Choose Your Own Disney Princess Girlfriend

Disney’s Rapunzel remake, Tangled, finally hits theaters today, and if the LA Times has it right, it will be the last fairy tale Disney plans to tell for a long, long time.

Mickey & Co. have been writing and drawing fairy tales since 1934, and even though their princesses are lucrative and omnipresent — with everything from school supplies to clothes to kitchenware to theme park rides — their feature films just aren’t pulling in the kind of money and critical acclaim they once did. (You can thank Disney’s over-achieving cousin, Pixar, for most of that.)

It’s hard to get a good read on what lesbians think about Disney princesses. Ask out loud “How do you feel about Ariel?” and in one ear you’ll hear a whole lot of shouting about patriarchy. In the other, you’ll hear a whole lot of singing about gadgets and gizmos aplenty.

I grew up on Disney and haven’t suffered any sort of heteronormative harm, so I’m a big fan, and it kind of bums me out that Tangled will be the last Disney fairy tale offering. So in the spirit of nostalgia, I tapped into our wildly popular Choose Your Own Adventure machine to help you select a Disney princess girlfriend.

So which Disney princess are you taking to the ball? And are you planning to see Tangled?

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