Take Back the Knife is a monthly column about women in horror by genre writer/director Stacie Ponder.
Man, I hate introductions. I suppose they’re necessary when you meet a person for the first time, but they’re generally so dull, aren’t they? "Oh really? Where are you from?" "Why yes, I do enjoy things." "Pants, you say? What a novel idea.” and so on. Those awkward initial conversation volleys bore me to death so I tend to jump from point A to, oh, at least point R when I meet someone. The way I look at it is, let’s try to discuss something interesting right away and forget the small talk — if we hit it off enough to speak again (read: you don’t flee in confusion), then I’m sure I’ll learn soon enough where you’re from and what your views are regarding pants. All that said, I’m sure you can imagine how well I do talking with strangers in bars.
The point of this, however, isn’t my utter awkwardness when meeting new people, or pants, or anything like that — it’s simply supposed to be an introduction of a sort to kick off this bright, shiny new column of mine. Before I make it crystal clear that I can be just as awkward on The Internet as I can be in Real Life, here’s point A: I really like horror movies. I write about them for Rue Morgue Magazine, AMC TV’s website, my blog Final Girl, and now, for AfterEllen.com. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I’d like to make horror movies as well, so I started doing just that.
My first feature, Ludlow, is currently embarking on the festival circuit as I try to figure out a way to make it available to the public on DVD. I’ve acted as cinematographer on a few short films. I’m writing and directing a new sci-fi opera webseries called Space Girls. I did the same for a horror webseries called Ghostella’s Haunted Tomb that ran right here at AfterEllen.com. My love of cheese borders on the unholy. There — now that the boring stuff is out of the way, let’s get down to point R.
My latest endeavor went online earlier this week: it’s a fake trailer for a film called In Satan’s Closet. "Fake" means that movie will never be made; "trailer" apparently means — to me anyway — "short film," as it clocks in at around nine minutes. As this column purports to be about women and horror, I figured hey, why not talk about In Satan’s Closet? It falls within the horror genre and the last time I checked, I’m a woman. Here, why don’t you watch the trailer right now? I’ll wait. Perhaps I’ll have a snack whilst I do so.
A word of warning to the faint-stomached: there’s some barf in it, which is kind of gross. It’s not real barf though — it’s made with movie magic. And cream of mushroom soup.
Oh, and another word of warning — as the title In Satan’s Closet may have indicated, there are religious themes and devilry at play here. If these sorts of things offend you, then you might not want to watch. It’s strictly PG-13, but still. I get it.
In Satan’s Closet
If you have trouble viewing the video, you can also watch it here.
If you are at all familiar with Ghostella’s Haunted Tomb, then you may have noticed that In Satan’s Closet would fit right in as an episode; it’s horror by way of goofy, it’s completely random, and it pays homage to a subgenre I love — in this instance, possession movies, particularly Italian ones that were born in the late 70s in the wake of the success of The Exorcist. People ask me all the time where I get my ideas, and it’s really this simple — sometimes, I think about something I like, then I think about why I like it, and then I make something in a similar vein or genre.