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Review of “Desigirls!”

Initially, queer New York University grad student Ishita Srivastava set out to complete a thesis project in her second year of her master’s in cinema studies. After about three months of planning and five months of shooting, however, Srivastava produced much more than a thesis project, and instead what emerged was Desigirls!, a captivating exploration of queer South Asian women’s identities and struggles.

Queer South Asian-American women have very different experiences than those of the archetypal “queer American woman,” and Srivastava’s documentary effectively captures the nuances of identity formation, sexual orientation, and family situations among queer South Asian women.

The documentary, which has been screening everywhere from New Delhi, India to NYC, begins with DJ Ashu, co-founder of Sholay Productions and the “Desilicious” party, who recognized the need for a regular queer Desi event in New York six years ago. Along with the help of co-founder DJ Shafiq, Ashu successfully created a safe space for queer South Asians to “congregate, have fun, dance, mingle, cruise” and ultimately express their sexualities openly. Ashu’s piece sets up the main theme of Desigirls!: the need for a community and sense of belonging. Desgirls! primarily follows New Yorkers Priyanka and A, the two main characters whose lives as immigrants of different generations and family backgrounds affect their openness with and acceptance of their sexualities.

Priyanka, a first-generation Indian immigrant, moved to the US when she was 17, after her parents were divorced, while A was born and raised in the United States. Priyanka theorizes that part of the reason why many South Asians remain in the closet is because of the “collectivist culture,” in which being a member of an immigrant community forces individuals to pool their identities and represent their whole group as South Asian immigrants. Queer activism, on the other hand, involves a distinct individualism where the person breaks away from the group identity in pursuit of his or her own needs.

Priyanka’s parents were divorced and had already disassociated her from the group identity-mentality – as she was the only person she knew whose parents weren’t together – which she feels made it easier for her to be out and queer-identified independently from the rest of the community.

Priyanka identifies as pansexual because she doesn’t view gender as a binary idea, but rather an entire continuum of people that she finds attractive (except for really masculine men). She’s currently in a relationship with Lisa, a woman she met through Friendster (she smiled at her online, Lisa smiled back, they had a few awkward-yet-cute conversations, and the rest is history). Interestingly, Priyanka has found that her friends who are actually from India are far more tolerant of her sexual orientation than those Indians she’s met who grew up in the States.

 

A must live a double life and conceal an immensely important part of her identity; she’s even hidden for the entirety of the documentary. She particularly struggles with her parents’ notion that being gay is a Western “cultural influence,” and that it’s wrong, a choice, and some kind of “black spirit” or misalignment of the planets. When A feels depressed, she pulls out her “gay boxes” full of ticket stubs and photos and reminisces about any moment in which she has let loose and truly been herself – queer and blissful.

The one thing the two women share, however, is the solace they find in SALGA, the South Asian Lesbian & Gay Association of New York City. For Priyanka, who is an out, politically active South Asian, SALGA meetings and events provide her with the opportunity to connect with those South Asians who are the most similar to her. A finds profound strength from the organization, as it is the only place where others understand what she’s going through as a queer Indian woman, both culturally and religiously, and make up the group – the family – that supports her. Perhaps the most poignant moments of the film are those in which various South Asian women discuss their coming out stories and the struggles that are uniquely South Asian. After having her heart broken, A finally finds the courage to come out to her brother, who is surprisingly supportive and proud of his younger sister.

Piali and S also share their distinctive coming out stories, which range from parents’ total acceptance to outright physical abuse and denial of financial help. S notes that although her parents watch The Ellen DeGeneres Show and are aware of gay culture in America, the idea of a queer daughter is repulsive and completely unacceptable.

The film helps to elucidate the murky and precarious situation of coming out to a South Asian family and the fear many South Asians – as well as other immigrant communities – have regarding tarnishing an upwardly mobile group identity. This leads many South Asians to forcibly closet themselves and sacrifice their happiness for the sake of the greater community’s reputation.

While films like I Can’t Think Straight and Fire showcase queer South Asian women’s experiences and conflicts, Desigirls! is the first to shed light on what it means to be a queer South Asian in America.

Srivastava also delves into the unique community-building aspect of the queer South Asian community with her depiction of SALGA, which, for individuals like A, facilitates a liberation once a month that encourages members to free inhibitions and learn what it’s like to be around other queer South Asians for the first time.

Opportunities for socializing, activism, and consciousness-raising provide the beacon of support for many struggling queer South Asians like A and S, who feel comfortable being themselves only in the confines of the organization. With the establishment of SALGA and other resources in the nascent South Asian queer movement, Priyanka says she has noticed a rejuvenation of the queer South Asian community in New York over the last year. The more resources are made available, the more queer South Asians are able to at least grapple with their identities and find a safe place to explore their queerness. Ashu also observes a “whole new generation of young, queer South Asians” who are increasingly more out, open and aware.

Since South Asia is home to over a billion people, there must be at least a million more stories out there waiting to be told and queer women aching to be out and open. One can only hope that the more we talk about our identities, the more accepting the community will be of queer sexualities.

Whether one is a woman from a strict, Hindu-Punjabi family like S, an unconventional family like Priyanka’s, or a queer woman from a progressive Sri Lankan family, she has a story to tell. In Desigirls!, Srivastava beautifully captures a few of these nuanced stories and opens up further discussion about the intersectionality of sexuality, gender, and ethnicity in an American cultural context.

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