounge during our breaks, it was thrilling, a kinda "forbidden love". She eventually broke up with he girlfriend, and asked me to be with her, I happily accepted, and tried to keep it a secret. It was a month of dating before my mom figured it out and asked me about it, I told her the truth, and she was completely understanding. Shes a roller girl and quite likes women herself. She loves Megan, and lets her stay the night almost every weekend. I have slowly started to tell my friends and other family members, but im afraid of peoples reactions. I dont like attention, and I dont like being not liked...I care wayyyy too much about what people think, and it drives Megan crazy, but im trying. She cant tell her parents about me, or they would make it so she cant see me, so were "best friends" to them. Shes planning to tell them when she turns 18 in 3 months...but im worried they wont like me anymore, when right now, they talk to me more then they talk to their own daughter. 

Im still not completely sure what i am. I mean ive had a girlfriend for about 5 months, but something in me wont admit that im a lesbian. Ive never done anything besides kissing with boys, so I dont know if im sexually attracted to them or not...I joke around and say im MeganSexual. haha, I guess i dont need a label, im young and having fun figuring out who i am. 

Good for you Taylor :)

I've been confused for years... I've pretty much always had girl crushes, the only thing that confuses me is whether or not I like guys... I sometimes think I do and other times I worry that my brain is just kidding itself into being "normal", add to all this a kinda messed up childhood and you get me :)

But it took my until a couple of days ago to actually say to someone I was bi or gay... and he was so happy for me I want to tell everyone :D I totally agree with the sexuality is fluid thing though, and right now I'm happy just having fluid sexuality and trying to be more open about it :)

I am 32 and have always been attracted to women. Friends have joked in the past that they think that I am lesbian / bi but I have always ignored the feelings.

I don't know any lesbians or ever been in a situation where I could see if I am actually gay.

I want to experiment so much but I am shy and scared to go to a lesbian bar on my own

Should I just give up am I too old to even start thinking about doing anything about this?

Help!!

After having had only girlfriends for the past 2 and a half years.

And maybe i just don't want to admit to myself that i'm gay, but even if that's the case, how do I know?

I know that i think women are beautiful, attractive and that I apparently fall for them rather than guys, but i've only had one "real" boyfriend. I mean sure, I've made out with guys occasionnally before and after him (who i left for my first girlfriend at the age of 19), but lately it's been just my best friend (a guy).. and the other weekend, i ran into my ex-girlfriend at a club where she works and let's just say things got a little heated on the dancefloor and we had a heavy makeout session pretty much on the podium, and when i turned around there was this guy who goes to my uni so i tried to play it off as "it's nothing to make a big deal about, see, i'll make out with you too!" ... which i did for about a second. Then he offered the usual threesome annoying thing but that's another story.

Either way, I don't know: part of me just doesn't want to know I think, and I don't know what to do about that. Something's just blocking me. Maybe it's society, but maybe it's me. Help!!!

"Ne te verrai-je plus que dans l'éternité ?
Ailleurs, bien loin d'ici ! trop tard ! jamais peut-être !
Car j'ignore où tu fuis, tu ne sais où je vais,
Ô toi que j'eusse aimée, ô toi qui le savais !" Baudelaire

I'm so confused...the proverbial Katy Perry thing happened to me this weekend - "I kissed a girl and I liked it"...and I'm freaking out.  I am very attracted to her and have been for about a week before this happened - but I just thought it was attracted to her friendship. 

But let me start by saying I'm straight...I just turned 40 and this is the first girl I've ever been interested in - EVER.  What does this mean?  I don't want to hurt her while I try to figure this all out.  What will everyone think?  What do I think?  I'm so scared of what I'm feeling.  What do I do?  I'm 40!!!!  Why is this happening to me?  I'm sitting her crying and not sure what I should do or feel so I'm reaching out to someone - anyone...

Well I'm pretty certain I'm bi, although not 100% sure. I guess I need more experience to be completely sure. I've never properly kissed girls. I'm pretty shy and closed up about my sexuality in real life so I've always stuck with dating boys.