Being bi and personal friendships

My problem is that I have an overly physically affectionate nature. I don't really have sexual feelings for my friends, but I find it hard to be around them and not be touching them in some way, hugging, snuggling on the couch, sleeping next to them, etc...

But when I think about it in terms of my sexuality, I often wonder if I'm going too far. If they know I'm bi, am I making them uncomfortable? If they don't know and find out later, would they feel taken advantage of? I find it hard to let people know that I'm both bisexual and a bit of a snugglewhore. I'm always afraid they won't want to get close to me, wondering if I'll have feelings for them.

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let's just pretend i said something constructive and intelligent.

I can relate to this a lot because by nature I tend to feel very strongly for people I'm interested in or become personal with, even if I view them as a friend. It can be hard for me to differentiate because my friendship feelings can be very strong and a bit similar to how I feel when I have a crush. I have this problem with both men and women (though actually more with men because I'm not as interested in them as women as a rule, but will feel strongly for men I like only in a non-sexual way).

However, I noticed that when I was first coming to terms with my sexuality, I particularly obsessed over women. I think growing up, since heterosexual attraction is looked at as the default, we don't have to question that much. When I really started analyzing my attraction to women (and I self-analyze far too much,) I could get obsessed with wondering if I liked a woman romantically or sexually, if I would want to be with her if I could, if I found her as attractive as particular men, etc. Once I became more comfortable in it, it mainly stopped. I'm confident in myself now to usually be able to recognize who I'm attracted to an take it as it is.

except i don't (un)intentionally try to seduce them lol. I've noticed that I'm not that easily attracted to people (men or women), only when I've got to know them a lot better, but because most of my best friends are girls, well, I can't help but wish they were gay/bi too. After awhile it makes me a bit sad :(.

What troubles me the most is how awkward I feel around them sometimes. For example, they'll hug and jokingly flirt with each other, but when I do the same it just feel a bit, ugh i dunno, I feel a wee bit awkward because I know that there is a part of me that is attracted.

Anyhoo, (btw, I've read what I've just written and it sounds like it's all my friends but really this only applies to a few)

It's great to read this post and the comments because I can definitely relate to it. I suppose it has to do with starting to accept your bisexuality. To begin with I was exactly in the same situation, always thinking of female friends as potential sex partners (it hardly ever happens to me with men, but I'm not usually sexually attracted to men). It still happens, so I usually try to find out what that person's attitude is towards same-sex relationships. As soon as I find out they're straight, I lose interest.

Also, I find that once I get to know the person better, and they become more of a friend and less of a stranger, the sexual interest usually disappears.

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel.(Terry Pratchett).

This may be shallow, but I've found it's easier to be friends with women that are physically unattractive, so there's no risk of me falling for them. 

........and my popularity just went down the drain. -0

Wow, i can very much relate to this. I cherish my friends and their friendships a great deal, and with women when we become more open and closer mentally and emotionally my mind starts to think of them as a potential partner. I suppose it's because of the closeness and obviously i dig their personality and see attributes that i would want in a girlfriend. It's confusing because all my friends know i like girls and the one's i get really close with do and say things that make me question if they are into me in a way that's more than friends.  At times i can just push these thoughts to the back of my head and forget about it temporarily (esp. if they're taken), but it always comes back. I rather not act on anything though because the potential consequences would be too much for me.

"When I do things or say things I'm not sure if I'm being a caring friend or being seductively charming."

 That's soooo me! I would do anything for my friends.  When i go above and beyond for a friend i'm really close with and like, i also start thinking.. is it because i just really care for them as a friend or am i trying to charm them into liking me as i do them? maybe a little of both?

 "have to say that love, sex, friendship, emotional intimacy, flattery and charm are all a blur in my mind."

I can relate to this.

My friends and I made a chart of all the people who we have joked about marrying or having affairs with and the chart ended up being quite massive. Some of these relationships feel entirely plutonic but with others there are questionable moments. The chart centered around myself and another girl who claim to have been married 50 years because a teacher compared us to an old married couple. She recently informed me that apparently we never consummated the marriage and that she would never ever have sex with me. My ego was slightly bruised so a proceeded to pout and told her I would sleep with her if she wanted me to.   She seemed to expect that of me though and I suppose I expect that of myself.  

Hi Nyte,
I think maybe you just have these thoughts because it's new to you. Assuming you're not jumping every femalefriend, perhaps you should not worry too much about it right now and give it some time. I'm thinking that probably in a little while you will find it easier to seperate the different feelings and in the meantime...they're just thoughts. Wouldn't call it objectifying anyway if it's so mixed up with all these other feelings.

You know, I can kind of relate to this.

I'm not big on the dating scene when it comes to either gender. I'm 18, but I've only been on one date with a guy and have never had a relationship with one. I briefly had a relationship with a female penpal of mine, but as we lived in different states, we were never physically intimate, and we never even actually went out on a date or anything because we never met in person.

So, sometimes I feel like I haven't 'proven' my sexuality. When I'm around girls, it's pretty common for me to size them up and think, 'Okay, do I find her hot? How about her?' I think, for me, it's because I hear so much about girls going through bisexual 'phases' when they're teenagers, and people not being able to know what their sexuality is until they actually have experience. I used to kind of feel that in order to really be bi, I had to have an equal number of crushes on guys and girls. The truth is, I have more crushes on guys, but I'm still very apt to find girls attractive and the idea of actually being with a girl is often more appealing to me than the idea of being with a guy (even if I have a crush on a guy, a lot of times, I don't seriously want anything with him). When I catch myself thinking like this, I stop myself and think, 'Chill, you aren't attracted to every guy you meet, and you won't be attracted to every gal, either.'

I also think that when you first start realizing your sexuality, it's very apparent to you. Some people are aware of their sexuality since they're small children, but others kind of discover it over a period of years. I've been out to my mom and some friends for three years, and I still pause and notice it when I acknowledge my bisexuality.

I can definitely empathize with the discussion on this page. I feel the same way. Although I've known for a long time that I can be emtotionally attached to, and attracted to women, it's only very recently that I've given myself permission to envision being sexual with a woman. The gift of bisexuality is that you are attracted to both men and women (though as noted it can be to different degrees, etc), so it makes sense to me that when you are in the presence of a woman, you are wondering if you are attracted to her or if you would want to "be" with her on a more intimate level. This is normal in my opinion. I consider how I feel when I meet guys. I'm always sizing them up, right from the get go! Why wouldn't it be like that with a woman? But not every guy will be a guy I find myself attracted to or someone I would want to sleep with. In my experience, the same thing happens with women. In addition, I think it is okay to be charming with women. If you are attracted to women, what is the harm in doing this? The thing I find tricky though, is when you do start to develop a deep emotional connection to a woman and find yourself attracted physically but not knowing if your connection or interaction has that "vibe" of sexual interest/intimacy or just deep friendship bonds. And we all know friendships between two women can go very deep! I find this especially awkward in groups/situations in which not all people know that I am bisexual. So in essence, in these times I am feeling quite confused. Also, as a person fairly new in this journey, I tend to feel pretty raw and exposed at the moment. I'm not sure if it's due to my coming out or just being in touch with my feelings, but it can be quite overwhelming. Plus lets face it, even though there are now more potential partners to choose from, the rules of dating, love, relationships, etc. still apply. Probabilities of finding romance might double, but it still means we have to play the game; a game that has high points and low points.

[quote:787a0e1dca="showtimefan"] I consider how I feel when I meet guys. I'm always sizing them up, right from the get go! Why wouldn't it be like that with a woman? But not every guy will be a guy I find myself attracted to or someone I would want to sleep with. [/quote:787a0e1dca]

You know I haven't really thought about it in this way. I guess for some reason I expect it all to be different because it's women and not men or because I'm bisexual and assume I should want to sleep with everything that moves. Now that I think about it I've been attracted to quite a few women but there have only been two that I ever wanted to sleep with. This has been the same case with men also. Thanks for the insight. Nyte :wink:

Finally.
I can relate to a few posts above. I have never ever been in a relationship with anyone before. For the past 3 years I was confused about my sexuality, at one point thinking I was a lesbian but was not sure. Being in a girls scl and later a girls college, crushes happened and life moved on. This summer was however different I came out as a bisexual. My friends are fine with it.
But at times I notice myself falling in "love" with a few friends. two in particular. One of them is the sweetest thing ever and she is very understanding, sadly shez not into women. Another one is amazingly nice and innocent. I cannot help but stare at her when she speaks. Shez fuckingly cute. Today I was at her place and we were talking. I so wanted to hug her tight.
Some one pointed out earlier, that maybe it's new. That's the reason. But I can't stop thinking about my friends.

wow this topic has just jumped out at me. I guess i'm in the same place as a lot of the other posters. I have only recently admitted to myself that i'm bi, and that has taken a while! I have come out to one very close female friend, and she is fine with it and it was such a weight off my shoulders. The thing is, I do think about her in a sexual way, and yeah, i'd sleep with her if I got the chance (btw, she is straight and i am married, so just slightly complicated...) but I don't worry about it anymore. We are really great friends and i enjoy hanging out with her. At first it was hard to get past the attraction thing, but now i'm kinda used to it and i don't even think about it much anymore. So maybe it is just a 'phase' that happens when you first become aware of your sexuality, when it's so new that you think about it all the time. (Like you know when you buy a new car and suddenly it seems like every second car you see is the same as yours? lol)