A couple thousand years ago, in one of his more maudlin rants, King Solomon said there is nothing new under the sun — which, to me, has always seemed like an arrogant declaration for a guy who never even held an iPhone. But that rich bastard was right about one thing: There are no new stories to tell. How else can you possibly explain the remakes of the remakes of the remakes Hollywood is churning out these days? Why, next year we’re going to see Snow White all over again — twice.
Universal Studios will be releasing Snow White and the Huntsman on some unknown date in the summer, and Relativity Pictures will be releasing The Brothers Grimm: Snow White on March 16. Before we dig into the (sparse) details, let’s test that “picture’s worth a thousand words” theory, shall we?
On the left is Lily Collins, of The Brothers Grimm: Snow White, and on the right is Kristen Stewart, of Snow White and the Huntsman.
Relativity promises a lush, surreal world, and a modern take on a classic tale — an “adventure comedy.” About her character, Collins told EW: “She’s a naive, innocent young girl who turns into a woman and really finds herself … She’s very much that fairy tale princess we’ve all read about in books. She’s been modernized in a way that she becomes a fighter in the end.” Julia Roberts is Collins’ Evil Queen, and apparently, she and Snow White are fighting one another for the prince. Which is new. And weird.
We don’t know too much about Huntsman, other than it’s being billed as “an action-adventure with a scope akin to that of Lord of the Rings.” Snow White will be fighting against the Evil Queen, and the Huntsman will become her ally. Oh — and, you know, Charlize Theron is the Evil Queen.
Here’s the tricky thing: Almost every media outlet and Hollywood insider is convinced that only one Snow White can succeed at the box office. The films were slated to come out at the same time, but last week at Comic-Con, Relativity confirmed that they’re rushing to put their film out two months ahead of Universal. Even Grimm director Tarsem Singh thinks it can’t be a good thing to have a market flooded with Snow Whites. At Comic-Con, he said, “The problem that I always find is that it’s not like two disaster movies or two different things: These are two movies with Snow White, and I don’t think there’s too much room for it.”
Maybe he’s wrong; the films look really different, so maybe there’s a market for both. If I can only choose one, though, my decision was made when I saw Kristen Stewart in chainmail. There may be nothing new under the sun, but not all remakes are story ruiners. Even as a kid, Stewart in a sword would have been appealed to me more than Snow White doing chores for boys and singing to the birds.
Do you think two Snow Whites can succeed at the box office? If forced to choose between them, which Snow White would you rather see?