Summer movie season generally means three things: 1) Many things that go boom, 2) Popcorn tubs the size of a small car and 3) A dearth of gay and lesbian visibility in the cinema. This summer is no different. Superheros. Robots. Little blue men. So, instead, let’s take a look at how to gay up ten of the summer’s biggest upcoming releases.
What? They can’t add a Subaru to the mix? They could even call her Martina.
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
A movie about giant robot aliens named after a Pink Floyd song featuring a Victoria Secret lingerie model directed by Mr. Michael “Blow Stuff Up” Bay? This one is all you, straight people.
Replace Tom Hanks with Jane Lynch. Just imagine Jane romancing Julia Roberts on a scooter instead.
Instead of a comedy about a group of friends who conspire to kill each other’s obnoxious bosses, make it a documentary about horrible employers who do not protect their LGBT employees civil rights. OK, kind of a downer for summer. But, you know, important.
Happy Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Gay tested, gay approved. No help needed.
Captain America: The First Avenger
This one is, clearly, for the boys. Enjoy, fellas.
Friends with Benefits
Replace Justin Timberlake with Natalie Portman. Oh wait, they already made that movie. But it’d be nice to see it again, this time without the total psychotic break.
Cowboys & Aliens
Have Olivia Wilde star in Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same instead.
All those tiny blue men living with one woman? It’s either gay already or, man, do I feel bad for Smurfette.
Our Idiot Brother
The one high-profile summer release that features high-profile queer female characters should play up its assets. Call it Zooey Deschanel & Rashida Jones Play Gay instead. You’ll sell a lot more tickets, trust me.
So, which summer movies have you feeling the yaygay? And how else would you gay up this season’s releases? Discuss.