Want to see a Magic 8 Ball movie? My reply is no.

Hollywood has already given us movies about amusement park rides, movies about board games and movies about actions figures. So what inanimate object could they mine next for box office gold? A Magic 8 Ball? Well, believe it or not, signs point to yes.


Deadline.com reported yesterday that Paramount has optioned the fortune-telling toy from Mattel to use for a live action adventure film. I’m not even kidding a little bit. Though, if you think about it, this idea makes perfect sense. I mean, how is a film about a gag gift you passed around at parties any worse than almost any movie Nicolas Cage has made since 1995?

In fact, I think this movie could be an opportunity for some celebrities to really shine and, at the very least, explain themselves. So in the spirit of cooperation and in the hopes of creating true art, let’s help producers cast this Magic 8 Ball movie. Just because it’s based around a cheap tchotchke from your childhood doesn’t mean it can’t be deep and meaningful. Wait, sorry, no – that’s exactly what it means. 

Oh well, onward! My dream cast for the Magic 8 Ball movie:  

1. Lindsay Lohan

This makes perfect sense because for the last five years it seems like she has been using one to manage her career.  

2. Ricky Martin  

Again, this is an ideal choice because he was clearly using a Magic 8 Ball to decide when to come out. But I suspect his was broken because for all those years it kept telling him, “Reply hazy, try again.”  

3. Michelle Rodriguez

She will be the requisite tough girl who shouts out some of the Magic 8 Ball’s most famous lines in times of crisis like, “Outlook good!” “Very doubtful!” and her personal catch phrase, “Better not tell you now!”  

4. Neil Patrick Harris

He is already playing a Smurf, so this wouldn’t be a stretch and would class up the whole affair.  

5. Jane Lynch

You think being in a movie about a novelty toy is hard? Try being underappreciated in small roles for more than 20 years until finally finding much-deserved fame when you’re almost 50 in an industry that champions youth – that’s hard!  

So, who else would be perfect for the Magic 8 Ball movie? I don’t know about you, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for a Slinky movie next.

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