How to gay up the summer movie season

Summer movie season generally means three things: 1) Many things that go boom, 2) Popcorn tubs the size of a small car and 3) A dearth of gay and lesbian visibility in the cinema. This summer is no different. Superheros. Robots. Little blue men. So, instead, let’s take a look at how to gay up ten of the summer’s biggest upcoming releases.

Cars 2

What? They can’t add a Subaru to the mix? They could even call her Martina.

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon

A movie about giant robot aliens named after a Pink Floyd song featuring a Victoria Secret lingerie model directed by Mr. Michael “Blow Stuff Up” Bay? This one is all you, straight people.

Larry Crowne

Replace Tom Hanks with Jane Lynch. Just imagine Jane romancing Julia Roberts on a scooter instead.

Horrible Bosses

Instead of a comedy about a group of friends who conspire to kill each other’s obnoxious bosses, make it a documentary about horrible employers who do not protect their LGBT employees civil rights. OK, kind of a downer for summer. But, you know, important.

Happy Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Gay tested, gay approved. No help needed.

Captain America: The First Avenger

This one is, clearly, for the boys. Enjoy, fellas.

Friends with Benefits

Replace Justin Timberlake with Natalie Portman. Oh wait, they already made that movie. But it’d be nice to see it again, this time without the total psychotic break.

Cowboys & Aliens

Have Olivia Wilde star in Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same instead.

The Smurfs

All those tiny blue men living with one woman? It’s either gay already or, man, do I feel bad for Smurfette.

Our Idiot Brother

The one high-profile summer release that features high-profile queer female characters should play up its assets. Call it Zooey Deschanel & Rashida Jones Play Gay instead. You’ll sell a lot more tickets, trust me.

So, which summer movies have you feeling the yaygay? And how else would you gay up this season’s releases? Discuss.