MTV schedules “Rocky Horror” make-over

 
 

In something akin to blasphemy, MTV is giving the green light to a project that remakes the cult movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show. To say that RHPS, which debuted in 1975, helped generations of queer kids find their inner-sweet transvestite isn’t giving enough due.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show has, for more than 30 years, allowed queer kids to ceremoniously gather at midnight with their simpatico straight buddies — some of them wearing fishnet stockings — and wave their freak flag high.

Before we hear the announcement of the inevitably disappointing new cast, we here at AfterEllen.com (OK, just me) have assembled a cast of our own from the AfterEllen.com Fantasy Players, an all LGBT thespian troupe. It wasn’t easy. I mean, who nowadays could do this?

Or this?

After several grueling meetings wherein we took each actor’s body of work into consideration, we came up with a cast.

In the role of Brad: Neil Patrick Harris. Harris is excellent at playing a square and has no problem with every joke being at his expense. (See: Doogie Howser, M.D.; Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay). Also, Harris can appreciate the travails of a mad doctor (Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog).

Brad’s nerd-to-knock-out wife, Janet: Sarah Paulson. Paulson’s an actress used to playing someone too wholesome for her surroundings (See: Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip).

Their evil host, Dr. Frank–N-Furter: Alan Cumming. Cumming looks good in drag and he’s more than comfortable in the kinky sex on-screen department. (As seen on The Bacchae and The L Word, respectively.)

In the role of Riff Raff: David Hyde Pierce. Pierce has years of experience portraying the sensitive, volatile brother testing his sibling’s love. Though on Frasier, there was no incest.

Riff Raff’s sister/lover Magenta: Heather Matarazzo. Can anyone play an unpopular misfit better than Matarazzo? (Welcome to the Dollhouse.) Also, Matarazzo doesn’t flinch from gratuitous violence (Hostel).

Their sidekick Columbia: Leisha Hailey. Hailey is musical (The Murmurs, Uh Huh Her) and not afraid to make her hair a funny color (All Over Me).

The Criminologist narrator: Nathan Lane. Lane is at home in crazy musicals. (See: the plot of The Producers.)

In the role of Rocky, the doctor’s creation: T.R. Knight. Knight knows from being in an ensemble of self-absorbed people. (See: Grey’s Anatomy).

Finally, rowdy rebel Eddie: Jenny Shimizu. Does anyone look better on a motorcycle?

As you can see, we’re still brainstorming. We’re also still casting the “Time Warp” dancers so if you’ve got suggestions, have your people call ours.

Or, better yet, leave a comment.

 
 

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